Hey LFAD. Thanks in advance for reading.
My SO and I are really having issues with each other at the moment. Basically, I want more time with him and he wants more time for himself. It is understandable that in his free time, he just wants to play video games and be alone. He works about 55+hrs a week catering to obnoxious customers and baby sitting co-workers (he's a manager at a pizza place that sends him to a new store every other week). Yet somehow, I constantly take offense to him wanting to play video games instead of talk to me. I don't know how to not feel hurt by this.
As for myself, I want to spend more time with him. I go to school three days a week and I study, then some times I can see a friend. I don't have many friends though, and I have to try really hard to get anyone to do anything with me. I was able to sew and make costumes for awhile, but have had serious money issues after my financial aid screwed up really bad. So, there goes my favorite hobby for now. I am really trying to keep myself busy, but it just feels like I'm buying time until my SO wants to give me his attention.
We used to Skype in the morning before he went to work and then at night before he had to go to bed. Now he usually plays video games during those times. I am so tired of ASKING him for time instead of him just wanting to GIVE me his time. Today I decided not to ask for any time because I was simply tired of it. He figured something was wrong because I didn't ask, and I told him I just wanted to leave him alone about it so he can do whatever he wants. He said he still felt like something was wrong, but still didn't show interest in wanting to spend time with me or cheer me up.
Eventually we got into an argument and I had to ask him to get on Skype instead of just texting. I keep trying to think of things we can do and he is shooting them down like nobody's business. One of my ideas was for him to Skype at least a half hour maybe before or after he plays video games. He keeps avoiding answering yes or no to that and just telling me he'll lose no matter what he agrees to. I asked my SO to please stop arguing with me and to instead, help me because he is my partner. Then my SO told me that he feels more like my baby sitter than my partner. I brought up that perhaps it would be better to break up, since we have had similar arguments like this so many times already. Again, he avoids that idea and just keeps arguing with me and being sarcastic.
Honestly, I know I'm lucky to get as much as I do from him. He texts me from morning to bed time (not frequently, but it's something), and even calls me for a few minutes before bed or on his way home from work. I feel like I'm selfish and greedy. I wish I was like him where if I couldn't talk to him for a day or a few days, I would be totally fine and just be able to accept it. I think it's the fact that I used to get more time with him but now am suddenly getting a lot less time is wearing me down.
I know I'm needy and dependent, but I'm trying really hard not to be. I don't doubt that I have a lot of insecurity and anxiety on my end. I get bad anxiety if I wake up before my SO and there is no text (even though I know I'll get a text at some point), or if I have to wait a couple hours to hear from him. So I get anxious, and then I get needy (recently I panicked until I gave myself a couple asthma attacks, which is lovely when I have no inhaler). I think I take things too personally too, but don't know how to handle it.
We have made up for now, but have not actually come up with any solutions. I'm confused and don't understand what he wants from me! A friend of mine suggested I start going to therapy for anxiety, but I don't know. I feel like a lot of the issues are on my end, but I don't know how to get over them. I feel so bad that he has to deal with a nut like me, but I want more time with him.
Any ideas on how to get what we both want?
My SO and I are really having issues with each other at the moment. Basically, I want more time with him and he wants more time for himself. It is understandable that in his free time, he just wants to play video games and be alone. He works about 55+hrs a week catering to obnoxious customers and baby sitting co-workers (he's a manager at a pizza place that sends him to a new store every other week). Yet somehow, I constantly take offense to him wanting to play video games instead of talk to me. I don't know how to not feel hurt by this.
As for myself, I want to spend more time with him. I go to school three days a week and I study, then some times I can see a friend. I don't have many friends though, and I have to try really hard to get anyone to do anything with me. I was able to sew and make costumes for awhile, but have had serious money issues after my financial aid screwed up really bad. So, there goes my favorite hobby for now. I am really trying to keep myself busy, but it just feels like I'm buying time until my SO wants to give me his attention.
We used to Skype in the morning before he went to work and then at night before he had to go to bed. Now he usually plays video games during those times. I am so tired of ASKING him for time instead of him just wanting to GIVE me his time. Today I decided not to ask for any time because I was simply tired of it. He figured something was wrong because I didn't ask, and I told him I just wanted to leave him alone about it so he can do whatever he wants. He said he still felt like something was wrong, but still didn't show interest in wanting to spend time with me or cheer me up.
Eventually we got into an argument and I had to ask him to get on Skype instead of just texting. I keep trying to think of things we can do and he is shooting them down like nobody's business. One of my ideas was for him to Skype at least a half hour maybe before or after he plays video games. He keeps avoiding answering yes or no to that and just telling me he'll lose no matter what he agrees to. I asked my SO to please stop arguing with me and to instead, help me because he is my partner. Then my SO told me that he feels more like my baby sitter than my partner. I brought up that perhaps it would be better to break up, since we have had similar arguments like this so many times already. Again, he avoids that idea and just keeps arguing with me and being sarcastic.
Honestly, I know I'm lucky to get as much as I do from him. He texts me from morning to bed time (not frequently, but it's something), and even calls me for a few minutes before bed or on his way home from work. I feel like I'm selfish and greedy. I wish I was like him where if I couldn't talk to him for a day or a few days, I would be totally fine and just be able to accept it. I think it's the fact that I used to get more time with him but now am suddenly getting a lot less time is wearing me down.
I know I'm needy and dependent, but I'm trying really hard not to be. I don't doubt that I have a lot of insecurity and anxiety on my end. I get bad anxiety if I wake up before my SO and there is no text (even though I know I'll get a text at some point), or if I have to wait a couple hours to hear from him. So I get anxious, and then I get needy (recently I panicked until I gave myself a couple asthma attacks, which is lovely when I have no inhaler). I think I take things too personally too, but don't know how to handle it.
We have made up for now, but have not actually come up with any solutions. I'm confused and don't understand what he wants from me! A friend of mine suggested I start going to therapy for anxiety, but I don't know. I feel like a lot of the issues are on my end, but I don't know how to get over them. I feel so bad that he has to deal with a nut like me, but I want more time with him.
Any ideas on how to get what we both want?
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