He tells me to work on my potbelly :(

[efish1042]

It's one thing if he is genuinely concerned about it affecting your health and it came off the wrong way. It's another if he is concerned with how you look. You should definitely let him know that this statement hurt you and talk it out.

[Verojoon]

I had sort of the opposite issue with that. Ever since I separated form my ex and started dating my SO, people keep telling me how much hotter my SO is than my ex. My aunt even came up to me and said "I never wanted to say anything but you were way too pretty for Justin and he's beneath you." My issue with that is that I was attracted to my ex. I think my SO is gorgeous, of course, but I never thought my ex was ugly. So people saying these things does nil to make me feel better, only mad.

I don't think it is the opposite issue actually. You were attracted to both whether people saw them differently... I think it's the exact same thing, where we are attracted to who we are attracted, period. And this is where looks is important... as in the looks that make us attracted... no matter whether other people are attracted to those looks or not.

[Benni]

To Benni: I'm glad you worked things out. .... especially since you're still getting to know him: if he says something out of line but he didn't mean to hurt you, that's worth talking about. If he ever means to hurt you, or pushes your buttons, or stops caring if what he says hurts, that's worth looking at if this is a relationship you want to keep. Sounds like he's in the first group, so yay!

Thank you! He did not mean to hurt me. Silly man is STILL apologizing today! hahahaha!!

[Benni]

we are attracted to who we are attracted, period.

Exactly!

[SquishyLove]

I'm glad you guys talked it out and the misunderstanding was resolved.

On physical attraction, I will agree that it IS important. I'll point out that it's subjective, however, because I think my husband is smokin' hot and was insanely sexually attracted to him from the beginning, and he's chubby. I'm also on the heavier side but my husband testifies that he was also wildly attracted to me from the outset as well. I want to maintain a reasonable (by "reasonable" I don't mean "thin," I mean comfortable for my body) and comfortable weight for myself so I can be healthier, and he's said the same. Both of us have inherited slow metabolisms which don't allow for being thin without working out on an olympian's schedule. Neither one of us wants to work so hard to be thin. We're both fine with this. Both of us try to stay active day to day by going on a lot of walks. He's working stock in retail so he gets a daily workout from work. I work an office job, but I go on walks during all my breaks and I walk part of the way home instead of taking the bus the whole way. I do some calisthenics daily as well. I'm doing Weight Watchers currently, because a couple of months ago I tried on some pants that fit me before our wedding and I couldn't get them on. I've lost 18 lbs and would like to lose about 22 more, then I'll go on a maintenance plan of some sort to keep a consistent weight so I don't "yo yo" with my weight.

I decided to do that on my own, not because my husband told me I should. That being said, I think different people think different about things like weight and working out. I think every couple can come to some sort of understanding about what is and is not OK for discussing these issues. My husband and I, for instance, are both overweight by BMI standards, but we're both OK with ourselves and each other being in this weight range. We would be concerned for our health if we were to get too heavy, and we would try to do something about it together. Having the same type of metabolism, we'd most likely gain weight together if it were to happen. :-P We both definitely don't find obesity attractive, either. We've agreed to approach the issue with tact and love if we were ever to need to deal with us getting to the point of being too overweight. I think every couple should come to some understanding about what' OK and what's not in regards to this.

[Benni]

I'm glad you guys talked it out and the misunderstanding was resolved.

On physical attraction, I will agree that it IS important. I'll point out that it's subjective, however, because I think my husband is smokin' hot and was insanely sexually attracted to him from the beginning, and he's chubby.

TY Squishy! And I think it's great the 2 of you have an understanding about what is acceptable and what is not -- Cool!

[US2CAN]

Be honest with him and tell him how you feel.

[Benni]

Be honest with him and tell him how you feel.

That was done days ago. Thanks.

[Jezah]

he said "no, but it's not healthy -- you work on yours and I'll work on mine."

I'm under 5 ft. and weigh 107. The belly fat is from 2 C-sections I had 40 years ago and the muscles never went back into shape. I'm told that they may never retract and may have this forever.

THIS is the issue. I agree with Black_halloween about her boyfriend being an ass. The OP is 107lbs and he wants her to lose her belly because "it isn't healthy"? I am sure she shared with him that he belly was not due to her being fat but because she had c-sections...besides the fact that she expressed to him that she was incredibly self conscious about her belly and he then decided to pick on it? Wow. I am sorry but that is really not ok. I am self conscious of my belly too and HBB would NEVER EVER tease me about it not even lightheartedly...that is just cruel. I am glad he apologized, but I would run, not walk from a guy who said that to me because it shows a lack of empathy in him that scares me. I have only ever had one guy say somethings like that to me about issues I expressed I had insecurities about, after we had been together without even so much as a fight for quite a while, and that douche turned out to be a massive emotionally and later physically abusive twat. I might be over reacting because of my experience, but there is a deep human level of kindness or empathy everyone male or female should possess that tells them to not pick at a raw emotional wound (like a insecurity of that size) and when someone lacks it...I run like the wind away from them.

[digitalfever]

I'm sorry i thought we were all allowed to have our own opinions here? If you don't like what I say, ignore it.

People are allowed to disagree. If you don't like it then ignore it.

[Malaga]

I think most people use the 'I'm just concerned about your health' card to put it nicely that they would in fact prefer you leaner. There is nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean you need to be magazine perfect, but make no mistake that he finds you more attractive when you work on yourself (with results showing) than when you don't.

[Benni]

I am sure she shared with him that he belly was not due to her being fat but because she had c-sections.. ...........and that douche turned out to be a massive emotionally and later physically abusive twat.

Actually, no, I did not share that with him before the fight. As a matter of fact, I'd forgotten about the C-Section issue until my sis reminded me of it. I have told him since the disagreement was settled and he understands now and feeling very humble about his words.

I am well aware of abusive behavior. I was in a horribly physical abusive marriage for 18 years. I finally got help from others, 15 years ago, and was able to run away/hide and start a new life. I'm an advocate for our local Domestic Violence Center and have a keen eye for abusive traits. This man will not intentionally hurt me -- else I would not be with him.

[Benni]

Thanks, Malaga!

[Jgui]

He's such a jerk! If I were in your shoes, I'd bitch the crap out of him for being rude. He may really just be concerned for your health and didn't meant for it to come out the way it did but that doesn't matter. He isn't 5-years-old; he should've known better to think before he speaks. You shouldn't keep it to yourself and act as if nothing happened because it may cause a resentment in the future. Tell him what he said was hurtful and you didn't appreciate it one bit.

[Benni]

You shouldn't keep it to yourself and act as if nothing happened because it may cause a resentment in the future. Tell him what he said was hurtful and you didn't appreciate it one bit.

Did you read my posts? I HAVE expressed my anger and upset, we have discussed it together and the issue is resolved!!