Curiosity Killed the Cat?

[Kiyama]

I have to admit I've done it. With my ex. We lived together and he frequently used my computer and left his facebook page open on it. We were going through a rough patch and he met up with this one girl every day. A message from her happened to be open on my computer so yep, I read it. I told him about it though because I was so annoyed that she was being bitchy against me. That was only once though. We'd go through each others phones too but only in each others company. We were curious

[nicole]

He gave me his facebook password once, when I wasn't fb friends with his sister, and he wanted me to see her senior pictures. I told him to change his password afterwards, haven't checked if he has or not. It's his business. Sure if we're sat scrolling down our facebook walls whilst the other is in the room, we both look (and judge people we're terrible people ), but if he was looking through his pm's I usually leave the room. I know he wouldn't be doing anything bad, in fact I have a suspicion he only really messages my mother (lol), but it's "private messaging" and the people in question would have just wrote on his wall if they didn't mind stuff being broadcast.

Otherwise, I only have his amazon login because he connected my kindle to his account, and I haven't figured out how to change it to mine We don't share passwords otherwise, though we could both access them if we really wanted too. I know my SO is more open to sharing, but I like my privacy so I offer him the same courtesy.

[blankita719]

The only password of mine my SO has is for my Netflix account so he can watch stuff on it. Other than that - no sharing of passwords. I made this mistake with my ex, who used it to his advantage and set up accounts in my name, stole from me, etc...so absolutely no passwords for anything else.

We are open with each other. If he ever asked to see something, I would hand it over but because of our histories with other people, certain privacy issues make us want to stay private.

[Trepis]

One of the great things about this site is that it gets me thinking about things I have not considered. Having been single for almost a decade before I got together with my SO , I am very independent. To be honest, I had not even considered sharing passwords with her, this thread got me thinking about it. As a general rule, I don't see the need to share them, and I think there is value in keeping some parts of our lives separate. however, after reading some of the posts in this thread, I find myslef thinking ' oh , in that case I would share '
I guess if a good reason came up, I'd have no problem giving her my password, and I doubt I'd go to the trouble of changing it again once the need has passed. I actaully change all my passwords every 3 months or so, to much work to add another change in there, lol.

As for snooping, I would not do that and I would be upset to findout she had. It's not about curiousity imo, its trust, respect, and impulse control. Now, I know thats not how everyone will see it, and lots have indicated they would not mind being snooped on, to each their own for sure. Being as introverted as I am, I think I find it more of a violation of trust then the average person. I stuggle sometimes sharing myself with others, but with my SO, I have shared more with her then anyone else , ever. I think if I found her snooping I would feel like she is trying to 'take' more then I am ready to share , that would cause me to withdraw as a defence mechanism.

I'm glad I saw this thread, I love that this forum really get's me thinking about these things,

Cheers,
Trepis.

[lucybelle]

He has the password to open my computer since we share it. He also has my password to my main email, which I'll actually change soon just.in.case.

I don't have any of his passwords and I don't need them. Sometimes he leaves his email or facebook open on my computer, and I just close them and log on mine. Sometimes I do scroll through thinking it's mine, then think "who the hell are all these people?", realize it's his and log off.

I don't need to snoop. The man spends almost 24/7 with me. If he's cheating on me he deserves a freaking gold star. Where does he find the time??

[Haley53]

I'm glad, Trepis!

All of these responses are interesting! One thing I'm curious about is that it seems it's commonplace that for anyone who shares passwords/allows one to read over their shoulder/etc., they often say it along with "we have nothing to hide." For those who are more open with one another and do swap passwords or have no issue with being curious about what's going on with the other, is saying "we have nothing to hide" a means of justification? I simply have noticed that both here and on the other forum I posted a similar discussion on, "we have nothing to hide" seemed to be the argument for the side of openness and sharing and being free to look through one another's accounts, and it was strange to me, because my partner and I have never had issues with privacy in our relationship or trust and neither one of us feels like anything is being hid from the other. We're both open, but we both understand that we need our own spaces as well, and we don't hide anything from one another, so when those of you say "we have nothing to hide" say it, do you insinuate that people who are private do? Or is it more for your own reasoning/justification?

(I tried to say that as diplomatically as possible. I'm genuinely curious but also tired, so hoping my phrasing didn't come out wrong. xD)

[staystrong12]

Nah we respect each other's privacy. Whenever he's using my laptop and he logs into something, I look away while he's entering in his password. I mean we probably wouldn't mind giving each other our log-in information for sites, but I wouldn't do it unless there was a good reason. I'm a pretty private person. I'm a little more free with my babe, but I'm still kinda private. Maybe 'cause my best friend makes me so paranoid...he ALWAYS reads my texts without my permission (whether I'm composing one or have already sent it - he'll actually take my phone and go through my conversations, even conversations with my PARENTS and my babe), he'll watch as I compose a message/chat/email to someone (yes even to my babe). It annoys the hell out of me. He's so nosy. But thankfully, my babe isn't like that. We trust each other, and I'd never snoop around his messages or Facebook, or anything else, without his permission first.

[lucybelle]

I'm glad, Trepis!

All of these responses are interesting! One thing I'm curious about is that it seems it's commonplace that for anyone who shares passwords/allows one to read over their shoulder/etc., they often say it along with "we have nothing to hide." For those who are more open with one another and do swap passwords or have no issue with being curious about what's going on with the other, is saying "we have nothing to hide" a means of justification? I simply have noticed that both here and on the other forum I posted a similar discussion on, "we have nothing to hide" seemed to be the argument for the side of openness and sharing and being free to look through one another's accounts, and it was strange to me, because my partner and I have never had issues with privacy in our relationship or trust and neither one of us feels like anything is being hid from the other. We're both open, but we both understand that we need our own spaces as well, and we don't hide anything from one another, so when those of you say "we have nothing to hide" say it, do you insinuate that people who are private do? Or is it more for your own reasoning/justification?

(I tried to say that as diplomatically as possible. I'm genuinely curious but also tired, so hoping my phrasing didn't come out wrong. xD)

I'd never look through his stuff without permission, and I expect the same courtesy. The only reason he has my computer password is because we share it, and he has my email password because I asked him to get a number off it once. I wouldn't like it if he went through my phone, my emails, my files, anything. And I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I did that to him. I don't look over his shoulder when he's on the computer, and he doesn't do it to me either.

[Haley53]

I'd never look through his stuff without permission, and I expect the same courtesy. The only reason he has my computer password is because we share it, and he has my email password because I asked him to get a number off it once. I wouldn't like it if he went through my phone, my emails, my files, anything. And I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I did that to him. I don't look over his shoulder when he's on the computer, and he doesn't do it to me either.

Oh, no, I entirely agree. I am incredibly private, have been before my SO and always will be, and fortunately he shares my same values. It simply seems that every time I post a thread asking where people stand on privacy vs. "curiosity"/nosiness/openness/whathaveyou, the people who share passwords, look through their SO's account, or have a SO who goes through their account, always couple their viewpoint with "we have nothing to hide," and I have to wonder, why? That implies that those of us who are private people do, so I was curious as to if people use it as a justification or if they really genuinely feel that private people do have things to hide or if they have their own reasons for it.

[Kiyama]

or those who are more open with one another and do swap passwords or have no issue with being curious about what's going on with the other, is saying "we have nothing to hide" a means of justification?

I would rather say "we trust each other". I stand next to my SO when he enters his pin to get money out for example and he doesn't try to hide it (I'm pretty sure I would notice if he wouldn't want it), which means to me that he trusts me. So for me it's not about "nothing to hide" but "I trust you" when we don't hide passwords or leave email accounts open.

[Haley53]

I would rather say "we trust each other". I stand next to my SO when he enters his pin to get money out for example and he doesn't try to hide it (I'm pretty sure I would notice if he wouldn't want it), which means to me that he trusts me. So for me it's not about "nothing to hide" but "I trust you" when we don't hide passwords or leave email accounts open.

This phrasing makes more sense to me.

ETA: Although actually. xD My SO and I have never, ever had issues with trust and are incredibly open with one another, and yet I don't share my account with him here on LFAD or let him have the password to my Facebook or e-mails. I guess I can understand it from that perspective, but I suppose whenever it's phrased like "we have nothing to hide" or "we trust each other," it insinuates that keeping things private implies the opposite, whereas for me, having a successful, trusting relationship means trusting one another to be open with each other while still having our own space. I would say it's important to have one's own friends, too, for example, and I'm not going to panic and try to befriend all of his because he might be saying things to them that are crucial for me to know. We trust each other to let each other in our lives without having to look through our accounts. I guess maybe I'm looking at it like there's an opposite, when I suppose either way could be seen as having "we trust each other" as their reasoning (like me and my SO, for example).

[staystrong12]

I would rather say "we trust each other". I stand next to my SO when he enters his pin to get money out for example and he doesn't try to hide it (I'm pretty sure I would notice if he wouldn't want it), which means to me that he trusts me. So for me it's not about "nothing to hide" but "I trust you" when we don't hide passwords or leave email accounts open.

I can get that, but I mean my babe and I trust each other completely, but that doesn't mean that I'm just gonna share my log-in information or other private information for no reason. We trust each other, we have nothing to hide, but I'm still private with certain things 'cause that's how I was raised to be.

[Katelyn313]

Dylan and I trust each other. We haven't shared passwords for our Facebook, Twitter, email and things that our distinctly (if that makes sense) ours, but we have shared passwords for his Netflix and my Kindle. I haven't used it yet, except when we watched a movie together at my house on my computer.. but he's gotten on my Kindle and read a bit of a book I told him I had just downloaded. I think it's nice that we can share things like that, but I like being my own individual. I like that my facebook is mine and his is his. I leave my phone when I leave the room (something I could never do with my ex as he was EXTREMELY jealous) and he leaves his. If the phones go off, I'll say, 'Oh, that's you' and hand it to him. Same with him. And when he opens his computer, I ask if I can go on a site when I know he's done. He always tells me I don't have to, but I think it's just respectful. And we do our twitter and facebooks separately and then show each other what we find funny or interesting.

Oh, and I shared my etsy.com password because he knew I was favoriting all kinds of things and said 'Maybe if someone knew what you liked, they could get you some things...' so I gave it to him

[Xanahtas]

Me and my SO share our passwords, and trust each other not to go snooping :P He has my facebook, hotmail, laptop password, and i have all of his. Sometimes he needs me to get on his hotmail to check something, and sometimes i ask him to log me into facebook and talk to someone. Occasioanlly i go on to his facebook and leave him a silly status from me. We're perfectly comfortable with having each others passwords and open about what we do online
It's never caused us any problems either, for us it works fine :P

[princessmeg1328]

I have my fiance's password to his facebook and email. I offered to give him mine as well, but he didn't want it. I have his password to facebook because he rarely gets on, and I play lots of games. I only get on his facebook when I need something for one of my games or he asks me too. I rarely look at his notifications, and I never read his messages. I have his email password because we were recently buying a house, and there was information on there that he thought I might want to read. I don't ever read his other emails. There's just no need. I don't think it has anything to do, necessarily. with trusting each other, but more with how open you want to be with each other.
He has the password to my rightmove (house hunting website) account and my theknot.com website. I think he also has the password to our wedding email account. We share the ones that we feel are important. Yes, facebook is important to me.