religious differences/ How to deal with family?

[Ami]

So this is my first post. My So is not really religious but grew up christian, on the other hand my family is strictly religious. My family doesn't know about the relationship because they would never appreciate me dating someone with another religion. Actually I am pretty sure they would stop talking to me and reject me because for them it would be a huge sin.
Luckily my So accepts my religion (I am religious). Only thing I am worried is how to deal with my parents. I know that most of you will think that parents will end up accepting it, but several things make me pretty sure that they never would accept my relationship. I can't quit my family, because for the moment I still need my parents financial support as I am a student.
Anyone in the same situation?

[differentcountries]

What is your religion?

Do you have other means to support yourself (get a job, take up a loan etc.)? Can your SO help financially?

I sounds like you have a tough job ahead of you. Are there any resources you can draw upon locally? Someone to talke to?

[Ami]

Well, my family is islamic. Actually my So could not support me with money as he is doing his PhD. I will start working in 1.5 years and earn more than enough. But before this, I have no chance of any support. What I am most scared is that I will have to chose between my So and my family. Although I think I would chose my BF, I don't want to hurt my family. The main problem will be my dad because he will think that I cheated on him and deny everything he teaches me during my life when he hears that my BF is not Muslim.

To be honest, I don't like talking to friends. My christian/atheist friends will say stuff like: "This will never work." or "Islam is so bad" although it has more to do with my family and not Islam itself. So they are no support. Many of my girlfriends are jealous because they never had a relationship and other problem: They gossip way too much.

[Tooki]

Well, my family is islamic. Actually my So could not support me with money as he is doing his PhD. I will start working in 1.5 years and earn more than enough. But before this, I have no chance of any support. What I am most scared is that I will have to chose between my So and my family. Although I think I would chose my BF, I don't want to hurt my family. The main problem will be my dad because he will think that I cheated on him and deny everything he teaches me during my life when he hears that my BF is not Muslim.

To be honest, I don't like talking to friends. My christian/atheist friends will say stuff like: "This will never work." or "Islam is so bad" although it has more to do with my family and not Islam itself. So they are no support. Many of my girlfriends are jealous because they never had a relationship and other problem: They gossip way too much.

You have to ask yourself though, what causes your family to hold this particular view? Is it their dedication to their religion or is it other things? I think that it goes beyond your family and it will not be easily fixed by any stretch. If you're not willing to stand up to your parents, you can only continue to live the way that you do right now and wait until you can get yourself a job.

[itsjen516]

I'm raised catholic but go to a Christan church and I'm really not one to care that much for religion. My So is Mormon and very religious wich I tottaly respect though his family would have rather him be with a girl in the same faith it's not a huge issue plus they liked me so yay hahah.
The biggest thing right now is when we do get married and have kids he just wants to raise the kids Mormon wich is fine for me. From the little I know about it I like what they believe and all seem like good people and I want my kids to be around that

[lucybelle]

There are lots of threads about this same topic out there.

[TwoThree]

I'm raised catholic but go to a Christan church

Huh? Why is there a "but" in that sentence? Catholics are Christians.

OP: I'm sorry you are in such a situation. In an ideal world no one should have to choose between their family and their significant other because of some unfair social codes. I understand where you're coming from because my family is Muslim, although unlike you I'm not at all religious. You seem to be pretty open minded, though, so that's good.

You could choose to keep this relationship a secret (dunno how feasible that is, since it depends on how strict your parents are) and work on closing the distance with your SO, maybe by studying in Germany?

Or you could come out with it now and try to persuade your parents. If you're so inclined (and of course if your SO agrees) you could have him convert to Islam just for show, just to appease your parents. He wouldn't have to follow a religion he doesn't believe in, but your parents might accept him that way. But then you'd have to marry, I guess, and since neither of you are financially stable and I have no idea what your age is and how old your relationship is... Well, I don't know, just putting it out there as a possibility.

Anyway, good luck.

[lyonsgirl]

Huh? Why is there a "but" in that sentence? Catholics are Christians.

Just like squares are rectangles.

[Tooki]

I'm raised catholic but go to a Christan church and I'm really not one to care that much for religion. My So is Mormon and very religious wich I tottaly respect though his family would have rather him be with a girl in the same faith it's not a huge issue plus they liked me so yay hahah.
The biggest thing right now is when we do get married and have kids he just wants to raise the kids Mormon wich is fine for me. From the little I know about it I like what they believe and all seem like good people and I want my kids to be around that

Catholicism is christian. It's a very old branch of christianity.

[itsjen516]

There is a "but" since I stopped going to the Catholic Church and now go to a Nazarene church
We don't have saints or persist and it's smaller.

[Ami]

I guess I will wait a bit more to be sure that this relationship really works out and is worth all the trouble. And I want to wait until I am able to live on my own before I tell anyone. I neither want to depend of my BF nor of my parents.
I am not scared of standing up only of the fact that they won't talk to me anymore. Because they are the only family I have.
I think my parents have the same opinion as most muslim people. A woman is not allowed to marry a man of another faith because then her husband could force her to change religion. The children won't grow up with the islamic faith or even if they do, their father will influence them in a bad way.
I mean I know it doesn't have to be this way but it is their argumentation. Actually in Islam such a marriage would not even be considered as valid.

[kikidee]

I guess I will wait a bit more to be sure that this relationship really works out and is worth all the trouble. And I want to wait until I am able to live on my own before I tell anyone. I neither want to depend of my BF nor of my parents.
I am not scared of standing up only of the fact that they won't talk to me anymore. Because they are the only family I have.
I think my parents have the same opinion as most muslim people. A woman is not allowed to marry a man of another faith because then her husband could force her to change religion. The children won't grow up with the islamic faith or even if they do, their father will influence them in a bad way.
I mean I know it doesn't have to be this way but it is their argumentation. Actually in Islam such a marriage would not even be considered as valid.

I feel like I don't have any great advice since I have never really gone through this. I mean my family is Catholic and my bf is basically nothing and he doesnt want to be anything. Which is fine for me, plus he says he doesn't mind if our children are baptized and grow up with catholic influence, just as long as I don't "force them" which obviously I wouldn't. Forced faith isn't real faith.

I think the Muslim religion, like many others is very hard core in some of these respects. Like you said, if a woman is muslim she can't marry a man from another religion because they believe men are stronger and can eventually force a woman to be their religion, while a muslim man can marry any religion he wants because he can eventually force the woman to be muslim. DO you believe this? Because I'm sure you know your SO won't force you to be christian if you want. However, is he alright with you raising your children to be muslim? If not, are YOU okay with that?
I think you should think about ultimately what will make you happy and what will be best for you.

[lilcupcake]

I'm not in the same boat as you, but rather say one right next to you lol. see, I'm NOT religious. my SO's family is. especially his mother. (hardcore christian) he doesn't care about our differences, but im absolutely terrified of meeting his mom. because im afraid she's going to do to him what you're afraid your family will do to you, in a sense. I doubt she would disown him, but it would be serious case of mom-ster in law.


have you looked for loop holes? any reason at all that religiously justifies the relationship so your parents cant be mad? or at least have to stay quiet.

[chizatlauren]

Catholicism is christian. It's a very old branch of christianity.

There's a difference between Catholic Christians and Protestant Christians, though we worship the same God. My family didn't allow me to date my SO when we were young because he's Catholic, and they are different from us because they have all the saints, statues and rituals. Protestants or Evangelical Christians on the other hand, don't have those things. It IS different in practice, and the church teachings can sometimes differ too. But we all worship the same God.

Just to enlighten everyone.

[differentcountries]

I think it is right by you to currently not depend on anyone. Plus PhD's don't make too much money, I know...

If you are still in the same relationship in a few years, you and your SO can have a talk about what religion means to you. Do you belive? Does he? What are your views on children? There could be the possability of him converting, for apppearences or for real. Lots of possable roads.