Jealous of what others have?

[XX, Lexi]

It honestly doesn't bother me that much. I guess I tend to brush it off or take comfort in the fact that my boyfriend is -mostly- in contact with me all the time, which makes me very lucky.
My friend was in a relationship where her SO lived an hour and a half away and she would complain that she missed her boyfriend, who hadn't seen her for 5 months at the time of their breakup. This was because she had no car and no way to get to where he was AND her ex believed that he needed a lot of money to travel up there and it would annoy me a lot to hear them whine. I constantly thought 'All you need is gas. Your SO has a job and can get the time to see you! Quit whining!'
I told that story to Luke and he was like "That's not an LDR! They're LUCKY!"

[paulawriteslove]

When I see couples holding hands and walking down the street, I do feel a bit jealous. But I think it's normal to feel jealous while in a LDR. In the end, I iknow it's going to be worth it so the jealousy goes away.

[Lunar Snow]

So does this bother anyone else? It does bother me, at times. I have a mix of friends, so I am lucky to have some singles to hang out with when I don't want to endure couple smoochie time. However, the mandates and complaints of singles aren't in the mode I am in, so that can get tough, too. This year, it was quite weird, because many of my faculty-specific school friends and also high school friends are getting or have gotten married (and it's even stranger when they are younger than me). I haven't really felt the marriage clock ticking until this year and this year is when my family has put a little pressure on me (especially with an LDR), that I need to be starting to look to boyfriends as potential life partners. I know that sounds antiquated and I'm not ancient or ready for marriage by any means, still, I do feel that clock ticking when I see all these wedding photos on Facebook! Have you been around others and just really got that jealousy feeling that they were able to spend time with their SO while you have to rely on skype, phone, text, and emails? I guess I kind of answered that above. However, my SO recently told me about an experience like that last weekend. He was out with his friends and some other people joined them that he didn't know very well. One couple was going on in a sickly way about how difficult it would be for them that the dude was moving to a city two hours away. My SO turned to them and said something like, "The girl I'm seeing lives 2000 miles away. I'd like to see you try that." Oh my goodness! Well, I had no idea that he had moments like that, too, but I guess it gets to us all. (As an aside, I kind of didn't like him saying that he was just seeing me. To me, and from what he has said, what we have is a lot more than fly by night seeing each other. I sucked it up, though, because he was being open about his taken-ness in public, so that was cool. My inner power animal says he also should have called me a woman, but being called a girl makes me feel younger).

[Lunar Snow]

To add onto that: Kinda annoys me when people in LDRs whine about going a full day or two without talking to their SOs or how they can't bear going a week without webcam. I've been on webcam a total of 5 times with my guy since March and the last time I talked to him was 2 weeks ago via PM on another site. If I can go weeks without contact and 2 months without hearing his voice or seeing his face with only minor complaint, you can suck it up for a day, haha.

That's fair and I and others have expressed recently some of the sentiments that annoy you. I guess we have to remember that it's about the context about what we are used to, in some ways. Even with CD people, many of us here are annoyed or feel jealous when we witness them complaining about a very short time away from each other, myself included--to them, though, they might rate their feelings of deprivation as similar to ours, as they have not experienced what we are experiencing. It's the level of what we're used to that dictates how we define our deprivation (I know that doesn't reduce the way that others may find those expressions annoying or feel jealous of them, but the feelings that couples in different contexts and experiences convey about time apart may be no less painful to them than they are to people in all types of LDRs).

[MTK]

I don't get jealous or sad when i see people hugging, holding hands or kissing. I am happy for them because they have found someone they can show love, the same as i have. So what if i have to wait a bit to actually be able to physically show her love i can still try and show her how much i love her in every other way.

[Casper]

It's the level of what we're used to that dictates how we define our deprivation (I know that doesn't reduce the way that others may find those expressions annoying or feel jealous of them, but the feelings that couples in different contexts and experiences convey about time apart may be no less painful to them than they are to people in all types of LDRs).

My sentiments exactly.

As for the jealously thing, I do not experience it when I see couples together. Just because I'm in an LDR doesn't mean I don't want to see other happy couples.

[LadyMarchHare]

That's fair and I and others have expressed recently some of the sentiments that annoy you. I guess we have to remember that it's about the context about what we are used to, in some ways. Even with CD people, many of us here are annoyed or feel jealous when we witness them complaining about a very short time away from each other, myself included--to them, though, they might rate their feelings of deprivation as similar to ours, as they have not experienced what we are experiencing. It's the level of what we're used to that dictates how we define our deprivation (I know that doesn't reduce the way that others may find those expressions annoying or feel jealous of them, but the feelings that couples in different contexts and experiences convey about time apart may be no less painful to them than they are to people in all types of LDRs).

Bottom line being we ALL feel like shit when we can't talk to our SOs for any amount of time. However be, my annoyance lies with those who act as though 5 hours is a lifetime and 3 days is an eternity. If you are that miserable without one person you might have a problem. There's no circumstantial dealings to dictate how we react to periods of nothing it's just a matter of can one actually get over it enough to merely grumble and go about their day? If I were more inclined I could whine all day about all the things we haven't done in months that people do every week and I could guarantee someone would be annoyed with me regardless of being able to relate to my plight. I mean hey, we lived day by day without them before we met them, I don't see how them being in our lives suddenly changes the dependency meter unless you have a clinical dependency problem.

[folclor]

I don't get jealous of people too often... before I went and saw Alex it didn't bother me at all. However, I do have a friend who is in an LDR due to school (they're...5 hours apart, I think? Still driving distance). They get to be in the same town in the summer so they hang out all the time. I'm friends with them both so I don't mind hanging out with them together, however at one point this summer I went to a water park with them and he was complaining about how he had to drive 30 minutes across the city just to be able to see her. He was talking about how traffic was so horrible and, while I sympathize with the "I hate having to spend so much time in a vehicle to see my loved one" feeling I half wanted to smack him and tell him he's lucky to have a 30 minute drive and not a full day of flying ^^;; I think his fiancee was slightly annoyed at him for making that comment. ^^;;

[Èternity]

I used to get really jealous, it used to burn me up really badly, then I'd just be sad. The other day I was out grocery shopping and saw this couple arm in arm picking out what they were going to make for dinner and my eyes welled up and tears just ran down my face. I was so embarrassed that I had such a moment of weakness. Thank goodness no one saw me. I have a lot to be grateful for and try to remind myself of that when I feel jealous or sad.

[sam]

Nah I dont. I've found the love of my life.. my soulmate and she just so happens to be in Finland. I can wait to be with her. I will wait for her. It's just our situation but I couldnt be more happy that I've found her and I know that we will be together eventually anyway. In my opinion the distance makes us a stronger couple than any of my friends in short distance and I'd bet me and Elina will outlast any of those anyway. What's to be jealous of?

[jlgangsta]

agreed. i wish my boyfriend was here with me...but he's in texas. and im in virginia. :|

[Bluestars]

That's fair and I and others have expressed recently some of the sentiments that annoy you. I guess we have to remember that it's about the context about what we are used to, in some ways. Even with CD people, many of us here are annoyed or feel jealous when we witness them complaining about a very short time away from each other, myself included--to them, though, they might rate their feelings of deprivation as similar to ours, as they have not experienced what we are experiencing. It's the level of what we're used to that dictates how we define our deprivation (I know that doesn't reduce the way that others may find those expressions annoying or feel jealous of them, but the feelings that couples in different contexts and experiences convey about time apart may be no less painful to them than they are to people in all types of LDRs).

I agree with that. I get to see my SO every 1-2 months, now leaning towards every two months, but I know that a lot of people on here have to wait a lot longer. I guess that some people who only get to see their SO once a year might be jealous of me and think that is no time at all, but for us it is still a challenge.

As for getting jealous though, I do not really get jealous of the people around me because most of my friends are single. Even when one of my best friends had a boyfriend, I didn't really compare our relationships.

HOWEVER, I do get jealous of my SO's friends who get to hang out with him all of the time. When he has days off (which is very rarely), he tends to spend them with his friends, which is understandable, but I still wish that I would be closer to him because I could go with him.

[Tanja]

Nah I dont. I've found the love of my life.. my soulmate and she just so happens to be in Finland. I can wait to be with her. I will wait for her. It's just our situation but I couldnt be more happy that I've found her and I know that we will be together eventually anyway. In my opinion the distance makes us a stronger couple than any of my friends in short distance and I'd bet me and Elina will outlast any of those anyway. What's to be jealous of?

I agree, I just usually think that our love is so much stronger than anyone else's and if people knew how in love we are THEY'D be jealous of us!

[valentinekitty]

I do have moments of jealousy, but most of the time I am just grateful for what I do have. I have an amazing man who is putting himself through the same agony as me, just so that one day, when the time is right we can have our amazing life together. In the meantime, we keep ourselves busy, doing things to prepare for our future together.

I'm not saying I don't find it hard, but I try to feel other peoples sorrow and joys for what they are. I try to be pleased for them that they have each other, and feel a little of their pain and send then a 'big hug' or 'I feel for you' message when they post on facebook. It might only be a few days or a few hours, but I know the pain of missing the man I love and it does make me sad that someone else is feeling that too, no matter what the length of time. Giving that thought to them helps me with my pain too.

With great love,

Kitty
x

[Erika]

I definitely get jealous sometimes.

Especially when I'm hanging around with friends and they all have their SO's with them. And I'm definitely with the people that get annoyed when their SO's are away for a couple of days and they make a huge deal of it on Facebook.

Luckily I've gotten a bit better with my jealousy and learned to allow other people to feel happiness. And then I remember in a few years it will be me in their situation and I'll have my SO.