Do holidays matter?

[Callie28]

I’ve been in a LDR with my boyfriend for over 11 months. He lives about 3 hours away, which I know is nothing compared to other LDR couples, but with me in school full time and working and him working crazy shifts, we see each other about once a month.

Right now, I’m struggling because we are never together for holidays. He was invited to my family’s Thanksgiving and Christmas (my family is an hour from him, so when I’m home I hope we see more of each other, but not always). I did go to a Thanksgiving dinner with his family the next day. He also was invited to my birthday dinner in January, but picked up shifts on those days and couldn’t make it. He called me on my birthday, so it’s not that he forgot, but we saw each other the weekend before, and I thought maybe he’d give me a card celebrate in some way. Nope. Today is Valentine’s Day, and he texted me saying Happy Valentine’s Day, but no call, no card, not even a little more in the text about how he feels, nothing.


He’s coming this weekend, so I know I shouldn’t be acting like such a spoiled brat, but he hasn’t mentioned anything about celebrating Valentine’s Day or my birthday together. In fact, our one year anniversary is next month and I told him I’d be home on spring break. It’s his weekend off, even! I was so excited that we’d finally be able to spend one of these important days together...now he has said he picked up OT and won’t be available, but has a couple days off during the week instead.

I’m really hurt and trying not to be a baby about this, but I need some advice from people who are living it. Is this normal, am I expecting too much? I just don’t know how to talk about my feelings without sounding like a baby whining she isn’t getting her way. I don’t want expensive gifts or dinners, just to feel like I’m important enough to spend time with more than one weekend a month, especially when our schedules had worked for such a perfect day.

I don’t know what to do, but it’s causing a huge strain that I’m not even sure he realizes is there.

[Michelle]

Holidays 100% matter if they matter to you. Have you ever told him how important it is that he is with you to celebrate some holidays? Does he know that you felt hurt when he passed on celebrating Christmas/Thanksgiving/your birthday with you? You just want to feel extra loved on those days of the year. You’re not a spoiled brat for feeling that way.

[Redheart14]

Holidays 100% matter if they matter to you. Have you ever told him how important it is that he is with you to celebrate some holidays? Does he know that you felt hurt when he passed on celebrating Christmas/Thanksgiving/your birthday with you? You just want to feel extra loved on those days of the year. You’re not a spoiled brat for feeling that way.

I agree with this!
Everyone is different and value or don't value holidays for different reasons. I'll admit ever since my Dad died Christmas just isn't the same and I don't really enjoy celebrating it. My fiancé knows this and Christmas is just another day for us. Sometimes in life things come up and Can't be helped, that's ok. But he is choosing to work. I think if he knew how your were feeling he would make more of an effort.

[Mariaa]

Some Guys don't react as girls to certain things, why a girl wants to feel loved and special on her birthday or valentine's, a guy can't automatically figure it out by himself. He may think that by sending a simple happy birthday or happy valentine's he did what he has to do and that his girl by that now is super happy which is not exactly the case . You have to show him the way to your heart and how you want to be treated, he can't just guess it especially in a LDR where he is not seeing you and living by you all the time , it's hard to know deeply how a person is or what she likes in a LDR unless you make him know .
Wish you guys all happiness 😊

[Rezie]

Holidays are personal. Some people don't care about them and some do. Some care about some holidays more than others. I don't think it's a gender thing, it's a personalty thing. I don't care about valentines day or anniversaries. But I care about mayday and mid summer. I associate christmas with my childhood family and not my partner. In fact all of us "kids" spend christmas without our SO's since all of us want to spend it with our childhood family and not travel the whole holiday. Even my brother who has been married for 10 years. Everyone is welcome but it just works out like that. Actually my boyfriend wanted to celebrate my birthday and valentine's day eventhough I wanted to skip them. You need to comunicate on what you like. You can say that you would like to exchange cards on holidays or "I would really like to have dinner on the weekend before my birthday". Then he can share his view and you can try to find compromise.

[Lyssa]

Everyone here already covered most of what I was going to say, but one thing I want to add from personal experience is that sometimes an SO may be bad with dates and forget some really important ones, but that does not have to mean something bad. You didn't really say that he forgot dates, just that he doesn't handle them the way you want, but I still feel like this is important to say since holidays and dates are the topic.

The guy that I've been doing this long distance thing for a few years now still has trouble remembering my birthday! I'm a sensitive person and we tend to put these SO's on a pedestal of expectation whether we mean to or not, so it was a little hurtful at first that he forgot my birthday. But as I got to know him more and more, I learned he's simply just a person that forgets dates. That doesn't make things any less important and it certainly doesn't have to be a reflection off of the relationship.

Holidays absolutely matter if that's what you value. What matters to you needs to be important to him. Let him know what you like. He just might need to know more directly I hope it all works out, and keep us updated if/when you talk to him about it!

[hmrambling]

I recommend that you talk to your SO. My SO never really made a big deal about Valentine's Day. We talked about it, and I said I would like to do something to celebrate the day (even though we both agree that it is really a Hallmark holiday to make businesses money). So we kind of loosely plan to do something that doesn't involve making big corporations money. Last night, we played miniature golf at a local bowling alley. It was fun. Neither of us are the sort that would expect a dozen roses. Clear communication of what you want is essential!

[C.C.]

I get what you are feeling. You think he should be doing something that is commonly considered as necessary/good behaviour so it makes you feel sad.

But all people are individual, really. Not only about celebrations but about anything and you can't know the reasons for his actions unless you find it out. You can't expect him to do something naturally all the time because what you consider good and necessary might be out of sync and most of the time it happens because of differences, be it personal, cultural or whatever. So just be patient and try to find out how he actually feels about stuff.

Like, for example, me and my SO decided not to do any gifts for Valentine's because neither of us care about the holiday and we hate consumerism and commercialism associated with it.