Midlife Crises

[lyonsgirl]

Personally I was disappointed with the lack of lamborghinis.

And alcohol type activities.

[kattermole]

So is this now an end to it? He's shown clearly and absolutely that he does not want a relationship with you by deleting you, so are you now going to move on?

[snow_girl]

So is this now an end to it? He's shown clearly and absolutely that he does not want a relationship with you by deleting you, so are you now going to move on?

Oh no, you've got it all wrong. He did that to play hard to get, so she has to step it up now

[Deleted]

On the subject of moving on:

That's the only thing I can do now. Hopefully when he grows up more he'll stop toying with me. We had just finally talked things out after our first rough patch and then it went back the same way again. He says things to me to make me think that he'll leave hope for the future for when we can be together, while currently he acts different about it. If I had more things to do I wouldn't think about this too much. Just gonna have to pick up another hobby. :/

You've already given yourself the best advice.

[RachelAnne]

^ I agree with this. You said so yourself that it's time to move on. Clearly he isn't showing any signs that he's interested. Like you said yourself, pick up a new hobby, do something for you, but it's time to move on.

[Hollandia]

See, I dislike guys like you who act like I or other women are crazy for no reason when you bring it upon yourselves with your wishy-washy behaviors. When he was full on making efforts to contact me did I behave that way? No, I didn't, so I'd re-evaluate your thinking if I were you.

I am going to be brutally honest now.

This poster was just being completely honest with you. This is pretty snarky response back. I tried to do the same thing. Read over all your own threads and pretend like you a 19 year old boy and it really is just that. The thing that looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, is still just a duck. He does not need to grow up, he is 19. He is acting like a 19 year old. If you don't want to date someone that acts like a teenager, then don't try to date a teenager. Wanting to have contact is just that, contact. It is not professions of undying love or commitment. If anyone tells you something you don't want to hear your tone gets very immature. I am not a guy and I do believe you are showing signs of some mental instability. I am a mother of a bi-polar teenager too. I am having many red flags of self centric and psychosis in your posts. This just means you are showing signs of losing touch with reality and have a feeling that everything that is going on in the world revolves around you. A bit longer than a decade of therapy sessions with her docs and raising her has given me pretty good insight into this. I suggest you look into speaking to a psychologist for some assistance in working through some issues.

He told you he liked your stories to be polite. He tried to let you down easy. He started by just pulling away but you would not accept that. He deleted you now, he is done. Cold hard truth but you simply don't want to hear it, and I am sure you will make more threads presenting another angle that if the original threads are not read, will garner you more sympathy, which I think at this point is what you want. Attention and sympathy. I sympathize but seriously, move on. All I hear again in this thread is more rationalizations to try to make it sound like you have something with this person, you never had. If you can Skype with someone, then you can talk to them, this is not a game for him, he is protecting himself from someone he just wanted to flirt with online and have fun with and never meet. There a billion other men out there that are ready for relationships and someday you will find one that is your match there or in CD, but it won't happen until you be honest with yourself.

[ldrxoxo]

I need to be pretty blunt here...

I have read most of your threads about this relationship, and can honestly say that if I were in his shoes, I would have deleted your contact info a long time ago and run away. It looks like he may finally be doing that.

Stop contacting him, he was never looking for a serious relationship with you and everything you have done has driven him further and further away.

By the way, I couldn't care less what way you view me because last time I checked, I'm not even trying to date you, so no need to put in your two cents about my personality. If you haven't been in a situation like this, then clearly, you wouldn't know what advice to give.

[ldrxoxo]

As a woman, I tend to think most of us are a little crazy. We have to be, we are emotional beings! But there is a scale of girl crazy. The normal levels, where we get a little clingy, being passive aggressive and cry for no reason, and then there is that other extreme. Being aggressive (those girls that slash their exes tires are a good example), being obsessive, emotional instability and many other examples. You are bordering on obsessive and it's only been a few months. I think it's best to move on now and cut your losses. As he gets more comfortable at college he is going to spend less time in his room, and more time out and about with people his own age. Meaning even if he doesn't mean to, he's not going to be around to chit chat. Age shouldn't matter...but sometimes it does. Find someone your own age, someone who is ready for what you want. Someone who will actually have something to offer you in advice for a gambling addiction and someone who isn't preoccupied with their own life to give you comfort. You aren't going to find those things with a 19 year old college boy.

Mostly take time for yourself. You like to write so write! But not about him. Be creative, make up something entirely new and unrelated. I used to be heavily into creative writing. From fanfics (shh) to my own ideas and it was freeing. It would keep me occupied for hours, with nothing on my mind but my characters and the story I was weaving. I had things written on napkins and receipts because ideas would pop into my head as I went about daily life. Find something to commit yourself to, and forget all about this. It's for the best. And when you are ready, you'll find the perfect guy. For some of us (took me 30 years) it takes longer than others.

BTW...i had a micro mid life crisis last year when I turned 30...I got 3 tattoos, and 7 piercings all in that time frame. It happens.

I like to write about anything I can think of so I may just look into those fanfics. That's interesting! I haven't met too many writers anywhere I go unless I go to a writing community. I don't know if I can "not" write about him. Everyone who has read my writings say my best stuff are about him, unfortunately. I was thinking about creating some characters not exactly like how he is, but the feelings for the characters are still there, but in different situations and different characters from the real life situation altogether.

I think it's funny that whenever guys call me "crazy," maybe they should deal with the people who are extra obsessed with me and they'll be blessed I am the way I am. I had a 62-year-old stalker stalk me for three years. He wrote these massive love confessions on the third day he met me and he pretends to talk like we're an item even though I never led the old guy on at all. I even called the old guy every nasty name under the sun and he still would be obsessed to try to pursue me. I have a 30 something year old guy show up at my apartment whenever he pleases uninvited when I don't answer his calls or texts. I mean, I at least have some courtesy to make plans and not show up to someone's house without announcing that I'm coming over.

[differentcountries]

If you haven't been in a situation like this, then clearly, you wouldn't know what advice to give.

Lots of people have been in similar situation to yours. It is common for people, especially those inexperienced with serious relationships, to sort of fade out of the picture instead of saying bluntly they don't want the relationship anymore when that is the case. You can still make it like a closure in your own mind. I have done in the past, I just decided for myself that enough was enough. I have had people do stranger shit than he ever had the time to do to you! Still I don't blame them, because they did their best even if it did not hold up. Be grateful he bailed out so soon, because it gives you a chance to realize he could not offer you a great deal in the long run. Sometimes a relationship is rewarding for some time and then not so much. Perhaps one day you will look at this period of your life and feel you have come to a different place. Everything that happens is potentionally a learning experience if we are willing to change when life changes.

[Hollandia]

You do realize this is the third thread you made and asked for advice and then attacked the posters that gave it to you? That poster was telling you his opinion. He has a right to do that and if you don't want to keep hearing things you don't want then why do you keep making threads? DavidVS is an a relationship and an adult male, he does not wish to date you and I find it disturbing you even mentioned it.

I'm just a poster her too, but can you please stop making multiple threads and keep your relationship in one?

https://members.lovingfromadistance....earchid=731899

Several of these have become toxic because you don't hear what you want. Making multiple threads won't stop that it just fills the forum with more toxic threads.

[differentcountries]

I think it's funny that whenever guys call me "crazy," maybe they should deal with the people who are extra obsessed with me and they'll be blessed I am the way I am. I had a 62-year-old stalker stalk me for three years. He wrote these massive love confessions on the third day he met me and he pretends to talk like we're an item even though I never led the old guy on at all. I even called the old guy every nasty name under the sun and he still would be obsessed to try to pursue me. I have a 30 something year old guy show up at my apartment whenever he pleases uninvited when I don't answer his calls or texts. I mean, I at least have some courtesy to make plans and not show up to someone's house without announcing that I'm coming over.

Firstly, any person who persue contact with a reluctant person is bordering stalking/playing with the stalking fire. I was called a stalker once by a guy a sort of dated, which could translate as him being ambivalent about the whole thing (he did break up with his fiance over me), yet if I persued it beyond that point I would indeed be stalking him (I did not. When we later kissed it was all his initiative). The main thing is to have some humble approach to to possability that a person may want to end it at any given time, for any reason, and respect that.
Second, I had stalkers too and they LOVE feedback, wether negative or positive, any reacton will make them feel you want them to continue. If people are stalking you, take the consequense by NOT keeping in touch as that will only feed their interest.

[ldrxoxo]

Firstly, any person who persue contact with a reluctant person is bordering stalking/playing with the stalking fire. I was called a stalker once by a guy a sort of dated, which could translate as him being ambivalent about the whole thing (he did break up with his fiance over me), yet if I persued it beyond that point I would indeed be stalking him (I did not. When we later kissed it was all his initiative). The main thing is to have some humble approach to to possability that a person may want to end it at any given time, for any reason, and respect that.
Second, I had stalkers too and they LOVE feedback, wether negative or positive, any reacton will make them feel you want them to continue. If people are stalking you, take the consequense by NOT keeping in touch as that will only feed their interest.

Hahaha that is so true. I said to my stalkers flat out I said, "I bet you think I actually like you just because I'm giving you any type of response" and then I reminded them I never mislead them. It's just so depressing all I have are super extra-clingy old guys after me. I mean that's all I can get it seems like, ugh. I went for someone younger hoping to have a little bit of fun and not be too serious about life, but since it was far away that was a little bit more than what I had bargained for. No young guys try to talk to me here. I think they're intimidated by me or something.

I try to see the positive in this that he did help me become a better writer, and gave me plenty to write and vLog about and turn it into fictional stories. Before I met him, I was almost running out of ideas to write about, shockingly, lol. I have four books full of ideas now.

My deal breakers are: no super long distance and no guys with kids by other women.

Before this long distance, I had made an exception to try to date someone with kids from my town because I really liked him a lot, and when the "wife" or whatever she is actually called my phone, I said to myself, there's a reason why I never gave any guy before this a chance who has kids.

I'm starting to think I should just stay with my deal breakers no matter how much I like someone. :/

[differentcountries]

well, that is what deal breakers er for

[ldrxoxo]

well, that is what deal breakers er for

Lmao yep

[sarahjane1992]

I am going to be brutally honest now.

This poster was just being completely honest with you. This is pretty snarky response back. I tried to do the same thing. Read over all your own threads and pretend like you a 19 year old boy and it really is just that. The thing that looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, is still just a duck. He does not need to grow up, he is 19. He is acting like a 19 year old. If you don't want to date someone that acts like a teenager, then don't try to date a teenager. Wanting to have contact is just that, contact. It is not professions of undying love or commitment. If anyone tells you something you don't want to hear your tone gets very immature. I am not a guy and I do believe you are showing signs of some mental instability. I am a mother of a bi-polar teenager too. I am having many red flags of self centric and psychosis in your posts. This just means you are showing signs of losing touch with reality and have a feeling that everything that is going on in the world revolves around you. A bit longer than a decade of therapy sessions with her docs and raising her has given me pretty good insight into this. I suggest you look into speaking to a psychologist for some assistance in working through some issues.

He told you he liked your stories to be polite. He tried to let you down easy. He started by just pulling away but you would not accept that. He deleted you now, he is done. Cold hard truth but you simply don't want to hear it, and I am sure you will make more threads presenting another angle that if the original threads are not read, will garner you more sympathy, which I think at this point is what you want. Attention and sympathy. I sympathize but seriously, move on. All I hear again in this thread is more rationalizations to try to make it sound like you have something with this person, you never had. If you can Skype with someone, then you can talk to them, this is not a game for him, he is protecting himself from someone he just wanted to flirt with online and have fun with and never meet. There a billion other men out there that are ready for relationships and someday you will find one that is your match there or in CD, but it won't happen until you be honest with yourself.

Sometimes being brutally honest is the best strategy. The OP needs to move on. I agree with Davidvs. I also have read many of your threads. The 19 year old has pushed you away. There is a point when you have to let go. Besides, from everything I have read, he really wasn't yours in the first place.