Bittersweet visit

[Mara]

I think you are taking the right approach to the whole visit thing LMH. It is in the past now and no sense in you harping on it to him or anyone else. What is done can't be changed. Personally, I think the whole thing was just a result of a breakdown in communication plus the fact that his job interfered with the amount of time you would have had together. I do think he should have told you these things beforehand because it sounds like you got there and then he told you he had to work, but I could be wrong or misread something. Also, it does sound like he has a lot of pride [not wanting you to pay for his cab fare to see you off, not letting you help him look for another job] and obviously, this is something the two of you will have to discuss because I understand men having pride, but when it begins to get in the way of your relationship..it's a problem. Also, for the next visit maybe the two of you can make absolute sure he has the days off? Even if he has to tell a white lie about not being in town.

[Lumos]

I recently did an internship at Disney World with my boyfriend. They are really stingy about giving days off. The whole time we were there, they'd give him every Tuesday and Wednesday off, while I had Thursday and Friday off. If we wanted to have the same days off, we had to put in a request for the same days off every single week. During peak periods, we would only get one day off a week. And of course we didn't get holidays off :P My SO was schedule until 3am on Thanksgiving (but he got sick and threw up, so they let him leave at 12) and 2am on Christmas (for a total of 14 hours that day).

Also, you often had to request days off months in advance to actually get the time you wanted off because the days off were first-come-first-serve. I tried getting time off for a funeral (unexpected, so short notice), and they wouldn't let me have it. Any time we would call in (no matter what the reason was), it would go on our permanent record. I got so sick that I went to the doctor (which I hate doing) and ended up passing out as I was getting off the bus on the way home. My boyfriend had to carry me back to his apartment (and another CP was kind enough to carry my stuff). I was absent 3 days because of this illness and got a reprimand even though I had a legitimate excuse for not being there. I'm not sure where LMH's SO worked, so I can't vouch for how things worked there, but not much would surprise me.

I had a weak phone signal at work, so sometimes I'd have trouble texting during my break. My bf had no service pretty much everywhere in Orlando the whole time we were there. That could be an issue as well.

That being said, we didn't have trouble spending time together even though our schedules were completely opposite. We had to get creative sometimes (like I would sleep for two-three hours and then would wake up to have dinner with him when he got home at 2 am and then go back to sleep) but we always found time for each other. Maybe I've been a bit spoiled because we spend quite a bit of time with each other even when we're LD. If I didn't hear from him for an entire day, I'd know he'd been in some kind of major accident. There's no way I'd keep doing this LDR thing if I went for weeks at a time without hearing a word from him. Work is not a good enough excuse for me. Especially since we've already had jobs with conflicting schedules and been able to work around that. I'd feel like he wasn't putting in enough effort. It only takes a few seconds to send a text, and it's not hard to do while you're walking somewhere, so it doesn't take any time out of your day.

[Zephii]

Can we all not be attacking Sara on this issue? Or her boyfriend who isn't here to defend himself?

He might be some dead-beat who doesn't give a shit, but on the other hand he might be a really sweet guy who's crying on the inside about this whole thing - We can't know! - Or perhaps he's just young and doesn't know how to fix his situation. We were all young, overwhelmed and scared at some point in our lives. Fair go mates.

Sara - The important thing is: was it awesome when you were together? Did things go the way you imagined? Do you think you's "clicked"? Were you happy?

[LadyMarchHare]

Can we all not be attacking Sara on this issue? Or her boyfriend who isn't here to defend himself?

He might be some dead-beat who doesn't give a shit, but on the other hand he might be a really sweet guy who's crying on the inside about this whole thing - We can't know! - Or perhaps he's just young and doesn't know how to fix his situation. We were all young, overwhelmed and scared at some point in our lives. Fair go mates.

Sara - The important thing is: was it awesome when you were together? Did things go the way you imagined? Do you think you's "clicked"? Were you happy?

Thank you, Zephii.

In all honesty, the time we had together I was the happiest I've been in years. Things weren't awkward, we didn't stumble over our words, we just chatted and hugged like we were old pals seeing each other after years. My whole issue on being unhappy about the rest of the trip is I didn't get the time I thought I'd get and I stupidly acted like an ass when he left instead of accepting something I couldn't change. I don't regret spending the money I did to get those 2 1/2 days because I would've spent more for even an hour if it meant being with him. He treated me with more respect than my own family does.

I suppose I should have focused more on the positive when making this thread but I wanted to sum up the trip and not ramble on and unfortunately unhappiness was part of it. I'm just surprised how many people are willing to take torches and pitchforks to a man they don't know because he screwed up a little.

[paulawriteslove]

Did you take any picturesssss?

[LadyMarchHare]

Unfortunately no. By the time I remembered my camera he was packing up and I hadn't showered yet so I was a mess. I'll take some next time, I promise!

[BabyGund]

I suppose I should have focused more on the positive when making this thread but I wanted to sum up the trip and not ramble on and unfortunately unhappiness was part of it. I'm just surprised how many people are willing to take torches and pitchforks to a man they don't know because he screwed up a little.

To play devil's advocate here, LMH, from the short time I've been here, I haven't seen much positivity about your relationship from you and certainly not in this post. Maybe that is what others are seeing as well - you focusing more on the negatives than the positives, so we wonder if the relationship hurts that much, then what's the point?

I'm not saying LFAD isn't the place to vent your frustrations. That is one of the big reasons why a lot of us are here - frustrations are what lead me here.

*sigh* I wish you had called when you were here and we could have gotten to know each other better. I should have taken your number and called just to check on you.

[paulawriteslove]

Unfortunately no. By the time I remembered my camera he was packing up and I hadn't showered yet so I was a mess. I'll take some next time, I promise!

Okay! I hope that's soon!

[Zephii]

Thank you, Zephii.

In all honesty, the time we had together I was the happiest I've been in years. Things weren't awkward, we didn't stumble over our words, we just chatted and hugged like we were old pals seeing each other after years. My whole issue on being unhappy about the rest of the trip is I didn't get the time I thought I'd get and I stupidly acted like an ass when he left instead of accepting something I couldn't change. I don't regret spending the money I did to get those 2 1/2 days because I would've spent more for even an hour if it meant being with him. He treated me with more respect than my own family does.

I suppose I should have focused more on the positive when making this thread but I wanted to sum up the trip and not ramble on and unfortunately unhappiness was part of it. I'm just surprised how many people are willing to take torches and pitchforks to a man they don't know because he screwed up a little.

Well that's good! I'm happy to hear that If it's worth it, that's what counts. And hey, it's just money. Can't take it with you when you die - can always work and get more of it.
Don't beat yourself up about how you reacted at his absence though, you had every right to do that, even if calling so many times looks a little crazy. I fly off my handle at Obi for far less, never fear.
And people mess up all the time, it's how we learn stuff.

Glass half full, always.

[Elissa]

I suppose I should have focused more on the positive when making this thread but I wanted to sum up the trip and not ramble on and unfortunately unhappiness was part of it. I'm just surprised how many people are willing to take torches and pitchforks to a man they don't know because he screwed up a little.

There's nothing wrong with being concerned.

[Sarah M]

I'm so sorry you didn't get the trip you (and many, if not all of us) were hoping for. It's great, though, that you can be positive and not find this as a deterrent for your future visits. It's also fantastic that you don't regret it. Hopefully you will both learn from this trip and will be able to ensure the next one is just as you wanted. All the best!!!

[Silviar]

Well that's good! I'm happy to hear that If it's worth it, that's what counts. And hey, it's just money. Can't take it with you when you die - can always work and get more of it.
Don't beat yourself up about how you reacted at his absence though, you had every right to do that, even if calling so many times looks a little crazy. I fly off my handle at Obi for far less, never fear.
And people mess up all the time, it's how we learn stuff.

Glass half full, always.

Agreed. I'm glad you had some happy times, and I think you certainly didn't act totally crazy. I'd do the same in your situation! I'm glad you got to meet, and really see each other. The rest will follow.

[LadyMarchHare]

To play devil's advocate here, LMH, from the short time I've been here, I haven't seen much positivity about your relationship from you and certainly not in this post. Maybe that is what others are seeing as well - you focusing more on the negatives than the positives, so we wonder if the relationship hurts that much, then what's the point?

I'm not saying LFAD isn't the place to vent your frustrations. That is one of the big reasons why a lot of us are here - frustrations are what lead me here.

*sigh* I wish you had called when you were here and we could have gotten to know each other better. I should have taken your number and called just to check on you.

To be fair I joined this forum right as our relationship hit the hardest bump and I was looking for support. My relationship is not the best, I know this. We don't talk every day, we don't get on webcam or have dates or have frequent visits and fact is I get lonely like every red-blooded person does. I don't have a lot to report and my main reason for staying here is to offer advice to those more active in their relationship than I. Yes I'm a pessimistic person but I've done my best given the circumstances I have. None of that condones what I got fed in this thread by some people and frankly I'm appalled that people dared say he was using me and I was only with him due to low self esteem and deserved better. As much as I gush about him I would think people would at least support me a bit, but I can see your point.

In retrospect I should've given you my number as well, I didn't even think of that before I left.

[agentholli]

I have to say..Be Nice! Every relationship is different. She loves him...she had a good time with him. She understands him and the circumstances..we don't have to. Lets be happy that she got to meet him, and she doesn't regret it.

[DarkSolitary]

I have to say..Be Nice! Every relationship is different. She loves him...she had a good time with him. She understands him and the circumstances..we don't have to. Lets be happy that she got to meet him, and she doesn't regret it.

Exactly.