Keeping your LDR secret

[shaihulud]

The only reason we're keeping ours under the radar (not necessarily secret, just not being n everyone's face about it) is because he's a friend of my ex-fiance, and was actually the ex's wingman to getting me apparently. Funny how things work out sometime.... But we haven't discussed it with him yet and we both feel like he could potentially take it badly. I'm leaving it up to Matt since he sees the ex more often. This summer I'll be moving to the city where Matt will be living though, so neither one of us will see the ex (unless he comes to visit Matt) so it shouldn't matter much. I'm not sure why he cares anyway since he was the one who left me.... I never cheated on him (with Matt or anyone else) so what I do after him should be my own business.

But, guys can be silly sometimes and it's best to try to preserve everyone's feelings if you can.

Pretty much all of my friends here know, but we're 1400 miles apart so the chance of word getting around to anyone who might be upset is very low. We've also both told our families.

[FadedSunrise]

My friends know, and his friends know. I definitely have nothing against friends knowing. My parents found out at one point two months ago, and there was hellfire and explosions because they are super overprotective. With only a couple weeks into a budding relationship, I couldn't take the pressure and was coerced into breaking up. Then I got back together with him in secret, and it's been a secret from the parents ever since. I tell white lies about going to club meetings I'm not going to in order to skype him, when he wants to skype me(minus sound) in the house I make sure to sit on the bed with the computer facing me. I'm currently contemplating making up a larger lie in order to see him this summer.

I couldn't give him up for all the hellfire the parents gave me, but fuck if I'm not feeling stressed about the declining likelihood of ever climbing out of this hole.

Also, none of my extended family can know-even the ones living in China and in sparse contact with the parents. I just can't take the risk, because the next time they raise hellfire, I really will never be allowed to see or talk to him ever again.

[ashleecarol]

Just wondering how many of you are still keeping your LDR secret? Are you worried about telling everyone?

If you're not, did you? And how did you break it? How did everyone react?

Mine was a secret for about 2 years! However, it was because we met when we were 13 years old! Obviously that wouldn't have gone well with my mother if she knew that I had met someone online and was dating them. That was about the time when AOL was hitting and internet predators were big on the news. So, obviously, whenever I was on the computer, my mom always was worried I was talking to a 50+ year old guy that wanted to lure me away.

I talked to my SO on the phone for a long time after we met online. His mom flew him out to meet me when we were 15 (she came with him) and we met at my friend's house.
YES, MY parents were unaware of our first meeting. They thought I was staying at a friend's house for the weekend. Which was true, however, I was meeting my SO as well.

It wasn't until December of 2005 that my mom busted into my room and goes, "Who has been calling you from FLORIDA?!" and I figured that I would just lay it all out there. So, I told her. She was FURIOUS. My dad was rather indifferent but my mom exploded. She screamed about how she was going to call the police on him and basically overreacted completely. I kept my distance from her for a long time after that but continued to talk to my SO anyway. Eventually, for the summer of 2006, I convinced my parents to let Marc come out to meet THEM and me again. They were both rather unmoving at first but they caved after I begged for them to give him a chance.

Marc flew in with his mother and my parents were absolutely taken back by him. He was the gentleman I knew he was and my older brother described it as "I wanted to hate this kid because he is my sister's boyfriend...but I can't..." As the years have gone on, my family adores him more and more. He truly is part of the family now. My family expects his visits and do whatever they can to get him to come back to see us So, it all worked out in the end.

[13000km]

We kept our's a secret before we met, even from ourselves. We refused to admit that we were in a relationship because we had not met and neither of us could really believe our feelings for one another were real. My friends and family knew I was constantly talking to this guy from the US and his family knew about "the Singaporean". At that point we both denied we were dating and said no when asked if I was flying to the US to see my lover.

During the trip, I got to meet his family. They assumed we were together and we let them. Since I came back my family hasn't asked about our relationship but I'm positive they all know already anyway. So, technically we haven't told anyone that we're in a serious relationship yet, but we have stopped denying that we are too. His dad recently asked him when he was going to marry me. (:

[lucybelle]

I kept things pretty secret with my family, though some of my real close friends knew in the beginning. I guess my mom and sister knew OF him, but not to the extent we were involved. I keep my personal life pretty quiet though. I didn't even say anything when I went to Costa Rica to visit him! I just said I wanted to go. haha Well I finally had to drop the news when he booked his plane to come visit me. They were all nonchalant about it.

Lots of my friends still don't know I have a boyfriend since it's not on facebook! ha!

[adielovesshelbs]

we didnt keep it a secret. before we got together, we talked everyday, pretty much all day, mostly through texting. then we started calling eachother. my friends and family always asked who i was talking to. i told them about him but i told them we were just friends. then when we started dating, i told them when they asked. none of my friends were surprised but my family was. everyone saw it as a matter of time. i dont think anyone thought we would last, but we are proving them wrong.

[Sora1101]

I kept my relationship a secret from everyone for a very long time, I knew my friends and my family would freak, not only over the "omg you met him over the internet" factor but also because we aren't exactly supposed to be together with our age difference. Eventually I caved in a told my friends cuz they were always pestering me about who I was texting 24/7. But I still can't tell my parents, they would probably call the cops on my SO even though we haven't done anything wrong.

[sheraccoon]

I kept my relationship from my campus friends for all but 3 weeks - had to tell my roommate because she was wondering who was calling in the middle of the night sometimes, and why I'd spend 4 hours talking.... After that news spread incredibly quickly... Bah. I kept it from my parents for about a month, and after that my SO brought up the topic of potentially visiting during the winter break, and then I had to break news... My mum was surprisingly cool about it. \o/ She was bit worried about our age gap, but I don't give a crap about ages so she said whatever suits me.

I haven't told my extended family though! My grandparents are incredibly uh, traditional, and the idea that their young granddaughter is dating a white guy from America will probably see me being disowned... Yeah... My cousins know since they're cool, but we brought up the topic indirectly towards my grandparents, and apparently we're not supposed to date white guys unless "there's no other choice"... Whoops. :P

[sad_neko_123]

Secret

Neither my mom or dad know they would not understand....

[moonsong]

My relationship is a secret, my parents always keep telling me that you cant fall in love with people over the internet.
Well all of my friends say that as well so its pretty hard to to tell them but i keep thinking you can but i will tell them one day

[alizee]

Well, my parents know about it, my aunt knows it and his father knows it. So, pretty much all the important persons know. My friends and my work colleagues don*t know, because I am mostly an introvert and I don*t like to speak about my private life. Oh, one colleague from work saw him and me when we were on a date! She said that she is happy for me!!!!
I am so glad this forum exists because I have learned so many important things here and it is a big chance to vent and to write about all the fears, thoughts, crazy things that go through our minds every day ... LDRs are very difficult mentally ...

[Chris516]

She hasn't told her family, yet.

[MushuChicken]

No one knows. Trust no one. Lol. Kidding. I have a few online friends from various forums who know about it. But, as far as real life people, not a soul. If one person finds out, they're all going to find out.

My mom isn't crazy about the idea of me going overseas as it is, but luckily she has come around to it. She actually pulled the "I really hope I don't die while you're over there" card on me. If she knew I was going over there to meet a guy, she would do ANYTHING, and I mean anything to stop it from happening- shred my passport, cut my tires, lace a food with ex-lax and serve it to me.

That said...having not met him, even if my mom and dad were the coolest people in the world, I still wouldn't tell a soul. I'm a hope for the best, expect the worst kind of person, so if my Mom and Dad and sister and cousins and co-workers and friends and everyone knew I was going over there to meet a guy...it would be mortifying to come back and have to address them if things don't work out. Maybe he stands me up. Maybe we meet and the connection just isn't there. Without meeting and knowing absolutely 100% 1000% for sure and being completely committed, I just wouldn't want to risk the embarrassment.

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, after all. I would rather expect the worst, and then if things work out swimmingly, as I hope and pray they do, I can return home with the great news, and probably eventually break it to them that it was an online thing. No harm, no foul. But, to have multiple people sitting on pins and needles, looking on social media for pictures and waiting to hear the news or whatever, and then have to come back heartbroken...it would be one wound on top of another wound.

So, that's why things will remain secret for me until we meet. I just want to be sure.

[Honour]

Both our immediate families know we're in an LDR. My SO told his mom the day we got together, but I had to slowly break it to my parents over several months for a number of reasons. My dad still doesn't like the fact I'm in an LDR, but he's got no choice but to get used to it lol

[erwin1973]

Both our families know (simple, she lives with her parents) and I told mine. Hers accept, mine don't.