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    Teens I made a mistake and I need help :(

    So me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 months now. We have a strong relationship and those 3 months have been the best. We both are willing to wait and even though it's hard...we know that we can get through the distance.
    She went on a vacation with her family and she was going to be gone a week. The hotel she stayed in only provided limited internet and the only way we could really talk is through Kik which i guess ate a lot of the limited data that she had.
    Although the 4th day i saw she posted a video on instagram and i saw that she met new people and she was with some guys. I got paranoid...i had a terrible past and have been cheated on and so ever since what happened...i became very cautious(maybe too cautious). I told her i was getting worried and that i trust that she won't be doing anything that would hurt me. She swear she wouldn't but i still kept getting worried. after 2 days i was going back and forth at her and i made a mistake of doing so. I was just so worried and i guess i had trust issues during that time but i was also jealous...i never really had any problems trusting her before but we really didn't talk very much and I missed her a lot...but i understood that she is in vacation and she should make the best of it and spend some family time.
    But I sent a snapchat to her telling her to check her Kik because i left a message saying that i felt better and not so worried anymore and that i was sorry for being so negative. But her cousin replied to me saying that she was in the pool and could not talk, Although a couple minutes before that i knew she not in the pool and i knew the time difference and it was almost in the evening in where she was at...she posted a photo a couple minutes before i sent a snapchat.
    I told her to tell her that i was sorry to be bothering them and i told her that i'll be giving her some space since her cousin said that she does need space.
    And now we haven't talked ever since and i left one last message saying how i felt and how sorry i was that i have done her wrong and made a mistake by not fully trusting her...because i knew she fully trusts me...i was not fair and i became clingy and needy during those 2 days of continuously telling her how worried i was. I regret my actions and have learned my lessons. She saw and read the last message i left and i told her that i'll gladly give her some space and that she should message me when she's ready. She just got back from her vacation as well and is still on her fall break but i wanna know what i should and would like to hear what you guys think.
    Last edited by myohdear; October 30, 2013, 10:11 PM.

    #2
    Well, my boyfriend is actually like that a lot towards me. He has trust issues and he thinks I would cheat on him all the time.
    From her perspective I think its important that you trust her. I know that I want my boyfriend to trust me because I am loyal and I would never be unfaithful.I think that you should just relax. Trust that she will come back and talk to you when she is ready. And when she does and I know she will ( because I did come back when my bf did the same to me). Just try to take a deep breath and distract yourself from having those thoughts so you don't become too clingy.

    Give her time to come back. Remember to try to trust her. It is hard to trust someone I've had trust issues myself in the past
    But it is possible. Give it time and I know you will start trusting her more and more. The first 3 months of my relationship I didn't trust my bf either but now its been 11 months and I trust him with my life. Some things you just have to give it some time.

    Comment


      #3
      If she wants space, give her space. You've been in this relationship 3 months now. That's too early to have trust issues like this. I can understnad where you are coming from, I was cheated on before and it took me a long time to get over that and trust my boyfriend fully. But I did and I am so happy I did. I know that he wants to be with me and only me and loves me a lot. I trust him on that. That's the first step. You have to trust their word. When my boyfriend and I were only dating like 2 weeks, he was away for a MONTH and all we did was facebook and he would disappear a couple days because he had no wifi but I took that time to build my trust with him. Now we are long distance and we have grown and I trust him with my life. Trust takes time, I know, but if you are not ready to trust someone again you either need to talk to her about this and see how you can work through your trust issues, or take time to yourself to figure it out. A relationship needs trust. That's one of it's foundations to success.

      I apologize if this was incoherent. It's late here. If you have any questions/need more advice/clarification, don't be afraid to PM me. Good luck.
      started dating: 12/08/12
      "i love you": 04/12/13
      el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
      montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
      el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
      montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
      el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
      el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
      el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
      san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
      san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

      Comment


        #4
        parxnoia
        Thank you
        Yeah trust is very important before she left for vacation i didn't really have any issues trusting her, it's just when i saw her with guys that triggered it but mainly My past + Depression was the source of it all. I knew deep inside that i wanted to trust her but the past and the depression overshadowed everything.
        A time of thinking and gathering myself was needed. I have put myself back together and i guess giving her space is what i needed as well.

        As of now she's talking to one of the guys she met during her vacation more. I trust that she's not going to anything that would hurt me and jeopardize what we have i'm trying not to worry about it but it's hard. I'm learning and teaching myself to trust her more.
        Should i worry about it or not? at times i just don't know.

        I get very clingy and needy which i know can be bad at times but i just love her so much...she's the only thing in this whole world that feels right.
        Last edited by myohdear; October 31, 2013, 09:38 AM.

        Comment


          #5
          alittlemind
          I'll surely give her space and we haven't talked for 2 days now...she saw the message i left her but i told her in the end of it that she should message me if she's ready. I agree that its important and i know i can trust her. I never had any problems of trusting her before but its just when i saw her with other guys that got me. My past and depression then kicked in and i couldn't focus and i lost myself in the process. It overshadowed everything and now i know i've pushed her away and so as of now i'll have to wait for her come back to me.
          I have figured everything out now and i'm learning to trust her more

          for now she's talking to one of the guys she met...i'm somewhat worried but i trust that she wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

          Comment


            #6
            So,here's the thing. Your girlfriend has to live her life,you can't allow yourself to get like this every time she goes somewhere or you're going to push her away. 3 months is a bit soon to be getting this worked up while she's on vacation with her family. When she leaves to do things like vacations,family functions etc. you need to find something to preoccupy yourself with. The less time you have to focus on it the less hard it will be on you. Check on her through text or kik now & then and leave it at that until she contacts you.

            Another thing,I get that you've been cheated on. I've been cheated on multiple times. I have a very bad past with cheating and lying exes. When me and my fiance got back together I had an issue for a little while where,like I did the first time we were together,I would get a tad paranoid when he would go somewhere or someone would come over to his house,mainly females. BUT the one thing that saved me from destroying my relationship over it was realizing that he is not my exes. I can not act that way towards him because of the actions of others. It's not his fault and it's not fair to him. If you don't get your neediness and your clingyness under control now,you will sabotage your relationship and you will lose her.

            Be forewarned though,if she is already talking to another guy more then she is you at the moment after this incident then you may have already done the damage. I'm NOT saying for sure that anything is going to happen,but if the contact does begin to become more frequent with the other guy then you,I would have a serious talk with her about it.

            ♥ In 666 Ways I Love You & My Heaven Is Wherever You Are. I'm For You. ♥

            We Met: June 9,2010
            Back Together: August 1,2012
            First Visit: September 21,2012 - September 29,2012
            Second Visit: January 13,2013 - February 24,2013
            Engaged: January 17,2013
            Closed The Distance-MS - AZ: June 15th,2013
            Moved To FL Together: November 14,2013
            We Got Married! - July 3,2014
            SO Graduated College - August 7,2015
            Moved to Ky - August 10, 2015

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by myohdear View Post
              parxnoia
              Thank you
              Yeah trust is very important before she left for vacation i didn't really have any issues trusting her, it's just when i saw her with guys that triggered it but mainly My past + Depression was the source of it all. I knew deep inside that i wanted to trust her but the past and the depression overshadowed everything.
              A time of thinking and gathering myself was needed. I have put myself back together and i guess giving her space is what i needed as well.

              As of now she's talking to one of the guys she met during her vacation more. I trust that she's not going to anything that would hurt me and jeopardize what we have i'm trying not to worry about it but it's hard. I'm learning and teaching myself to trust her more.
              Should i worry about it or not? at times i just don't know.

              I get very clingy and needy which i know can be bad at times but i just love her so much...she's the only thing in this whole world that feels right.


              Its good that you recognize what your issues are and plan on fixing them. Thats very good
              I hope that she does come back to you. Try to stay positive.
              If she is already talking to another guy. She might have moved on but dont be upset until you really have a definitive answer. If she comes back then she missed you and she wants to be with you.
              If she doesn't its best to move on but don't worry about it. Before falling into a deeper depression just think that there is another person out there looking for you right now and that she's the one you should be with.
              Everything happens for a reason. Try to stay positive and keep yourself distracted by doing daily things.
              Its also been 3 months into your relationship and you've never met. I think that love needs both physical connection and emotional connection.
              For me it was hard to say "I love you" to my bf before I even met him. After I met him I knew that I did.
              I hope she comes back good luck

              Comment


                #8
                I'm trying my best to not worry about it...I'm hoping that she does. I always try to remember what she told me before...that she won't leave. This might be irrelevant but in her bio she always has the quote "Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel" and she never took it down even though we are in this phase and having a hard time...to me it's important that it's still there.
                There's really nothing else I can do but to wait for her to reply to me.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Best of the luck to the both of you The only advice I could offer has already been said by everyone else. Having trust in your partner is a very important part of any relationship. Without it, it will ultimately fail. I also have some trust issues I'm trying to conquer and I think i'm doing better at it. I've seen the damage it can cause, so all that can be done is putting your trust in someone. If she hasn't done anything to break your trust so far, then there's no reason to not trust her. I hope everything works out!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I agree that I need to give her some space and I am giving her what she wants. her cousin told me that she did need space. I left her a message saying that I was sorry and I was foolish. I had a hard time trusting her and now I'm teaching myself and learning to trust her more. For now we haven't talked in 2 days I told her in the end of the message for her to message me back when she's ready and I'll have to wait for her. I did damage our relationship and it has taken some blows and I'm the one to blame for it and I told her I'll do better. I remember the things she said to me...that she won't leave but I know that things will change as time goes by. All I can really do is wait and trust her. A time away from each other is needed since it helped me realize what the things I should change. I don't know if this is relevant but she always has this quote in her bio "Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel" and she told me that it reminds of us. She never took it down even though we are in this phase and away. To me it means a lot and if she takes it out then I know there's really something wrong.
                    Last edited by myohdear; October 31, 2013, 12:02 PM.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Thank you
                      I know it is very important and i never really had a problem trusting her...it's just that I had a really bad past and I made a mistake of distrusting her and it wasn't fair that I treated her like that. I absolutely regret what I did and I know I've pushed her away and so right now I'm giving her some space. And waiting for her to get back to me we haven't talked in 2 days and I'm hoping she gets back to me soon. I hope everything will be okay.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I'm sure it will all be ok. Good luck to you both

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