Getting engaged...at the wrong age?

[Haley53]

You can still grow up, not get bored of one another, experience life together, and wait for each other without being married. Simply want to put that out there.

18 is young to me, and every 18-year-old feels they're mature enough to get married, ready to take that step, and they can't imagine being at the alter with anyone other than their high school sweetheart. I'm not saying every marriage with an 18-year-old who thought this way ends in divorce, and some last quite happily, but I am saying that it does outweigh the number of 18-year-olds who feel the same way you do and ultimately end up not being happy later on.

The other thing, too, is remaining emotionally detached does not mean he will be completely prepared for what he will see if he ever sees the frontlines. Thinking you're prepared to lose comrades and actually being in a position where you lose them is entirely different. He cannot say now whether or not he will be able to keep his war life separate from his home life, especially if he sees battle and ends up experiencing PTSD. The best he can do is seek counselling once he's home from that situation and receive any treatment to keep any consequences of battle away from his family and children.

Still, I don't see what the rush is to get married. If two people are meant to be together forever, marriage isn't going to ensure that happens, and for as many happily married couples, you can find an equal number of unhappily married couples. I think the main issue is people change so much in their 20s (statistically, they change more than high school) and it's impossible to determine what those changes will be at 18. Everyone wants to believe they've found the one they're willing to work towards a forever with, but sometimes things change and people grow apart. I would rather simply be confident in knowing I was loved and with my forever and get married later, when we were in more of a stable place to handle the practical side of marriage, but everyone takes a different path. *shrug* Still, I think 18 is young, regardless of how mature and ready the individuals think they are.

[reeseismypiece]

This is only my opinion...

But I think it's a tad young to get married.
What i was and what i wanted at 20 yrs old and what i am and want now are different things.

And I do believe in marriage and I wish to everyone that gets married to be happy and not have a divorce.

And if he loves you, he should not mind waiting a tad more.

Time for your relationship to keep growing, time for you to live together and for you to have a stable job that you will like.


When you build a house, you want to make sure the foundations are solid.
It can only be a good thing to wait and grow stronger together.
And then you can get the wedding you both want.

If he loves you, he shouldn't push you and he will be happy to wait for you to be ready.

: )

And I respect your opinion and agree that it can be too young. Which is why I'm trying to think about it a lot. I completely agree with the building a home and making sure the foundations are solid! That is exactly what I want in a marriage, and I know that marrying young cannot guarantee that picture perfect home. He does, and he respects me enough to wait. Like I said, hes now considering waiting longer because he wishes to give me whatever I want, meaning a good wedding and a happy home. He just seemed to want to marry now because of the military situation, there's no doubt love is a main factor but I know that ever since I mentioned wanting to be married before he left he's been considering it. Before I mentioned it he would very seldom consider it, he would mention that he intends to save up money and marry me, but he never gave specific times. Now that his life is starting to take the next step, I feel he is considering taking me with that step. Which is, endearing but also causing me to consider my own steps in life.

You can still grow up, not get bored of one another, experience life together, and wait for each other without being married. Simply want to put that out there.

18 is young to me, and every 18-year-old feels they're mature enough to get married, ready to take that step, and they can't imagine being at the alter with anyone other than their high school sweetheart. I'm not saying every marriage with an 18-year-old who thought this way ends in divorce, and some last quite happily, but I am saying that it does outweigh the number of 18-year-olds who feel the same way you do and ultimately end up not being happy later on.

The other thing, too, is remaining emotionally detached does not mean he will be completely prepared for what he will see if he ever sees the frontlines. Thinking you're prepared to lose comrades and actually being in a position where you lose them is entirely different. He cannot say now whether or not he will be able to keep his war life separate from his home life, especially if he sees battle and ends up experiencing PTSD. The best he can do is seek counselling once he's home from that situation and receive any treatment to keep any consequences of battle away from his family and children.

Still, I don't see what the rush is to get married. If two people are meant to be together forever, marriage isn't going to ensure that happens, and for as many happily married couples, you can find an equal number of unhappily married couples. I think the main issue is people change so much in their 20s (statistically, they change more than high school) and it's impossible to determine what those changes will be at 18. Everyone wants to believe they've found the one they're willing to work towards a forever with, but sometimes things change and people grow apart. I would rather simply be confident in knowing I was loved and with my forever and get married later, when we were in more of a stable place to handle the practical side of marriage, but everyone takes a different path. *shrug* Still, I think 18 is young, regardless of how mature and ready the individuals think they are.

Yes you can of course!

And yes...I agree also with that, 18 years old do feel that. I know all too well from those around me and even myself on occasion. I know many who seem to take the whole "I just turned 18, so now I'm a mature adult in the eyes of the law! I can do whatever I want!" But ever since I turned 18 at the beginning of this year I have felt only a change in the fact that now I have to take on medical and college responsibilities, though me and my mom agree that at 18 a kid has barely enough experience in life to be considered a "mature adult". I can also agree with what you say about it being outweighed. Too often have I seen highschool kids "falling in love" and the next week is break up. I am simply stating that, although I do agree we are not fully matured, and that yes, a LOT of 18 year olds are like that, I won't disregard those I've met who've actually shown maturity, who live on their own and already struggle with their day to day lives. Its very rare but I have met young people who think past their age, and its truly interesting. Point being that the mass majority of us, yes are too immature for marriage or anything of true commitment or importance and yes will change as our minds develop but I've seen others who, when I talk to them, are well beyond their years mentally. Anyway, I completely get what you mean though and am basically split down the middle cause I'm a young woman still thinking it all out haha.

Again true. Won't disagree with that at all. He will see things that will alter him, its just...being with my SO for this long I've come to understand his personality greatly. I've spent enough time with him to truly believe that this man can deal with bloodshed and killing someone...I know that saying one thing...and seeing something in front of you are of course two different things. As for PTSD, I've seen a lot about it, and I know what a truly tramatic thing it can be, and all I can really say is if my SO experiences it, I will be their to coax him through it. I guess I just can't see him experiencing it because of the type of person I know him to be, my SO is not "crazy" but has told me things that has made me wonder what goes through his head...and how he sees this world. Thats why I just personally believe he will do his job, and he will do it well. And if he ends up having PTSD, I will be suprised, but I will be willing to help him through it because although I was not on the battlefield with him, I know the type of stress he will be under. I understand the stress it'll put on me and us, but the way I see it, I wouldn't have started dating him because I knew where he was going prior to our relationship...I knew what life I'd get into if we seriously started dating...it's not going to be easy at all.

I like your response, its practical, and I do understand it. But yes everyone is different and I cannot say whether or not I will or will not get married since we are just now truely considering the option. But regardless I appreciate this response because its making me think even more. I have to wonder if my SO has talked to his brother, who recently got married to his wife mid 2011 and they are both 21 and she is now pregnant, the same age as my sister who is spending her young life drinking and partying without end. (To which I find interesting how different people's paths in life can be!) I wonder if that has also influenced his decision at all along with other people in his life who have gotten married young. Anyway, I think this year and 2013 is going to bring about a lot of interesting lifechanging things and me and my SO are really going to have to start growing up together whether we are married or just going steady. Maybe we'll see how our older siblings lives go, whether living life in a fast line like my sister brings her happiness or going with a young married life like his brother works out in the end for them.

Anyway Thank you Eclaire for offering your advice and opinion, like I said, it really is making me think.

[Honour]

OK I'm gonna be completely opposite to what most people are saying, and I'm gonna use 2 people I know in real life who got married at 18, completely different stories, and use them to explain my point of view.

The first person I know is a girl, she's been with her boyfriend since they were 13 and now they're 19. They have a little baby boy together, and he is the most stunning, gorgeous little thing. They got married shortly after his birth, and they're the finest young family. She is a credit to herself. She's beautiful and incredibly happy. Her husband is working in the army, but he's a fine father. She's a fine mother. They were meant to be, and I don't see their relationship breaking ever.

The second person I know is a guy and he's been with his girlfriend for about 2 years. They're both 19. They have a baby together, and they recently got married as well. However they're the complete opposite to the girl I mentioned above. They're unhappy, always arguing, yet they got married because of the baby. He's a cutie, the baby, but he's gonna grow up in a very unhappy, broken home. I can't see them lasting.

In the right relationship, yes, getting married young can work. My parents were married at a young age to their first husband and wife however, and they didn't work out. But that doesn't mean it can't work out, cause it can. I would advise you to be careful though. Do what is best for YOU, not what's best for your SO.

[reeseismypiece]

OK I'm gonna be completely opposite to what most people are saying, and I'm gonna use 2 people I know in real life who got married at 18, completely different stories, and use them to explain my point of view.

The first person I know is a girl, she's been with her boyfriend since they were 13 and now they're 19. They have a little baby boy together, and he is the most stunning, gorgeous little thing. They got married shortly after his birth, and they're the finest young family. She is a credit to herself. She's beautiful and incredibly happy. Her husband is working in the army, but he's a fine father. She's a fine mother. They were meant to be, and I don't see their relationship breaking ever.

The second person I know is a guy and he's been with his girlfriend for about 2 years. They're both 19. They have a baby together, and they recently got married as well. However they're the complete opposite to the girl I mentioned above. They're unhappy, always arguing, yet they got married because of the baby. He's a cutie, the baby, but he's gonna grow up in a very unhappy, broken home. I can't see them lasting.

In the right relationship, yes, getting married young can work. My parents were married at a young age to their first husband and wife however, and they didn't work out. But that doesn't mean it can't work out, cause it can. I would advise you to be careful though. Do what is best for YOU, not what's best for your SO.

Thank you for the response! I would have to say that the fact both couples have children also presents more of a reason for marriage and more stress in a marriage. I'm glad it is in fact working out for the first couple though and goes to show that it can work out. Its unfortunate for the second couple, but hopefully they can keep it together for the baby or work things out.
In the end I will be doing what I think is best for me but I won't rule out US, my SO is a major part of my life and I will give as much as I get in our relationship. However, marriage is something we will have to have a serious talk about and I won't be committing to it just for him, it is a commitment I will make for me and him with a mutual agreement that we are ready for it when that time comes. And on a funny side note, everyone we know always comments how we are already like a married couple who's been together for years.

[Verojoon]

I was 19 when I moved in with the father of my children... I thought I knew it all... I would have gotten married then, too, if the situation had presented itself... I was 25 when I did marry him... I had tried to leave him 2 times before then, but ended up staying because he loved me so much. Because despite I wasn't happy in our relationship, he was still my best friend.... I put 80-90 lbs during my time.. I lost touch my most of my friends... I became isolated... He was the only thing in my world and though I love him very much, I felt constant guilt that I didn't love him in the right way... Still, we laughed a lot, we had a lot of fun... it's not like I live live without him... I just needed to learn to love him like he deserved... I tried... After a particular time I tried to leave him and I realized I would never be able to hurt him that much, I decided to get married... after that when my life still empty, I decided to have children... but in the end it became obvious that what I needed at 19 year old was not the same thing I needed in my mid to late 20, or early 30s... I don't even know when or how I grew up... It's not like suddenly I was thinking differently...I look back at 19 year old me, and we seem to be so much the same still.. but so different...

Anyways, I'm not saying it won't work... I'm a romantic, I'm an optimist!! I just wanted to share a story of divorce that is a little bit different then most.. even if you think you will always get along (My ex-husband and I took the kids to the fair last weekend and we got along!) it doesn't mean it is what will always make you happy. And believe me, still loving someone when you leave them does NOT make things easier.. It took him 1 year to move out... 1 year where he was so hurt and took it out on me... where he was mostly verbally abusive, but sometimes physically too..

I can't wish I had done things differently though... Whatever path you chose, whatever the outcome is, it is your life, and it is the experiences that will make you into the person you will become...

I like the idea of taking a little bit more time, at least! You have nothing but time ahead of you!! (Ahhh but such a difficult advice the heed!! I was (and still am) sooo impatient!!)

[H.Mikenzi]

Okay, here's my two cents:

A) I think that 18 is a bit young to be making such a serious commitment. I understand that you are ready for it mentally but the thing is that when I think back at the person I was when I was 18 and the person that I am now (on the verge of 10 years later) I am much different and I have learned that I could not have even imagined when I was 18.

B) You mentioned that the two of you are not really in the position to have the type of wedding that you have envisioned at this point in time. I completely think that it's okay to compromise on certain things when it comes down to your wedding and all that comes with it, but when it comes down to it, think of this: If you DO get married and it lasts for a long time and it's not what you want, are you going to harbor some sense of resentment and feel bad for not having more of what you wanted? Are you going to feel upset/angry/unsettled at all that you didn't get to share it with your family, his family and both of your friends in the way that you want to? Sure, you can do a renewal of vows when you are older and do it 'just right' but you only get one FIRST wedding and the truth is that if possible, it should be everything that you want it to be.

C) I completely support the want and need to be committed to someone in the armed forces, especially if he is going to be in harm's way. I have been in your position where I loved somone who was in the Army so I get where that idea comes from.


So here's my thought, I was married to (past tense) a man in the military and when I married him, I compromised EVERY thing that I wanted, the proposal was not romantic (he knelt in his barracks room and asked me, which in and of itself is sweet, but it was NOT something I would have pictured at all), we were engaged for 10 days before we were married, and we got joined in 'matrimony' in the US Embassy in Korea in street clothing. There was no flowers, no pretty anything, no exchanging of rings...the woman behind the window (yes, in a cubicle) who spoke broken English stamped a paper twice and said 'congraslashins.' to us. We had a muffin and a cup of coffee at the korean Starbucks as our 'reception' and went back to my hotel room. Fast forward to when he came back stateside and we lived together on base, we fought on an almost daily basis and he ended up cheating on me with a woman who also lived on base, her husband was stationed in Iraq actually FIGHTING for our freedom and their 15 month old daughter was in the other room sleeping while she slept with my husband. Add to this the fact that my now ex-husband had an affair after he went back to Korea for his second tour, and I found out almost 2 years after our divorce that the man who looked me in the eyes with tears running down his cheeks and told me he was sorry, that he was too selfish to be married and I deserved better, got re-married exactly 24 days after our divorce was final.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not in any way saying that this is the type of situation that you will find yourself in, but I want to absolutely caution you against jumping into a marriage just for convenience sake. I know it seems easy right now and like it is the right thing to do because you love one another, but PLEASE take the time to think it through and do what your heart tells you is the best thing. If you feel any bit of doubt that you aren't ready, as others have mentioned and you seemed to have hinted at in your original posting, don't go forward with it until you ARE ready. I am not a genius or an expert, but I did learn quite a bit from my experience with my marriage and you know something, my ex-husband was right about one thing: I did deserve better. I believe you should take a little time to yourself, do NOT think about what he wants, what your parents want, what ANYONE else wants, and think truly and deeply and completely about what YOU want. I would hate to read a posting from you in a short amount of time (6-12 months) saying that you regret your decision or asking if you've done the wrong thing. You can always wait longer and make the choice but you cannot undo once it has been done, so please be well-informed and do what is right for you. Have you talked to him at all about the possibility of getting engaged and having a long engagement? That way the two of you are committed to each other but you have the time to organize things and do things a little more the way you have wanted in the way of your wedding and you can take the opportunity to get to know one another better in the meantime and grow in your relationship during that period, just something to consider if you haven't already. If you need a shoulder, an ear, anything at all, shoot me a private message and I will be more than happy to talk with you more thoroughly about it if you like.

I wish you all the best of luck with whatever you decide hun!

[reeseismypiece]

Okay, here's my two cents:

A) I think that 18 is a bit young to be making such a serious commitment. I understand that you are ready for it mentally but the thing is that when I think back at the person I was when I was 18 and the person that I am now (on the verge of 10 years later) I am much different and I have learned that I could not have even imagined when I was 18.

B) You mentioned that the two of you are not really in the position to have the type of wedding that you have envisioned at this point in time. I completely think that it's okay to compromise on certain things when it comes down to your wedding and all that comes with it, but when it comes down to it, think of this: If you DO get married and it lasts for a long time and it's not what you want, are you going to harbor some sense of resentment and feel bad for not having more of what you wanted? Are you going to feel upset/angry/unsettled at all that you didn't get to share it with your family, his family and both of your friends in the way that you want to? Sure, you can do a renewal of vows when you are older and do it 'just right' but you only get one FIRST wedding and the truth is that if possible, it should be everything that you want it to be.

C) I completely support the want and need to be committed to someone in the armed forces, especially if he is going to be in harm's way. I have been in your position where I loved somone who was in the Army so I get where that idea comes from.


So here's my thought, I was married to (past tense) a man in the military and when I married him, I compromised EVERY thing that I wanted, the proposal was not romantic (he knelt in his barracks room and asked me, which in and of itself is sweet, but it was NOT something I would have pictured at all), we were engaged for 10 days before we were married, and we got joined in 'matrimony' in the US Embassy in Korea in street clothing. There was no flowers, no pretty anything, no exchanging of rings...the woman behind the window (yes, in a cubicle) who spoke broken English stamped a paper twice and said 'congraslashins.' to us. We had a muffin and a cup of coffee at the korean Starbucks as our 'reception' and went back to my hotel room. Fast forward to when he came back stateside and we lived together on base, we fought on an almost daily basis and he ended up cheating on me with a woman who also lived on base, her husband was stationed in Iraq actually FIGHTING for our freedom and their 15 month old daughter was in the other room sleeping while she slept with my husband. Add to this the fact that my now ex-husband had an affair after he went back to Korea for his second tour, and I found out almost 2 years after our divorce that the man who looked me in the eyes with tears running down his cheeks and told me he was sorry, that he was too selfish to be married and I deserved better, got re-married exactly 24 days after our divorce was final.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not in any way saying that this is the type of situation that you will find yourself in, but I want to absolutely caution you against jumping into a marriage just for convenience sake. I know it seems easy right now and like it is the right thing to do because you love one another, but PLEASE take the time to think it through and do what your heart tells you is the best thing. If you feel any bit of doubt that you aren't ready, as others have mentioned and you seemed to have hinted at in your original posting, don't go forward with it until you ARE ready. I am not a genius or an expert, but I did learn quite a bit from my experience with my marriage and you know something, my ex-husband was right about one thing: I did deserve better. I believe you should take a little time to yourself, do NOT think about what he wants, what your parents want, what ANYONE else wants, and think truly and deeply and completely about what YOU want. I would hate to read a posting from you in a short amount of time (6-12 months) saying that you regret your decision or asking if you've done the wrong thing. You can always wait longer and make the choice but you cannot undo once it has been done, so please be well-informed and do what is right for you. Have you talked to him at all about the possibility of getting engaged and having a long engagement? That way the two of you are committed to each other but you have the time to organize things and do things a little more the way you have wanted in the way of your wedding and you can take the opportunity to get to know one another better in the meantime and grow in your relationship during that period, just something to consider if you haven't already. If you need a shoulder, an ear, anything at all, shoot me a private message and I will be more than happy to talk with you more thoroughly about it if you like.

I wish you all the best of luck with whatever you decide hun!

First off I just wanted to thank you for such a long detailed post, especially one that relates in a way to mine! I'm truly sorry for what your ex-husband did and you do deserve better, any woman does in a situation like that.

To answer your first question, no, I would not harbor resentment because I know that although it'd be nice to have a planned decent wedding, if the case came up where we couldn't afford it (even if we didn't get married now) I wouldn't feel angry towards him or the situation. I know my SO will always try to do right by me and make life pleasant because he's repeatedly done it over and over for me, he tries hard and all the money he's been saving up I think he is considering using it to buy a ring or even set up a small venue, which considering how hard he works to make that money is a sweet gesture. But I do understand your point, that it would be my first wedding and you only get one, so I will bring it up with him next time we chat. I don't expect anything big from my SO, but if we could get married in a church with family and friends there, I'd be a little more content.

Exactly. He will be put into harms way, and if something were to happen, I'm in a position of I wanted to at least be his wife before he died, and experience having that commitment. I want the last name, the fact that I was married to him, all the stuff which is part of why I told him I wanted to be married before the military...but that's before he said, "Jen I'm not going to do the NROTC for college." He doesnt want to be an officer...he wants to be on the front lines to my dismay. :P

Second question, no I haven't brought up a long engagement but I will. I think that would be our best course of action if he were to propose after high school. That way we will be committed while he is doing basic training and hopefully his job begins paying off, literally. That way we will have just that little sum of money to spend along with everything I will make while I'm home. (My savings account has a small sum of money in it already and I'm only adding into it because I don't spend ANYTHING) I'm applying for jobs locally now while he is still in high school and I am still living with my parents, and seeing how I live with VERY financially supportive parents if I should get a job, the money will only add while I'm in school. (Parents pay for all my schooling) Point being, I'm saving this money, whether its for a wedding, or to get us started in life, or whatever.

I don't want to post a regretful thread anytime soon either, so I'm just going to tell you honestly, I will think really long and hard about this decision. I will figure out everything I need to know and not jump into a marriage off the bat, we're both going to sit down and have a long talk where I tell him all of what you and the others have told me, we will see what our options are and where we think we will go. I want everything to go good for us, I want my SO and I to have a long lasting marriage that even goes longer than any of our grandparents, I want us to have a semi decent home in Mt. Shasta (small mountain town not far from here), and I'm determined to make it work more than ever and I know he is as well (not in his personality to quit or give up on something he cares about), I don't know what will happen for sure...but I know I'll be there for him, and hopefully he will be always too. Even with the whole military thing.

Thank you, H.Mikenzi, I really truly appreciate the fact you offer to listen, and when the time comes I'll probably take you up on the offer. Thanks for the advice

[H.Mikenzi]

First off I just wanted to thank you for such a long detailed post, especially one that relates in a way to mine! I'm truly sorry for what your ex-husband did and you do deserve better, any woman does in a situation like that.

To answer your first question, no, I would not harbor resentment because I know that although it'd be nice to have a planned decent wedding, if the case came up where we couldn't afford it (even if we didn't get married now) I wouldn't feel angry towards him or the situation. I know my SO will always try to do right by me and make life pleasant because he's repeatedly done it over and over for me, he tries hard and all the money he's been saving up I think he is considering using it to buy a ring or even set up a small venue, which considering how hard he works to make that money is a sweet gesture. But I do understand your point, that it would be my first wedding and you only get one, so I will bring it up with him next time we chat. I don't expect anything big from my SO, but if we could get married in a church with family and friends there, I'd be a little more content.

Exactly. He will be put into harms way, and if something were to happen, I'm in a position of I wanted to at least be his wife before he died, and experience having that commitment. I want the last name, the fact that I was married to him, all the stuff which is part of why I told him I wanted to be married before the military...but that's before he said, "Jen I'm not going to do the NROTC for college." He doesnt want to be an officer...he wants to be on the front lines to my dismay. :P

Second question, no I haven't brought up a long engagement but I will. I think that would be our best course of action if he were to propose after high school. That way we will be committed while he is doing basic training and hopefully his job begins paying off, literally. That way we will have just that little sum of money to spend along with everything I will make while I'm home. (My savings account has a small sum of money in it already and I'm only adding into it because I don't spend ANYTHING) I'm applying for jobs locally now while he is still in high school and I am still living with my parents, and seeing how I live with VERY financially supportive parents if I should get a job, the money will only add while I'm in school. (Parents pay for all my schooling) Point being, I'm saving this money, whether its for a wedding, or to get us started in life, or whatever.

I don't want to post a regretful thread anytime soon either, so I'm just going to tell you honestly, I will think really long and hard about this decision. I will figure out everything I need to know and not jump into a marriage off the bat, we're both going to sit down and have a long talk where I tell him all of what you and the others have told me, we will see what our options are and where we think we will go. I want everything to go good for us, I want my SO and I to have a long lasting marriage that even goes longer than any of our grandparents, I want us to have a semi decent home in Mt. Shasta (small mountain town not far from here), and I'm determined to make it work more than ever and I know he is as well (not in his personality to quit or give up on something he cares about), I don't know what will happen for sure...but I know I'll be there for him, and hopefully he will be always too. Even with the whole military thing.

Thank you, H.Mikenzi, I really truly appreciate the fact you offer to listen, and when the time comes I'll probably take you up on the offer. Thanks for the advice

You're very very welcome sweetie, and as I said, I am ALWAYS willing to lend an ear, a shoulder, or anything that might be needed. I might be able to give some insight on the military marriage and perhaps point out things that might not have occurred to you, such as what living on base is like, or how it feels to move away from family when he gets stationed elsewhere. There's a lot lot lot to consider so please do your research!

[reeseismypiece]

You're very very welcome sweetie, and as I said, I am ALWAYS willing to lend an ear, a shoulder, or anything that might be needed. I might be able to give some insight on the military marriage and perhaps point out things that might not have occurred to you, such as what living on base is like, or how it feels to move away from family when he gets stationed elsewhere. There's a lot lot lot to consider so please do your research!

Thank you!!! Actually, I could really use all that information! Just so I know completely what I'm getting into! I have been researching, but articles are nothing compared to someone who actually lived it. I would LOVE living on base info because we have considered that being an option, though when my SO found out that it can be rather hard to do it seemed to put a damper on his enthusiasm. Anyway, any info you could provide about well...the whole experience would be SO helpful!!! Thank you again! <3

[H.Mikenzi]

Thank you!!! Actually, I could really use all that information! Just so I know completely what I'm getting into! I have been researching, but articles are nothing compared to someone who actually lived it. I would LOVE living on base info because we have considered that being an option, though when my SO found out that it can be rather hard to do it seemed to put a damper on his enthusiasm. Anyway, any info you could provide about well...the whole experience would be SO helpful!!! Thank you again! <3

I'm more than happy to talk to you about it, shoot me a PM about any questions that you have that come to mind and I'll do my best to answer them to the best of my ability!

[SonyaKitty]

I think it's great. Your both in love and ready to take it to the next level. Don't worry about what your family thinks, once they see how happy you are with being married they will approve. But on the other hand I don't think you should get married just because he's going into the military,I've heard that getting married fast because your SO is in the military eventually leads to divorce. It's a what-if but consider everything that could happen after your married. I imagine if my bf went away right after being married I'd be lonely, I'd wanna spend a bit more time with him before he leaves. You guys sound like a very happy couple that works great together. I think getting married now would work out well for you. Oh and I heard that when men first go into the military they change alot (probably dosnt happen for all men), it's not a bad thing just means you have to learn to love their new qualities. Good luck and sorry for the looooong reply >.<

[reeseismypiece]

I think it's great. Your both in love and ready to take it to the next level. Don't worry about what your family thinks, once they see how happy you are with being married they will approve. But on the other hand I don't think you should get married just because he's going into the military,I've heard that getting married fast because your SO is in the military eventually leads to divorce. It's a what-if but consider everything that could happen after your married. I imagine if my bf went away right after being married I'd be lonely, I'd wanna spend a bit more time with him before he leaves. You guys sound like a very happy couple that works great together. I think getting married now would work out well for you. Oh and I heard that when men first go into the military they change alot (probably dosnt happen for all men), it's not a bad thing just means you have to learn to love their new qualities. Good luck and sorry for the looooong reply >.<

Thanks for the support! No it's not just about the military, it is based on the fact I do plan to be his wife without a doubt no matter if its now or in years, though there is some pressure because my SO wants to dive right into gun fire, I don't want him to pass on without knowing what it was like to be his wife, even just briefly. Nothing would ever fix that feeling of loss in my heart but I would be more content with a ring on my finger and my last name being his own, and he of course wants that as well and would like me to be taken care if anything were to happen. It holds a deep sentimental meaning to us to have this commitment but we are still only just considering the option. Yes, I would be lonely at times like you say, but I will have hope and faith, friends and family, and I will be willing to wait as long as I needed to for him. Plus my SO will be getting me a puppy when I live on my own that will keep me company while he's away. Thank you again! Yes...yes they do, but my SO...is a very "special" man, I honestly believe he will change, but not to the degree people think he will be. He will mature and become strict with himself and others but I believe he will come home and treat me the same, but we will see. Haha its ok sweetie, that wasn't long compared to some of the posts! I appreciate you throwing your voice in too.

[Ben (Bun)]

Ok don't get married now wait a year. As a marine and served many tours over seas I have scene the same mistake everytime. Young couples get married because they are scared and need that symbol of commitment in their life. Don't do it. Very few end in a fairy tale manner. Most end up hating eachother cheating or just not coming home to avoid the sotuation. He will change ( a lot ). Not sure what branch but that won't really matter and if he goes into combat that will change him further. I can honestly say my first marriage was a mistake. We got married after she grad collage and I had served a few combat tours. The thing was we were not use to being around eachother and when I finally it out 4 yrs later we can stand eachother. My only advice is to wait atleast for one combat deployment. If you can make it through that you can make it through about everything if you want to. And btw you won't be takin care of if anything happens to him so don't even consider that as a pro.