Weight...?

[ILoveYou123]

I absolutely LOVE my boyfriend with all my heart. I really do. But his weight sort of bothers me. I'm very small, 110 pounds soaking wet, but he is about 260. He is VERY big in the belly area. He goes to the gym but just works out his chest, I keep hinting but he just pushes it off.

What to do? :\

[Tigertray24]

did you meet him while he was near this weight? if you did, he's probably not going to be very open to your constructive criticism and will probably expect you to accept him the way he is...

[hxcbreakdance]

Just like Tigertray said, did he start gaining after you met or has he always been that way? I understand that you are probably concerned for his health, there probably isn't a way to bring it up without him getting a little hurt but if it really bothers you tell him you are concerned for him health wise. Maybe you could suggest him eating a bit healthier? I really don't know, it's a tough topic to bring up with anyone.

[ILoveYou123]

I did meet him at this weight but it was online so obviously I didn't really get the full...visual until we met in real life.

---------- Post added at 09:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 PM ----------

Also, he was big, then smaller, then big again and has stayed there

[Tigertray24]

how long have you guys been dating since you met IRL?

[ILoveYou123]

We've been together almost 9 months, its been 3 months since he visited.

[Mara]

260 isn't a healthy weight for anyone. From a health standpoint, I encourage you to say something about his weight. From any other aspects, I sort of agree that you should accept him the way he is.

[JennyRW]

I think is wrong to ask your bf to change his body because you don't like it. I would only tell him somethiing if his dr said he needs to lose weight because it is about his health, not his look

[Tigertray24]

well, if he has expressed that he's not happy with his weight, you don't really need to bring it to his attention...he already knows...in that case, the best thing you can do is to try to encourage and motivate him...stay positive, telling him things like, "you can get back to the size you want. i know you can! you've done it before! you just need a little more dedication."...however, i can see how it's hard to motivate someone to get off the couch and exercise if you're not physically there with them...

if he doesn't mind being the weight he's at, then it's going to be much, much more difficult for you to say something...

[beckychan]

I know a lot of people say you should love him for who he is, but if it bothers you then it bothers you, it honestly could be anything. Obviously you wouldn't want to force it upon him, and I'm sure he's already aware. Me and my bf are both insecure about our weight and he always tells me that I'm perfect. In my mind I keep eating and eating thinking that he wont care either way, but then I end up gaining weight and I become unhappy with myself. If it were ME, I wouldn't tell him things like my bf tells me JUST FOR the sake of his health and gaining more weight.
Maybe start weight training and an excersize and diet plan with him and you both can do it together. Just because you're tiny doesn't mean you don't have to eat right and be healthy. It's a good thing to do stuff like that together and encourage eachother along the way.

[LeilaniJoi]

I did meet him at this weight but it was online so obviously I didn't really get the full...visual until we met in real life.

---------- Post added at 09:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 PM ----------

Also, he was big, then smaller, then big again and has stayed there

Maybe it is just me but this to me says its the aesthetics of the weight more than anything else. I don't mean to sound harsh but if you love some one truly weight is not an issue. how tall is he? how is he built? Just because some one carries some extra pounds does not mean they are lazy or inactive. If you are worried about his health that is one thing but if it is just the visual you are focused on I would have some questions about my dedication and reasons for being in the relationship.

[garnet]

I am sure that nobody thinks more about your boyfriends weight, than your boyfriend. He doesn't need to hear it from his girlfriend. Unless he comes to you on his own, then it becomes reasonable to speak up and offer support and help.

If it is only his health you are worried about, and not the fact that he carries extra pounds and how it looks, perhaps you can get him to get into his doctor for a physical. If there is a problem, the doctor can bring it up, which is much more appropriate, imo.

[screammaayday]

I'm about his weight myself. Coming from me, it would hurt to have my girlfriend say she was concerned about my weight because of my appearance. If you're not, then by all means, gently bring up with him. My SO is concerned about my health, and thankfully, studying to be a nurse, so she's helped me get on the right track somewhat. It's a work in progress. I will tell you though, he is surely aware of his weight and this topic is very, very delicate so tread lightly. My SO is just about your size, maybe even a little less. She tends to stay around 98-100 lbs and I'm 250. She says it's a good thing because I'm the comfiest thing to cuddle with, but it worries her. If you're concerned about his health, tell him. Gently. If it's about appearance, then, I suggest you either continue dropping subtle hints or just.. accept him the way he is. Be careful though, this can be a really painful subject.

[WakeUpSusie]

I think is wrong to ask your bf to change his body because you don't like it. I would only tell him somethiing if his dr said he needs to lose weight because it is about his health, not his look

I agree with this. However, I do think that it is within your right to say something if he isn't leading a healthy lifestyle. My SO had a health issue a few years ago, and his every day actions were making it more likely to flare up. I got angry because I felt that in order for us to be happy together, he had to effectively manage his problem to remain healthy (it was a fairly managable issue also). I didn't want to be worrying about him 24/7 about whether or not he was going to end up in the hospital that day just because he didn't want to take care of the issue at hand. He got the point and straightened the issue out.

Also, I don't know if he knows this, but without cardio training he won't be losing weight in his chest area, and probably wont be able to see the muscles anyway. Cardiovascular exercise and a diet change is the only really effective long term method for losing weight out there.

[lucybelle]

I'm going to sound like the B here, but if you don't like how heavy your SO is I think you should tell him. 1- it's unhealthy for him to be that weight. Planning on spending your lives together? His life could be cut short because of that extra weight. 2- If you're not attracted to heavy guys, you're not attracted to heavy guys. Some girls don't like short guys. Nothing against the guy, just their preference. 3- His weight could hinder any activities you might want to do. I am very active and if my SO couldn't go on hikes with me, it would bother me.

My SO after losing a ton of weight living with me, has now put almost all of it back on. I don't like. So I give him smaller portions and encourage him to exercise. And the real truth is, he FELT BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF when he was smaller. So I would encourage him to lose weight. Slowly. For himself. For his own health.

And remember- you can't go on a diet and expect to keep weight off. You have to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE.