It's Over.

[c_denise3]

He broke up with me yesterday. It was completely unexpected, and very sudden. I'm hurt, angry, and broken. I don't understand.

Long story short, he said he "hasn't been feeling it" for about two months now. He even felt weird when I just visited him up in Connecticut a few weekends ago. He said he doesn't feel as though we are a forever love anymore, and he just doesn't see a future with me anymore. He said he still cares about me, and loves me, but more as a friend, rather than a future wife. He said he didn't understand why he lost feelings, but when he received my Christmas card, and read my heartfelt words, he felt nothing. That's when he knew something was wrong. He says he doesn't understand what happened to his feelings, and said that maybe he's not cut out for long distance like he once thought he was. He said he's even been looking at engagement rings but it didn't excite him like it should.

We've been together nearly two years. Two years of long distance. Challenges with the military. Separation via boot camp, and A-school. We've been through so much together, so many amazing memories, actively planning a future together, and now it's all just gone. He's trying to say he's saving me from potential heartache later on down the road if he were to have made a bigger commitment and these feelings he's having would be persistent. I really don't understand because over these past two months he has still been talking future things, allowing me to go out and purchase his Christmas gifts, etc. Several of my friends are saying that he was probably just too scared to say anything just yet.

I have sacrificed so much for this relationship. I have put in so much effort, but it wasn't given on his end. He allowed himself to lose feelings for me, because he didn't try hard enough. I would've done and did anything to make us thrive, but it wasn't really reciprocated. I know now that that's not a relationship. I made excuses for him because "he's in the military and can't do whatever he wants," or "his finances aren't the greatest so it'll be on me." It was always on me. Financially, travel-wise, everything. Even emotionally, I felt as though I was carrying our relationship, and last night proved it. I obviously was the one who loved more in our relationship.

I just really don't know what to do right now. The thought of eventually starting over terrifies me, because I feel as though I won't find someone else. Nearly two years of my life down the drain-- Every hope, every dream we once shared together, all gone because he's "just not feeling it anymore."

[Littlewhiteflower]

I'm sorry your relationships came to an end after 2 years. It's very sad and I can only imagine how much it must hurt.

You should not even think about starting over at the moment. You must live your breaking up and after, when you'll be completely fine, when you'll stop being sad, angry, desmolished, hurt, when you'll forgive, then the idea of being with someone else will come back. Give you time !

It's normal to have these feelings. Totally normal. So cry every tears you have inside of you, scream if it help you, eat ice cream while watching horrible love story movies..eliminate your sadness and with time, it will all be fine again. You were fine before your break up and you will be fine after a while.
I know what I'm talking about. I almost destroyed my life after a break up and I'm fine today.

I don't think he "allowed himself to lose feelings for you". Don't take it the wrong way, I don't think that you can chose to have feelings or not. You can do your best to make a relationship works, but sometimes, it's not enough. Your partner can be the best person in the world, can show you all the love in the world, it doesn't mean it's what you want, it's what you're looking for. If he doesn't see you as a wife, it's good he told you now. You could have been married and he would have divorced and it would have been worse. Especially if you have children or were thinking of having some.
You must accept what happen. You must accept the fact that he didn't have these feelings for you anymore. He didn't chose it. It happened. You must accept the fact that maybe you deserve something else. Overall, you grew up during these 2 years together. You learned about yourself, about what you were ready to do for a man, about how much love you were ready to give. You learned about yourself. Not every relationships are meant to work, but they always teach us a lesson and they permit us to become better humans.

I hope you can understand that one day and I wish you the very best. I know today, it's not easy. Tomorrow it won't be either. But one day, you'll go out of this sadness and anger, and you'll realize that this chapter of your life is over, but another one can start now.

I hope you can have a merry Christmas even if it won't be like you planned. Take this time to be with your family and friends. Enjoy their company. Give them love and let them be there for you. that's the more important.

[Rezie]

I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I know nothing we say can make it better. If being disappointed in your partner helps you then allow that feeling. Unfortunately feelings are a weird thing and I don't think your partner allowed to not feel those things. It just happens sometimes. Wether it is LDR ir CDR. Someday you will appreciate that he decided to end it now instead of going on with it without having feelings. That doesn't serve anyone.

You don't have to think about moving on right now. Feel free to feel sad,angry, disappointed or what ever you feel. Get those out of your system.

I hate sayings and clises but I resent came across one that really spoke to me. 'People come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime'. Take this as a learning experience and come out as stronger! Take care and good luck x

[xxcazaxx]

Sorry to hear this!

[Chris516]

He broke up with me yesterday. It was completely unexpected, and very sudden. I'm hurt, angry, and broken. I don't understand.

Long story short, he said he "hasn't been feeling it" for about two months now. He even felt weird when I just visited him up in Connecticut a few weekends ago. He said he doesn't feel as though we are a forever love anymore, and he just doesn't see a future with me anymore. He said he still cares about me, and loves me, but more as a friend, rather than a future wife. He said he didn't understand why he lost feelings, but when he received my Christmas card, and read my heartfelt words, he felt nothing. That's when he knew something was wrong. He says he doesn't understand what happened to his feelings, and said that maybe he's not cut out for long distance like he once thought he was. He said he's even been looking at engagement rings but it didn't excite him like it should.

We've been together nearly two years. Two years of long distance. Challenges with the military. Separation via boot camp, and A-school. We've been through so much together, so many amazing memories, actively planning a future together, and now it's all just gone. He's trying to say he's saving me from potential heartache later on down the road if he were to have made a bigger commitment and these feelings he's having would be persistent. I really don't understand because over these past two months he has still been talking future things, allowing me to go out and purchase his Christmas gifts, etc. Several of my friends are saying that he was probably just too scared to say anything just yet.

I have sacrificed so much for this relationship. I have put in so much effort, but it wasn't given on his end. He allowed himself to lose feelings for me, because he didn't try hard enough. I would've done and did anything to make us thrive, but it wasn't really reciprocated. I know now that that's not a relationship. I made excuses for him because "he's in the military and can't do whatever he wants," or "his finances aren't the greatest so it'll be on me." It was always on me. Financially, travel-wise, everything. Even emotionally, I felt as though I was carrying our relationship, and last night proved it. I obviously was the one who loved more in our relationship.

I just really don't know what to do right now. The thought of eventually starting over terrifies me, because I feel as though I won't find someone else. Nearly two years of my life down the drain-- Every hope, every dream we once shared together, all gone because he's "just not feeling it anymore."

You are better than he is. You put in the effort, he didn't. I can sort of see him, not being able to buy something his CO told him to buy. Then his pay getting docked for his stupidity.

[sasad]

You are better than he is. You put in the effort, he didn't. I can sort of see him, not being able to buy something his CO told him to buy. Then his pay getting docked for his stupidity.

Sorry,..again, what does his CO have to do with this?

[Chris516]

Sorry,..again, what does his CO have to do with this?

Her (ex)SO's finances. Translation, supporting the OP in this painful time. Remembering all the 'red flags' helps, too.

[sasad]

I agree with what almost everyone else says. I am so so sorry you are hurting, and please take the time to heal your heart and soul. You will find your perfect someone. I am glad you did find out now instead of later.
I also don't think he allowed himself to lose his feelings.. that can and is what happens when relationships fail. It dies take two. He was not in the same place you are. And that is ok as hard as it seems now.

Please don't blame the military. That didn't change his mind, nor did his CO in any way do that.. HE did it. It was HIS feelings.

Try to relax and step away from it all. Give yourself some love and breathing room, then go back and see what was what. Right now you are too angry and bitter.. It will get better

[Chris516]

I agree with what almost everyone else says. I am so so sorry you are hurting, and please take the time to heal your heart and soul. You will find your perfect someone. I am glad you did find out now instead of later.
I also don't think he allowed himself to lose his feelings.. that can and is what happens when relationships fail. It dies take two. He was not in the same place you are. And that is ok as hard as it seems now.

Please don't blame the military. That didn't change his mind, nor did his CO in any way do that.. HE did it. It was HIS feelings.

Try to relax and step away from it all. Give yourself some love and breathing room, then go back and see what was what. Right now you are too angry and bitter.. It will get better

Correct, His CO didn't instruct him to be fiscally irresponsible. He did that on his own.

[autumn1790]

Chris, is it your life goal to be negative about absolutely everyone? Your posts are cringe-worthy, most of the time. You're not the only saint in the world. And I don't criticize people lightly. She wasn't asking people here to tear down her guy...I'm sure that probably only makes the pain worse.

[Chris516]

Chris, is it your life goal to be negative about absolutely everyone? Your posts are cringe-worthy, most of the time. You're not the only saint in the world. And I don't criticize people lightly. She wasn't asking people here to tear down her guy...I'm sure that probably only makes the pain worse.

There is a positive and negative side. To every question asked. I criticized the OP's (ex)so, short of really saying something negative. Because, He treated the OP poorly, and the OP definitely didn't deserve to be treated that way.

If you can't accept how I reply. C'est la vie.

[autumn1790]

I might be the odd ball, but I disagree that it's wrong to tell your SO that your feelings have disappeared. It's tough, and sometimes it's a lot easier to try to "fake it til you make it" instead of hurting your SO so very badly. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love, so if you're not in love but you still love them it's really hard to be honest so things don't get even worse in the end.

[Chris516]

I might be the odd ball, but I disagree that it's wrong to tell your SO that your feelings have disappeared. It's tough, and sometimes it's a lot easier to try to "fake it til you make it" instead of hurting your SO so very badly. There's a difference between loving someone and being in love, so if you're not in love but you still love them it's really hard to be honest so things don't get even worse in the end.

You are not an odd ball. I don't disagree about it not being wrong to tell an SO when feelings have changed. But I still do think, that he treated the OP badly. Why, If they were already CD, life goes on'. But the SO already knew how emotionally tough LDRs' are. Yet he still chose to enter into the LDR w/ the OP. That was my point.

[C.C.]

You are not an odd ball. I don't disagree about it not being wrong to tell an SO when feelings have changed. But I still do think, that he treated the OP badly. Why, If they were already CD, life goes on'. But the SO already knew how emotionally tough LDRs' are. Yet he still chose to enter into the LDR w/ the OP. That was my point.

And??
We shouldn't enter LDRs at all because our feelings might change someday?
Do you seriously think he didn't love her or something just because his feelings changed? What does the LDR even have to do with it. Relationships are relationships no matter what.

....
To OP: I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. But that's what life is like. Grieve at first and everything, but afterwards stay strong and takr care of yourself and your life.
And spoil yourself whenever you can, remember, you deserve the best :3

[R&R]

I'm sorry. We've all been there at some point in our lives......sometimes multiple times. We get through and you will too. You have every right to grieve the relationship.

Yes, people can lose feelings. It's being human. We all ask for honesty and he provided it. Did it hurt? Of course it did. I'm sure it was also probably one of the hardest things he's had to tell someone. Right now it may not seem so, but be thankful that he did tell you now. You wouldn't have wanted this to go on for even longer, only to find out he hadn't felt the same way as you for 6 months or a year.

It can be easy, in our anger, to see this as a waste of time. In reality, we all learn a lot during that time. We find out what we like and what works. We find out what doesn't. We find out that we can be stronger than we ever thought possible. We have good memories that we will always have with us and experiences we may never have had the opportunity to live in other situations. Once you have some time and distance, you 'll be able to see those things.