What does marriage mean to you?

[Malaga]

I don't mean to keep the debate going, but in response, here are two links to statistics that support my opinion. (I found these quickly, but there are lots more.) Notice, the article says it doesn't mean its the only cause, it just means a slightly higher rate.

https://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qim...40938178ef3cdc
https://waitingtillmarriage.org/info...fore-marriage/

https://articles.chicagotribune.com/...cation-couples
https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Cultur...r-divorce-risk <-- Christian site

[faith_patience_believe]

https://articles.chicagotribune.com/...cation-couples
https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Cultur...r-divorce-risk <-- Christian site

The first article says 82% of those living together are still married after 5 years. Two things about this bother me. First, they're only comparing a bunch of those who lived together first. Those who didn't live together first don't factor into their statistics at all. So this doesn't compare to the statistics I posted in any way. Also, they're only surveying people 5 years into marriage? What about after that? People still get divorced after 5 years.

The second article is NOT a Christian site. It's Christian Science. Thats a different religion than Christianity. It holds some of the same beliefs but in my opinion, its not the same. I do like how this article states that those who are engaged when living together have a lower divorce rate. I'm sure that is very true.

[lucybelle]

I do like how this article states that those who are engaged when living together have a lower divorce rate. I'm sure that is very true.

I guess I just don't get the difference between living together before marriage, and living together being engaged before marriage. Engagements can be broken off just as easily as just breaking up between boyfriend/girlfriend. My SO and I are planning on being married in January. Yet, we are not "engaged". I have no ring. He never asked me to marry him. My facebook page is not changed. In fact, most of my friends don't even know. So am I "engaged"? Am I in the "better statistics"? Or am I just living with my boyfriend while planning a wedding?

Maybe I'm becoming a cynic, but the whole engagement thing just seems like a whole show to me. The ring, the pictures, the parading around, the oohing and aahing. Why is it needed? Does it actually change a couple?

[rubydissolution]

Omg people. Just agree to disagree already.

[faith_patience_believe]

Yeah, I'm done arguing. I never meant for my original comment to offend anyone. I was just stating my opinion. We all view marriage differently, and I hope that we all find happiness in whatever decisions we make.
I mean, the important part is that we come to an agreement with our SO's and work it out from there right? I hope it works out well for everyone!

[ushiwakafox]

To me, marriage means my SO and I finally will get to be together without worry or change. He will be deployed throughout his military career, but we can handle that. We don't have the option of being able to live together before being married, that wouldn't fly well for the military lol. He said the ring will be on within a year though, I'm so excited! I can't wait, I'm going to go completely mad with excitement and happiness when he finally pops the question. We'll finally be able to start our life together
So yea marriage to me means an ending to this part of our lives, with all the uncertainty of when we'll get to see each other again and how far away we'll be when he gets his next assignment. There will always be distance, but much more closeness.

[Bethypoo]

I get that marriage is tradition, but I think that marriage is just a peice of paper. the sad thing is, is that you HAVE to be married to have any benifits that coming with haveing someone you want to spend you life with. If that makes sense. I never wanted to get married, but since being with my SO I have thought about it a little more. Yes, i think that marriage is just a peice of paper BUT I also am fine with that since I want to be with him forever. But I shouldnt need a peice of paper to do that.

One thing though- NOT a fan of the expectation of women having to change their last name. IMHO, i am not something to be traded from my dad to my husband. My SO is not a fan that I will not be taking his last name but he has come to understand it, and how it makes me feel.

[Chris516]

Marriage to me, is a lifetime commitment. Unless one spouse put's the other spouse's life in danger with reckless disregard for their safety.

[Charles]

It is a way for that lazy worthless woman to take everything a man owns, and monthly income from him for the rest of his life via divorce. So they get married to use the man through divorce.

[Carenza LaRue]

I never wanted to be married.....

until I met my SO and he is the only one I will ever marry...
if this ends in divorce for some reason, I will never marry someone else

at least, that's the way I look at it now.

marriage is 'the real thing' for me. I will only do it once.

[Moon]

It is a way for that lazy worthless woman to take everything a man owns, and monthly income from him for the rest of his life via divorce. So they get married to use the man through divorce.

Wow, bitter much?

Perhaps this site isn't for you.

[Hollandia]

It is a way for that lazy worthless woman to take everything a man owns, and monthly income from him for the rest of his life via divorce. So they get married to use the man through divorce.

I guess your opinion is because you think that woman are never the one with more money? If it is.................your opinion is wrong. There is also a thing called a premarital agreement (I notice you are both in US) any man or woman can ask for one. Some people use these things.

[Sukkerklumpen]

My friends and I have this joke, that nowadays the romantic gesture of ultimate commitment is to have a guy ask you if you'd like to sign for mortgage with him, because marriages fall apart so easily but a loan is sure to keep you together for the next 30-40 years.

Personally, marriage is important to me not necessarily as a proof of love but as a milestone of commitment. I think the foundations for starting a family are built in years before the wedding or even proposal, and I don't believe marriage can transform a relationship into something other than it already is. It won't make people more mature or less likely to cheat or to leave. It won't solve trust issues or make communication easier. It is in no way a guarantee for 'ever after' either. But it's a statement of intent, formal acknowledgement of all the silent promises and statements of intent we've been giving each other over the years. It might not work out, but we both accept the responsibility to try and make it work forever. It's not that marriage makes you more committed but it makes you acknowledge that level of commitment, which to me is an important step.

I don't think couples who never plan to get married love each other less, or are less serious about their future together. This is the level of acknowledgement that suits them and that's fine. But for me personally this sort of formality is very important, for us as a couple and each of us individually.

This answer is so perfect! I agree wholeheartedly with it.