SO is younger??

[NikkiP]

Wow, that is quite possibly the most lovely answer anyone has ever given me to that question. Usually its a mixture profanities and bad grammar
I understand what you're saying and he DEFINITELY respects me, he is such a gentleman lol. And we kind of view our relationship as 'waiting', like obviously we can't go around making out on every street corner, but its kinda like a I.O.U for when i'm 18. Some people have said that must be pretty boring, but i just think its the best thing thats ever happened to me, despite the fact that i don't get to really publicise it for a few years.

*hugs back*

As long as he's not some creeper who tries to get you to do things you're not ready to do then I'm glad you have somebody there for you. Besides, accents are hot.

[holdinghands]

As long as he's not some creeper who tries to get you to do things you're not ready to do then I'm glad you have somebody there for you. Besides, accents are hot.

Ahahaha yes he is definitely not a 'creeper'
VERY TRUE. just listening to his accent honestly makes the room a few degrees higher.

[lucybelle]

Holdinghands I've got to agree with the two others on here. If you were my child, I would just outright forbid you to see that man. And that's where the difference comes in... you're still a child, and he's a man.

I know that this could be true love, but all the times I've seen it before it was the older person taking advantage of the younger one. One of my friends (20) just moved in with her boyfriend (40+). That just grosses me out. I just think to myself, how could they POSSIBLY have anything in common???

I also teach high school. I have kids between 14 and 19 (yes... some failures haha). They are so immature it blows my mind. And I know that's how I was when I was younger too. Gosh where am I trying to go with this?

Honestly, I want you to move on. He's just too old and you're just too young. I'm sorry to be so blunt, and obviously you'll do what you want. But stop being "so mature" now. Be a young, silly, crazy teenager while you still have the excuse to! You should be laughing at boobie jokes instead of having conversations about a future with a SO...

anyways, if you decide to stay with this man, please be careful. Make sure to take care of yourself.

[Caitlin2009]

Welllll i have had a lot of stick about our age difference...but i think its more about our actual age.
We met a few days before me 15th birthday. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I am 16 and my SO is 24. Personally, he says i'm quite mature but i don't know if he's just saying it....but anyway at times he seems to be the least mature one in the relationship And i know my mum will explode when she finds out (here's hoping its not until i'm 21) and he says in Ireland, an adult man going out with a younger girl is REALLY frowned upon, even more than in england. He told his friends i'm 18, and they've seen pictures of me and didn't question it, so i guess its partially ok....but still. Usually on the internet i get SO much stick for it. And the phrase 'paedophile' is so not appropriate for what this is....it just annoys me that people can instantly resign something as something derogatory without even getting to understand it.
Does anybody think i'm too young? :S

O_o yes i think your too young!!! ok i can understand if you were 18 you would be an adult then and that would be awesome, but your 16 and he's halfway to 30....you dont think thats a bit odd??? i wouldnt let my daughter go out with someone that much older when she was only 16, yes age doesnt matter if your in love however when your underage and your bf is almost 30, im sorry but red flags go off everywhere with that! if he was 2 years older i could understand but that is waaaaaaay too creepy

[mllebamako]

Holdinghands I've got to agree with the two others on here. If you were my child, I would just outright forbid you to see that man. And that's where the difference comes in... you're still a child, and he's a man.

I know that this could be true love, but all the times I've seen it before it was the older person taking advantage of the younger one. One of my friends (20) just moved in with her boyfriend (40+). That just grosses me out. I just think to myself, how could they POSSIBLY have anything in common???

I also teach high school. I have kids between 14 and 19 (yes... some failures haha). They are so immature it blows my mind. And I know that's how I was when I was younger too. Gosh where am I trying to go with this?

Honestly, I want you to move on. He's just too old and you're just too young. I'm sorry to be so blunt, and obviously you'll do what you want. But stop being "so mature" now. Be a young, silly, crazy teenager while you still have the excuse to! You should be laughing at boobie jokes instead of having conversations about a future with a SO...

anyways, if you decide to stay with this man, please be careful. Make sure to take care of yourself.

Lucybelle, I think you're being too harsh here. First of all, saying that "it's gross" may offend some people on this site. There are a few people here with large age gaps like that.

Yes, I said that I couldn't imagine it myself and I thought she was too young. But I don't find it gross and I don't think it necessarily means she should move on.
She's been in this relationship for over a year and obviously she knows herself and her relationship better than any of us do. Just because we wouldn't choose that doesn't mean that it's not right for her.
I was a mature teenager too yet I still got to be silly and fun sometimes. These are not mutually exclusive.

@holdinghands....if you are comfortable with it, then so be it. A few people may think it's wrong that I'm in an interracial relationship...too bad for them.
You know what's right for you. So stick by it.

[Zephii]

It took me a bit to get the guts to post this, but, some small part of me thinks I should, for HoldingHands and other girls like her.

When I was 15 I started dating a man that was 40. 25 years my senior. Both of us copped a lot of flack for it, as you might imagine. At the time I wondered how come I didn't think it was gross. Kissing him especially. It just felt normal - and I wondered why sometimes. People would say "how can you have anything in common?" but we had a lot in common. I know your age difference isn't nearly as huge as mine was, but, the principle is still basically the same, so I hope you will take what I say to heart.

Lying about your age to his friends does not make it ok. If he can't tell them honestly - if he is ashamed of how old you actually are - then he knows (or some part of him knows) he is doing something wrong. Guilt usually indicates you're doing something wrong.

One thing I was asked when I was dating the pedophile was "It's sort of normal for you to want to be with him rather than a guy your age, it almost makes sense. What doesn't makes sense is why he wants to be with you, there must be something wrong with him" now, I do see how that could be all kinds of offensive, but I still thought about it.
He was a man, not a teenager. All my "firsts" were old hat to him. What did he see in me? At that point my body was basically that of a child. I still don't really have a heck of a lot of shape, but at 15 I was defiantly a late bloomer. That should have clued me in. He told me that I was mature, I was a woman on the inside etc etc. I felt good when I believed him. but later, when the chemicals in my brain finished developing and I actually became a woman he didn't really like the person I grew up to be, and then suddenly I could see how true everything everyone had said to me really was. Yes, I was very mature for a 15 year old (and 16, 17, 18, 19... I stayed waaay too long) I'd been through shit no kid should ever have to deal with, and the minute I moved in with him I assumed the role of a wife. But as mature as I was, I still wasn't an adult. I wasn't who I am now - only time and physical development can give you some things.

I know you think I'm just another naysayer to your relationship. I'm not. I do know the good sides to these kind of relationships. I understand how little difference age makes between two people when it's just them alone. I get it. And if you're happy that is what matters... but for you to make a big deal out of the age difference, I can't feel that you are. Listen, do what your heart tells you, but in the mean time pay attention to what other people say, listen to your instincts, and do some research on this kind of thing. You can never know too much, ok?

Especially listen to the manipulation stuff. Pay attention to the way you act and why you make your decisions. It's very easy to be manipulated. Age differences change the structure of power in the relationship.

*Is sad* Why do I feel like this wont make a difference?

[lucybelle]

Lucybelle, I think you're being too harsh here. First of all, saying that "it's gross" may offend some people on this site. There are a few people here with large age gaps like that.

You're completely right about it being offensive. And I do apologize to anyone I have offended. But I've had so many friends date way older guys/girls and it never made sense to me. I can honestly say in all but just one relationship (the one that is still going on), the younger one was manipulated. And with these I'm talking about the younger one being 16 or younger, and the older one being 22 or older. Age is just a number, but when you're so young it's a developmental void. Is there a difference between 30 and 50? Yeah. But I'm sure we can all agree there's a bigger difference between 16 and 36.

Yes, holdinghands has been in this relationship for a year, but I have to question is she in love, or in love with being loved? I mean no harm when I say this, but when I was younger I thought a million times over I was in love. But I wasn't. What I loved was being loved. When you're a teenager that's what you crave. Love.

Holdinghands, if you are really into this guy, and you are quite aware of the situation you are in then stay and go for it. But please please please be careful. I really don't want to make anyone upset, and I apologize if I have come across too harshly.

And I appreciate you sharing with us Zephii! I think your story needed to be told.

[Zephii]

And I appreciate you sharing with us Zephii! I think your story needed to be told.

Thanks mate.
I changed my name, my appearance and moved to a different country, but I'm still terrified I'll run into the pedophile. I'll never forgive myself for what that man had me do to my family, friends and Obi. Especially my sister and Obi. I don't think I'll feel truly safe until I know he's dead.
I don't want to think there are other girls out there who might end up like I did.

[Èternity]

Oh Zephii, what a lot to deal with. I can't find the right words. I'm glad you are out of it and can look at it objectively for what it was. Much love.

[Dauntedpoet]

First Zephi hugs and more hugs.

Okay here is my two cents worth.... from the details that Holdinghands gave, she is old enough to pass for an 18 year old which means she isn't a late bloomer. That to me means that pedophilia isn't the issue here. I agree that his lying about her age is a problem, but from what she has said, they are 'waiting' until she is 18 to pursue a physical relationship. If that is the case, then he is truly the gentleman she says he is.

She sounds like she IS very mature, and I would guess from his lying about her age that he is immature.

If she were my daughter... and I have a son that is going to be 22 and a daughter who is 6....so I could be.....if I met this person and got to know them in a family setting, I would judge the boyfriend on WHO he is NOT what age he is.. and yes I would consent so long as she wasn't pressured and he was respectful.

It is a case by case, person by person decision, no one rule fits all people.

[MoonWatcher]

Zephii, I hate that you went through that ordeal as a kid, but your words are very powerful and I'm sure couldn't be anything but influential. You should think about counseling girls and boys who have dealt with this kind of thing before. Your speaking about trusting your instincts and manipulation ring so true. I commend you for the bravery of posting a painful memory.

[holdinghands]

O_o yes i think your too young!!! ok i can understand if you were 18 you would be an adult then and that would be awesome, but your 16 and he's halfway to 30....you dont think thats a bit odd??? i wouldnt let my daughter go out with someone that much older when she was only 16, yes age doesnt matter if your in love however when your underage and your bf is almost 30, im sorry but red flags go off everywhere with that! if he was 2 years older i could understand but that is waaaaaaay too creepy

k
i respect your opinion

[holdinghands]

Lucybelle, I think you're being too harsh here. First of all, saying that "it's gross" may offend some people on this site. There are a few people here with large age gaps like that.

Yes, I said that I couldn't imagine it myself and I thought she was too young. But I don't find it gross and I don't think it necessarily means she should move on.
She's been in this relationship for over a year and obviously she knows herself and her relationship better than any of us do. Just because we wouldn't choose that doesn't mean that it's not right for her.
I was a mature teenager too yet I still got to be silly and fun sometimes. These are not mutually exclusive.

@holdinghands....if you are comfortable with it, then so be it. A few people may think it's wrong that I'm in an interracial relationship...too bad for them.
You know what's right for you. So stick by it.

Thanks
Its weird because i understand exactly what everyone else is saying....but its not like it changes my opinion. Just makes me feel like 'i'm gross' ahhaha

[holdinghands]

It took me a bit to get the guts to post this, but, some small part of me thinks I should, for HoldingHands and other girls like her.

When I was 15 I started dating a man that was 40. 25 years my senior. Both of us copped a lot of flack for it, as you might imagine. At the time I wondered how come I didn't think it was gross. Kissing him especially. It just felt normal - and I wondered why sometimes. People would say "how can you have anything in common?" but we had a lot in common. I know your age difference isn't nearly as huge as mine was, but, the principle is still basically the same, so I hope you will take what I say to heart.

Lying about your age to his friends does not make it ok. If he can't tell them honestly - if he is ashamed of how old you actually are - then he knows (or some part of him knows) he is doing something wrong. Guilt usually indicates you're doing something wrong.

One thing I was asked when I was dating the pedophile was "It's sort of normal for you to want to be with him rather than a guy your age, it almost makes sense. What doesn't makes sense is why he wants to be with you, there must be something wrong with him" now, I do see how that could be all kinds of offensive, but I still thought about it.
He was a man, not a teenager. All my "firsts" were old hat to him. What did he see in me? At that point my body was basically that of a child. I still don't really have a heck of a lot of shape, but at 15 I was defiantly a late bloomer. That should have clued me in. He told me that I was mature, I was a woman on the inside etc etc. I felt good when I believed him. but later, when the chemicals in my brain finished developing and I actually became a woman he didn't really like the person I grew up to be, and then suddenly I could see how true everything everyone had said to me really was. Yes, I was very mature for a 15 year old (and 16, 17, 18, 19... I stayed waaay too long) I'd been through shit no kid should ever have to deal with, and the minute I moved in with him I assumed the role of a wife. But as mature as I was, I still wasn't an adult. I wasn't who I am now - only time and physical development can give you some things.

I know you think I'm just another naysayer to your relationship. I'm not. I do know the good sides to these kind of relationships. I understand how little difference age makes between two people when it's just them alone. I get it. And if you're happy that is what matters... but for you to make a big deal out of the age difference, I can't feel that you are. Listen, do what your heart tells you, but in the mean time pay attention to what other people say, listen to your instincts, and do some research on this kind of thing. You can never know too much, ok?

Especially listen to the manipulation stuff. Pay attention to the way you act and why you make your decisions. It's very easy to be manipulated. Age differences change the structure of power in the relationship.

*Is sad* Why do I feel like this wont make a difference?

Thank you very much I respect and understand, I'm trying to keep my head above it all, please don't worry about me.

And he DOES feel guilty. Time and time again he says we should break up because he wants me to have fun and go out with my friends etc., and that i shouldn't be tied down so early. I assure you 100% it isn;'t him 'manipulating' me, my father used to manipulate our whole family (good riddance to him) so i know EXACTLY what its like. I have to go to class now so i can't answer fully, but i can understand what you're saying. Thanks

[milaya]

Welllll i have had a lot of stick about our age difference...but i think its more about our actual age.
We met a few days before me 15th birthday. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I am 16 and my SO is 24.

Like you say yourself, it's not so much your age difference, it's your age. Since there's actually a bigger age difference between my SO and I, but, I'm 21 years old and he's 30 (turning 31 soon), meaning we're both considered adults in the worldwide society. Which is also why people around me don't really have an actual opinion about it. Not even my parents. So, if you were 20 and he was 28 I would see no problem what so ever, like others also have stated. But, you're not a legal adult, yet, which is why I can understand why you've experienced negative opinions.

I don't know your relationship... and I know certain things just happen. I mean, I was against the thought of dating my current SO, because he's 10 years older than me. Which also kept me from flirting with him at first, but it just happened, I fell in love with him. We of course don't know your maturity level either, since I must admit that those 16 years I know, is... well I can't be around them too long at the time. And I'm just 21. For a lot of reasons in my life, I was forced to grow up faster, which is maybe why I, without knowing it searched for older guys.
That you often seem more mature than him, is a little alarming, but, overall I don't think I'll judge, as long as this guy does respect you. Because you are a minor no matter how mature you might be. But, yes only you know your own feelings, so if it feels right, then I guess it's okay.

@holdinghands....if you are comfortable with it, then so be it. A few people may think it's wrong that I'm in an interracial relationship...too bad for them.
You know what's right for you. So stick by it.

Aa... yes interracial relationship. When it comes to my relationship, people doesn't care about his age, they're a lot more busy with having an opinion about his race. Especially my father sees my SO as a second rate human, because he's Asian.