SO telling me(again), to cheat on her

[XxFranticLovexX]

Yes, It is touchy advice.

But I was taking the initiative. I was calling her every single night to tell her I loved her. I even sent her e-cards, e-mails, Facebook messages. All would go unanswered weeks or months at a time.

The other woman chewed me out for not telling my mother about her. The woman in Canada, that is.

The woman in Canada, is not the 'competition'.

Fine, You are characterizing me being akin to the DEVIL. How about her(SO) pushing me away. Not only by not keeping her word of coming out to visit me. But also making excuses for me to not come out to visit her. Something happened. Either her OCD morphed somehow, or she just can't keep her word.

Yet, She still wants' a relationship.

If she's only a friend then why does it matter if your mother knows about her? See what we're getting at here? Even if you aren't together that is more than friendship.

You say that she isn't but your SO my see it otherwise. She could have even found someone else, as someone else mentioned here.

I'm not characterizing you as "being akin to the devil", she is in the wrong here too. I'm just saying that you both need to make changes, not expect the other to while doing nothing yourself.

To be completely honest with you, and I was trying to avoid making this statement, I see this relationship going nowhere. Neither of you are doing anything to make it progress and when one of you tries the other shoots it down. If she only decided to start acting this way after your last visit something probably happened around that time (either before or on the visit) to make things change. Her OCD isn't going to completely change the dynamics of your entire relationship overnight, especially when it hadn't done it before. There is something else there, other than her illness, that is causing this 'relationship' to be basically non-existent. That needs to be found and worked out or you both need to just drop the, what used to be, relationship and move on. End of. There is no way around any of the things that you bring to us without you BOTH putting in the effort to fix it. If one of you isn't willing to do so then it is going to fail. Sorry for being harsh, but everything we say gets pushed away because it's not what you want to hear.

I have a question for you. What do you want? Without telling us what anyone else wants, what do YOU want?

[Chris516]

You really don't have to uninstall Yahoo-Messenger, there is something awesome called "blocking". That's how you can cut contact with the other women ("friend") in Canada! You are clearly in love with this woman in Canada (from my point of view) and given the chance (say for example she would break up with her current SO and moved to your town/state/country) you would be with her. Like other said, only circumstances keep you from doing that!

Give your gf a chance of finding someone who truly loves her and want to be with her - only her!

I am all for a visit, check out if you still have feelings for her - but be honest with yourself. And give her what she deserves!

Yes, I could block them. Yes, I should go out there(where my SO lives), without the go-ahead from her. Thinking about it last night, I wonder if her telling me not to come, was not genuine, but OCD-fed.

It sounds like a very confusing situation. I read up on the old posts.
I don't understand why you want to be in contact with the woman in Canada as she doesn't sound like a real friend.
Her being nasty to you etc. I wouldn't tolerate that.

As for your SO, medical problems or not, I would say if a person doesn't reply for months, there isn't really a relationship there.
It seems that you two are "together" out of convenience or just because that's what you are used to.

I have been thinking the same thing.

i wonder if there is a possibility she has someone else ' but doesn't have the cajones to tell you; making comments like this..I hope not.

I have wondered that before. Her OCD, at least from what I have noticed, she doesn't go out of the house much.

If she's only a friend then why does it matter if your mother knows about her? See what we're getting at here? Even if you aren't together that is more than friendship.

You say that she isn't but your SO my see it otherwise. She could have even found someone else, as someone else mentioned here.

I'm not characterizing you as "being akin to the devil", she is in the wrong here too. I'm just saying that you both need to make changes, not expect the other to while doing nothing yourself.

To be completely honest with you, and I was trying to avoid making this statement, I see this relationship going nowhere. Neither of you are doing anything to make it progress and when one of you tries the other shoots it down. If she only decided to start acting this way after your last visit something probably happened around that time (either before or on the visit) to make things change. Her OCD isn't going to completely change the dynamics of your entire relationship overnight, especially when it hadn't done it before. There is something else there, other than her illness, that is causing this 'relationship' to be basically non-existent. That needs to be found and worked out or you both need to just drop the, what used to be, relationship and move on. End of. There is no way around any of the things that you bring to us without you BOTH putting in the effort to fix it. If one of you isn't willing to do so then it is going to fail. Sorry for being harsh, but everything we say gets pushed away because it's not what you want to hear.

I have a question for you. What do you want? Without telling us what anyone else wants, what do YOU want?

I wondered the same thing, if just a 'friend', why read me the riot act about whether my mother knows about her, or not. If she was thinking more, she should have told me before-hand.

As for my SO finding someone else, I would believe that, had she said she wanted to break up, when I played the trump card. I am thinking the same thing, that it isn't going anywhere. I have tried.

[Sabbilicious]

Definitely sounds like she is looking for some sort of confirmation..and also lacks self esteem..but that emotional rollercoaster of her saying that and needing reassurance..can get tiring for both parties after a while..

[Chris516]

Definitely sounds like she is looking for some sort of confirmation..and also lacks self esteem..but that emotional rollercoaster of her saying that and needing reassurance..can get tiring for both parties after a while..

First, Let me congratulate you on your new relationship!!

That is probably pretty accurate, about the need for confirmation, and self-esteem.