Whats really considered long distance?

[kittyo9]

When the distance presents an actual challenge (rather than an inconvenience) and you are unable to see them without planning a trip, that's long distance. You may feel like it's a challenge, but the fact of the matter is that if you can spontaneously say "I'm coming over tonight" and make it actually happen (scheduling conflicts with your partner aside), you probably are not in an LDR.

[elizabethjp2010]

Actually, the "Veterans" are just LFADers who have been here on the boards for five months and have at least 300 posts. You definitely meet the qualifications to be a vet, London-FortCollins. The people who have closed the distance already are "LFAD Alumni."

yep, like i said i got them backwards. my bad

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I consider LDR's to be those who can't physically get to their SO whenever they want. Whether it be 45 minutes away, or 7 hours like my SO and I or even thousands of miles away, an LDR is an LDR and it's a struggle. I think there's different calibers of LDR, each with their own unique challenges. LDR's are unique in the way that there is no blanket definition for one and each couple has their own circumstances and their own story.

[London-FortCollins]

Hehe - yup I AM a vet, alumni is what I was joking I should have. *eyeroll*

Yes...I think distance could be defined by the ability to travel the distance with ease. If they ever bent teleporters LDR would be nonexistent wouldn't they?

[squirrelz15]

I'll agree with everyone else. It's what you consider LD. Most here probably wouldn't consider it LD, but if it is to you then feel free to be here. Just be warned that there may be some insensitive people here. I'm a little over 450 miles from my SO, and sometimes I don't even feel like I belong here. So take everything in stride, and welcome to the forums!

[Rosebud]

Just because someone does not consider the OPs situation to be a LDR does not make them insensitive. I personally do not feel the OP is in an LDR, but it's not like I'm sitting here thinking she has it so easy either. I seems like a very inconvenient challenge and situation to be in and I certainly sympathize and understand her desire to want more time with her SO (don't we all!). But many CD couples do not even see each other every day because of school or other activities in their life, and it sounds like with only 45 minutes away it is much more plausible for the OP and her SO to plan out times to meet up much more conveniently than someone actually in an LDR. I do think she certainly has a place here as well since many couples will share the same obstacles, long distance or not and because of her specific situation she likely does have some LD issues to still work around.

[yayagrl]

The technical definition of long distance is not being in the same city. I would consider 45 mins as LD, but not on the extreme scale. Also it depends on how you and your SO view the relationship. if you don't consider it LD then I would say don't worry yourself too much. Tis nice to have you here either way

[Sora1101]

I don't consider not seeing each other regularly due to scheduling conflicts "distance".

This. I consider a LDR to be when you are prevented from seeing your SO because you are far enough away where you can't just hop in a car, bus, bike or walk your way to see your partner. Being only 45 minutes away seems like a normal relationship to me, you have ways to get to your SO where as some of us need to take planes etc. Not even CD couples get to see their SO's daily it's just that life gets in the way, to me that's what your problems seem to be life not distance.

[13000km]

I'll agree with everyone else. It's what you consider LD. Most here probably wouldn't consider it LD, but if it is to you then feel free to be here. Just be warned that there may be some insensitive people here. I'm a little over 450 miles from my SO, and sometimes I don't even feel like I belong here. So take everything in stride, and welcome to the forums!

This site is open to more than just people in LD relationships. If OP feels like her SO is not making enough time for her and wants to write about that, or if she's excited and wants to talk about closing the distance, she will find a lot of help and support in her relationship, LD or not.

To OP: For someone who's only dated people next door, you're long distance. For someone who is dating someone on the other side of the world, you're not long distance. But regardless of whether or not you or anyone considers it long distance, you're welcome here.

[Dziubka]

We had a thread about that not too long ago.

I think an LDR is when, even if you had a car or really good public transport, you can't just come over to see them for only a few hours, because of the distance.

If a couple can't see each other very often due to work, school, their parents prison, or whatever, I wouldn't consider that long distance. I don't think how often you get to see each other should be a factor. People can live in the same city and see each other only once a week and if my boyfriend and I had the money, we could see each other every weekend or possibly more often. Seeing someone only once a month doesn't make your relationship long distance and seeing someone every weekend doesn't make your relationship close distance, if there's still a distance between you.
So I wouldn't consider 45min apart long distance, for a lot of people that's how long they commute to work. If you live in a reasonably big city, you could be 45min apart and still live in the same city.

That said, if we lived only 45min apart, seeing him only once a week or once a month, would be way too little for me. There's definitely nothing wrong with wanting to see your SO everyday. Have you talked about that with your SO? Does he know that you want to see him more often? What are his reasons that you can't see each other more often than that?

[11MikesGirl21]

When I was CD I did get to see my SO every day, but that was only because we went to the same college and lived in the same building on campus and were in pep band together. This is the only relationship I've ever been in and I've had one extreme to other. I guess considering what others on the site have I consider my relationship a "short-long distance relationship." I feel like I'm on the fringe of being just far enough apart (8 hours, whether I'm at home or at school) from my SO that we can jump on a bus but it would be a 24 hour or more trip and not a quick drive, but close enough that flights are completely doable with direct flights.

I wouldn't consider 45 minutes long distance, personally, even if you do only see each other once a week. But I also grew up in an area where driving 45 minutes somewhere was a typical occurance because there's nothing to do in my small town, you have to leave it to do something fun. So 45 minutes is nothing to me.

[Kerry]

if you think that 45 minutes is long-distance then you're in a LDR. my bf is 1600+ miles from me and we've only met once.

[alNimsa]

Most people in this forum wish there SO would live just 45 minutes apart. I am one of them. My SO lives thousands of kilometres away, at another continet.
I personally donīt understand that you call this a LD, and why do you just se him so rarely.

But thats jus my oppinion.

[Haley53]

I feel it's more insensitive to compare situations than to say that soandso doesn't consider this a long-distance relationship. Sure, I could sit here and bitterly complain about your distance being over 5000 miles less than mine, snarl about how I can only wish my SO lived that close, but it's looking like I'll be able to see my SO one to two, maybe even three, times per year, and that's at least one more time than some couples are fortunate enough to see their partners. Someone always has it better, and someone always has it worse, and I think the worst thing anyone can do is use their situation to minimise someone else's, because that same damn principal could be applied to them too, but that doesn't make it any easier.

To the OP, I don't consider this long-distance, no. I had a friend, for example, who lived about an hour away and we could only see each other and hang out once every week or every other week. When times were busy for us both, it could be a month or a month and a half in between visits. They had transport (a licence/car), and I did not. I still would not consider that a long-distance friendship, any more than I'd consider it a long-distance relationship if said person and I had been in one. But this is coming from someone who's in an international long-distance relationship, and whose idea of long-distance is out of state and, of course, out of the country. Someone could be at the top of the state and their partner at the bottom of it and I still would not consider that long-distance. Why? I'm not really sure. I suppose I feel that it's because even if they can't meet each other next door and/or at the drop of a hat, meeting someone who is in state is still more doable than meeting someone who's out of it. Travel is more frequent and less costly, and there are oftentimes more options. To me, being long-distance means not having those conveniences.

I also don't consider not being able to see each other due to scheduling/conflicting schedules, as others have said, as long-distance, but I can still see this as being an issue in your relationship. I disagree with alNima's blunt statement of why you see him so rarely because it's not always easy even for close-distance couples to see one another daily. As I said, I had a similar situation with my friend. Due to gas, transport, and our individual schedules, it was hard to arrange meeting up more than once per week, so I don't think you're entirely abnormal given the distance, but if you both have the means to make it work, then what's stopping you? I haven't read anything more than a few responses and the original post, but have you ever spoken to him about wanting to see him more often? Are you willing to make the trip up more frequently if he is not? What exactly is so conflicting about your schedules that you can only see each other every so often? Personally I'd sit down and have a look at both your schedules and look at what you're both hoping to get out of a relationship. Some people are perfectly content seeing their SOs once or twice weekly and others crave more regular contact, but if you want the more regular contact, then you're going to have to be willing to make it work. I think I would sit down, look at what you're both willing to do and what you both can do, and plan around that as realistically as possible.

Also, I agree that LFAD is here for support regardless of distance.

[floridaellen]

My SO and I are close distance (30 minutes apart) for part of the year and long distance (living 22 hours apart) for the rest of the year due to college.
Either way, you are welcome in this community :]