Is this the end of my LDR? Please anyone..help..

[seras]

I keep thinking of our last conversation, she said it was selfish, narcissistic of me to push her for an answer after I had evidence there was no addiction, and she said if I want release so much, fine she releases me. She refuses to think of any other way other then I have an addiction because of her stupid therapist, its so strange..why choose the words release me when she treats everything as an illusion because of the addiction.

That was mostly it..the rest was me begging for her to see things differently and presented all the evidence I have..even the 24/7 video recording, asking her to present it to her therapist to see that with the 23+ hours I am on camera a day, I do not present symptoms of an addiction..

Not to mention I had no symptoms of withdrawal, relapse or temptation..

[Zapookie]

You have an addiction... an addiction to her.

You need to continue to see your therapist. No one here can help you with the issues you are dealing with at this point in time. Be honest with your therapist like you have been here. They will help you figure out what it is that you need to do.

Don't ever make someone your whole life because when they leave, you have nothing.

[BlueCat]

I've read most of this thread and this is what I've pulled out of it:

Firstly, and most importantly, she is not coming back. I know it hurts and feels like you've lost everything, but the sooner you let go and get on with your own life, the easier it will be. There is no point dwelling on it and complaining to us about it, because there's absolutely nothing we can do for you. If you want to talk more about how it makes you feel, it's probably better off in a blog post. Because really, there's not much advice we can give you except to focus on your own life and hobbies as a way of moving on.

Sorry that comes across pretty harsh, but it's the simple way to start to feel better.

[seras]

She replied today, "How's Lily working out for you ? Good fit? Good luck."

What does it mean? Is there a possibility that she would want me back? Why is she so angry even after I explained that I am committed to her, showed her our conversation logs of me telling lily that I love her and that I chose to be committed to her for the rest of my life to make her feel safer..

I have been emailing her everyday, even without a reply, telling her what I learned, what I thought about while waiting for the therapist appoint to convince her that there is no addiction.

We have a sort of common friend from paris, and I spoke to her abit during our relationship, but she thought that lily likes me, and even after trying to convince her, and she ending the conversation with she knows better, I deleted Lily off my contacts.

But now after every guy has bailed or deleted me because I was trying to ask them to reach her for me, I decided to add Lily back as a chance, and after emailing her that to ensure that I am open about it so she would not worry and that I am asking for lily's help in contacting her after the therapist she deleted lily in two days and sent me that email today. 3 days later. (She blocked my emails so they were going to her spam) She is incredibly angry consistently, I was always begging her to stay throughout the relationship anyway. And always thinking about her, but I guess I was not doing enough, I decided to take a job where I am only around guys while waiting for her meantime so that she won't be worried again. She is extremely beautiful, but....not sure why, something is wrong, before she broke up with me, she said that she went out just to feel attention, when I tell her consistently that she is the most beautiful and perfect to me and I love every part of her for the rest of my life. And I truly mean that, because I love her as a person, I love her mind that wants to enjoy and experience all of life with me.

Anyway after speaking to lily from france, I kept thinking about our relationship and there are more problems that were never solved. When she is hurt, she wants me to hurt just as bad, which is difficult because I am very very optimistic, taking the best of everything, always believing in getting better and never giving up. But because she got so angry at me when I did that, I changed my behavior to suit her better, so I started getting sad too when she is hurt, but the problem here is, when I am sad and depressed, I can't really talk to her, I can't think of anything to say even if its what she needs to feel better. So when I ask to play games to get sometime to remove myself from a depressive state so we can speak, that pisses her off too. Being happy or being depressed makes her angry. I don't know what to do regarding this.

EDIT
This is her first reply after the last one, I just kept emailing her everything not expecting a reply since I knew she blocked me, but I want to leave the door open for her, and I am not taking and long term jobs because I dont know if she would ever come back.

And I am not crazy or have a depressive personality, I am optimistic and believe that effort overcomes everything, I have never threatened her or spoke badly about her, all my emails were tell her that she is beautiful and perfect, what I have learned, and that I want to do everything with her.Just leaving the door open hoping that she would forgive me one day.

EDIT

I decided to speak to Lily again because I am desperate for a line back to her, she told me to delete lily before and I knew it was a risk, but I decided to be open about it to be safer so that she won't be worried, and I keep telling lily how much I love my ex everyday too, sigh....

[silvermoonfairy3]

Okay, harsh reply forthcoming, and then maybe we can all just stop feeding this drama?

Is there a possibility that she would want me back?

No.

Why is she so angry

Probably because you won't leave her alone.

I have been emailing her everyday

Which you should stop doing.

But now after every guy has bailed or deleted me because I was trying to ask them to reach her for me

And that wasn't a warning sign for you to stop your obsessive behavior?

I was always begging her to stay throughout the relationship anyway.

Which means it wasn't a good relationship anyway.

And I truly mean that, because I love her as a person, I love her mind that wants to enjoy and experience all of life with me.

You love the idea of her. STOP CONTACTING HER.

I don't know what to do regarding this.

Continue going to therapy, stop contacting her, and eventually date someone else.

I want to leave the door open for her

She shut the door from her side. LET IT GO.

I am not taking and long term jobs because I dont know if she would ever come back.

She won't.
And not taking jobs because you're hoping she will is stupid, quite frankly.

And I am not crazy or have a depressive personality

Sorry, but you are. If you're really behaving the way you describe in these posts.

believe that effort overcomes everything

It doesn't. And when "effort" means stalking your ex-girlfriend who has BLOCKED YOUR EMAILS, and caused your male friends to cut contact because they don't want to try to help you stalk her, that's a major problem.

I have never threatened her or spoke badly about her, all my emails were tell her that she is beautiful and perfect, what I have learned, and that I want to do everything with her.Just leaving the door open hoping that she would forgive me one day.

Stalkers that go nuts and kill people also just loved the objection of their stalking so much that they couldn't bear to be without them. You need.to.stop.

This is so far into scary. Do not contact her. Do not hold out hope that she's coming back. Do not ask friends to contact her on your behalf. You're being obsessive to the point of frightening. Leave her alone and focus on taking care of yourself and getting to a better mental place.

[seras]

Why would she reply so bitterly about another girl then? When she does not want anything? Even after I made it as safe as possible, why even block the other girl after I told her that I was speaking to her. When she does not block the guys.

EDIT

And I didn't ask them to contact her yet, just preparing them, thinking I would use them at critical times to get my message across or knowing what she needs as she refuses to communicate, and each time I force communication I actually find out what she wants.

[JaneEmily]

You're beyond the scale of quite creepy. You may think you mean well, but you're making EVERYONE who knows you/about your situation very uncomfortable with your circumstances. Numerous times we've all given you advice for you to MOVE on and stop contacting her. You have repeatedly ignored our advice to help you, so you can be happy but you keep feeding your addiction of stalking her.

Silvermoonfairy3 said it all. Your ex DOES NOT want you back. You need to understand this as harsh as it comes across. Yes, you may be head over heels in love with her but that is no excuse for how you're acting. She does not love you, and she probably never will. She's distanced herself from you, so do the same. If you continue do the stalking, not only have you lost the person you love but you will lose all your friends and family for the way you're acting. You'll also likely get injunctions from people in the future if this is how you act in a relationship - I feel sorry for the next one that comes along of this is how you respond when a break up happens. And the not getting a long-term job? That's ridiculously naive and stupid for a 28yr old man. You need an income, and not having a fixed income probably won't help your own future let alone one with someone in a relationship.

Learn to understand that your so-called fairy tale is over, and that whatever you had is finished. Please. Just visit your therapist and get away from this situation. You need serious help - and not help from your ex either. You need to help yourself and quit the stalking.