So, me and my man have been together for almost 10 months and we know we love each other and want to get married, but he says he doesn't want to get engaged yet. I don't understand why he doesn't want to get engaged if he does want to marry me. How can I bring this up to him without sounding pushy or anything bad? I really want to get engaged soon. I love him very much and even if we had a long engagement I would be totally fine with that. Help?
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If he isn't ready it doesn't mean he doesn't want to get married. It is a huge step and you are still young and haven't been together that long. Don't push it, why rush? What is your reason for wanting to be engaged? If you are happy together then leave it as it, when the time is ready it will happen. My SO and I have been together for 3 years and are much older then you and there has been no talk of marriage but we both know it is headed in that direction and when the time is right it will happen. I wouldn't even bring this up with you SO. -
Just ask him. Don't ask why don't you want things my way. Ask him why he wants things his way. Maybe he can't afford a ring right now. Maybe he doesn't want a long engagement. If he has a strong opinion, he probably has a reason. Be willing to share yours and your reasons, but neither one of you is "right". So don't try to be.Met online: Nov 2010 - Met in person: Nov 20, 2010
Closed the distance: April 27, 2011
Accepted to PhD program 200 miles away: March 2012
LD again: July 24, 2012
Left School and Closed the Distance for good: March 8, 2013
Married: November 1, 2014
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We've talked a little and he says he doesn't want a long engagement, but I've tried to tell him how I feel. I don't want him to propose just cause he feels pressured to, but I don't see why we can't get engaged. The only difference is the title and a ring. I even told him we can use the ring he gave me for Christmas. It is a silver band that says "true love waits". I love the ring so much, I just want him to be my fiancee.Comment
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I'm ready to get settled down. He has said he wants to get married... When I talk about engagements he always says not now, and that he wouldn't tell me if it was, because it is supposed to be a surprise. So maybe he is just trying to surprise me?Comment
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You say you don't want him to propose because of pressure but it seems like you are pressuring him. Getting engaged is a big step and even if he loves you and can see marrying you someday, he just doesn't seem ready. I personally think it's bigger than a ring and a title.Originally posted by katieandmclane View Post
Just be patient and enjoy the relationship you have now.Comment
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If he's not ready to get engaged, he's not ready. 10 months is not long at all to start think about getting engaged and married; it's a huge step. Maybe he doesn't want to get engaged just for the sake of being engaged; wouldn't you rather he asked you because he felt ready to make that step, rather than because you keep pressuring him to ask you? You're only 19, just enjoy your relationship, and when he's ready to discuss an engagement, he'll talk about it.
<3 The day we met : 10.31.2009
<3 Our first Date: 11.04.2009
The Day we went long distance: 08.08.2010
<3 He came to England: 12.27.2010-01.07.2011
<3 My trip to Ohio: 5.29.2011-6.09.2011
Our first Christmas visit: 12.23.2011-1.7.2011
Distance closed: 2.29.2012!!!!!!!!Comment
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LOL!! Sorry in advance for sounding snarky, but if you truly believe that - YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR READY TO BE ENGAGED, let alone married. You've only been together a little while, marriage is nothing like what you've seen on Lifetime, WE, and TLC, trust me, been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Your boyfriend doesn't want to get engaged right now, while he may be thinking in that direction, he's not 100% sure about you yet, whether he'll admit it or not, and he needs time. Why the engagement obsession? You can't get engaged because, like it or not, your boyfriend doesn't want to / isn't ready. Just relax and get to know each other, 10 months is absolutely nothing compared to the rest of your life.Originally posted by katieandmclane View PostOur separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert EinsteinComment
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Well I meant that our feelings aren't gonna be any less or different and since we will still be apart and not planning on getting married for another year or so, so nothing will be different besides I that we say we are engaged and we are more serious about getting married. I know that I am ready, not just wanting to get engaged for the sake of getting engaged.Comment
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Exactly.Originally posted by snow_girl View Post
I wouldn't even take a proposal after less than a year of being together seriously. It doesn't mean that I didn't plan on staying with my boyfriend and eventually getting married even after less than a year of dating. If we stay together for the rest of our lives we have at least 60 more years to get married. There's really no need to rush, especially there are no practical reasons for you to get married.
Like the other girls said: Enjoy your relationship. Being in love, even 'only' as boyfriend and girlfriend is great.
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But he isn't. So hold your freaking horses. I mean if you guys were in your 30s, had been together for over 10 years and you still wanted an engagement and he didn't then I might have something else to say. But you've been together for 10 months. MONTHS. Honestly, if I were 19 and had only been dating someone for 10 months I wouldn't be ready for marriage either!Originally posted by katieandmclane View Post
And it does seem like you're only doing it for the sake of being engaged. You said you don't want to plan a wedding, you just want to call him your fiance.Comment
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You keep saying you don't want to get engaged for the sake of it but you seem to be missing the taking the next step in your relationship part of the engagement. If it doesn't change anything in your relationship except for the title and a ring, then why rush it? Why not wait until both you and your SO are 100% ready to take the step of preparing for the rest of your lives together. Honestly, as a young person it's very easy to be impulsive and think that nothing will change, but both of you are going to continue growing and maturing, especially going into your 20s. Your relationship will also need time to mature. Your engagement will mean a lot more when it changes your relationship rather than just the titles.
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I guess this is more of my personal opinion... but, I'm in sort of a similar situation. I'm 24. My SO is 23. We have been together 19 months, and know we're going to get married. I want him to propose, but not so I can call him my fiance, but so we can seriously plan for our marriage. We have talked about it, and he isn't ready to propose yet because he wants to be able to afford the ring and the wedding. He wants some kind of security in his finances. Although frustrated, I completely understand. I have, however, told him that I'm okay with just eloping and not really being engaged.
IMO, being engaged means you've committed your life to that person. It is the the prequel to marriage. A good friend of mine shared with me a list of questions to ask yourself about your relationship. This list of questions is not all inclusive, but it is definitely a good starting point. If you can both answer ALL of these questions honestly, then I think you should have a serious discussion with your SO about your relationship.
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I like this ^^Originally posted by lyonsgirl View PostA good friend of mine shared with me a list of questions to ask yourself about your relationship. This list of questions is not all inclusive, but it is definitely a good starting point. If you can both answer ALL of these questions honestly, then I think you should have a serious discussion with your SO about your relationship.
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