SO is younger??

[holdinghands]

Like you say yourself, it's not so much your age difference, it's your age. Since there's actually a bigger age difference between my SO and I, but, I'm 21 years old and he's 30 (turning 31 soon), meaning we're both considered adults in the worldwide society. Which is also why people around me don't really have an actual opinion about it. Not even my parents. So, if you were 20 and he was 28 I would see no problem what so ever, like others also have stated. But, you're not a legal adult, yet, which is why I can understand why you've experienced negative opinions.

I don't know your relationship... and I know certain things just happen. I mean, I was against the thought of dating my current SO, because he's 10 years older than me. Which also kept me from flirting with him at first, but it just happened, I fell in love with him. We of course don't know your maturity level either, since I must admit that those 16 years I know, is... well I can't be around them too long at the time. And I'm just 21. For a lot of reasons in my life, I was forced to grow up faster, which is maybe why I, without knowing it searched for older guys.
That you often seem more mature than him, is a little alarming, but, overall I don't think I'll judge, as long as this guy does respect you. Because you are a minor no matter how mature you might be. But, yes only you know your own feelings, so if it feels right, then I guess it's okay.

Thank you for your answer And when i say he can be immature he is still a fully responsible adult...i think i keep wording things wrong. But anyway, i assure you that he is still 'responsible' enough to know all the risks etc., and not to sound all young and stuff, but to be fair i've had to grow up pretty fast, for example I have to look after my nan who has dementia (progressing into alzheimers) and i'm not complaining about it but i do have to act like an adult. And i have older sisters, the oldest being 27 so i've kind of witnessed their mistakes and i know that is no substitute for having real experiences and learning from them, but its the best i've got and its not like i could stop talking to him, we tried just being friends for a bit but it wasn't really any different, we still ended up calling each other pet names and even saying i love you at the end of the conversation xD So i guess i''m just trying to say that at the moment its not like there is any palpable threat (i know thatthere kind of is but i hope you know what i mean) and we've met and i know i'm comfortable with him.
So, in short, thank you

[Zephii]

Thank you very much I respect and understand, I'm trying to keep my head above it all, please don't worry about me.

And he DOES feel guilty. Time and time again he says we should break up because he wants me to have fun and go out with my friends etc., and that i shouldn't be tied down so early. I assure you 100% it isn;'t him 'manipulating' me, my father used to manipulate our whole family (good riddance to him) so i know EXACTLY what its like. I have to go to class now so i can't answer fully, but i can understand what you're saying. Thanks

The pedophile used to say these things to me as well. Maybe its a case of "it's not what you say but how you say it" or maybe its a nice guilt trip/ reverse psychology thing. One never really knows.
There are a lot of ways to manipulate a person, and we all do it it's not always even bad, but I wouldn't think that because you've been in a manipulative situation before that that automatically means you'll recognize it if it happens again. If it were that easy no woman would ever fall into an abuse relationship twice.
I know that every time someone says something bad about him and every time we caution you or someone says "leave him" that drives you a little closer together. I know how it works. It's hard to be objective when you're in it.

There was something else, but now I forget. I'll come back.

[Zephii]

Zephii, I hate that you went through that ordeal as a kid, but your words are very powerful and I'm sure couldn't be anything but influential. You should think about counseling girls and boys who have dealt with this kind of thing before. Your speaking about trusting your instincts and manipulation ring so true. I commend you for the bravery of posting a painful memory.

Thank you. My shrink told me that I get too involved in people's problems and that I couldn't do the job on a professional level, which is probably true.
But the internet is good. I can listen to peoples problems and talk to them, but I have no way of just showing up at their door with too many good intentions.

[mllebamako]

But the internet is good. I can listen to peoples problems and talk to them, but I have no way of just showing up at their door with too many good intentions.

THIS! I get way too involved in people's problems. So the internet is good for me too.

btw, thanks for sharing your story. And I'm happy that you got out of such an unhealthy and dangerous situation

[holdinghands]

The pedophile used to say these things to me as well. Maybe its a case of "it's not what you say but how you say it" or maybe its a nice guilt trip/ reverse psychology thing. One never really knows.
There are a lot of ways to manipulate a person, and we all do it it's not always even bad, but I wouldn't think that because you've been in a manipulative situation before that that automatically means you'll recognize it if it happens again. If it were that easy no woman would ever fall into an abuse relationship twice.
I know that every time someone says something bad about him and every time we caution you or someone says "leave him" that drives you a little closer together. I know how it works. It's hard to be objective when you're in it.

There was something else, but now I forget. I'll come back.

I know i'll never convince anyone that hes a good guy, so i'll just say i respect your opinion and leave it at that. And i AM sorry for what you went through :S

[roosie]

Zephii, thank you for sharing your story. I had a very similar experience except I was 12-13 when it happened.

I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do but all I can say is that I still suffer from it and I always will. Sometimes age is more than just numbers.

[Zephii]

Sometimes age is more than just numbers.

*Big hugs*

[roosie]

Zephii, thank you, big hugs back. I think it's important that we share our stories to make the young girls like us out there to think twice. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

[holdinghands]

Zephii, thank you for sharing your story. I had a very similar experience except I was 12-13 when it happened.

I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do but all I can say is that I still suffer from it and I always will. Sometimes age is more than just numbers.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to act like i know everything and that i'm just blindly refusing to acknowledge some of the terrible things that happen to young girls of my age and younger, i think its hard to strike the balance between promoting the thought that not everyone has bad intentions, and making girls like myself aware of the dangers of having such a big age gap when you're still a minor. I respect you and thank you for having the courage to share this, just so no one else has to suffer the way you did. *hugs also*

[ms3]

The last discussion in this thread seems to have died away, so here's another example:

My fiancée is almost 8 years older than me, but considering my age this is not that weird, although it is against the "norms" of our society that ask for the man to be older than the woman... However, we never really feel the age difference when we're together, I think I'm quite mature and she is sometimes a bit "younger", maybe because of her cultural background.
The reason our age difference comes up sometimes is that she feels like she should urgently have kids, while I wasn't planning for it to happen too soon before I met her :P This is certainly also stronger because of her cultural background, most of her age peers having their own family already for several years.

[Mfashnik]

My SO is five and a half years older than me. I'm about to turn 20 and he's 25. I feel the age difference a lot, because we're in such different places in our lives. When we started dating I was a senior in high school. It was easy then to feel the age difference, because I was always in school and he was always at work. I was worried about graduating and college applications and he was concerned about paying his car payment. Now I'm a sophomore in college and I still feel it. He works the night shift at a Casino (usually 7-3 ish although it varies) and I'm in class during the day and (trying) to sleep at night. It sucks, but we do our best to work it out. Our age difference is also pretty apparent in our focuses in life. I'm a very academically motivated person. I am very focused on school and getting into grad school and my job here at my university. He's very focused on his job. I also sometimes feel that he is more anxious to commit than I am, because all of his friends are getting married and having children.

I feel the age difference, but I don't mind it. It is nice to have a man in my life who is already established. It makes me more comfortable about the future.

[delhommefan]

Joe is 10 years older than me but there's not really a huge difference between 32 and 42. I think 10 years is a big age difference if you are younger but not so much at our ages. We both have kids, both have been married before, so we have had the same experiences. The video game thing unfortunately can last well into adulthood lol. My SO isn't into them but a lot of my friends' husbands are still like that. The only time I feel the age difference between us is sometimes I have more energy than he does and his oldest 2 daughters are 19 & 16. I look really young so I get mistaken for their sisters a lot lol.

[Teakany]

My SO is 5 years older then me. I'm 20 and he's 25. It's not a big deal for us now. a lot of the time i feel more mature. I have two kids so I lose touch with a lot of current things. for the most part we're on the same level though. But this is the second time we dated. We first dated 6 years ago. so i was 14 and he was 19. BIG age issues. Like he was at the age to move out on his own, and i still had a bed time lol! so obvious why that one didn't work out in the end. much better now with out current ages.

after reading through everything I wanted to add. At 14 I was being asked if i was 21. I went to california on a school trip and went to go ask a bouncer on mission beech something and he steped back to let me through when i came up the steps. I was far from a late bloomer. at 12 i had D cups... so the age difference wasn't a red flag here! lol

[LostInLove]

My SO is 3.5 years older than me. To be honest I don't notice much of a difference, because I think 3 years is nothing! Well, except for when he talks about buying a house . The biggest age gap I've ever had was 12 years, but I didn't really notice that much either.

I'm of the opinion that as long as you're happy you should be able to date whoever you choose. I have a friend at work who is really close to another co-worker, and they would make a perfect couple. He's at least 20 years older than her. I would never encourage a relationship between them because there is a lot of stigma around a relationship like that so it has to be something they are 100% sure on, but I think they would be awesome together.

Edit: Just noticed the discussion on minors dating adults. I'm personally of the opinion that people shouldn't date before their 16 (a bit weird to put an age limit, I know, but most people I know had at least a bit of a sense of the world by then). After that, I'm iffy. I agree that in situations such as holdinghands' you have to be EXTREMELY cautious to make sure it's a safe relationship for the minor to be in. And I don't think the relationship should be hidden. But as long as the minor is safe (as difficult as that is to do), I don't see a problem with it.

[bookieboo2010]

My guy is 5 years older than me. I am only 20 and with him being 25 it is difficult at times. Such as he wants a family soon and I am still in college. So we came to a compromise that after I get my AA in Education we can get married.