I am a victim of being Catfish'd

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Be kind to yourself. It's hard to force yourself to look at the red flags when you're falling in love, and when it's by someone who is crafty enough about it to go to the extent of having a voice changer...

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. As someone said earlier in the thread, I also didn't get into a relationship before meeting, and I think that, if you ever fall in love online again, that's one way you can protect yourself. It's not for everyone, particularly not when all you want to do is jump in the emotional deep end, but it can weed out the catfish.

I'm glad you've chosen to forgive. It sounds like this guy needs some help. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

[Cricky712]

I dont feel bad for myself at all. Im more of a fool is more like it. after losing both of my parents (from a stroke) year span apart. I thought my life was over then this person came a long and helped me through all this.. but enough of that. he basically created this persona because he wanted friends and once he became friends with them, he didn't wanna lose them so he kept going with the flo. he dated a couple of them (online) of course but it didn't work out and til this day those people didnt believe it was a guy. his reason was he got caught up and loved the feeling of being in love. especially with me out of all the guys he dated.

[Cricky712]

I have someone local that's always been there for me anytime I'm down to find out this local person had feelings for me all long. I was blind enough to not see that...

[Lovebee]

Been there. It does make you feel like an idiot. Credit to you for taking the time to listen to this guy's story. You're not a fool.

Don't be too hard on yourself, it is very easy to be tricked via the Internet, as we are always being warned about scams and problems we might encounter.

Not everybody is out to lie to you, whatever the reason may have been. I hope you meet somebody honest who can restore your faith in people.

[Moon]

I'm really, really sorry! Don't feel like an idiot though, you're not the only one this has happened to. If you ever decide to try an online relationship again, just make sure you insist on meeting as soon as you can, and video chat right away, this way you can be sure very early on that she is who she says she is. Online relationships can and do work, but they do have their own set of special precautions, but you live and learn. Don't be too hard on yourself.

[Cricky712]

Btw thank you guys and gals, I actually felt much better seeing all the responses here than my actual friends, who for 1 thought it was funny and some still think it's a she all along. goes to show who your friends are eh?

[Thendsnotnear]

So very sorry to hear this. It's just so mean and sad

[Hollandia]

Tooki and Piper, thank you both. I appreciate that you both saw where I was coming from, you said it better than I could have.

Hollandia, I'm going to ignore how rude and presumptuous your questioning if I've ever been a victim was, evidently you have no idea. What I will say simply is that not everyone experiences life in the same way you do - even if they face the exact same challenge. People are different, different approaches help one person heal while they enrage another, so it might benefit you to not assume so much.
From several of your posts I gather you have much unresolved anger, and whilst I am sorry for that and wish only healing for you, I must suggest that until you can approach issues from a place of strength and peace you avoid topics that will awaken your old hurts. There really is no need to be so defensive, especially when people aren't addressing you.

Cricky712 - Good on you for being able to forgive. I know you'll probably grieve this relationship for a while, and I want you to know that's normal. Be kind to yourself, your heart remembers how you felt at the time, and the genuine feelings you held. You're not a fool for missing what you had, even though what you had wasn't real. Feel free to post your other transcripts if that helps you get it all out. We're here to listen.

I think first of all that it goes without saying that what you say is just your opinion and what I say is just mine. I made that statement to make a point. Was it rude? Yes. I also think it is rude to be worrying about the criminal when the crime just happened. The point being made to worry more about the victim and less about the criminal. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.

The poor guy comes here half devastated and tells his story and the first words of our some's (not just yours) mouth is ....Why do you think he did this? ......You really need to forgive to move on. I totally think that is not what the OP needed to hear. While it is great he said he forgave his victim I do have to wonder if he just thinks he did at this point. When something happened to me the first thing I did not do was to forgive and then work through my emotions to heal it was to face MY emotions first. Parents of murdered children have learned to forgive the offenders, but it was not the first thing they did. This should be a place for afflicted to share and not a place to worry about the person that harmed him.

I don't wish to avert this thread anymore, so I am just going to agree to disagree at this point.

[chizatlauren]

I really feel sorry for that Cricky, that guy is such an ass, and I don't care if he is a transgender or not.

Maybe, this will serve as a lesson to us to be careful when we meet somebody online. When my SO and I liked each other on the site where we met, he instantly asked me to Skype with him. So yeah, if you're interested in someone and he/she doesn't want to let you see his/her face, I think there might be something wrong.

[Black_Halloween]

I honestly agree with Holl on this thread. He already feels like shit, victim blaming won't get him anywhere but make him even more depressed. He needs support and love, not "Well you should have known" or "You need to be safer". They DID cam and the guy dressed up as a girl so how was he supposed to know? You can be as safe as possible online and still get lied to so cut the crap people.

[garnet]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Cricky. Kudos to you for being strong, and kind enough to hear the story out, and to forgive. Not everyone could do that, but I think and hope you'll be better off for it.

Ignore people bashing meeting online. Good grief, I met my ex (husband) in WoW. My closest female friend also met her husband in WoW. I dated one guy a bit off his rocker I met there, and it's also where I met my boyfriend. (Yes, I have dated more guys from WoW than not. Meh.) There are awesome chicks in WoW, and online. Same for guys. You never know what you're getting, but the same is true of people you meet IRL. Doesn't matter. 0% your fault, you trusted, you loved, sadly, you were betrayed in a terrible way.

I hope true love is around the corner for you. Take care of yourself. All my best.

BTW, as a general thread note, I'd like to stand with Zephii and her words. She makes very valid points, and it's sad they're being so misunderstood.

[LadyDaemon]

First of all... thank you for sharing this experience and for the heads up! Technology surely advanced pretty quickly and in quite a wide area of domains. In a way this was pretty shocking to read (and funny, I'm sorry), but in another it was kind of to be expected from today's modern society and the internet (and particularly certain WoW&computer nerds). I honestly didn't know of the existence of a voice changer for the phone... Did you get to find out exactly why he's doing this?

Sorry that you had to be the one going through this, must've been quite the deception. But I guess it was a valuable lesson as far as the internet is concerned - don't trust completely (or not at all, in some cases) anyone who you can't live videocall with and especially who's address/number you cannot check/verify; especially if you're starting to like them a lot. Better luck next time! Maybe WoW isn't such a great place to pick up chicks after all, huh.

Ok,first all your stereotyping is not needed. I met my fiance on WoW and I can promise you he is VERY real. Not to say that it doesn't happen,but to just basically say in a round-about way that just because it's WoW and it's computer nerds that you should expect to get catfished. This couldn't be further from the truth. This has nothing to do with the setting in which they met. This has to do with the person. This goes along with the saying about guns,"Guns don't kill people,people kill people". Same principle.

Are you kidding? You get that half of us all here met our SO's online. Myself included. You can meet your SO in the local church and they can be a jerk and you can meet them across the globe and they can be prince charming.

Stop putting ANY blame on the victim. You sound like someone that blames the woman that was gang raped for her skirt being too short.

I also agree with this wholeheartedly.

[Cricky712]

[5/30/2013 11:30:23 PM] Jillian: heya
[5/30/2013 11:31:54 PM] Jillian: can i ask you a couple questions
[5/30/2013 11:32:00 PM] Cricky: sure
[5/30/2013 11:32:09 PM] Jillian: how many people that i know did ya talk 2?
[5/30/2013 11:32:23 PM] Cricky: 2
[5/30/2013 11:33:33 PM] Jillian: both from lol?
[5/30/2013 11:34:22 PM] Cricky: no just 1 from lol
[5/30/2013 11:35:47 PM] Jillian: was that a 1 time thing?
[5/30/2013 11:35:54 PM] Cricky: yep
[5/30/2013 11:36:59 PM] Jillian: does anyone else know?
[5/30/2013 11:37:10 PM] Cricky: nope
[5/30/2013 11:37:32 PM] Jillian: what are you going to say?
[5/30/2013 11:37:41 PM] Cricky: ill leave that to you
[5/30/2013 11:39:02 PM] Jillian: yea i dunno
[5/30/2013 11:40:31 PM] Cricky: how long are you going to play this out?
[5/30/2013 11:40:42 PM] Jillian: im not im done
[5/30/2013 11:42:25 PM] Cricky: so are you going to tell your online friends? or just delete all the stuff and disapear?
[5/30/2013 11:42:39 PM] Jillian: probally the later
[5/30/2013 11:43:31 PM] Cricky: if i hadnt found this out... you wouldve kept going wouldnt ya?
[5/30/2013 11:44:07 PM] Jillian: i would liek to say no
[5/30/2013 11:44:11 PM] Jillian: but i honostly cant say either way
[5/30/2013 11:45:24 PM] Cricky: i see.
[5/30/2013 11:46:24 PM] Jillian: i knew what i was doign wrong just had alot of friends ya know?
[5/30/2013 11:47:06 PM] Cricky: well if you came out in the first place i wouldve been fine.
[5/30/2013 11:48:34 PM] Cricky: but it got to the point that i ended up dating this *Jill*
[5/30/2013 11:48:55 PM] Cricky: that is whats fucked up. tbh
[5/30/2013 11:49:03 PM] Jillian: no i get it it is
[5/30/2013 11:49:46 PM] Cricky: and now i cant look at your friends "Lisa" picture and not feel good inside
[5/30/2013 11:50:43 PM] Jillian: hence why i tryed to get away from all that but ya it was one of those things
[5/30/2013 11:51:03 PM] Jillian: so far in why risk losing all the friendships i made i kept it going and im sorry
[5/30/2013 11:52:09 PM] Cricky: yeah but for 6 years....?
[5/30/2013 11:53:48 PM] Jillian: i dunno its not a "sane" place to be comming from its awkward its not right
[5/30/2013 11:56:54 PM] Cricky: Well. you are your sister are close right?
[5/30/2013 11:57:08 PM] Jillian: yep
[5/30/2013 11:57:19 PM] Cricky: does she know about this?
[5/30/2013 11:57:25 PM] Jillian: nope
[5/30/2013 11:57:38 PM] Jillian: well thats not true
[5/30/2013 11:57:44 PM] Cricky: none whatsoever?
[5/30/2013 11:57:46 PM] Jillian: to and extent
[5/30/2013 11:57:53 PM] Jillian: you did actually meet
[5/30/2013 11:57:57 PM] Jillian: and play with my sister
[5/30/2013 11:58:13 PM] Cricky: ok
[5/30/2013 11:59:00 PM] Cricky: well i say go to your sister for help and stuff.
[5/30/2013 11:59:09 PM] Cricky: im sure she'll be there for ya
[5/30/2013 11:59:39 PM] Jillian: eh really not worried about me
[5/30/2013 11:59:58 PM] Cricky: worried about your friends?
[12:00:12 AM] Jillian: more or less
[12:01:53 AM] Jillian: obviously i wouldnt want this to get out to my friends cuz then ill be that "gay" kid rl
[12:02:26 AM] Jillian: but i do feel like a total douche for letting all this go on
[12:03:10 AM] Cricky: mmmhmm.
[12:05:47 AM] Jillian: did u have any thought how you were going to expalin our falling out?
[12:06:45 AM] Cricky: we both went our separate ways.
[12:07:45 AM] Jillian: fair enough
[12:07:50 AM] Jillian: i guess i should leave you alone
[12:09:22 AM] Cricky: yeah. im not feeling like myself anymore.
[12:11:39 AM] Jillian: welp this is my last time on here i guess so good luck with life and what not
[12:12:06 AM] Cricky: you too my friend, hope you get some help. and i wish for the best.
[12:12:35 AM] Jillian: if you ever feel liek chatting you do have my number
[12:12:37 AM] Jillian: Later

[Katy31]

I think there is a difference between blaming the victim and just providing constructive advice on how to (hopefully) avoid a similar situation in future. In my opinion, its easier to heal from something if you can learn to influence a similar situation in future. That said, you unfortunately can't influence everything. I don't think that its fair to draw an analogy between offering advice like this and blaming a rape victim for what happened to her. Personally I didn't think that anybody responding here blamed the OP for what happened to him.

Re the suggestion that we try to understand the motives of people who wrong us- I think this can and does help us to heal. And when applied to criminals I think that understanding the motive could help to reduce the number of such incidents in future. In my opinion, once you've committed a shocking crime you don't deserve empathy, and you deserve to fully face up to the consequences of your actions. However, in society as a whole, understanding why things happen must surely be a good way to try to limit the amount they happen in future.

To the OP, sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope that you feel better quickly and find somebody who is deserving of you.

[iHeartt]

Awwww sorry this happened to you. Good for you for forgiving. I hope you can move on knowing this wasn't your fault & you're no fool!! You had no idea. Seems like these people who do this crazy stuff are all messed up! Keep playing wow! Maybe you'll meet a real gal on there! I'm a girl who used to play & have had a relationship through there. Even though I don't play anymore, I still keep in touch with my WoW friends!!!