So angry and just frustrated

[Haley53]

When I went through immigration, both through London and, later, Dublin, I was essentially asked what the purpose of my trip was, where I was intending on staying, and when I was intending on going back to the US. I will say that London was a bit stricter than Dublin, but by that I mean London actually wanted a print-out of my itinerary, where the officer at Dublin gave me some WTF-are-you-doing look when I handed him over my itinerary; turns out all he had needed/wanted to see was my passport and wanted the answers to my questions. In London, she asked me where I was staying. I told her I was staying with my friend, she asked if he was a friend or a boyfriend (I'd been required to give his name/address), I explained the situation much to her dismay (it was hilarious, I think she regretted asking that question as I gave her some long-winded answer. He was an ex at the time, and of course I had to explain this in full detail... I was nervous :P), then took my itinerary, quizzed me on how long I was going to be staying, asked if I was studying in the states and what I was studying but didn't require proof and that was that. I was single and un-employed and gave no other information except that I was staying with my ex/boyfriend, both times, both in London and in Dublin, and I passed through easy. Answer their questions honestly and you shouldn't have any issue, really. I mean in Dublin, I even got teased for having an Irish boyfriend. xD It's not as bad as one might think. I like to think of going through immigration like medications. Yes, there are those horror stories, but think of how many people take that medication (go through immigration) daily without experiencing any of them? Bad luck or not, bring your itinerary, know where you'll be staying, and you should have no issue getting in for a visit.

[Miramaid]

I did not read the comments, but I think the way to look at it is that a LOT of couples would break up after such a thing. Not many want to many in a first place (lets face it), and even those who do, would back off when facing such difficulties.
I think it is great that your man wants to marry you and come to the US to do it. Living a long happy life together is a purpose of a marriage, not a big wedding. Just stay focused. Later on you can have another big wedding in church. No need to feel crushed in my opinion. Start preparing for his visit

[kteire]

I mean in Dublin, I even got teased for having an Irish boyfriend. xD

Haha, they did the same for me the last time I flew into Dublin to visit my Irish boy The border agent was saying things like, "Don't you know we're all scoundrels?!"

But yeah, to echo everyone else... I've never known anyone to be turned away from the UK border, and I have a lot of globe-trotting friends from all over. I've found the US border is tougher and I've been questioned more that way (I live like 15 minutes from the border!). The only issue I've ever had going into the UK was when I'd first entered by bus (from Dublin to Belfast) and took a ferry and bus to London. I didn't have a stamp for entering, but I had one from leaving, and so when I went back to the UK, they were like, umm, what?! I explained it, and they jokingly said "Don't do it again!!" and waved me on haha.

You'll be fine

[Engel]

I know you love him, I can tell the way you write about him, but you haven't really known each other that long and you haven't yet met. If you want to move to the UK, perhaps you should speak with an immigration attorney and get some advice before you rush out and marry. It wouldn't be cheap, but (and sorry to be a downer here) it's likely to cost less than a divorce.

now you said that i went to read some of her older threads, and if im not mistaken they are around 5 months together overall and never met in person?

https://members.lovingfromadistance....d-I-feel-awful

and at first his friends didnt know about her, and she lies about meeting in person sometimes.

i agree with minerva that the op sound really in love when she talks about her so, but i think its unwise to think about marriege so soon.
first because you NEVER MET IN PERSON. and to have the first contact a few days prior to your wedding day... erh..


dont rush into things! i think that even if you were those 5 months CD it would be too soon to get married anyway.

but thats just my opinion...

[Engel]

Well, HBB here [i secretly love saying that] with my input on the subject. Jezah told me she got very upset about the whole thing last night and that is probably why her post is more of a load of information and not so much a question that can be easily answered. I also want to say that I, and Jezah if she's really honest, appreciate the comments and constructive criticism not just on this topic but the rest of the site too. [That's me sucking up and saying you're all awesome]

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. We're not rushing into this in any way, despite what might have come across in the topic. I'm coming to visit Jezah next month for 7 weeks and that'll be awesome and hopefully the best 7 weeks of our lives. I will, hopefully, be going to Sandhurst [the British Army's Officer training school] in May [2012] for my course which will last an entire year. It's split into 3 terms with some leave between those terms. I'll hopefully get to spend about 10 days per visit with Jezah during those times.

The problem we kinda arrived at was discussing her attending my graduation ball in May 2013, specifically her worries about getting into the country. She's not gonna like me for saying this but Jezah worried a lot about even the smallest thing and sometimes over-reacts to things that I know will go smoothly. For example my visit to see her, she was worried I'd get turned away at the immigration desk and did get very worried about it. I am not worried about it at all. So she looked up her visit over here and found a lot of things that made her worry, yes some of them were the extreme horror stories and not the norm. However it got us thinking about was to get around this and discovered that it'd be easier to, whenever we decide, get married in the USA rather than the UK. It'd be cheaper, easier and she could still have her big white wedding with all the trimmings.

Her BIG worry is that she'd get turned away at immigration when she comes over, under the visa waiver program, for my graduation. Because she'd miss my graduation and waste the cost of the plane ticket [no normal person can just afford to throw away $1000 for nothing!] We did discuss things like her bringing over everything that tied her to the USA and booking a hotel and having a return flight [obviously] and not mentioning me as her boyfriend and all that but she does worry an unhealthy amount. I'm glad you all pointed out that American's, even single females, visit the UK all the time and I'm talking to her about that particular visit [her first to the UK].

On a side note, once I'm in the Army, I will not have the time for a LDR and we had discussed before that we'd probably want to get married very soon after I become a fully fledged Officer so that she can be with me in the UK. That would have meant getting married after knowing each other for just over 2 years [met this May and me becoming an Officer in May 2013]. Yes you all may think this is rushing and that our visits will be like mini-honeymoons but to be brutally honest, we don't really care what you think about our relationship and we'll marry when we want. Sorry if that sounded harsh, we still love the advise and support and everything else this site has to offer.

I'll close with a line from Tennyson that I might be applying to marriage : "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all!"

I actually don't think two years is too short of a time to consider marriage, it sounds just about right. Unfortunately, her posts gave me, at least, the impression that she met some guy a few months ago (you, of course!), has never met him, but is very soon going to run off and marry him at the first meeting because she thinks she won't be allowed into the UK for a visit otherwise. Can you see why we got a bit alarmed? We get concerned for one another here and it's kinda nice, even when it's sometimes a little beyond our business. I may have missed it, but I never realized she wasn't going there until 2013, and after you've already had some visits. It sounds like a decent enough plan to tell you the truth, and I wish you both luck with it. Thanks for the clarification.

thats the impression i got as well, when she said she would marry him (what does hbb stand for? im really curious here, so if isnt too personal could you say what it is? XD) almost a year after having met online. 2 years after sounds a lot more plausible. because i had the same impression as moon from her post

[Ninjamonkeys]

HBB stands for Hot British Boy, which is what Jezah has been referring to me as since she joined the forums. I can't complain, it's very complimentary!

[Malaga]

I don't understand. Why wouldn't you be able to go visit him? My boyfriend lives in the UK and so far I've visited him 4 times. Granted I would only come for about 2 weeks. But when asked at the border, I told them I was visiting a friend and that he's a UK citizen. They never asked about the nature of our relationship, and I was never denied access. (And I come from the so called Eastern block!)

[Engel]

HBB stands for Hot British Boy, which is what Jezah has been referring to me as since she joined the forums. I can't complain, it's very complimentary!

aww , that is just really cute