I'm scared to close the distance

[itsjen516]

in July I'm getting married and moving from nyc to Utah and I'm scared out of my mind ! I really don't know what to expect since here in NY everything is so easy for me, I'm scared to leave my friends and family and eveything I have here. It took me years and years to finally make friends and now I gotta leave them
Don't get me wrong I'm so excited for this next chapter in my life but the thought of it really sends me running to the bathroom loll.
To be honest I'm just scared since I deal with major anxiety issues and I'm scared if anywhere where to happen back home I would be to far to do anything about it. I'm scared if not fitting into a new place I'm scared of not finding a job I'm scared to drive everywhere since I don't drive here in NY.
I been away from home before but only 6 months while I worked down in Disney world but I felt safer then since I knew I would be coming home again and had a guaranteed job . But now I'm leaving for good and I don't know what to feel
Happy , scared , worried , excited I'm a mix of emotions and don't know what to do. Did any of you feel this way when you closed the distance

[lyonsgirl]

I wasn't scared.

[TwoThree]

Well, judging by your profile and the date your relationship began, by the time you'll be married you'll barely have been together for a year, so I'm guess this is where this stress and fear mostly comes from. Maybe if it's too much for you, you could take things a little be slower? Or is your wedding date set and everything booked already?

[lyonsgirl]

Well, judging by your profile and the date your relationship began, by the time you'll be married you'll barely have been together for a year, so I'm guess this is where this stress and fear mostly comes from. Maybe if it's too much for you, you could take things a little be slower? Or is your wedding date set and everything booked already?

23 makes an excellent point. Marriage is hard - and honestly - all the preparation in the world won't make you completely ready for it. I know this because I'm living it. We're 3 months in and finding things that we never expected to be issues. We're working through them, yes, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's definitely not rainbows and unicorns.

[itsjen516]

Well, judging by your profile and the date your relationship began, by the time you'll be married you'll barely have been together for a year, so I'm guess this is where this stress and fear mostly comes from. Maybe if it's too much for you, you could take things a little be slower? Or is your wedding date set and everything booked already?

No everything is set and I feel more the ready to live with him and get married it's the moving away that scars me to death I dk what to expect and ya we may be a bit fast but on Friday will be a years since I known him so it's not to bad. We know each other well and it just seems right I'm just scared and he's very much aware of it to

[OperaDiva]

I think it is normal to feel emotional before a big change and especially before a wedding! However, only you can tell whether this is the right thing for you why exactly are you scared?

[itsjen516]

I'm scared of losing friends I had , I'm scared of not being able to find a job I'm scared to go back to school I'm starting a whole new career path, here in NY I wasn't doing anything in school I would just show up to say I did but now I took time off I'm older now and I want to start going to school for nursing but that in it's self is hard so I'm scared it will cause stress. I'm sad to not see my family anymore the church I go to just the idea of a new life scares me

[lyonsgirl]

You're worrying too much. Yes, growing up can be scary, but the more you worry about it, the worse it will be.

[80anthea]

It's all about the mindset, yes it is a big scary change and a huge one at that: moving house, getting married, leaving everything you know. Accept it is a big step but if it's what you want to do and will make you happy in the long term it has to be worth it. Instead of dwelling on the negatives focus on the positives:

- you're going to marry the man you love
- you're hopefully going to spend the rest of your life with him
- you have a new start to make of it whatever you want
- you can keep in touch with your old friends and family whilst making new ones too

Best of luck and talk to your SO he should understand these difficulties and help you through them. Anxiety is tough but it can be beaten.

[CanadianGirl]

I think you need to take this one step at a time. You can keep in touch with your family and friends, and you'll also be making new ones. I'm away from my family for at least 95% of the year, but my sister and I maintain a great relationship and it's basically effortless. Finding a new church that's a perfect fit for you shouldn't be too difficult. As for work, searching around online should give you a head start. For school, from the mature students I know, it seems to be a much better experience with a little growing up under your belt. If you start school and find you hate it, then leave. Maybe you'll find an alternate career path after you're there. There's really no way to know how every little detail will play out. I wouldn't try to tell you everything will go smoothly, but worrying yourself sick about things can hold you back from a lot.

[Kristin91]

Would it be possible for you to live in NY after you get married? If you're afraid of moving to Utah, why doesn't he move to the city to be with you?

[itsjen516]

Would it be possible for you to live in NY after you get married? If you're afraid of moving to Utah, why doesn't he move to the city to be with you?

cuz living in the city is much to expensive for us but he said after he's done with school and if I'm truly not happy in Utah he's willing to move to nyc
I went to Utah it was such a pretty state and I do see my self living there and having a family there but as others said I need to think more of the positive. I just fear I'll lose friends since when I moved down to Florida before people juts stopped talking to me and I did lose friends from it :-/.

And sorry I can't quote you all my phone won't let me for some reason :-/

And I'm trying my best to take it one step at a time it's just a lot at once you know

[OperaDiva]

Real friendships and real connections do survive time AND distance yes, you will probably lose touch with some people, but you will meet new ones, and the friends that are still there for you will be the true ones.
Moving to a new place can be very overwhelming, especially if you have not done it before (I don't know if you have), but it is part of growing up. It is also exciting and empowering! And I think fear is meant to keep you on your toes, not stop you from doing something you really want or from getting the life you deserve

[itsjen516]

Thansk and ya I have moved to Florida but only for 6 months for an internship at Disney world lol so it was happy and fun and not real life like those 6 months didn't seem real sincr I was legit at magic kingdom every day for work

[squeeker]

Anxiety is normal. Well, it can be higher than normal in some people.. like me .. because I have a lot of anxiety. :P I know I will have some anxiety when I close the distance with my SO, especially if I do end up being the one moving away, semi permanently from my family (except for the occasional trip back). I think it will be compared similarly to when I met my boyfriend for the first time in person, I was scared, but then also very excited to finally meet him, and by the time my flight day had arrived, I was more excited than nervous. I think the other people have the right idea, focus on the positives over the negatives.. as we all know from being in LDRs, there are many ways to keep in touch with people.. you can try your best to make plans to text or skype or whatever once every few days, or at least once a week... maybe start a blog which your friends and family can follow and keep up with your big activities, and even little ones, as you start your life together in the same place as your partner. I think the other part of anxiety is that you will have known him just over a year.. which is a decent amount of time.. but you are still learning about him.. well I'm even still learning about my partner after 4+ years of knowing him.. because he has had over 20 years of living and most of those were before I came along, so there is a lot to learn... and you will find things difficult probably, especially at first, but just try your best to make a routine. I think it's good that he at least offers to move to your city if you are unhappy in Utah.. but don't use that as a crutch from not trying to make the most of it.. you have your partner.. and can stay in touch with family and friends and visit them from time to time as well!!

Try and focus on the positives as others say. You are lucky to be able to close the distance so soon!! Good luck.