Weddings - Where are the biggest costs?

[differentcountries]

I read through some of these again... And just want to say something - small, but important. Please, whatever you do, do not expect your friends/family to do something for free. Epecially if it's their chosen profession. I have heard too many stories about friendships ending over a wedding. If, and only if, your friend offers to do the service for you as a wedding gift, would I ever think it would be ok to think they're doing it for $0. However... If it were me, I would still, at minimum, pay for their supplies. (cake, buy all the ingredients, that kind of thing.)

If you ask people to do things for free, you have to be VERY grateful, especially if they do it for a living. I once attended an engagement party where the bride to be asked one of her friends, a proffesional dj/singer, to take care of the music and sing at the party...for free, of course. It broke their friendship, the friend did not feel respected. At another wedding, a (slightly less known) singer sang for free, but that was the sister of the groom and everyone were very grateful she sang.

I have contributed lots for free at weddings and other occations, and I don't think I have ever been compensated, but I did not mind singing, playing, baking, doing logistics or whatever because people were always so grateful and I could afford to give this, in addition to the gift. Also, since I don't do it proffessionally, I would not know what to charge. I have catered dinner for my own wedding, so I could easily cater food for others, but I would not ask for any more than them taking the bill for the ingredients if it was a close friend.

I have a sad story about people not feeling appreciated. My friend's husband regard himself as a chef even if he does not have the education and does not charge money to do it. He does basically what I do, cook lots of food for friends in the house or brings food for parties. But for some reason he takes a lot of pride in his cooking, even to the point of being offended when I suggested the two hobby chefs like us could try to cook together (he would have charged money to "teach me", as I understood - which baffled me since I did not regard him as the better cook. I don't know if this is male arrogance or if I am in the wrong for not charging money when cooking with friends). I was not aware of the fact that apparently he holds a big grudge towards other friends when he brings food for parties and is not compensated even for ingredients (he doesn't earn much, so perhaps he feels the cost more or would expect extra thankfulness) and he took this out on me, even if I was just trying to be friendly. People don't always have good boundries, so it is good to consider if to ask at all, or if asked if you should compensate, especially if you know they are not well off.

[Malaga]

That reminds me of one thing I wouldn't skimp on: music. Super important if you're planning a party. Whether you're hiring a band or a DJ you want someone with experience who can keep the atmosphere up. It seems tempting to ask a friend to manage it, but in my opinion it's not worth the risk. Even if they have impeccable music taste, you need someone who can work the party. Nothing can kill the party as fast as bad food and bad music.

As for professional photos, yeah they're awesome, we had a great photographer and the photos turned out gorgeous. But I found myself looking more often at the photos taken by our guests, they were funnier, more candid and included more people and more of the little moments we might have missed, as the professional photographer mostly followed us around.

So I would hire a professional photographer for good reliable shots, but unless you want to make a Marie Claire editorial, don't sweat it too much and don't feel like you have to go for an expensive person. (Hindsight is everything - choosing a photographer was the hardest decision for me in the planning process.)

[lyonsgirl]

I have contributed lots for free at weddings and other occations, and I don't think I have ever been compensated, but I did not mind singing, playing, baking, doing logistics or whatever because people were always so grateful and I could afford to give this, in addition to the gift. Also, since I don't do it proffessionally, I would not know what to charge. I have catered dinner for my own wedding, so I could easily cater food for others, but I would not ask for any more than them taking the bill for the ingredients if it was a close friend.

But... you don't do any of those things as your career, therefore, asking your friends to pay for anything beyond what it cost you would be rude, IMO.

[snow_girl]

Wow DC, what can't you do?!

[Miasmata]

That reminds me of one thing I wouldn't skimp on: music. Super important if you're planning a party. Whether you're hiring a band or a DJ you want someone with experience who can keep the atmosphere up. It seems tempting to ask a friend to manage it, but in my opinion it's not worth the risk. Even if they have impeccable music taste, you need someone who can work the party. Nothing can kill the party as fast as bad food and bad music.

As for professional photos, yeah they're awesome, we had a great photographer and the photos turned out gorgeous. But I found myself looking more often at the photos taken by our guests, they were funnier, more candid and included more people and more of the little moments we might have missed, as the professional photographer mostly followed us around.

So I would hire a professional photographer for good reliable shots, but unless you want to make a Marie Claire editorial, don't sweat it too much and don't feel like you have to go for an expensive person. (Hindsight is everything - choosing a photographer was the hardest decision for me in the planning process.)

I got a friend who does some professional photography as part of his freelance job in design and such, and he already agreed to come, so I'm very stoked about that! I haven't negotiated costs with him yet, but I know we'll reach a fair deal. I can't really offer money before I know how much the venue would cost. I will get in touch with a few places this week, I hope. My friend adores making candid and spontaneous shots, so I think he'll deliver good and fun photos. Together with the guests, I think I'll be set!

For music, I got a few friends that have done DJing at events and such, but I gotta see if they feel comfortable doing it for a wedding considering they're more into rave-y music. Gotta discuss that. I also know some people who perform live music for events, but that might end up being expensive. Music is honestly the part I'm the least sure about yet, I gotta see what works out there. I care a lot about music, so I don't wanna skimp on it, but renting equipment and such could really go over our budget.

[Ella85]

So far I've been making all decorations by myself. I've made some hair combs for the girls and my SO liked them so I'm going to make some more for the bridesmaids. I've also been making 1000 origami paper cranes. We have a Japanese style wedding. I'm also planning on making the table placements but I'll probably buy the placement cards. We haven't discussed the reception much yet and haven't planned a venue for it so I'm not entirely sure what I can and can't do.

[xxcazaxx]

Your Japanese theme sounds lovely

[AnnaElizabeth]

What I going to do is put a limit in reception and party. All I am looking for a wedding gown, ring, and a photographer. They are the important factors for a wedding. Isn't it?

[toni345]

You have to prepare your budget carefully because the big cost is on hire of the wedding hall, the cost of receptions, suits and wedding dress. If you do not have enough budget, you should make a simple wedding but still memorable because the most important of marriage is how both of you walk on your life for as long as possible.