Girlfriend of 9 months asked for space...

[merlinkitty]

Glad to hear it. Sometimes it takes a few stumbles to understand what needs to be done. Take care.

[whatruckus]

Wow...some of you are pretty fucking harsh. I get it, fuck her right? As much as I'd love to just tell her just that, and believe me, I've screamed it out at the top of my lungs in these past few days...we didn't end badly. She was "the one" to me at one point in this relationship, but I have no reason to hate her, nor will I treat her like shit. I will not change who I am, or be a shitty person regardless of the situation.

I did send her the flowers and I have zero regrets about doing it. She not only texted me, but she called me the next day thanking me. It was a light 2 minute conversation. Now does that sound like something someone would do if they didn't give zero fucks about me? No.

Also, to the people on here saying that shes probably lying and taking someone else out on V-day...give me a break. Shes getting divorced, she just broke up with me, we spoke everyday for 9 months, and that's not her. She is getting a divorce because her ex husband was texting another woman. She doesn't cheat, so don't kid yourself.

She also broke down last Wednesday (5 days ago), called me telling me that shes been miserable, shes missed me and still loves me. We chatted and she was obviously not over me and maybe even unsure if it was a good decision.

I faltered myself 2 days ago and texted her that I missed her, all i got back was a shitty "I'm sorry" response. I learned my lesson from that right then and there. She has no idea what she wants, shes confused as fuck, whether its to be single, be with me, getting divorced, figuring her life out, I have no idea.

I will not text, call, or create contact of any kind with her unless she contacts me first. You should all try to keep in mind that when you're "helping" people here, that sometimes people are still in the worst part of getting over somebody, and that being rude doesn't always work. Sometimes the person just has to figure it out on their own, and I have. I do appreciate every single response here, good or bad, blunt or overly sensitive but fuck, some of you are really harsh. Trust me, this would be 10 times easier if there was a legit reason for us to be over, not just something she thinks she needs.

Lastly, I'm not waiting for her. Nor am I jumping into someone else's arms. I'm just letting life happen.

As always, I will keep you all updated.

First of all, she did give you a legit reason. It just wasn't something you wanted to hear. You asked for the advice, we gave it to you. In the end only you can choose what you want to do, but everyone pretty much told you the same thing, and you went against it anyways. What were you expecting? Congratulations it semi worked out for you, but we told you not to do it so that you wouldn't confuse her more. Not to tell you to "fuck her" as you keep repeating. She is going through a divorce, albeit, a nasty divorce. Did you really expect her to be able to give her heart fully to you? She was cheated on by her husband, and now she's divorcing the man she thought was "the one". Of course she is confused. She's probably been confused the entire time you've been dating. You don't get over someone you were married to, and promised your life to, so easily. We never told you to treat her like shit. We told you to leave her alone and give her the space that she asked for, which seemed pretty damn hard for you to do. We told you to give her that space so she could figure out her life right now. Yes, maybe she does really love you, but you weren't helping her figure that out by pushing yourself on her.

She's going to be going through a rollercoaster of emotions pertaining to you and her soon-to-be ex husband. If she contacts you, great, but don't expect much. My ex used to text me and call me and tell me he missed me. Didn't mean he wanted me back. Sometimes people miss the idea of someone more than they actually miss that person. This is coming from experience.

[austexas24]

First of all, she did give you a legit reason. It just wasn't something you wanted to hear. You asked for the advice, we gave it to you. In the end only you can choose what you want to do, but everyone pretty much told you the same thing, and you went against it anyways. What were you expecting? Congratulations it semi worked out for you, but we told you not to do it so that you wouldn't confuse her more. Not to tell you to "fuck her" as you keep repeating. She is going through a divorce, albeit, a nasty divorce. Did you really expect her to be able to give her heart fully to you? She was cheated on by her husband, and now she's divorcing the man she thought was "the one". Of course she is confused. She's probably been confused the entire time you've been dating. You don't get over someone you were married to, and promised your life to, so easily. We never told you to treat her like shit. We told you to leave her alone and give her the space that she asked for, which seemed pretty damn hard for you to do. We told you to give her that space so she could figure out her life right now. Yes, maybe she does really love you, but you weren't helping her figure that out by pushing yourself on her.

She's going to be going through a rollercoaster of emotions pertaining to you and her soon-to-be ex husband. If she contacts you, great, but don't expect much. My ex used to text me and call me and tell me he missed me. Didn't mean he wanted me back. Sometimes people miss the idea of someone more than they actually miss that person. This is coming from experience.

I get what you're saying, and you're right. I'm just going to sit back and let life happen. Believe me, it's hard for me to not get pissed at her when I so easily could. I know that what shes going through is probably far worse than what I'm going through. I've got no regrets, and would do it over and over again. But damn it sucks to be the one who got dumped, especially since I didn't see it coming at all.

[merlinkitty]

I get what you're saying, and you're right. I'm just going to sit back and let life happen. Believe me, it's hard for me to not get pissed at her when I so easily could. I know that what shes going through is probably far worse than what I'm going through. I've got no regrets, and would do it over and over again. But damn it sucks to be the one who got dumped, especially since I didn't see it coming at all.

Yeah I know it does. I think the reason why everyone was freaking out about the flowers is because of the message it sends. And it seems to have confused both you a little there for a few days with the re-opened communication, but I think you've got the message now. It'll be better for you. Just know you've gotta take care of yourself now exclusively.

[whatruckus]

Yeah I know it does. I think the reason why everyone was freaking out about the flowers is because of the message it sends. And it seems to have confused both you a little there for a few days with the re-opened communication, but I think you've got the message now. It'll be better for you. Just know you've gotta take care of yourself now exclusively.

Agreed. Focus on yourself and don't worry too much about her. Not saying to shut her out, but concentrate on working yourself.

[p_b82]

Glad to hear that you have managed to work it out yourself, but the flowers were a bad idea - even if it was 'a nice thing to do'

Hope you are able to chalk all this down to experience and learn from it....

Trust me I know how hard it is to go from talking every-day to not at all - needs a complete mentality change to stop 'looking' for their presence online and in your messages etc.

[austexas24]

Glad to hear that you have managed to work it out yourself, but the flowers were a bad idea - even if it was 'a nice thing to do'

Hope you are able to chalk all this down to experience and learn from it....

Trust me I know how hard it is to go from talking every-day to not at all - needs a complete mentality change to stop 'looking' for their presence online and in your messages etc.

That's the truth, I found myself checking whatsapp to see when she was last online, then you start wondering...who is she talking to, why won't she message me. I can't exactly delete the app either because then I wouldn't know if she was trying to reach out to me. It's a tough situation, I've currently placed all the apps we used to communicate in a "folder" on my iphone and pushed the folder to the back so I won't check them anymore.

Unlike my previous relationships where when it was over it was over, this one still doesn't feel over to me. It could be emotions speaking, or how we were, but I just don't see a future in which we aren't speaking to each other. But I also don't see how I could ever be just a friend to her, not yet anyways.

Anyways, and helpful suggestions for me to help with moving on? I've already ramped up my workouts, stayed busy, I've done a lot of self reflection, I feel like you can always improve yourself. Just can't get the one thing I want, and it's her.

p_b82, would you ever consider reaching out to your ex in the future?

[p_b82]

That's the truth, I found myself checking whatsapp to see when she was last online, then you start wondering...who is she talking to, why won't she message me. I can't exactly delete the app either because then I wouldn't know if she was trying to reach out to me. It's a tough situation, I've currently placed all the apps we used to communicate in a "folder" on my iphone and pushed the folder to the back so I won't check them anymore.

Unlike my previous relationships where when it was over it was over, this one still doesn't feel over to me. It could be emotions speaking, or how we were, but I just don't see a future in which we aren't speaking to each other. But I also don't see how I could ever be just a friend to her, not yet anyways.

Anyways, and helpful suggestions for me to help with moving on? I've already ramped up my workouts, stayed busy, I've done a lot of self reflection, I feel like you can always improve yourself. Just can't get the one thing I want, and it's her.

p_b82, would you ever consider reaching out to your ex in the future?

Sounds good re moving the icons - I deleted the whole hangouts history, so I would not see her in the list there, we are friends on FB still, but tbh questioning those sorts of things "who is she talking to etc" are going to eat you up, so I advise you try to stop thinking about it... as soon as you possibly can... as soon as you find yourself doing it, then do something else, even if it is short term distraction.

Self reflection, and keeping mentally busy are good, but for me the 'best' thing is to let go of chasing the thing that is out of reach. Anything else you do is just a band aid over the longer term issue, and that is you getting to a point where you are over your ex.

My previous ex, I will never speak openly to again - but my recent one pinged on Monday. sent me a pic of how cold it was, we exchanged a few words and nothing since.

I have decided I will not instigate conversation with her, and it is for her to get in touch with me. When she 'wants' me as a friend again then she will do just that, if she doesn't get in touch or interact with me in 6 months she will be culled from FB, like any-one else. I might give her the chance before then and ping her to say "so I guess we are done as friends as well", but not thinking about that now as it might not come to pass.
I am being this 'hard' because I have told her that I do not want to throw the friendship away - in the week after she ended it with me. We knew each other for 3 years before getting involved, but I am not going to put the effort in fixing the friendship, as she did not want to put the effort into fixing the relationship. This is the price she has to pay; if she is unable, then she fucked this one up good and proper...

I don't need people in my life that are not there for me when I need them - I am not a person to have 'acquaintances' you are either my friend or you are 'nothing' in that respect, I am typically introverted.

I will be honest, if I take any other mindset, it will eat me alive.... sometimes you just have to tough it out. *shrugs*

[whatruckus]

That's the truth, I found myself checking whatsapp to see when she was last online, then you start wondering...who is she talking to, why won't she message me. I can't exactly delete the app either because then I wouldn't know if she was trying to reach out to me. It's a tough situation, I've currently placed all the apps we used to communicate in a "folder" on my iphone and pushed the folder to the back so I won't check them anymore.

Unlike my previous relationships where when it was over it was over, this one still doesn't feel over to me. It could be emotions speaking, or how we were, but I just don't see a future in which we aren't speaking to each other. But I also don't see how I could ever be just a friend to her, not yet anyways.

Anyways, and helpful suggestions for me to help with moving on? I've already ramped up my workouts, stayed busy, I've done a lot of self reflection, I feel like you can always improve yourself. Just can't get the one thing I want, and it's her.

p_b82, would you ever consider reaching out to your ex in the future?

It always feels that way right after a break up, you just might not remember it in the past. This is the precise reason why we said not to send her anything or talk to her. We've all been there, we all know how it feels.

You really just need to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with supportive people. Throw yourself in to work, school (if you still go), friends, family. Pick up some new hobbies, join some clubs, volunteer. Keep yourself busy enough so you're not staring at your phone or computer, waiting for her to say something to you. Eventually, the pain stops, and you'll barely think about her.

[Honour]

OP, the next time you ask for advice and dislike what is being calmly and kindly suggested to you, yet you decide to be rude and disrespectful in return, keep in mind YOU asked in the first place, and we just gave you our honest opinions.

[austexas24]

Sounds good re moving the icons - I deleted the whole hangouts history, so I would not see her in the list there, we are friends on FB still, but tbh questioning those sorts of things "who is she talking to etc" are going to eat you up, so I advise you try to stop thinking about it... as soon as you possibly can... as soon as you find yourself doing it, then do something else, even if it is short term distraction.

Self reflection, and keeping mentally busy are good, but for me the 'best' thing is to let go of chasing the thing that is out of reach. Anything else you do is just a band aid over the longer term issue, and that is you getting to a point where you are over your ex.

My previous ex, I will never speak openly to again - but my recent one pinged on Monday. sent me a pic of how cold it was, we exchanged a few words and nothing since.

I have decided I will not instigate conversation with her, and it is for her to get in touch with me. When she 'wants' me as a friend again then she will do just that, if she doesn't get in touch or interact with me in 6 months she will be culled from FB, like any-one else. I might give her the chance before then and ping her to say "so I guess we are done as friends as well", but not thinking about that now as it might not come to pass.
I am being this 'hard' because I have told her that I do not want to throw the friendship away - in the week after she ended it with me. We knew each other for 3 years before getting involved, but I am not going to put the effort in fixing the friendship, as she did not want to put the effort into fixing the relationship. This is the price she has to pay; if she is unable, then she fucked this one up good and proper...

I don't need people in my life that are not there for me when I need them - I am not a person to have 'acquaintances' you are either my friend or you are 'nothing' in that respect, I am typically introverted.

I will be honest, if I take any other mindset, it will eat me alive.... sometimes you just have to tough it out. *shrugs*

Damn man, I'm sorry to hear that. I've never really been able to remain friends or even acquaintances with an ex and I would hate for that to happen with my current one. I know it's good for me to move on, I'm sure I would be telling myself the same thing if I were you all talking to me. I just don't want to move on. Feels like I'm walking away from something I shouldn't. I just wish I had a solid reason for why this has all unfolded the way it has.

The days used to go by so fast and it felt like there was never enough time in the day...now each day drags on slowly...

I think I need to take a trip or get away for a while. I feel bad for all of you since I just keep coming on here saying the same shit in different words lol. I need to figure out what I want to do before I keep seeking yall's advice. I just keep flopping back and worth between being strong and missing her like crazy. Again, p_b82, I give you props, I would love to be strong but I can't do it to her.

I'll try to check in weekly and keep you all updated on how it's going. I know in time I'll be okay, just don't want to be right now

[merlinkitty]

Damn man, I'm sorry to hear that. I've never really been able to remain friends or even acquaintances with an ex and I would hate for that to happen with my current one. I know it's good for me to move on, I'm sure I would be telling myself the same thing if I were you all talking to me. I just don't want to move on. Feels like I'm walking away from something I shouldn't. I just wish I had a solid reason for why this has all unfolded the way it has.

The days used to go by so fast and it felt like there was never enough time in the day...now each day drags on slowly...

I think I need to take a trip or get away for a while. I feel bad for all of you since I just keep coming on here saying the same shit in different words lol. I need to figure out what I want to do before I keep seeking yall's advice. I just keep flopping back and worth between being strong and missing her like crazy. Again, p_b82, I give you props, I would love to be strong but I can't do it to her.

I'll try to check in weekly and keep you all updated on how it's going. I know in time I'll be okay, just don't want to be right now

Keep popping back I'll keep giving you feedback as I see it. I second what p_b82 said.

I'm very much the same way myself. The only way for me to move forward is to leave the past behind. Learn from it, but close the door. Y'all have a door open right now, which might be why you're having some of the issues you are. I know you didn't want it to end, you don't want to move on, but I think for your own mental health you need to choose to. You didn't choose to end this, and she seems to be having an effect on your decision to leave things open. Control what you can, accept what you cannot. For me, having an open door would be something I'd want to control. I would strongly encourage you to make the decision to close this door. At least you may feel better in control of the situation you did not want to happen.

I imagine you'll keep it open for a while longer, but I hope you'll realize and get tired of the mental exhaustion at some point and do something to help yourself. It's always on you what you choose to do, but remember you do have a choice in all of this. And, as always, we're always here to talk things out

[p_b82]

I'll be honest - I don't *want* to move on, but as merlinkitty says I have taken control of what I can - and that is to fix myself and so *have* to move on. If I was contacted within 2 weeks saying she had made a mistake I would have taken her back, now I am not so sure - I'd talk it through, but might decide I'd rather not..... how I felt when I broke up was not nice as I felt used.
Much in the same way I think you should feel tbh - it has not been done maliciously or with intent for either of us, but that is what happened.

The first step is to change your mindset, the rest will follow.... if you keep the wanting or the hope alive you will never move on. Been there, done that!

Good luck!

[austexas24]

I'll be honest - I don't *want* to move on, but as merlinkitty says I have taken control of what I can - and that is to fix myself and so *have* to move on. If I was contacted within 2 weeks saying she had made a mistake I would have taken her back, now I am not so sure - I'd talk it through, but might decide I'd rather not..... how I felt when I broke up was not nice as I felt used.
Much in the same way I think you should feel tbh - it has not been done maliciously or with intent for either of us, but that is what happened.

The first step is to change your mindset, the rest will follow.... if you keep the wanting or the hope alive you will never move on. Been there, done that!

Good luck!

Agreed. It's still early since she's ended it (Jan 22) and we went to giving each other space (Feb 7). We haven't spoken in 6 days, and who know's what will happen, but I know I can't be the first one to contact her. I've made my moves, tried everything I could do to keep her (short of flying down there), which if she wasn't going through a divorce I probably would have tried lol.

The other day her friend on snap chat posted a snap on her "my story" of her and my ex at her birthday party. She was smiling, and I must have looked at that snap 40 times. Yesterday I deleted the friend from snapchat to avoid putting myself through any more painful situations. I'll probably wait another couple of weeks to take all the photos of her off my phone, computer, facebook and store them somewhere safe on a USB to help the moving on process if I still haven't heard from her. I could never delete the memories we had together, it was far to amazing of an experience and I've learned so much from her, tried so many new things.

It's on her now to make the move or decision. If it wasn't for the long distance factor I'd be a lot more optimistic about us one day being together again, but as time goes on I'm starting to see that it's only going to be harder and harder to reconnect and get back to where we were. It's really hard to say these things since I know what an amazing girl she is and would absolutely love to spend my life with her, but maybe I was the one who was actually willing to sacrifice where she wasn't.

Besides, being sad and wondering what if, maybe I should do this, or what if I sent this, and texted her this message or wait this many weeks...is all so draining. I'm so much happier today and hopefully it continues since I decided to just let life be.

[austexas24]

Hey all!

I received a text message from my ex Sunday (2/22), it said "Just wanted to say I hope you're well and have had a good week." It really shocked me as I was going to revert to no contact and letting her have her space, especially since her last message to me was about a week before and it was the cold hearted "I'm sorry" response. It was a pleasant surprise, I simply responded back "Thanks P----. It hasn't been easy but I'm getting by. I hope your're doing well too." Then that was it, I didn't expect a response back and I'm not going to read too much into it other than the fact that she was at least thinking of me enough to text me. Anyways, just more confusing motives to add to the already confusing break up theme.

More confusing items I have just recently noticed after downloading all the photos of us and putting them into a single file/usb to "hide" it away from my thoughts...

Her whatsapp username went from: "P---- Xx:" to just her name with no "Xx" (kisses in Australia). This change occurred after the break up, probably within the last 2 weeks. Guess she didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression, maybe her husband, maybe me...who fucking knows.

The other is while we were still together, again sorting through the millions of photos on my phone I noticed she sent me a screen shot of an old conversation we had on Whatsapp around late December, only this time my name was removed from her messenger and it was just my phone number. Presumably to keep her friends from finding out I guess, but a little weird.

I'm not going to read into any of this more than I already have by posting it here, as I feel the need to tell myself to not worry about it lol. Just a lot of strange things going on and as we have previously mentioned I'll probably never know whats really happening. I plan to continue the no contact and if I haven't heard from her in 2-3 weeks I might consider reaching out to her.

Thoughts on all this odd behavior?