Some days, the distance is just hard.
Dear reader: Be warned, this may be a little long-winded.
I've been doing the long-distance thing with my sweetheart for close to four years now. I know some people have had longer times apart and further distances, but I feel like four years has been enough time to give me a good grasp on what long distance is about. And ultimately, we don't live terribly far away anymore. It's a four hour drive, but we're still in different countries, and there's only so many times in a month that we can visit. I'm going to say right now that I am so grateful that we no longer have to go three or four months between visits. I know a lot of people can go longer, and I admire your strength and dedication. I would have done it for him if I had to, but quite frankly, it would have sucked.
I'm sure you've all had those people - you know the ones - that stare at you slack-jawed when you tell them you've been dating someone that far away for that long. They look at you wide-eyed, and say: 'Ohmigod, isn't the distance, like you know, hard?' I don't know about all of you, but personally, I try to be polite, and say that with wonderful things like texting and Skype, the distance isn't all that hard at all. Yes, there's bumpy patches, but the two of you care so much for each other and are so committed, that you make it work, and it's going great. Which it is. I'm sure you're also familiar with those other people, who come to you and complain about how awful it is that they haven't seen their significant other in three whole days and how the distance is driving them absolutely nutty. I know I've had those people. Again, I try to be pleasant - my favourite go-to line is: 'I understand. Any sort of distance can be hard'. Which is true, but only partially true.
For the most part, we as long-distancers keep our chin up, and keep looking for that silver lining, even when those clouds look like they're going to unleash a freaking typhoon on our asses. We have to. It's how long distance works. While I don't believe that a long distance relationship is more likely to fail than a close-distance one, I do believe it takes a certain degree of strength and determination to be in one in the first place. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back, you deserve it for making it this far, and for cresting the waves of obstacles you've been confronted with (doesn't matter if the waves are only kiddie-pool sized, you better still be patting yourself on the back).
But one thing I've really noticed in the past four years is that unless they're in a committed, long-distance relationship themselves, most people don't understand what we go through. If you describe it, often times they assume you're overreacting (hence the overly polite comments I love to give to people). Sometimes, they just don't understand. It's like a bear trying to explain to a shark that its feet hurt. It's not because the person is trying to be ignorant, or rude, it's just human nature to not truly understand this sort of relationship unless you've experienced it firsthand.
In my own experience, loving from a distance has turned out great. My sweetheart and I are engaged, and looking at finally closing the distance. It's wonderful. After he proposed, I realized that I was never able to let myself believe the distance would eventually be closed for good. If I did, I was never happy with what I had, and I was too busy lamenting what I couldn't have. I can't be the only one who's felt this way. For all of you who have come to that point where you realize that yes, you finally get to be together in the same place, it's a crazy, overwhelming thing. For those who haven't gotten here yet, keep on doing what you're doing. If both of you are committed, you'll get there. Most days, the long distance is wonderful, and you can't imagine ever doing things differently.
But some days, distance just sucks.
What I would really love to do is to tell people that yes, long distance is hard. Skype is not enough to replace the feel of a hug. Texting can't take the place of their voice. And while distance of any sort is tough, there is a distinctive ache that comes with being apart for so long, especially when you don't know when you'll see your love next. You don't just 'get used to it', because every time you meet, you fall in love even more. It makes the goodbye that little bit harder each time. There are days where you feel jealous of the couple in the mall holding hands. There are times when you barely get a chance to talk to each other, and you end up feeling lonely, and upset and hurt. There are days you just wish that someone you talked to really, truly understood what it felt like.
But you know what? We get it. Everyone here, on this forum, has been through times like this. So keep your chin up and keep smiling, because even though there are days where you would happily swap your left kidney for a hug from your significant other, most days are good. You're a strong person, and even though things might look hopeless right now (or not, depending on who you are), it will all turn out all right.
TL;DR: Long distance is great, but sometimes it really stinks.
I've been doing the long-distance thing with my sweetheart for close to four years now. I know some people have had longer times apart and further distances, but I feel like four years has been enough time to give me a good grasp on what long distance is about. And ultimately, we don't live terribly far away anymore. It's a four hour drive, but we're still in different countries, and there's only so many times in a month that we can visit. I'm going to say right now that I am so grateful that we no longer have to go three or four months between visits. I know a lot of people can go longer, and I admire your strength and dedication. I would have done it for him if I had to, but quite frankly, it would have sucked.
I'm sure you've all had those people - you know the ones - that stare at you slack-jawed when you tell them you've been dating someone that far away for that long. They look at you wide-eyed, and say: 'Ohmigod, isn't the distance, like you know, hard?' I don't know about all of you, but personally, I try to be polite, and say that with wonderful things like texting and Skype, the distance isn't all that hard at all. Yes, there's bumpy patches, but the two of you care so much for each other and are so committed, that you make it work, and it's going great. Which it is. I'm sure you're also familiar with those other people, who come to you and complain about how awful it is that they haven't seen their significant other in three whole days and how the distance is driving them absolutely nutty. I know I've had those people. Again, I try to be pleasant - my favourite go-to line is: 'I understand. Any sort of distance can be hard'. Which is true, but only partially true.
For the most part, we as long-distancers keep our chin up, and keep looking for that silver lining, even when those clouds look like they're going to unleash a freaking typhoon on our asses. We have to. It's how long distance works. While I don't believe that a long distance relationship is more likely to fail than a close-distance one, I do believe it takes a certain degree of strength and determination to be in one in the first place. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back, you deserve it for making it this far, and for cresting the waves of obstacles you've been confronted with (doesn't matter if the waves are only kiddie-pool sized, you better still be patting yourself on the back).
But one thing I've really noticed in the past four years is that unless they're in a committed, long-distance relationship themselves, most people don't understand what we go through. If you describe it, often times they assume you're overreacting (hence the overly polite comments I love to give to people). Sometimes, they just don't understand. It's like a bear trying to explain to a shark that its feet hurt. It's not because the person is trying to be ignorant, or rude, it's just human nature to not truly understand this sort of relationship unless you've experienced it firsthand.
In my own experience, loving from a distance has turned out great. My sweetheart and I are engaged, and looking at finally closing the distance. It's wonderful. After he proposed, I realized that I was never able to let myself believe the distance would eventually be closed for good. If I did, I was never happy with what I had, and I was too busy lamenting what I couldn't have. I can't be the only one who's felt this way. For all of you who have come to that point where you realize that yes, you finally get to be together in the same place, it's a crazy, overwhelming thing. For those who haven't gotten here yet, keep on doing what you're doing. If both of you are committed, you'll get there. Most days, the long distance is wonderful, and you can't imagine ever doing things differently.
But some days, distance just sucks.
What I would really love to do is to tell people that yes, long distance is hard. Skype is not enough to replace the feel of a hug. Texting can't take the place of their voice. And while distance of any sort is tough, there is a distinctive ache that comes with being apart for so long, especially when you don't know when you'll see your love next. You don't just 'get used to it', because every time you meet, you fall in love even more. It makes the goodbye that little bit harder each time. There are days where you feel jealous of the couple in the mall holding hands. There are times when you barely get a chance to talk to each other, and you end up feeling lonely, and upset and hurt. There are days you just wish that someone you talked to really, truly understood what it felt like.
But you know what? We get it. Everyone here, on this forum, has been through times like this. So keep your chin up and keep smiling, because even though there are days where you would happily swap your left kidney for a hug from your significant other, most days are good. You're a strong person, and even though things might look hopeless right now (or not, depending on who you are), it will all turn out all right.
TL;DR: Long distance is great, but sometimes it really stinks.
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