The Exes talk. Have you had it? And exes on Facebook

[lunamea]

That's exactly why I don't think it's possible to be friends with exes lol I don't think everyone is like that, but it's like holding onto the past. Things will never be like it was before :/

Now, theoretically, I think it's normal to stay friends with your ex, especially if you had a serious relationship (perhaps even kids) and you're still on good terms because the break-up was a mutual agreement without hard feelings or something like that. If you had that kind of break-up and still totally cut off a person you used to love and spent years of your life with, that's terrible, too.

Then again, on a more realistic level and as sad as it may be, I know that staying friends wouldn't really work for me. From the perspective of a current relationship, I simply can't deal with my partner spending time with his ex, and I wouldn't expect my partner to accept that in me either. From the perspective of a past relationship, my deep feelings don't just go away because the relationship is over and it would just be too hurtful and keep me from moving on.

My husband and I have actually talked about whether we would stay friends if we separated. As I said, it depends on the reason for the break-up, but I think the pain would still just be too much to bear.
A friend of mine is good friends with some of her exes, I'd even say her last boyfriend is one of her best friends! Her current bf (and his new gf) seem okay with it - don't ask me how that works! At the same time as I realize it's a very mature thing to do, I couldn't do it.

[punkpain]

The exes talk for me and my fiance comes up alot. We have an honesty policy with us. Neither of us believe in hiding things about our pasts or keeping secrets. It has hurt a few times to learn things at weird random moments, but it has only made us stronger. For instance I had no clue he had been engaged before until after we got engaged. I knew he thought about getting engaged with his ex, but things kept getting worse and worse between them. Im lucky in the fact that he refuses to use facebook or any other social network for that matter. A few of his ex's do and they have sought me out trying to talk to me. Its weird, but at the same time him and I were really good friends before we were more. I was the person he leaned on when his ex broke up with him, and I was the person she tried to talk to for months on end after they broke up because she wanted him back.

Just dont make the mistake of wanting to be the first, or wishing you had been. Relish in the fact that you are the current and possibly last to do things with your s/o.

[Alisz]

EXCEPT THE 4TH?!?! Lol that was DEFINATELY my favorite! haha why not?

I was never really a fan of erm... *thinks of how to do say this without spoiling it* of what the first few chapters of the book center around. Then everything from then on felt like a fanfiction. There just seemed to be too many plot holes for my liking. ^^;; I like that there is resolution and everyone is happy, but how it got there is just 'ugh' to me. I really thought the 3rd one was the end and I was quite satisfied with the ending it had. ^^

I went into extensive detail about it on my LJ lol

I've cut contact with the first two and am seriously considering doing it with the third, but don't know exactly how to do it as I don't want to be rude.

I don't know if this will help, but I just politely tell my exes that I'm happy right now and would like them to respect my decision to not want to talk to them. I feel a bit guilty, but I do throw in some false hope... I tell them that maybe in the future we can talk again. Even though I know it's very unlikely that will happen. :/ It sounds mean, but it doesn't make me happy to talk to them and it must not make them happy. I'd talk to them if they were in a lot of trouble and needed help tho, I'm not cold hearted. ^^;;

Now, theoretically, I think it's normal to stay friends with your ex, especially if you had a serious relationship (perhaps even kids) and you're still on good terms because the break-up was a mutual agreement without hard feelings or something like that. If you had that kind of break-up and still totally cut off a person you used to love and spent years of your life with, that's terrible, too.

Then again, on a more realistic level and as sad as it may be, I know that staying friends wouldn't really work for me. From the perspective of a current relationship, I simply can't deal with my partner spending time with his ex, and I wouldn't expect my partner to accept that in me either. From the perspective of a past relationship, my deep feelings don't just go away because the relationship is over and it would just be too hurtful and keep me from moving on.

My husband and I have actually talked about whether we would stay friends if we separated. As I said, it depends on the reason for the break-up, but I think the pain would still just be too much to bear.
A friend of mine is good friends with some of her exes, I'd even say her last boyfriend is one of her best friends! Her current bf (and his new gf) seem okay with it - don't ask me how that works! At the same time as I realize it's a very mature thing to do, I couldn't do it.

Oh, I think people can be on good terms with each other, for sure. It makes sense. My parents are separated and when they see each other cuz of us kids and it's civil. But they don't hang out together if we're not there. We're the bond that keeps them in contact with each other.

And I'm like you, I would be upset if my boyfriend was spending time with his ex. Therefore, even if I wanted to contact an ex I wouldn't out of respect to him and our relationship.

Although, I have to disagree about past relationships. I truely do not feel anything for them anymore. I haven't talked to some of them for years and I rarely think about them. When I do it's mostly a reflection on myself or to help someone learn from my mistakes. But I don't wonder what they're doing or how they are. I'm not in love with them anymore or even in like. :/ But then it probably has to do with the break-ups. They weren't mutual.

I think if it was mutual we might stay in touch. Not hang out or talk all the time, but talk every now and then. But then if the break-up (for me) was mutual, then it probably wasn't that serious to begin with.

Just dont make the mistake of wanting to be the first, or wishing you had been. Relish in the fact that you are the current and possibly last to do things with your s/o.

I definitely won't ^^;; My ex had a HUGE problem that I wasn't a virgin. I explained that is just the way it is, I can't go back. And I thought it would make him feel better to know that the sex really wasn't all that great and was pretty painful (emotionally, not physically). He never let it go. He was a virgin btw. I quite like that my man has experience and knows his way around :P

[Tanja]

Yep we've talked about it and Andy knows everything about my ex's (there's not many lol).

I tend to stay friends with them but I'm only close to one, my little girl's dad, I just think it's necessary that we stay in good terms for her sake.
Another thing that helped is that we didn't break up in bad terms, we were toghether for a long time and in time the feelings just faded away and in the end we were more friends than anything else and it's stayed that way. I often go to his place for a cup of coffee or he comes to visit me and I think it's nice. But I could never ever in a million years imagine I'd be together with him again, that part of our lives is over and we're just good friends.

Andy's fine with the fact that we're friends, or at least that's what he's told me =D

[Taija]

For us, there's not much to talk about. I had one relationship before him, but it only lasted about 4 months because I quickly realized that I had no actual feelings for her. Jesse is the first person I really fell in love with, and he's also the first one I had sex with.

He, on the other hand, never had any actual relationships, but he slept with quite many girls. It sometimes makes me feel a bit jealous, but I try to remind myself that I'm the first person he loves and pursues a serious relationship with, even though I live so far away! That means a whole lot more than some random one night stands. And I actually like the fact that he's more experienced with sex that me; I've never hoped that I was his first time.

[MadMolly]

I have a few exes but I haven't talked much about them; IMO it's the past and doesn't really concern us. If he asked about them I'd say so but I don't think he cares much.

He doesn't really have exes (unless you count one minor short high school dating) but he's slept with a looot of girls. I've met a few of them as most are in his friend circle but they didn't really mean anything to him so no jealousy there.

[uk_girl]

I can get quite insecure when he speaks of his ex's. He's still friends with a lot of the girls he's been with (both emotionally and physically) which makes me a bit insecure, but then again - I'm friends with mine...very hypocritical of me!

I cannot ABIDE random girls flirting with him though. It says he's 'in a relationship with uk_girl'...can they not read or something? And Friday night, a girl from work was "all over him" and he'd had people text him the morning after, asking if he'd slept with her. I wish people would be more respectful at times! Lol.

[Tanja]

Yeah sometimes it seems that other ppl don't concider an LDR being a proper relationship... I was out once with a few friends (this happened about a year ago) and some of them practicly suggested that I'd pick up some guy and slept with him, I said I'm with Andy and they just said "well he'll never know cause he's not here". I couldn't believe it lol but that was before Andy had been in my house and met everyone so I guess they just thought it's not a serious relationship. How wrong were they =D

[Elena]

hmm, this is interesting. I guess I try not to think about this much because it's in the past. We have talked about our exes some, but not a whole lot. I guess we figure it's not that important because we're happy with each other now. And we both know how/why our last relationships ended, that it wasn't some crazy ugly battle, so I think it's fine.

[uk_girl]

Yeah sometimes it seems that other ppl don't concider an LDR being a proper relationship... I was out once with a few friends (this happened about a year ago) and some of them practicly suggested that I'd pick up some guy and slept with him, I said I'm with Andy and they just said "well he'll never know cause he's not here". I couldn't believe it lol but that was before Andy had been in my house and met everyone so I guess they just thought it's not a serious relationship. How wrong were they =D

Yeah I think that's the case too which is really annoying. If it wasn't a genuine, serious relationship - surely it would have burnt out after a month or two?! We're pushing 2 years now...but yeah I'm clearly still a 'fool around' as such. Argh!!

And glad your friends know now Tanja! Mine do too - but his don't as they are a little older (around 30-40) and I don't think LDRs were as prevalent when they were young, as they are nowadays thanks to the Internet and advanced technology. Dying to meet the girls in question and mark my territory. Not in the same way as our canine friends though. That would be wrong. Ha!

[Tanja]

Yeah I think it's once you get together permanently ppl realise it wasn't just a fling... Just ignore other's opinions and live on with your SO

[Andy]

As Tanja said I pretty much know about her exes. I've met the guy she talked about being friends with a few times, and despite the fact that we can't talk cause of the language barrier lol, he comes across as a really nice, genuine guy.

Yeah so I've never had any issues with her exes, and I don't have any so no problems there either

[ettie]

Yeah sometimes it seems that other ppl don't concider an LDR being a proper relationship... I was out once with a few friends (this happened about a year ago) and some of them practicly suggested that I'd pick up some guy and slept with him, I said I'm with Andy and they just said "well he'll never know cause he's not here". I couldn't believe it lol but that was before Andy had been in my house and met everyone so I guess they just thought it's not a serious relationship. How wrong were they =D

I know! I was set up so many times on dates even though I kept talking about Matias (my boy)...Oh! And what about people response when you say your boy/girl leaves miles away?!?! They always go with the mmmmmmmmmm "you know those things never last" or "you dont know what or who he is doing" or "he probably has a girl there" or like people say in my town "amor de lejos, felices los cuatro" (it means: love in the distance=4 happy people)

[Mio]

Stephan was involved with far more people than me in the past. But we are all in good terms with the exes. He had a serious relationship, and now the girl is married, and she and her hubby are his friends in FB. I even have the girls hubby as my friend in FB! And I got no issues with them, because I know it's all over and that they don't have close contact. There's only one girl that had a crush on him that I really dispise cause she wanted to come in the middle of Stephan and me one time, but she totatlly backed off after she met me!

I think being friends in with the exes is ok as long as you respect the loyalty rules, because if you are in a new relationship the ex is totally somebody that should keep their respect and proper distance from the other.

[MadMolly]

I think being friends in with the exes is ok as long as you respect the loyalty rules, because if you are in a new relationship the ex is totally somebody that should keep their respect and proper distance from the other.

This is very true. I'm casual friends with my most major ex and it often gets frosty or hostile because he really wants to meet Dave and says "we can talk about what you're like in bed..." and stuff. This is SOOOO not ok with me, even just them meeting, as there's no way Dave would want to meet him and hear that stuff either! The ex is very pushy though and thinks he has a right to be friends with Dave for some reason... I'm cool being friends with this ex but he doesn't respect the boundries much so I might have to give up on him.