The Men of LFAD

[Luc]

To answer some of the questions of a fellow man here (to get this damn thread back on topic):

I'd love to shoot the shit with the men just to see what made you guys join / why you joined and what your experience has been? (I'm rather new)

What made me join? Two reasons really. 1) Curiosity. I was curious what other people in an LDR would have to say about their relationship. 2) Advice. I had some issues when I came here and hoped some men and women on here could give me some new insights.

My experience? Not sure what you really mean. Do you mean my experience with my LDR or my experience on this forum?

[Chillosaurus]

[...] I'd love to shoot the shit with the men just to see what made you guys join / why you joined and what your experience has been? (I'm rather new)

This was the original idea (I hope I interprete it correctly, here) behind starting this topic. I respect the OP a lot for opening it!
I came here as our relationship became long distance after a time which was very intensive but also very short. I've been interested in relationship dynamics and the way attraction works for a while and I was looking for a resource on possible ways to deal with this new situation and to keep the attraction alive even without being able to have physical contact.
What about you?

[Chillosaurus]

If I might interject something here, I find this to be true on Facebook groups I'm on, too. I am on several Twin Flames/Relationship-oriented groups, and for some reason most of the groups are either ALL women, or very few men. [...]
I do agree with you, that if the right environment is not present, it could passively shut out a group of people.

Luckily (some) men are starting out as well and create environments for themselves to discuss about relationships, self-development, purpose in life, mating, religion... A happy society requires the emancipation of all genders.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Luckily (some) men are starting out as well and create environments for themselves to discuss about relationships, self-development, purpose in life, mating, religion... A happy society requires the emancipation of all genders.

Okay, if you are a straight white male and you think you are not emancipated in mainstream Western culture, I just...I have nothing to say to you.

I need to stay the eff out of this thread. I do not do well with MRAs.

[differentcountries]

I totally agree with Chill. This is also a pattern I see and a huge difference between men and women.

Men are problem solvers. When we have a problem, we want to fix it. We are practical creatures. Yes, we can be emotional, yes, we can be upset, but when we are, we want to fix it. Most of us want to fix it through logic, reasoning and practical solutions.

Women aren't like this. Women, when they have a problem, they want to talk about it. More specifically, they want to talk about their feelings. Their feelings are the most important thing to a woman from what I've seen. Women are emotional creatures, as opposed to us practical men. When a woman has a problem, at least half of the time that problem is related to an emotion (for example her SO said something that made her feel upset), and half of the time that problem can be fixed by simply appealing to her emotions, let her vent, understand her emotions, and cherish them, make her feel heard. Often, that is enough to help an upset woman.

When a man talks about his issues, he often talks about the facts and practical issues. He's often straight to the point and puts less emphasis on how he feels.

When a woman talks about her issues, she often talks about her emotions. She often talks with long emotionally loaded words and sentences. Her feelings and how this issue makes her feel are the most important thing.


I think this is an inherent difference between most men and women. This forum and the different way of communication that I see between the men and the women on here, shows that rather marvelously.

Even if don't write it, I assume that this is a broad generalisation that misses a lot of individuals and you are trying to make a point about two modes of problem -solving. I see what you mean. I love this about men, their ability to cut to the core and do something rather than talk it over. I love it in women, too. It is also what I don't like. The way many men talk about things, they don't aqknowledge the emotion side, still they have emotions too, especially sadness and anger and the panic you described earlier. And dealing with things practically does not always take care of that, though sometimes it does . I feel the best approach for lots of issues is a combination of emotions and solutions. Sometimes, emotions can be a big part of the solution. Sometimes, the emotions makes the head too blurry and it is better to be soly practical. It all depends. We could all be more creative in our problem -solving and step out of our comfort zone.

[differentcountries]

Luckily (some) men are starting out as well and create environments for themselves to discuss about relationships, self-development, purpose in life, mating, religion... A happy society requires the emancipation of all genders.

What do you mean, concretely? Are we talking Facebook groups or physical meetings? It does sound a bit either drum circle or gentleman 's club. I am all for a bit of bromance, just how is this different from the way men usually have male friendships and gatherings?

[Davidvs]

It's pretty much all this bickering (on both sides) that keeps me from making comments very often.

[differentcountries]

Ah, the bickering and the love are two sides of the same coin.

Maybe there could be a Practical thread? Similar to the Ranting thread (well, opposite).

[Malaga]

What I find funny is that when a man speaks about men in general, and male behavior in general, some women tend to reply with a general statement that no, men aren't like that, etc. etc. etc. Isn't that essentially speaking on behalf of all men? Isn't that exactly the thing you accuse some LFAD men of doing?

That's faulty logic. This is how logic actually works:
A: "All men are like that"
B: "Some men aren't like that"
=
"All men are like that" is incorrect. "Some men are like that" is correct.

Qualifiers like "most" or "average" are highly problematic and disputable.

[Hollandia]

Totally agree -- I think Luc's post is a bad example of what I was hoping this thread might achieve. Do you think if you hadn't responded first the men on the forum would have stepped in with similar comments?

LOL, Sorry about making that assumption. I think if want to label yourself as male, you can put something in your signature.

Well, this thread got more heated than I hoped for. I made so that the men could discuss their perspectives and opinions about how they feel about being in an LDR. If it also creates a place for them to shoot the shit, great.

I am disappointed by how many females keep trying to debunk their posts if it is something they don't like or agree with. Let the other men chime in and let's see where this goes. It is like a look behind the doors of the guy's locker room.

[Dziubka]

I don't understand the point of this thread. If the men of LFAD (how many active men are there?) needed or wanted a place to discuss their perspectives, then they would have opened one a long time ago.

[Hollandia]

I don't understand the point of this thread. If the men of LFAD (how many active men are there?) needed or wanted a place to discuss their perspectives, then they would have opened one a long time ago.

The men on the thread like it. I made it because of some interactions I have had with some of the males on this forum.

[Chillosaurus]

Okay, if you are a straight white male and you think you are not emancipated in mainstream Western culture, I just...I have nothing to say to you.

Did I write: "white males have to emancipate in Western culture"? NO!
I have said that I want all genders to emancipate themselves, which for me means finding your individual position and role in life which is something completely different from some equal rights movement, because it does not (primarily) depend on culture or skin-color. Nevertheless, I do not really like your way of thinking here: that there are groups of people who have bigger difficulties does not mean you can ignore the ones who have smaller struggles.

I need to stay the eff out of this thread. I do not do well with MRAs.

Yes, you are going off-topic. Anyway, what are MRAs?

[sarahjane1992]

I don't understand the point of this thread. If the men of LFAD (how many active men are there?) needed or wanted a place to discuss their perspectives, then they would have opened one a long time ago.

I agree with Dziubka on this. Opening a thread and labeling it just for men is more divisive than helpful. Especially because we as women will give our two cents regardless. If the men of LFAD truly wanted a guy only thread or section, they could open one. Usually on forums like this there is a private group etc. I'm not exactly sure how Michelle has that set up on here.

[Malaga]

I agree with Dziubka on this. Opening a thread and labeling it just for men is more divisive than helpful. Especially because we as women will give our two cents regardless. If the men of LFAD truly wanted a guy only thread or section, they could open one. Usually on forums like this there is a private group etc. I'm not exactly sure how Michelle has that set up on here.