For those keeping up with my story, me and my SO were CD for 7 months it was perfect. Fast forward April, new job, new country, LDR, lots of stress before he even left. He got a new high paying job, high position with lots of stress and they said it was 9-5 but they lied. He’s been at work until 12-2am every night on top of traveling weekend conferences, phone and home internet issues and a very strict job where he isn’t allowed to bring his personal laptop while traveling plus I think he got brainwashed in that corporate culture. I tried to meet half way a few times and so did he, at first. Then he told me on a few occasions that work trumps all sometimes and it seems he had so much on his plate that he couldn’t give me time or consistency, which is hard when you go from one thing for 7 months to the opposite.
We clearly weren’t seeing eye to eye and even though we would seem to find a resolution or understand each other’s point of view after each disagreement, another obstacle would pop up that would change everything again and that would create tension and instability in the relationship yet again. It went from him telling me “you made me a more understanding person to you are becoming the least understanding person I know”. Every possible bad situation that could come up, has, and in a very short period of time so we haven’t exactly had stability and time to adjust. I guess the difference is I wasn’t handling things very well and went from calm and mature to demanding, neglected and frantic at times and unheard when I would bring up worries resulting in saying regretful things (but when you feel helpless..) and the way he was handling work and not giving me time wasn’t exactly right and completely justified seeing how it was for many weeks. No doubt, all of this brought out the worst in each other.
I realized I was becoming needy and demanding, but only because he changed our communication style, not I.
Finally we had a big fight which escalated via text and I was saying how maybe good things must come to an end (this was triggered by him attending a funeral, not talking to me, I didn’t know how long he was there for and then I passed by a romantic place we had been to..ugh) and that I couldn’t bear the situation if it continued like this. The next day we argued on the phone, I asked if he still loved me he said yes but one more crazy thing and it’s done, I said ya I’m at my breaking point too. I told him he was ignoring me (he insisted no that he read what I wrote yet he never replied) and rejecting me (he said he wasn’t) and later I asked what I could do to fix us, he never answered (but he was responding less and less to “us” talk). We made small talk via text for 2 days.
He disappeared on Whatsapp June 9th mid day, I sent a few worried and apologetic texts and emails (as well as some supportive positive ones) every few days since and stopped Monday June 25th. Every day I get stronger but my hope dwindles down and my worry for our relationship increases. He’s on my mind all the time, I’m not sure given what’s going in his life, that I am on his. The last time we spoke he said he was always thinking of us and that the memories of our trips kept him going.. yet he would not make 5 minutes to talk to me on the phone except maybe once every week or 2, which isn’t what we initially spoke about. My birthday is July 9th. I doubt he’ll give me the gift of closure or letting me know what’s going on.
Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise; maybe this was only temporary but maybe not, maybe if I were more patient, maybe maybe maybe... our love used to bring out the best in me and we’ve overcome many difficulties together before, I was always there helping and vice versa. The neglect, lack of stability and lack of communication got the best of me, even though I know it’s not all my fault.
I’m not reassured things between us will get better because our relationship has escalated into a negative zone and his work is probably at its peak (hopefully end Summer will calm down) but his mom’s cancer seems to be worsening (last he told me end May). If it was only one thing, we probably wouldn’t be here.
At this point, I’m treating it like a break up given the time frame and reaction and he has impeccable memory but I feel like he forgot all the good times and is starting to sum up the relationship based on the few negative situations between us in the last few months (during LDR). I read through old emails (which I should’ve done before to give me strength, everything felt like the end of the world at the time it was happening) and I feel like resending it to him... I mean he spoke to me about marriage (when we were CD and at the beginning of LDR how he is so happy he didn’t settle).
I’m still in disbelief that this is happening and he went MIA on me. I know he is alive though. He hasn’t been himself and I’ve never seen this side of him and he’s never seen this side of me either, I feel he would think a break is dumb so I think it’s over. He also doesn’t seem to forgive and forget and holds grudges (which was never the case before but we never fought like this either with so much other crap in the way).. and when his mind is made up it’s done. I guess he just failed to let me know before we got to a broken point. When timing and luck is everything and you have neither... then what...
I have told myself to hold on as long as I can. I texted him that I wasn’t giving up on us and I’d remain positive for the both of us (perhaps he doesn’t believe me anymore because I broke before). This is week 1 of me not talking to him. I guess 1-2 months will be it for me even though timing and luck will still be against us. Every day feels like an eternity of anxiety. Even if he re-establishes communication, I will likely feel insecure about us knowing he may very well disappear again. Maybe love isn't enough sometimes.
Every day I wake up hoping, but knowing I will be disappointed.
Yes I hate being this whiny but I’ve been more positive and hopeful than the last few months even though I have less to be hopeful about. I have a journal and am keeping busy. I just have nowhere else to turn and somehow knowing people here are reading this and caring helps.
Count your blessings. I am healthy, have a job (although it's hard to concentrate). If your LDR is successful, then rejoice.
So thank you all.
We clearly weren’t seeing eye to eye and even though we would seem to find a resolution or understand each other’s point of view after each disagreement, another obstacle would pop up that would change everything again and that would create tension and instability in the relationship yet again. It went from him telling me “you made me a more understanding person to you are becoming the least understanding person I know”. Every possible bad situation that could come up, has, and in a very short period of time so we haven’t exactly had stability and time to adjust. I guess the difference is I wasn’t handling things very well and went from calm and mature to demanding, neglected and frantic at times and unheard when I would bring up worries resulting in saying regretful things (but when you feel helpless..) and the way he was handling work and not giving me time wasn’t exactly right and completely justified seeing how it was for many weeks. No doubt, all of this brought out the worst in each other.
I realized I was becoming needy and demanding, but only because he changed our communication style, not I.
Finally we had a big fight which escalated via text and I was saying how maybe good things must come to an end (this was triggered by him attending a funeral, not talking to me, I didn’t know how long he was there for and then I passed by a romantic place we had been to..ugh) and that I couldn’t bear the situation if it continued like this. The next day we argued on the phone, I asked if he still loved me he said yes but one more crazy thing and it’s done, I said ya I’m at my breaking point too. I told him he was ignoring me (he insisted no that he read what I wrote yet he never replied) and rejecting me (he said he wasn’t) and later I asked what I could do to fix us, he never answered (but he was responding less and less to “us” talk). We made small talk via text for 2 days.
He disappeared on Whatsapp June 9th mid day, I sent a few worried and apologetic texts and emails (as well as some supportive positive ones) every few days since and stopped Monday June 25th. Every day I get stronger but my hope dwindles down and my worry for our relationship increases. He’s on my mind all the time, I’m not sure given what’s going in his life, that I am on his. The last time we spoke he said he was always thinking of us and that the memories of our trips kept him going.. yet he would not make 5 minutes to talk to me on the phone except maybe once every week or 2, which isn’t what we initially spoke about. My birthday is July 9th. I doubt he’ll give me the gift of closure or letting me know what’s going on.
Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise; maybe this was only temporary but maybe not, maybe if I were more patient, maybe maybe maybe... our love used to bring out the best in me and we’ve overcome many difficulties together before, I was always there helping and vice versa. The neglect, lack of stability and lack of communication got the best of me, even though I know it’s not all my fault.
I’m not reassured things between us will get better because our relationship has escalated into a negative zone and his work is probably at its peak (hopefully end Summer will calm down) but his mom’s cancer seems to be worsening (last he told me end May). If it was only one thing, we probably wouldn’t be here.
At this point, I’m treating it like a break up given the time frame and reaction and he has impeccable memory but I feel like he forgot all the good times and is starting to sum up the relationship based on the few negative situations between us in the last few months (during LDR). I read through old emails (which I should’ve done before to give me strength, everything felt like the end of the world at the time it was happening) and I feel like resending it to him... I mean he spoke to me about marriage (when we were CD and at the beginning of LDR how he is so happy he didn’t settle).
I’m still in disbelief that this is happening and he went MIA on me. I know he is alive though. He hasn’t been himself and I’ve never seen this side of him and he’s never seen this side of me either, I feel he would think a break is dumb so I think it’s over. He also doesn’t seem to forgive and forget and holds grudges (which was never the case before but we never fought like this either with so much other crap in the way).. and when his mind is made up it’s done. I guess he just failed to let me know before we got to a broken point. When timing and luck is everything and you have neither... then what...
I have told myself to hold on as long as I can. I texted him that I wasn’t giving up on us and I’d remain positive for the both of us (perhaps he doesn’t believe me anymore because I broke before). This is week 1 of me not talking to him. I guess 1-2 months will be it for me even though timing and luck will still be against us. Every day feels like an eternity of anxiety. Even if he re-establishes communication, I will likely feel insecure about us knowing he may very well disappear again. Maybe love isn't enough sometimes.
Every day I wake up hoping, but knowing I will be disappointed.
Yes I hate being this whiny but I’ve been more positive and hopeful than the last few months even though I have less to be hopeful about. I have a journal and am keeping busy. I just have nowhere else to turn and somehow knowing people here are reading this and caring helps.
Count your blessings. I am healthy, have a job (although it's hard to concentrate). If your LDR is successful, then rejoice.
So thank you all.
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