how often do you communicate

[Hkh8871]

Hi guys! I've posted here before about all my problems wiht my boyfriend. We are in an LDR and haven't been having a good time with it lately. We've been fighting a lot, but now I think we are trying to move forward. The one thing is- we barely speak. Maybe 1 text message a day...if at all. We don't skype or anything either anymore. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not? He is supposed to come visit me in 2 weeks and I'm just afraid that he's coming because he had already bought the ticket before we were fighting (it costs 1000$) and doesn't want to deal with the loss financially and he is just coming to have sex and then go back home?

[OperaDiva]

I don't know what is the rule, but we skype every day. It is much easier for us than for other LDR couples because we are in the exact same timezone! Although I do expect that there will be days that we won't have the chance to talk, we have discussed it and promised we would send e-mails or texts at the very least.

[Dezface]

We communicated a lot. But every couple is unique. That being said, one text a day seems excessively low to me. Is there a reason for it (like work) or is it just since you've been fighting? If it's just since you've been having issues, I would say this is a big concern. Things don't tend to get better without communication.

[Alsfia]

No relationship is the other alike - if you're worried the only thing you can do really is talk to him about it. Tell him you want more communication and maybe set up Skype dates to make it easier to keep the communication up.
As for my SO and I, we talk every day (we're very lucky in that sense), we use WhatsApp when he's in school (I study from home at the moment) and Skype during the evenings, but I know for a fact that before visits we fight a lot more. At first it worried me, but as time progressed I realised it's mostly frustration over time going so slowly (it is at least mostly from my side) and stress with finding time to do everything I feel I should before he comes over...

[Hkh8871]

Its difficult because we are 6 hours apart. He has a 60/70 hour work week and is always exhausted and doesnt get done with work until like 1 or 2 am my time and i am getting my doctors degree here so i am working all day also. Its just worrisome a little but i might be overthinking it

[temporaryuser]

you are both incredibly busy. Try to relax
what have you been fighting about? is it big issues or petty things? fighting about petty things when you are already stressed and busy makes them seem even bigger and you just dont want to deal with it. when you do text, how about talking about things that happen, not necessarily about your relationship.
Maybe he wants to come see you to get away from work? Dont overthink the sex part. And dont jump his case when he gets there, just take soem time together to reconnect. if he didnt want to see you he would indeed suck up the cost of the ticket

[Hkh8871]

it's been BIG issues. VERY big issues to me which we talked out and we both understood the other person's side but i still have to be honest...i harbor resentment a little bit for what he did (not wanting to see me so much while we were in the same country- always fighting about who drives to whom and then the day that i left he didn't sleepover or take me out the night before...didn't even come over after he said he would and then didn't even meet up with me at the airport because of "bad timing"). it's just hard for me to forgive him if he gives me nothing to make me think he feels bad? if that makes sense. i'm also over analyzing and over thinking EVERYTHING. i'm trying hard not to but i guess it is irritating me and it is making everything seem worse than it is?

[temporaryuser]

what happened is in the past. You either move on from it, since you have already discussed it, or you hold it against him and it ruins the relationship.

[Moon]

I just wanted to add that $1000 is a lot of money just for sex, he could probably find a prostitute for under $200, so I'm kinda not thinking it's just about the sex.

[Hollandia]

My SO put it like this even before we were dating. Chatting or texting is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, if it is not then it becomes a chore. If communicating is a chore then you have a problem. You should ask him if the content of your converstations are making him less prone to want to communicate or if he is just the type of person that is more used to doing his own thing and he is not really ready to change that. If it is, then you need to decide if that is a deal breaker for you or not. If it is the content, then try to lighten up, every converstion should not be serious or mean anything at all. Try to remember what made you two fall for each other to begin with and get back to those conversations. Don't be paranoid over-thinking you, be normal you and try to get back to having fun when you communicate and see each other.

[mcqueshell5]

Relax

I use to feel the same way. I'll be graduating from college soon and my SO and I don't talk as much as I would like either. He's a texter and I'm a talker. I'd like more skype session and phone conversations but he doesn't have the time cause he's always busy with work and then sleepy when he's off from work. I've learned that Something is Better than Nothing. Sometimes that's all I would prefer is a text to show that he's thinking about me. Just a little bit of something was enough to hold me over cause I use to get mad when he didn't talk to me as much and I thought he didn't care and that wasn't even the case. You have to learn to just relax and let things flow and I know that's hard to do when your having doubts but seriously chill. lol. I'm talking from experience. It's tough when you have a million things to do so just keep yourself focused on you and not making the situation bigger than it is. Remember a Little of Something Is Better Than Nothing.

~Hope This Helps~

[Kiyama]

I don't think it's the money that'll get him coming. If he thinks the relationship is over, the money is lost either way.
Do you really judge him that hard that you think he would come just for sex? That's a bit worrying.
By the way, my ex paid about the same amount to have me go visit him and broke it off a week before so that doesn't stop people.

[Hkh8871]

I wish it was easy. I really do have to back off though a little and keep things light and fun like they were in the beginning. He still calls me baby and stuff and the minute we have “dirtier” text message conversations he is answered every second and is so involved in it. That could just be for the sex but maybe he is still interested somewhat. Now I just have to battle my female nature to immediately solve this and talk about my feelings and talk everything out. Thank you for helping me out though!!

[OperaDiva]

I really do have to back off though a little and keep things light and fun like they were in the beginning. He still calls me baby and stuff and the minute we have “dirtier” text message conversations he is answered every second and is so involved in it. That could just be for the sex but maybe he is still interested somewhat. Now I just have to battle my female nature to immediately solve this and talk about my feelings and talk everything out. Thank you for helping me out though!!

Do you really think the solution is to "keep things light"? A relationship, an LDR even more so, is not always light, there can be downs and people have to talk and solve those issues together.
Also - he replies always when you sex-text, but not when you want to talk about more serious stuff? That is not a good sign in my opinion.

[Hollandia]

Do you really think the solution is to "keep things light"? A relationship, an LDR even more so, is not always light, there can be downs and people have to talk and solve those issues together.
Also - he replies always when you sex-text, but not when you want to talk about more serious stuff? That is not a good sign in my opinion.

True, but you also cannot constantly have serious talks either. I get the feeling this is what has been happening. If I remember correctly they have had several serious talks. When you are in a relationship you need to be able to enjoy your time together. If it important to have certain talks from time to time but they should not be coming up ever few days or you will take the fun of your time together and sap the joy out of relationship. If all you do is want to dredge up your insecurities and dissect every word or action, you are going to cause the other person to pull away.

I don't find it surprising that he is up on board for the sex talk. He is her SO and sex is a part of that. If he is not available for anything but that, that would be a red flag but if all my SO ever wanted to do was dwell on deep serious stuff, I would tend to change the subject or tune it out. If you were in a CD relationship you would not be talking about it all the time and an LDR does not give you an excuse to be able to so. The "LDR paranoia" happens to the best of us, I have it come and go in waves when LDR from my SO. It is not an attractive thing and so I accept that if you over-think you are going to drive yourself insane and if you keep bringing it up to them, you might push them away for good.

If this is a person you might want to live you life with then you need to be able to have fun and enjoy your time you both budget for each other. The amount of time outside of school, work, housework, kids, family and friend obligations can get daunting when you get to that point in life but you will only get so far by talking about it all the time you need to just accept the limitations of life and enjoy each other to the fullest when you can. You are dating this person, enjoy it and enjoy them. If you don't enjoy the time you spend together then why be together?