Prenuptial agreement?

[Malaga]

Hmm.. I think that's way too simple. If it were that easy to just "earn it again" why do we still have so many without jobs, homes, food, etc?

I don't think there's anything negative about a prenup. It's protecting you and your SO from the worst. Just like life insurance. You don't buy it thinking "I'm going to die tomorrow" or get flood insurance because you know your house will flood or even get health insurance because you think you'll break your leg. You do it just in case shit happens. Because when it does, you want to have your butt covered.

Fair enough. It's all good reasoning. It's just not my personal priority. For me, it's all about intent. Marriage is risky business emotionally as well as financially. It takes a lot of effort, especially in our circumstances. If I want to make it work, I need to go into it without any reservations, and I need reassurance from him to do the same. We know it might not last forever, but we go into it fully believing it will last forever, and sometimes that makes all the difference. We gamble from the moment we say "yes", it's just a matter of how far you're willing to go.
Money may not be so easy to earn, but losing it is not the end of the world. For me it's no worse than being emotionally broken in case of divorce. I just accept both as possible risks. I know I can handle whatever comes my way.

That's just how I would do as I know myself. I have no general opinion on prenups, or people who do them and the quality of their marriages.

[Minerva]

I'm a romantic but I'm also a realist. I didn't marry my ex-husband expecting our marriage would fail. My SO certainly didn't marry his wife thinking that marriage would fail. No one gets married thinking it will fail, yet so many do.

I have a child, my SO has children, and we're both in our mid-thirties. If we married in 2 years and that marriage lasted 10, which puts us both at nearly retirement age (scary thought!).

Money is just money yes, and it means very little to me. But that doesn't mean I can't live without it, it just means I don't value it to the point that it's more important than anything else. It's easy to romanticize being broke, but actually living through uncertain financial times is terrifying. I'm not happy to live in such a world that but for the lack of money people can go homeless and hungry, but that's the world I have to live in, therefore, money has value to me.

It's not romantic, but it's practical. Perhaps the younger childless couples are OK without one, but I think it's wise in most cases.

[garnet]

I remember on the Golden Girls when Dorothy was going to marry Stan again. Until he brought out the prenup. She quickly called off the wedding.

I'm with her, I wouldn't sign one.

[Petals]

I remember on the Golden Girls when Dorothy was going to marry Stan again. Until he brought out the prenup. She quickly called off the wedding.

I'm with her, I wouldn't sign one.

I understand some people's position on prenups, which is why a prenup is not something to spring on anyone after engagement; it is an issue to be discussed prior to engagement. It's a matter of personal preference and reaching a compromise if possible. Nobody should feel pressured to sign one as that can be contested in court at a later date. A prenup is to be signed freely and after much consultation with each other and separate attorneys.

[Petals]

We are now a happy married couple

[Kerry]

I'd be open to talking about it- sure. I don't think they're the most romantic thing in the world but I do see the value in them. if I was asked to sign one and the terms were favorable towards me I'd probably sign.

[Engel]

I would make one where things we build together in our marriage are ours, but the money or property I had before or will get in case my parents die will be mine. I love my SO and want to be with him forever, but I studied law for 3 years and a half, my mother is a lawyer, my father a police chief, I see things like that going wrong if there is no agreement. Me and my brother entitled to a lot of money and properties if our parents die. we are the only beneficiaries. we are talking about a lot of money here, and my SO doesnt have nything like that. so if we are together, what is mine will be his as well, if we are not, what is mine is mine and my brothers (and from my kids when I have them).

[Haley53]

I believe that I would, simply because that's what protected my mother during her divorce.

Personally, I don't see being realistic the same as being negative, though I'm aware many people do. I don't feel there's anything wrong with having a safeguard in the event of a "what if..." and to those who mentioned intent (either explicitly or not), I don't feel that that safeguard should have any influence on it. I also don't feel that that's a fair claim. There are as many failed and unhappy marriages with people who did not expect, or even get, a divorce as there are with people who signed up a prenup. Divorce is, as unfortunate as it is, not completely uncommon. Isn't the statistic something like 1 in 2 or 1 in 3 (can't remember) marriages end in divorce? And that, in my opinion, is not solely based on intent, because I doubt many of those people went into their marriages believing it was going to fail. I can certainly say my mother did not, and she was married to an abusive man for 19 years, did everything she could to make it work before she finally opened her eyes and filed.

My point is, I see this the same as I see closing the distance. When closing the distance, I'm going to look at things realistically. I'm going to do what I need to do for my independent life, because if my independent life is not in place/solid, then we're going to be off to a shaky start together. Building that independent life means considering the unhappy possibility that our relationship may ultimately come to an end. However unlikely and however much I don't like to think about it, I'm not so naive to deny the fact that sometimes things happen. I feel this way even in a situation in which my partner would be moving to me. I would want there to be a plan for if it didn't work out. Because for many people in LDRs, it's not simply about moving into the same house, it's about moving to an entirely different state and for some an entirely different country and rebuilding your life there. And you have to have a plan for you. You have to have a plan in case it doesn't work out so that you aren't left out on the street, and though that sounds extraordinarily pessimistic, it can and does happen. It happened to a friend of mine and it was the last thing she expected. I see this the same way. You're putting your safeguards in place and making sure your independent life is solid in case something happens, not when something happens, but in case something happens. And I personally disagree that signing a piece of paper should have so much of an influence that it's actually seen as determining the outcome of a marriage. Whether or not the marriage is going to work is not based on whether or not you sign a piece of paper, but on whether throughout the years you both continue to want and intend to make it work.

However, I'm a firm believer in that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You have to build/stabilise your independent life in order to have a solid, stable life with someone else, and for me, seeing and knowing what would have happened had the prenup not been signed in my parent's divorce, that would mean signing a prenup, and I'd like to think it's not going to influence or impact the future of my relationship. :P