Dealing with the ex

[LeilaniJoi]

I thought this might be a good ice breaker as I know many of us and our SO do have Ex's... ggrrr.

Is your ex or your SO ex still in the local area and do they ever encroach on your life? Personally, mine lives in Florida (thank god) but my SO's ex is only about an hour away living with her mom (ha!). As an age-gap relationship, this would be much more difficult except that she is my age (and fatter - ok yes I'm going to hell). My SO likes older women and it's kind of nice to not be insecure when we are around younger women his age but it kind of sucks when someone my age gets to be chummy and friends with him. I'm not sure what is worse, being a little jealous of a svelte 20 year old... or a chunky 40 year old. >.> hmm...

Anyway, we are lucky in that both of ours pretty much leave us alone. The only thing left to get completed are divorces and those are in the process. We haven't talked about marriage in awhile but I think it's kind of at the back of both of our minds. Not being kids though, we are cautious and know what rushing into anything can turn out like. I have to admit tho the fact that she is still his WIFE irritates the snot out of me and that I have to deal with on my own for now.

In any case, how do you deal with an ex that is still relatively local that may still have ties to your SO?

[snow_girl]

Neither of our exes live in the same city. I've never run into mine in the 3 years we've been broken up or heard from him. His gave him some grief when they first broke up and when we first met but there is nothing to deal with now. They are both out of our lives.

[LeilaniJoi]

That's awesome. I never hear from mine either unless he wants something, which isn't often. We still have some ties but they are minimal and once those are done and the divorce final I will be FREE.... I can't wait.

His ex, on the other hand, will ocasionally post something on FB that is nasty or mean but we try to just ignore it. Funny thing is, she left him... but is mad that he didn't take her back when she wanted to come back. Oh well, her loss

[temporaryuser]

so's ex wife is a daily pain in his ass. one of those ugly divorces where she said "I will take you for everything you have" - which she did. He is currently dealing with an IRS issue that she created by lying to the courts about their taxes while they were seperated. it is her debt, but the IRS is looking to charge him with the $8,ooo that she owes and refuses to pay. She lives an hour from him and uses his daughter as a pawn.
My ex lives about 15 min from me. He does everything he can not to talk to me, which is fine. But that also limits the time he spends with his son.

[Carenza LaRue]

or a chunky 40 year old.

Hey! I am turning 42 in a few days ....and I am not chunky!!!!



my ex lives an hour away from me.... have to see him every two weeks when he comes to my house to collect my daughter to spend some time.
My SO's ex lives near him and she always and still has to nag about everything... what he wears, how he spends his money etc..

I don't know how she will react when she gets introduced to me...

perhaps?

[snow_girl]

Damn these new sub forums, didn't see what section this was! I'm guessing you were talking about ex husbands? If thats the case, you can disregard my previous post.

[LeilaniJoi]

Hehe I'm 44 and chunky but he doesn't like skinny chicks either so I'm safe LOL

[LeilaniJoi]

Ex is ex... whether you were married or just a serious relationship

[Filly]

My ex lives in Miami and we do not speak at all.... when he wants to speak to our son he goes through his mother. My SO's ex lives in Europe and they don't have a good realtionship. He says she's witholding him speaking to his son for money.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

My ex husband lives interstate from me. I still have to communicate with him because of our daughter (she lives with him for the time being- custody matters not yet settled). Our relationship with each other is extremely tense. Well, that would be an understatement. He's very bitter towards me which is sad because he can't put that bitterness aside for the sake of our child. I keep my communication with him to a minimum.

[Neme]

My ex is involved in my life as we have children together. I talk/see him at least once a week. I am still married and trying to get a divorce but he is so lazy. My part is done and just waiting for him. Our relationship right now (as friends) is somewhat tense as my current SO is the first guy that I have introduced as my partner and I think my ex is jealous. He didn't picture me meeting anyone...ever...lol

My SO doesn't have his exes in his life that I am aware of. He is 22 and his last relationship before myself ended when he was 20. He took that in between time to finish college and just have fun with friends.

**Edit** I lost my mind for a minute...working and on forums doesn't mix xD. My SO did date a woman just before me. They only dated a few months but knew each other for a couple of years. They were friends when we first met, had a falling out and are no longer friends.

[blankita719]

Ha ha - funny story about that - SO's ex was my childhood best friend and they have a 17 year old together So yes, she is still in the picture but we all get along and she stays out of our relationship. We worried at first because when we were first together in 1997, she caused problems but we're all adults now.

As for my ex - I am alternately thankful and upset that he is not a part of our lives - thankful for me because he caused me nothing but misery yet upset because he hasn't seen his son in over 3 years. And I too, am a little petty because I see him around town every so often and notice how much bigger he's gotten while I've lost weight and become healthier and happier Yes - even more sickening right? My ex lives in the same town as I do, yet never sees his son. He's married another woman and has another kid by her and plays super dad with that child and her 3 others.

The SO and I are kind of at opposite ends of the spectrum with our respective exes. I wouldn't say that he and his ex are friendly, but they are cordial and she really hasn't been anything but supportive of us being together. My ex bad mouths me to anyone he meets so I'm sure he'd just keep on with it if he had a clue about my current relationship.

[nickki]

I have little to no contact with any of my ex's. My SO works with his ex everyday!

[RevRight]

Hi, I just joined the forums here and this was one of the first posts I read. And a good one! Noticed some similarities in our experiences.

My SO and I have a large age gap as well. She still has young children (12 and 7), while mine have been grown and on their own for years. She still has to deal with her ex almost daily, and he is still bitter. He has not yet learned that the kids benefit when divorced parents get along and suffer when divorced parents fight. She has significant stress right now with all the issues in her life - recent divorce, no job (she was a stay at home mom for the last 12 years), the stress of our LD relationship, and on top of all that, she suffers from depression.

My ex and I get along pretty well now - well, we rarely talk, so in my book, that is getting along well. However, it was tough when we first separated, up until the divorce was final. My SO was here in the town I live in for all of last summer, and that was when I was going through the toughest part of my divorce. It was difficult for both of us at times. Her feeling neglected, and me feeling pulled in too many directions. We worked through it and I believe the fact that we knew we would soon be far apart for long stretches of time helped both of us to be forgiving and understanding.

It would be nice if her ex would consider some sort of shared custody arrangements, so that my SO could move here and have a better chance at finding a job. As of now, he won't consider it. So, we will do the best we can with the distance. We'll visit as often as possible. Communicate as much as possible. And keep the hope that we will one day be together permanently.

[garnet]

My ex husband and his new baby mama (WHOOPS! Dumbass.) live quite close, but during the divorce I made damn sure that I kept it friendly, I didn't make an issue of the fact that he was at the time living with a stripper whore, lol, so we are still friends, actually, we are more like family. Will be there for each other, no matter what current partner thinks. I have my mother and my son, and no other family so if someone doesn't like this, they aren't right for me. We would never even entertain the idea of ever being anything more than we are now, so a current SO has to trust me, if it's going to work. We don't speak often, but I feel better knowing he's there. He calls me when the tornado sirens go off - wants to make sure I'm safe, it's nice. He takes a lot of shit from his woman, but he doesn't care. /shrug