Asked her to be my girlfriend

[Mims27]

I think her being honest about her being guarded is actually a good thing, kind of like you being honest to her about your sobriety. You both have things you are dealing with and processing and this is just her thing. Honesty is #1. You should not let your fear win over something that could very potentially be a very good thing. Our minds tend to overthink things huh? lol You are doing great at taking things slow but still progessing. I can read it in your posts. It'll be worth it in the end because from what I can tell, you both really like each other.


My SO told me she loved me way before I was able tell her. Not because I didn't love her, but I just wasn't ready. For my own personal reasons. She completely understood and just told me that she was ready and that she loved me but also that it didn't meant I had to say it back. I did it when I was good and ready. She knew that if she pressured me, she would probably end up making me go in reverse instead of forward.

I hope I'm not way off base here. hehe

[hmrambling]

You're pretty close.

I told her that I love her about a month ago, and she responded that she loves me. A couple of weeks later, she initiated a conversation and told me that she loves me. I responded by telling her that I love her. I guess since then I've been wanting to hear and say it more. She ain't ready for regularly exchanging I love you. That's where we are. She is guarded, yes. And I need to accept that if I'm going to stick around. And I need to continue work on my own fears and dealing with vulnerability. I believe that I really unveiled some of the issues that I'm having with vulnerability this past weekend when I told her that I like her a lot. When I talked to her last night, she said that she heard in my tone that I meant that I love her when I said I like her a lot. I suppose that's all that matters.

My issues with vulnerability cause me to not be direct, to be challenged by open communication, and to feel weak when I talk about how I feel. I'm working on that. So we have her being guarded and my struggle with vulnerability... It's not a deal breaker but it can certainly be challenging.

[hmrambling]

She's coming to my house this weekend. Tonight I am going to a wake and will go to a funeral tomorrow morning. She should be getting to my house right when I am getting home from the funeral. Then, we are going to a wedding. The wedding is black and white themed, so we'll both be in black and white. I am wearing a black fitted pants suit with a white top under the black jacket. She's probably wearing her 'concert black' (band director). So, we'll both be primarily in black. I suppose I can/will wear my black suit to the funeral, too. I have a business meeting at 6p tomorrow night, then I plan to take her out to eat somewhere nice since we'll be dressed up. Then we are making a dish for the potluck at church. So Saturday night will be very busy. I hope to find an easy recipe that will be fun to make. Then, we plan to go to church and stay for the potluck.

The potluck has a rainbow theme for pride month. I'm looking for ideas for rainbow food. I have this vision of colorful food, but have no idea outside of that. It's also suggested that we bring healthy food. I like colorful salads, so maybe we can make a colorful salad.

This is the first weekend that she's staying at my house on a Sunday night. She's out of school for summer and can stay Sunday nights when she visits now. I anticipate not wanting to get out of bed Monday morning for work. :/ But it'll be alright.

[Scouse05]

I love reading your posts and catching up on your journey. I want to start by saying thank you for sharing yourself so much on here, making yourself vulnerable to others takes a huge amount of strength. I can understand why you are concerned about your SO being guarded and how that affects you. The huge positive around all of this is that she has shown her strength and willingness to start being vulnerable with you by even telling you she is guarded. That to me says she trusts you and wants this to work out. Taking it slow will help you both.

My SO and I fell hard and fast and we tell each other I love you numberous times a day but this is mainly through messages as we love so far apart and won't get to see each other till Dec. When we first met I was so confused because I wasn't even sure if she liked me for real. She is a fairly closed book when it comes to all that and it wasn't until I plucked up the courage to talk to her about it and how I felt that she expressed her anxieties. Despite the fact I was being affectionate and giving her compliments, she still wasn't sure I liked her as much as she liked me...it's funny now because ultimately we were both feeling the same and having the same worries but because we express our affection differently (and need to have affection expressed to us differently) the fact that we were both crazy about one another was almost lost. It's still a work in progress but the more we get to know each other the easier it will get and to be honest I can't wait till the day I don't have to tell her I love her all the time because that'll mean we have closed the distance and she will know that I love her just by how I am with her and what we do.

Keep communicating and enjoying your ltime together. Life is too short to worry (although that is always easier said than done). What is meant for you will not pass you and I'm sure given time and if things continue as they seem to be your SO will be able to open her heart more to you.

Showing vulnerability is definitely not a weakness. I don't know you but I can tell you are strong and it takes strengh to be vulnerable with those we love x

[hmrambling]

Saturday morning, I got up and ran 9.6 miles. I ran through my town. I went to a funeral. She arrived at my house a few minutes after I got home from the funeral. It was nice to see her dressed for the wedding. The wedding was outdoors and the reception was indoors. She liked meeting the bride who is a friend I've known since high school. She also met another friend from high school. We danced at the reception and had a good time. I had an AA business meeting to go to after the wedding. She stayed at my house when I went to the meeting. I was very eager for the meeting to be over, and rushed back home as soon as the meeting was over. We went to a fairly well-known seafood restaurant about 20 miles from my house. Both of us were pretty tired on the way home - it was already a lot in a day. But we went to the store and got a roast and veggies, and then got home and threw everything into the crock pot so that the roast would be ready for the potluck the next day.

Sunday morning, we went to church and to the potluck after church. She remembered some of the folks that she met from the last time she was at church. We went home after the potluck. We watched a movie in the guest bedroom. I let the dogs get on the bed in the guest bedroom, so the 2 of us and all 3 dogs were piled on the bed while we watched the movie. It was nice and relaxing.

After the movie was over, I asked her if she wanted to go to the dog park. She thought that was a good idea, so we loaded up the dogs and went to the dog park. They all played and enjoyed meeting other dogs. We went back home with tired dogs. Then we went out to eat Mexican. We took the dogs for one last walk after we got back from eating, and then hung out on the sofa talking.

We both lost our parents when we were fairly young. I was 22 when my dad died, and 27 when my mother died. She was 16 when she lost her mother, and 22 when her dad died. We each talked about the processes we used for grief and how we coped when our parents passed away. I saw her cry for the first time. I thanked her for feeling safe enough to share with me.

At first I was skeptical of her staying on a Sunday night, and leaving Monday morning. I envisioned that I would have a hard time getting up and out, and that I wouldn't make it to work on time... or at all. Historically, I don't have the best track record in this arena. But I managed to get up and out and got to work on time. I'm grateful for the additional night of talking/cuddling. It was a nice weekend.

We didn't make any plans for next weekend. So next weekend is up in the air for now. It will be Pride weekend in my city. I plan to ask her if she wants to go, but I don't want her to feel obligated to. I really want to take turns going back and forth so that nothing is one sided. I want to be as fair as possible in this situation. So we'll see what she wants to do.

[hmrambling]

This weekend, she will be coming back to my town for Pride. She'll be staying one night. A part of me was sad to not have a second night, but I understand that she has a busy week ahead of her. I do feel kind of greedy with her time. We talk each night and we've been together every weekend since we met, I think. All in all, I feel very fortunate. At some point I stopped counting dates, but that certainly doesn't mean that I take any of our dates for granted. I'm grateful for every time we are able to see each other, and I still look forward to talking to her each day. I think that's really good.

We're planning for her to be at my house around 11 on Saturday morning, then go to Pride. I looked over the schedule for Pride. I'm not sure if I want to stay all day. We'll see. We have no real solid plans before or after Pride, other than lunch before Pride.

She mentioned an upcoming community concert that she'll be in, so I plan to get down there for the concert. It'll be cool to see her play the clarinet at a concert.

I'm still taking things one day at a time. Just taking things as they come. It seems to get easier. I have my moments sometimes, though.

[hmrambling]

It turned out to be a nice weekend. She brought her dogs and they all arrived Saturday around noon. We had pork roast at my house, hung out at the house a while, and then went to pride. We visited the exhibits and listened to music. There was a blessing of the relationships. We participated in the blessing of the relationships. My pastor and 3 other ministers blessed the relationships. Following the prayer over the relationships, my pastor said that if any couples had any gifts to exchange or vows to exchange that now would be the time. I really did NOT expect this at all. I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but I really was caught off guard. Neither of us expected for there to be a suggestion of vows or exchanging of gifts. I said, "I vow pot roast." I hugged her and buried my head in her shoulder and we both laughed. I suppose that will be a joke for a while. After pride, we went out to eat and we went to the terrace and had dessert. We were able to see the city from the terrace. It was late when we got home.


We're in the background of this picture. Her hand is on my shoulder. I'm wearing a dark shirt. Only part of her face is visible. This was moments before I vowed pot roast. :P

Sunday morning, we went to church. Then we went to the potluck/picnic after church, and watched L Word Mississippi. A couple that was in the L Word Mississippi were at church and took questions and comments after the show. Then we went home and watched a movie. We both agreed that Blue Is the Warmest Color had too much sex, and that the sex scenes were nearly comical because they were too graphic and too much. It was like a soft porn, which was not my goal. Afterwards, we ate. I made tomato sandwiches, cooked fresh corn on the cob (but cut it off the cob), and chips. We had a nice talk on the sofa... and then she was gone. I got her text when she made it home. I'll be going to her house this upcoming weekend.

The conversation flowed as smoothly as ever. We talked about vulnerability and openness, and how we both want to continue to learn about each other. Neither of us wants a routine where we are taking things for granted or simply going through the motions. I talked about how I still look forward to our phone calls, how we catch up at the end of each day, and that I love to hear what she has to say. I like to share my day with her, too. Nothing feels like a chore. Everything has always been pretty natural for both of us, which I am very grateful for.

Before she left, I told her that I still like her a lot. She knows I mean that I love her. I won't push her. I do want her to know that I care. Life is too short to not share that I care for her.

[hmrambling]

Just realized Sunday will make 3 months. We'll be together for our 3 monthiversary. :P

[hmrambling]

This past weekend, I went to her house and then we went to the Louisiana Bicycle Festival. It was cool. We saw old bikes, old motorbikes, and custom bikes. It was really neat and interesting. We brought my dog. He had fun sniffing around and visiting the other dogs there. It got hot, so we got some lemonade slushees and got some ice water for my dog. He was unfamiliar with ice, so I think he got a little bit of a brain freeze. We went out to eat Mexican, and then went to the lake front where we saw Jupiter, Venus and the moon lined up. It was a pretty sight. We went back to her house and we worked on the kisses, rubs, and touches exercises. We talked a while, and then got ready for bed.

I gave her a CD and a card for our 3 months together. She gave me a card and flowers. She cooked spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad. It was a nice meal for our 3 months together. We laid on the sofa and talked. It was a really nice, laid back weekend.

She asked me if I would like to meet her older sister. I told her that I would. We talked about the possibility of meeting each other's friends and relatives. We had some really good talks, all of which were comfortable and easy-flowing.

While I was standing at my vehicle, right before I left, I told her that I really, really like her a lot. She responded that she really, really likes me a lot, too... then said "It's like I love you, that's how much I really, really like you." I told her that I really, really like her a lot, and that it's like I love her. I went home feeling really happy about our weekend together.

[hmrambling]

We have a date tonight!! Yes, on a week night/work night. She's coming into town and we're going to the poetry slam. :dancingbanana:

[hmrambling]

It was fun to go to the poetry slam with her last night We had dinner late after the poetry slam, and had breakfast for dinner. It was really nice waking up to her on a weekday before work.

[Mims27]

Sounds like you had a great time!! I can't wait to wake up to my girl next week! hehe

[hmrambling]

It has been a crazy busy week. My office is moving downtown, right near the capital. So I've been busy moving. Friday the Supreme Court made their decision regarding gay marriage in the United States. People have been very excited about the decision. I was at work when the decision was announced. One of my friends texted me the decision. It was exciting to hear. After work, I went to the capital and attended the celebration. I figured that I may as well since I was so close to the capital. I saw a lot of friends there, all of whom were excited about the decision.

I worked overtime to finish up the move on Saturday. I went in early, then met a friend for brunch. I was really tired after brunch. I believe that the move was wearing on me. I ran late getting to my SO's house Saturday evening, which caused our plans to run late as well. We were supposed to eat, and then go to her friend's birthday party. Instead, we went to the party first (and for a short amount of time), then went to eat. I rambled a great deal about the move and the politics behind the move. When we got back to her house, she realized that I really meant it when I said that the move was wearing on me. I was sweaty and feverish.

We got ready for bed. She held me through the night, despite me being hot and sweaty. Finally, around 2 or 3, my fever broke. I was cool and stopped sweating. I was relieved and I felt better.

She was a little restless due to the upcoming rehearsals for the musical. So she was up, too. Neither of us were at our best this weekend, but we managed to get along fine. I believe we're very supportive of each other and complement each other very well.

She asked me if I would be her facebook friend. I told her that I would. I sent her a friend request, and now we're facebook friends. We each flipped through our pictures and shared about the pictures on our facebook pages.

Each of us now have a toothbrush at the other's house. I left my perfume at her house today.

We each listed our favorite things about going steady. It was fun to share what we each liked about going steady.

[hmrambling]

She's visiting me this weekend. Tonight, we're going to a nice restaurant (Brazilian barbeque). Tomorrow, we'll be around the house to keep the dogs company because 2 of the 3 dogs are scared of the fireworks. I am supposed to be at 2 recovery meetings tomorrow. So we won't be able to spend all of our time together. This is life. I'm really grateful that she can stay 2 nights, and that I have a 3 day weekend. She'll have to leave fairly early on Sunday. Visits for the rest of the month will probably be in her city.

At the end of the month, we're supposed to be doing something for the 3 day weekend that she has right before school starts. It's hard to believe that her summer is nearly over. I've really appreciated all the time we've been able to spend together this summer.

[hmrambling]

Last weekend, we went to the Brazilian barbeque and went to have dessert at the Renaissance hotel bar. The view:



She suspected I was up to something when I didn't ask if she wanted dessert when we were at the Brazilian barbeque. We sat and talked while we had dessert. It was really nice at the hotel. We went home and kept the dogs company for the majority of the day Saturday. We chilled out on the sofa and watched Bob Hope movies while I cooked red beans and rice. Then we went to the gym to work out, and picked up fried chicken to go with the red beans and rice. After we ate dinner, we went to the fireworks show in my town, and had dessert after at Sonic. The General Lee was at Sonic.

Sunday, we went to church and to the potluck after church. Friends at church are happy to see her when she's in town.

This week, the musical opens so I plan to go see the musical in her town. She's spent a great deal of time directing the rehearsals so I am eager to see the musical.