Girlfriend of 9 months asked for space...

[austexas24]

I think you made very good decisions here. You can be proud of yourself. Take good care of yourself now, and look into the future with an open mind. Nobody knows what it will bring yet, but treating yourself well and occupying yourself positively will be good either way. Take care

I really like what you said here. No one knows what the future will bring, and maybe i'll have the chance to reconnect with her again, and maybe this was all part of the plan (maybe, maybe, maybe). I never really believed in the whole "if its meant to be than...", and it's probably the last thing anyone want's to hear when they are going through a break up. It seems to be the only advice my close friends have been able to give me, and they all agree with most of the opinions and suggestions that have been posted here. For me the most difficult part is balancing the hope that we may get back together, and the reality that we may not. I don't want to move on honestly but she hasn't given me the choice and it looks like all I can do is just take it day by day and see what happens.

I just hope she contacts me before I do, if I end up choosing so in the future. If she's "the one" I guess fate will bring us together again.

She will receive her birthday flowers tomorrow. I think the most appropriate thing to do in this situation is to just send a text message telling her Happy Birthday with a few lines revolving around how great of a person she is and that I hope she has an amazing birthday. Does this sound okay?

-Karl

[differentcountries]

Do absolutely not send your gf who broke up with you a text telling her she is great person... Just tell her happy birthday.

[randomnerd]

You need to go complete No Contact. You have to. She has told you that she can't give you more right now. Out of respect for her, please honor that. Sending her messages and gifts will torture yourself and her.


Let me remind you:

It basically came down to her wanting to close some chapters in her life and that she didn't want to continue to lead me on or make me wait. I explained to her how much I loved her, that I wanted to start a family with her and spend the rest of my life with her. That I would move there, I would basically do whatever it took. She told me, Don't you want someone that will do that for you too? It kind of hit me that she was right. She doesn't want to give herself to me if she can't give 110%. I think she wants to end the divorce, have some time to be herself and get over him before jumping into another relationship or continuing the one with me. I understand.

We both agreed that we both needed space. That we wouldn't contact each other. She acknowledged that she doesn't want to stop talking to me, that she still loves me, but honesty, we both need to be apart. It was too hard for me to only have half the person she used to be.

I know it's hard....but you need to let her get through her divorce and let her have time to reevaluate what she wants and she needs to do that on her own. IF she decides to be with you, she can do it without a doubt that it is a decision she made with a clear mind. If you end up together, as torturous as this time is, it will not be so that much time in the long run. Don't focus on her though. Focus on yourself.

[whatruckus]

I really like what you said here. No one knows what the future will bring, and maybe i'll have the chance to reconnect with her again, and maybe this was all part of the plan (maybe, maybe, maybe). I never really believed in the whole "if its meant to be than...", and it's probably the last thing anyone want's to hear when they are going through a break up. It seems to be the only advice my close friends have been able to give me, and they all agree with most of the opinions and suggestions that have been posted here. For me the most difficult part is balancing the hope that we may get back together, and the reality that we may not. I don't want to move on honestly but she hasn't given me the choice and it looks like all I can do is just take it day by day and see what happens.

I just hope she contacts me before I do, if I end up choosing so in the future. If she's "the one" I guess fate will bring us together again.

She will receive her birthday flowers tomorrow. I think the most appropriate thing to do in this situation is to just send a text message telling her Happy Birthday with a few lines revolving around how great of a person she is and that I hope she has an amazing birthday. Does this sound okay?

-Karl

I'm going to be blunt here because you don't seem to be getting the message:

She wants you to leave her alone and give her space. I know you're hurting and you think you're just doing nice things by texting her and sending her things, but you're not. You're REALLY not. You're making things worse and in the end she's going to resent you, maybe even find you annoying and a little obsessive. She's asked you to leave her alone. She's told you she doesn't want to be with you right now. Stop pushing yourself onto her. Leave her be. Delete her from your phone, block her on Facebook, whatever...just leave her alone. Stop contacting her. Stop sending her things. If she still wanted to hear these things from you, or receive these things from you, she'd still be with you and she'd still want to be part of your life right now. You are making things worse for her and more complicated. Let her grieve the loss of your relationship, as well as her divorce, in peace. You will only keep making things harder on yourself because you're still hung up on her. Cutting ties with her will help you. You might think it won't, but it will. It may help you think clearer, and it's definitely going to help her think clearer. Do not keep hope that she may come around some day, you might be in for a rude awakening if she never does. Go about your life.

If I was her, I would be getting annoyed with you by now because you didn't respect my wishes.

I'm the same age as you, we're young. If things don't work out in the end with her and she never comes around, you'll find someone else. There's always someone else for you if things don't work out with her. You just have to give them a chance and let go of your ex.

[austexas24]

I'm going to be blunt here because you don't seem to be getting the message:

She wants you to leave her alone and give her space. I know you're hurting and you think you're just doing nice things by texting her and sending her things, but you're not. You're REALLY not. You're making things worse and in the end she's going to resent you, maybe even find you annoying and a little obsessive. She's asked you to leave her alone. She's told you she doesn't want to be with you right now. Stop pushing yourself onto her. Leave her be. Delete her from your phone, block her on Facebook, whatever...just leave her alone. Stop contacting her. Stop sending her things. If she still wanted to hear these things from you, or receive these things from you, she'd still be with you and she'd still want to be part of your life right now. You are making things worse for her and more complicated. Let her grieve the loss of your relationship, as well as her divorce, in peace. You will only keep making things harder on yourself because you're still hung up on her. Cutting ties with her will help you. You might think it won't, but it will. It may help you think clearer, and it's definitely going to help her think clearer. Do not keep hope that she may come around some day, you might be in for a rude awakening if she never does. Go about your life.

If I was her, I would be getting annoyed with you by now because you didn't respect my wishes.

I'm the same age as you, we're young. If things don't work out in the end with her and she never comes around, you'll find someone else. There's always someone else for you if things don't work out with her. You just have to give them a chance and let go of your ex.

I hear loud and clear what you're saying. Neither one of us have made contact since last Friday (Feb 6th). That was when we both agreed to no contact. I'd really like to send her flowers just to wish her a Happy Birthday. I won't text her, I agree that it's probably best not too. But being as she did so much for me for my birthday, I would at least like to acknowledge her's which is tomorrow. I'm not pushing myself on her.

Her ending the relationship was a shitty thing to do to me, I agree. But after 9 months of pure bliss and happiness, and her flying me to another city to celebrate my birthday...I think the least I can do is send flowers. If her birthday was a month away...I wouldn't. Do you still see this as pushing myself on her and bothering her? Because after this who know's when we will make contact again...


EDIT: This is my note on the flowers:
Happy Birthday Paige! Thinking of you on your birthday, and wishing you all the best! Xx

K

[whatruckus]

I hear loud and clear what you're saying. Neither one of us have made contact since last Friday (Feb 6th). That was when we both agreed to no contact. I'd really like to send her flowers just to wish her a Happy Birthday. I won't text her, I agree that it's probably best not too. But being as she did so much for me for my birthday, I would at least like to acknowledge her's which is tomorrow. I'm not pushing myself on her.

Her ending the relationship was a shitty thing to do to me, I agree. But after 9 months of pure bliss and happiness, and her flying me to another city to celebrate my birthday...I think the least I can do is send flowers. If her birthday was a month away...I wouldn't. Do you still see this as pushing myself on her and bothering her? Because after this who know's when we will make contact again...


EDIT: This is my note on the flowers:
Happy Birthday Paige! Thinking of you on your birthday, and wishing you all the best! Xx

K

To me, yes it does. If I was her and we agreed on no contact, I don't think sending her the flowers would be the best thing to do. Just because you feel like you owe her for what she did for you on your birthday, but the fact is you guys aren't together anymore. No contact means no contact. And, she asked for that. Even if it is her birthday soon. If you REALLY feel like you need to do something for her (which, you honestly don't) then send her an e-card or something. Flowers are a little much. And, like I said, don't hope for anything to happen with her.

[randomnerd]

I don't think you should send her anything. You are broken up. Who sends their ex flowers? It's too fresh and you just need to let her be.

Another way to put it that you may relate better to is that she can't miss you if you are still there. She asked for the relationship to end. Let her have that. Let that be your gift to her.

[whatruckus]

I don't think you should send her anything. You are broken up. Who sends their ex flowers? It's too fresh and you just need to let her be.

Another way to put it that you may relate better to is that she can't miss you if you are still there. She asked for the relationship to end. Let her have that. Let that be your gift to her.

Right? That's what I was thinking.

[p_b82]

I am going to echo what the girls have been saying. DO NOT SEND THE FLOWERS!

If you must an ecard is a safe bet - but do not say anything "thinking of you" type things, keep it neutral. " I hope that you are able to have a wonderful day" or some such.

My now ex broke up with me a week Monday, we spoke briefly Tuesday, I let her know my Dad's test results Thursday. I wrote her a few things during that time period, and she has not contacted me since. After I said my last thing to her on Friday AM - "A sorry it turned out this way" kinda note, I made the decision to not to contact her until she makes the next move, as I was not getting a response to the messages.

We did not agree no contact, but it is the easiest way to get over the pain if you are no longer reminded of something - yesterday was the first day that I did not suffer from eye leaking tears of pain and frustration. (let alone the big sobs of emotion)

There are times when you have to see the bigger picture, and if you love her, respect her wishes and leave her alone.

I am not saying this from the cold heartless perspective, I am going through exactly what you are: I felt that my ex was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and had already asked her dad his blessing to marry before he died, and was going to propose when she came over to visit me in a months time..... She didn't feel the same way as it turns out and I have to respect that, as much as it hurts.

You are going to torture yourself if you live in hope of her getting back with you - I am not saying jump into another relationship, as you need time to get over her, but stop propping that door open, and start to grieve for the death of the relationship properly!

[differentcountries]

This is my note on the flowers:
Happy Birthday Paige! Thinking of you on your birthday, and wishing you all the best! Xx

K

That is just another way of saying: "I love you to death. I still want to be together with you. I am just waiting for you to come back".

If you have not already sent her flowers, DON'T! Nevermind what she did for your birthday WHILE YOU WERE DATING. Don't pretend you are regular friends now. She doesn't have it in her to keep you. Do you have it in you to let her go?

[Hollandia]

Since kind words don't help, let's be blunt.

Stop kidding yourself, sending her flowers is pathetic. Do you enjoy being a doormat? STOP!

It won't work, no contact, means no contact and you are acting a fool if you send them. If you do and choose to ignore multiple warnings not to, then you are still pining for her and think you still have a chance, you don't. She will most likely be out with someone else on V-day and feel sorry for you when she sees them, I would and I do at the thought of it. Have some self respect for yourself and move on.

[Miasmata]

I'll be blunt also: She doesn't want you. She doesn't want this relationship. That is her choice as an adult, and it's up to you as an adult to respect it. You are seeing chances where there are none. No means no. Get a grip and move on.

[Honour]

Dang, get a load of this guy.

I'm going to be blunt as well. Grow up! Can't you see that she doesn't want the relationship to progress any further? For the love of Pete, get a grip of yourself, or you'll end up as the "creepy, psycho ex."

Seriously.

[MyHindiHeart]

I think she really does need space now. I don't know what's going on in her head, but if she loved someone enough to marry him, there is going to be emotional turmoil. Maybe she moved too quickly, despite how good it felt. Him coming and going could be hurting her in ways she doesn't understand.

And above all, you have to accept that maybe she's not being honest. It took her awhile to admit she was married in the first place. Maybe there's more to the story than you know. Maybe she was scared to tell you.

Be strong, and give her space. Don't ignore her, but don't instigate conversation. Just do what is right for yourself. She will sort this out and she will continue to think of how good you have been to her. When she is ready, she will take the next step in her life.
As I see it, she's in no position to take the next step with you right now. Let her wrap this up, and be strong and be calm. Wait patiently.

[austexas24]

Wow...some of you are pretty fucking harsh. I get it, fuck her right? As much as I'd love to just tell her just that, and believe me, I've screamed it out at the top of my lungs in these past few days...we didn't end badly. She was "the one" to me at one point in this relationship, but I have no reason to hate her, nor will I treat her like shit. I will not change who I am, or be a shitty person regardless of the situation.

I did send her the flowers and I have zero regrets about doing it. She not only texted me, but she called me the next day thanking me. It was a light 2 minute conversation. Now does that sound like something someone would do if they didn't give zero fucks about me? No.

Also, to the people on here saying that shes probably lying and taking someone else out on V-day...give me a break. Shes getting divorced, she just broke up with me, we spoke everyday for 9 months, and that's not her. She is getting a divorce because her ex husband was texting another woman. She doesn't cheat, so don't kid yourself.

She also broke down last Wednesday (5 days ago), called me telling me that shes been miserable, shes missed me and still loves me. We chatted and she was obviously not over me and maybe even unsure if it was a good decision.

I faltered myself 2 days ago and texted her that I missed her, all i got back was a shitty "I'm sorry" response. I learned my lesson from that right then and there. She has no idea what she wants, shes confused as fuck, whether its to be single, be with me, getting divorced, figuring her life out, I have no idea.

I will not text, call, or create contact of any kind with her unless she contacts me first. You should all try to keep in mind that when you're "helping" people here, that sometimes people are still in the worst part of getting over somebody, and that being rude doesn't always work. Sometimes the person just has to figure it out on their own, and I have. I do appreciate every single response here, good or bad, blunt or overly sensitive but fuck, some of you are really harsh. Trust me, this would be 10 times easier if there was a legit reason for us to be over, not just something she thinks she needs.

Lastly, I'm not waiting for her. Nor am I jumping into someone else's arms. I'm just letting life happen.

As always, I will keep you all updated.