SO's best friend

[Redheart14]

Cut the cord with your SO's bff. It is an unhealthy attachment and you need to find other things to occupy your time. Get a hobby, exercise, take a class- whatever, but it sounds like you are (or on the verge of) embarking on an emotional affair.

I agree, this looks like it could be on the verge of one.

[Hollandia]

I'm trying to busy myself with work (new job), reading and going for walks. But he's the only one who is consistently there for me, out of all my family and friends. :/

That's a problem, one you need to handle. It is not fair to your SO. HE is the one that is your person and not his BFF. Join a book club or a cooking class but if you need more friends you should find them, you know that is not how you feel about his BFF. If he knows how you feel, his should not allow it to happen either, he should be dating other woman. These things end up in full blown affairs more often than you think. If you don't want to risk getting burned, stop playing with fire.

[rubydissolution]

I agree with all those who have said cut the cord with the BFF. You are not only risking things with your SO, you are going to break up a friendship. That is not fair to your SO. Wrecking your relationship bc of your attraction to the BFF is one thing, killing a friendship is another. Even if you and your SO don't work out and you end up with the BFF, you've still ended their friendship. I don't know many friendships that can handle the ex dating the friend. Being super lose with your SO's friends isn't the way its supposed to be unless you were friends before the relationship. Back off before it's too late.

[Miasmata]

Well, I have to disagree and say that being close with your SO's friends is nothing wrong. However, when you definitely feel more than friendship, you need to take a step back and re-examine the situation and your approach to it, that's for sure! Be honest with yourself, that's the most important part.

[differentcountries]

You sound to me like you are having some sort of crush on his friend. Only you know if it is platonic or romantic, and what it means to you. One very practical tip: stop comparing the two men to SO, especially to your SOs disfavour, unless you want to give SO the impression of not liking him anymore.

[Petals]

Well, I have to disagree and say that being close with your SO's friends is nothing wrong. However, when you definitely feel more than friendship, you need to take a step back and re-examine the situation and your approach to it, that's for sure! Be honest with yourself, that's the most important part.

No it isn't wrong to be close to your SO's bff, but in this context, she is getting closer to the bff than her own SO. Something is wrong with this picture. She needs to work out issues with her bf and if the relationship is not working then end it. IMO, what seems to developing here is an unhealthy attachment, while she is in this relationship and it is likely to escalate if she doesn't put an end to it soon. It doesn't mean not talk to him at all, but reduce the amount of time she spends talking to him.

If a guy were saying the things she's saying about his attachment to his girlfriend's bff, wouldn't your alarm bells go off?

[Miasmata]

No it isn't wrong to be close to your SO's bff, but in this context, she is getting closer to the bff than her own SO. Something is wrong with this picture. She needs to work out issues with her bf and if the relationship is not working then end it. IMO, what seems to developing here is an unhealthy attachment, while she is in this relationship and it is likely to escalate if she doesn't put an end to it soon. It doesn't mean not talk to him at all, but reduce the amount of time she spends talking to him.

If a guy were saying the things she's saying about his attachment to his girlfriend's bff, wouldn't your alarm bells go off?

Oh, totally agreeing there. That's why I said that the OP needs to be honest with herself and take a step back, because this is a recipe for disaster sooner or later. I was more responding to rubydissolution saying that being close with your SO's friends isn't a good idea. I beg to differ there, but I totally agree with the general tenor in the thread that this specific situation isn't going right.

OP, either you prioritize your SO again, or you break it off with him. I don't like being so blunt, but when something goes so beyond friendship like your relationship with the BFF seems to, you are not having your priorities straight! If you feel neglected by your partner, say so. Don't use his friend as the replacement boyfriend!

[rubydissolution]

I meant in this situation where she is spending more time talking to her SOs bff then her own SO it isn't right. Being casual with ur SOs friends is more appropriate. They are too close for comfort.

[uk2usa]

I definitely don't have feelings for my BFF romantically, so I will curb the conversations. You guys are right when saying it could lead to something devastating and it isn't fair to SO
I do prioritize my SO but it's so hard when I get nothing back. I don't want to lose him, but it's so hard
I do have other friends but it's not the same, I'm very grateful to call my BFF just that.

[Miasmata]

Then, like I said, don't use the BFF as the replacement boyfriend, the guy who gives you the attention and care your partner doesn't. It's not fun, but you definitely need to convey to your SO that you have some serious issues with the way things are, and that he needs to take that seriously. LDRs are tough, and it needs the energy and devotion of everyone involved to make it work. Instead of seeking comfort in the BFF, try confronting your SO with these problems. Best of luck!

[uk2usa]

It's my SO's birthday today and he hasn't spoken to me once. He's still gone to college, and he's read my messages. :/

[Hollandia]

It's my SO's birthday today and he hasn't spoken to me once. He's still gone to college, and he's read my messages. :/

Would you want to marry someone that acted this way? It does not sound like he is serious about you at all. If not, break it off, be honest, and ask him how he would feel if you dated his BFF. Beware, you could lose them both, but TBH, I don't think you even have your SO.

[uk2usa]

I feel so miserable. I can't say anything because it's his birthday. I don't know if I can handle this anymore ... I've tried so hard to be patient and understanding. I can't bare to lose him but this is killing me

[differentcountries]

I can't say anything because it's his birthday.

You can call him. You can tell him you want to be part of his special day (if he is celebrating, that is). Did you make any plans forhand?

[R&R]

A relationship isn't supposed to make you miserable. How your partner treats you isn't supposed to make you miserable. Yes, it will have ups and downs but from all you have posted, you are really the only one vested in this relationship. He can say he loves you or wants this relationship all he wants but his actions have proved otherwise. End it, birthday or not. You don't deserve to keep suffering because of his actions (or non-actions).