What does marriage mean to you?

[faith_patience_believe]

I honestly don't have any issues with what you believe. I respect those people who wait until marriage to have sex and live together. One of my best friends is like that. But we also agree to disagree about it. So that is what I'm choosing to do here. I don't think having sex before marriage is wrong and I don't think living together before marriage is wrong. If anything it tests your compatibility more before you make that commitment.

I grew up in a Christian house, went to church every single Wed and Sunday...I know what the church believes. Some churches, and not all, do shove those ideal down your throat. Sex before marriage is a sin, blah blah. Some not so much. But I do agree that divorce is a sin, in most cases. Exceptions are given to those people in domestic violence and infidelity situations (which btw is mentioned in the bible as the only acceptable reason for divorce. my religious friend pointed that out when we had a debate lol). Which is the reason, like i said, I only want to get married once. I want it to be forever not just a little while.

Glad we have similar opinions about some of it. Thanks for your opinions!

[sewbama]

For me, it isn't important for itself. There is no reason for the state to be involved as it IS a religious construction. But that's more of my political views than anything. My religion doesn't really have much to say about religion. So for me, it has to be social as it can't be for political or religious reason.

So, right now, my SO is my boyfriend. I call him that when I talk about him. That gives people a perception of my level of commitment to him. I want to make the perception the same as reality (it doesn't matter in general, but comments from my family, looks from friends make me uncomfortable). Also, it's a way to publicly tell him and make official all those things that we already know to be true and solid.

And an excuse to wear a pretty dress.

[Hollandia]

To me, marriage is what the couple makes of it. If you believe in God, you would have a different opinion of it than if you did not. Personally, I consider it a commitment to plan on spending your life with the person. There are no guarantees in life but marriage is your way of saying that is what you what.

I love the pretty dress too, and don't forget the kick butt party too.

[Kanga]

I've heard it both ways as far as living together. Don't live together it won't work, live together first so you know what your getting into. It doesn't matter to me either way. Do, whichever you feel is best for YOUR relationship. Will I probably live with my boyfriend before getting married, possibly. Who knows.

Marriage for me, is just another step in the level of commitment towards each other. Some people say its just a piece of paper, it won't matter. For me I see it as a big step, in my life with someone I love. To me that piece of paper does matter.

[garnet]

You definitely never go into it expecting it to fail. I didn't… and in my first marriage I was physically abused for 11 years before I filed for divorce. Can't say I didn't try. I got married again. Everything was pointed towards a wonderful life together, until I got pregnant, got sick for 8 months, had my son in the NICU for over 3 months, while dealing with PPD and PTSD. It was just too much. We cracked. No… we shattered. These situations either bring people closer to rip them apart imo. We tried - but we knew it was over. I don't want to get into that any deeper, just agreeing with Moon that you really don't know until you live it.

I am still all for marriage. For me it's about an outward symbol that proudly says, yep s/he's mine and I'm theirs! It's about having rights such as being allowed in a hospital room. It's about the promise of wanting to walk the road side by side. It's about becoming family. Even now, I consider my exes to be family and I always will. Hard to explain everything I'm thinking, since my marriages were so vastly different, and the reasons for them ending were night and day from each other. Neither soured me to it though. Definitely not.

[eveningsky]

Marriage is declaring to the government that you want this person to have the legal right to do what the closest family member can do for you (such as hospital visits, legal rights to deal with affairs in case of death, etc.) That is a fact, at least in the US.
Personally, I've been raised that marriage is a commitment you make to someone to work through things together to the best of your ability in order to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with that person. I believe that. Of course, I also believe that divorce is good in cases where people are abused or unhappy and unable to work things out. It's sad to see something that had the best intentions (hopefully) dissolve, but if it's hurting someone, it shouldn't be forced upon them.
As far as statistics are concerned...everyone can have their own opinion about how to read them because correlation does not imply causation. I believe it has to do a little with some people thinking marriage is perfect and will "fix" their problems, people just not communicating and learning enough about each other before they get married, or the inevitable fact that people are constantly changing and someone can change a lot sometimes and become a completely different person. Also, I read an article about people who live together finding it more difficult to break up since they live together and have all their assets together. Due to a reason (social pressure, pressure from one mate, to "fix" their problems, or otherwise) they get married when they really should have broken up. That made a lot of since to me.

[Malaga]

First off, I was under the impression that this was a safe place to post our personal opinions. I don't think its fair to tell me my opinions are "ignorant." That makes this place feel less safe. I respect your opinions. I'd hope you'd respect mine.

You're entitled to your opinion and that's perfectly fine. But I'd like to see the statistics that you claim support your opinion.

[Irina_Linn]

for me,marriage is when both of you are adults who think rationally and are ready financially and morally to create a family.i do not approve of marriage when people are still living with parents and do not earn money,its kinda show-offy in my opinion and resembles me playing toys with marriage being a game for grown-ups.marriage really means alot to me even thoug i would totally love to marry my SO

[Zapookie]

I've only thought about this a few times in my life, but I guess what marriage is to me, is an understanding between the two people, that they will do their best to overcome any obstacles they face. It's a commitment to adventuring through this life together - supporting and helping each other to grow and learn, day by day.

[faith_patience_believe]

You're entitled to your opinion and that's perfectly fine. But I'd like to see the statistics that you claim support your opinion.

I don't mean to keep the debate going, but in response, here are two links to statistics that support my opinion. (I found these quickly, but there are lots more.) Notice, the article says it doesn't mean its the only cause, it just means a slightly higher rate.

https://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qim...40938178ef3cdc
https://waitingtillmarriage.org/info...fore-marriage/

[lucybelle]

I don't mean to keep the debate going, but in response, here are two links to statistics that support my opinion. (I found these quickly, but there are lots more.) Notice, the article says it doesn't mean its the only cause, it just means a slightly higher rate.

https://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qim...40938178ef3cdc
https://waitingtillmarriage.org/info...fore-marriage/

That "waiting til marriage" graphic is extremely biased. I mean you at least got to give me that. I don't even have time to go through and list all of them. The one that stood out the most to me was the very last statement about couples living together. It says 67% of couples living together were worried about possible future divorce, but also wanted "to do things the right way" and "only do it once". Then it goes on to say that "cohabitation without commitment could lead to an unsuccessful union"

That conclusion was based upon the wrong facts. It explicitly says that the couples worry about divorce but ALSO want to only marry one time. Which means that they want to make sure their marriage lasts. How could they possibly come to the conclusion of "cohabitation without commitment could lead to an unsuccessful union".

Then there's the "statistics" on being engaged or not. The difference is ONE PERCENT. That's not significant.

Then the whole picture of the man and woman "thinking" different things. Well that's all about communication. Not living together.

anyways....

[hrp2007]

To me, marriage doesn't have much to do with being recognized by the state. Its all about being married in God's eyes. My religious beliefs are very important to me and my SO. Marriage is also about that ultimate bond and commitment to each other. When I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with someone, I couldn't imagine not getting married. I also believe that it is beneficial for children to have strong, committed mother and father figures. Yes, divorce rates are climbing, but I think thats due to more couples living together and having sex before marriage (statistics are showing this). I prefer to stay traditional.
Marriage is very important to me. I can't wait to travel through life with all the joys and struggles that marriage may bring my future husband and I.

I completely agree. Can't add anymore because you said what I was thinking.

[Adora]

I would like to get married, I'd love the big day with all our family and friends and the whole celebration HOWEVER I do think that you don't need to get married to prove how much you love someone etc etc etc and a case of each to their own.
This might sound pretty shallow but hey I'd love the whole wearing the dress, having the first dance etc but I wouldnt be devastated if we never got married.

[faith_patience_believe]

That "waiting til marriage" graphic is extremely biased. I mean you at least got to give me that. I don't even have time to go through and list all of them. The one that stood out the most to me was the very last statement about couples living together. It says 67% of couples living together were worried about possible future divorce, but also wanted "to do things the right way" and "only do it once". Then it goes on to say that "cohabitation without commitment could lead to an unsuccessful union"

That conclusion was based upon the wrong facts. It explicitly says that the couples worry about divorce but ALSO want to only marry one time. Which means that they want to make sure their marriage lasts. How could they possibly come to the conclusion of "cohabitation without commitment could lead to an unsuccessful union".

Then there's the "statistics" on being engaged or not. The difference is ONE PERCENT. That's not significant.

Then the whole picture of the man and woman "thinking" different things. Well that's all about communication. Not living together.

anyways....

I think they came to that conclusion based on all of the statistics stated throughout the graphic. I don't think they were directly relating that statement to the fact that they want to "do it right." I agree that that doesn't make any sense.

The statistics about being engaged don't have much to do with my overall opinion about living together before marriage, so I agree that the one percent isn't significant. I'm talking about living together overall, not depending on engagement.

The men and women thinking - yes, its about communication. I believe it's trying to explain that those who live together before marriage may get into things too quickly before determining if they communicate correctly.

On the opposite side of this, I think that in some cases, waiting till marriage for sex and moving in could affect divorce negatively. Some may get married too soon because they want all of these things but want to be married first. Both sides have the chance to be at fault here.

In my personal relationship with God, I feel that He desires for us to wait for these things. I have chosen this route and that is what I believe is the right thing to do.

I completely agree. Can't add anymore because you said what I was thinking.

Thanks! Its nice to hear that you feel the same way

[Romeo s Juliet]

i dont know what marriage means to me. I love my SO very much, and i dont think marrying or anything else can change my love for him. we both see it as a formality really. the only importance in marriage for the both of us is getting a legal certificate to apply for Spouse visa, as we plan on returning back to Australia. marriage i fel is a social norm, but it sounds interesting.