Cheated On

[Louise_B]

From my previous thread;

‘I’m probably having one of those days (4days) where I really sit and think about how people act towards me or how I’m there for their convenience (that’s how it feels sometimes) and I may be wrong.

The reason I guess this all came to light is because my SO is kind of making me feel I’m not his main priority right now I kind of don’t know how to explain it really’

This morning I woke up with a message from his best friend Scott (who he spent the weekend with when he went back to NH for the weekend just gone) The message read something along the lines of “Message me when you get up Louise I need to talk to you about something” Of course as soon as I got up I messaged him to find out what was up as I knew it must have been something bad for him to message me. He then proceeded to tell me that my SO made out with a girl at the cabin over the weekend. He said my SO was drunk and when this girl walked past them at the lake my SOs reaction was ‘she’s cute’ and then later on that night my SO apparently made out with her. My SO told Scott his best friend and Scott let it go thinking my SO was just showing off because he was drunk.

Then last night/tonight 5th September (for everyone time difference) Scott face timed my SO and again asked my SO what the deal was with the girl at the Cabin and my SO told him to the exact same thing ‘I made out with The cute girl in the bikini with the hot ass back up at the cabin’ In shock Scott he’s friend told my SO that its best that he confesses to me what happened over the weekend, My SO then got mad with him and put the phone down and that’s when Scott had messaged me saying we needed to talk.

Now for the situation the approach to it I thought was best was just too kindly and calmly text him simply asking if anything had happened up at the cabin the weekend ( I texted him because it was 12pm he’s time and I thought he would just text me when he woke up for work) My SO said nothing, I explained he’s best friend and he’s best friends girlfriend had told me the above ^^^^ .. He denied everything.

A lot is going through my head at the moment; I don’t know who to believe. I can hear you all now shaking your head saying ‘you should trust your so’ but it makes it difficult when he’s BEST friend has told me this, I mean why would he’s best friend lie about something like that .. if he was lying?

I did face time with my SO after the text message I sent him went through, and it stayed calmed surprisingly he wasn’t angry that he’s best friend just LIED (if Scott is lying) he stayed calm but also looked sorry by he’s body language, You know when someone’s nervous and their mouths dry up and it’s hard for them to talk, Yeah he was like that. I told him I would speak to him after work and he said ‘ I feel like when we get off the phone our relationship is going to fall apart’ I just said he needs to call his best friend and his girlfriend and sort this out then IF Scott is lying about this because this is a very SICK joke!

Ummmmm... am I really going down this road again with being cheated on? Is his friend really that mean to lie? Is this actually happening? What the hell do I do next? I FEEL NUMB!!!!!

[Dezface]

Does his best friend have a reason to lie to you? Why would he do that just to jeopardize his relationship with his friend? I know you want more than anything to believe this is a lie. But the likelihood is that it isn't. You said yourself your SO has cheated on almost every girl he's been with. I know you want to think you're different, but the facts are telling you otherwise.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I've been in almost this exact situation and it hurts like hell. But I hope you won't do what I did and stay any way. He's cheating and then lying to you about it. That does not make for a working relationship. I hope you find it in yourself to confront this and make a good decision.

[Louise_B]

Does his best friend have a reason to lie to you? Why would he do that just to jeopardize his relationship with his friend? I know you want more than anything to believe this is a lie. But the likelihood is that it isn't. You said yourself your SO has cheated on almost every girl he's been with. I know you want to think you're different, but the facts are telling you otherwise.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I've been in almost this exact situation and it hurts like hell. But I hope you won't do what I did and stay any way. He's cheating and then lying to you about it. That does not make for a working relationship. I hope you find it in yourself to confront this and make a good decision.

Honestly, No i dont think hes friend is lying and i dont think his friend would jeopardize there relationship for nothing. But its questions im getting out there to everyone. I wont tolorate cheating. I had a very bad break up in June and i hadnt been involved sexually or emotionally with anyone until Feb when Justin and i started talking again. So i honestly been broken at the moment! If anything i WANT him to tell me he say instead of lying because that hurs more

[Dezface]

Honestly, No i dont think hes friend is lying and i dont think his friend would jeopardize there relationship for nothing. But its questions im getting out there to everyone. I wont tolorate cheating. I had a very bad break up in June and i hadnt been involved sexually or emotionally with anyone until Feb when Justin and i started talking again. So i honestly been broken at the moment! If anything i WANT him to tell me he say instead of lying because that hurs more

I get ya. I spent years with someone who cheated on me constantly and would never admit it. His dishonesty was where half the pain came from. To this day, I get a bit angry about the fact that he would never admit it. If you're caught, you're caught. But any way. It's a possibility your SO will never come clean. You'll have to decide what to do even if he doesn't. But it's OK to be broken for awhile. Maybe take some time out and really think without talking to him. I know, easier said than done. But it might help.

[Louise_B]

I get ya. I spent years with someone who cheated on me constantly and would never admit it. His dishonesty was where half the pain came from. To this day, I get a bit angry about the fact that he would never admit it. If you're caught, you're caught. But any way. It's a possibility your SO will never come clean. You'll have to decide what to do even if he doesn't. But it's OK to be broken for awhile. Maybe take some time out and really think without talking to him. I know, easier said than done. But it might help.

Well i mean, once i had asked him about this girl over facetime and he spoke all the bullshit from hes mouth, i didnt have much to say. So im pretty such i wont have much to say to him for awhile (while at im work atleast) Now do i say to him ' Look id rather you come clean and tell me if anything did happen so we can work through it(if i can) rather than you hiding it and lying to me because that will eat away at me over time'

i Mean i dont really know how to tackle this situation without making things worse, upsetting myself more. When i had a feeling my ex was cheating on my i confronted him and he ended things and told me i was a parinoid girl who will also ruin my relationships. He made me feel like it was my fault and i was wrong for accusing him. Until he stayed out a week later and i saw all the envidence on my phone he was sleeping with my friend.

So after that i dont know how to handle or go with this one :/ im just so lost right now!

[Dezface]

I would definitely tell him that. But just know that he still may deny it.

You were right in confronting your ex. He made you feel like crap, but that was because he actually *did* have something to hide. You didn't do anything wrong, he did.

It's a hard situation that there's no easy way to handle. But I think you really need to decide what you believe. You said you think his friend is telling the truth. So whether your SO admits it or not, you have to handle it. It would be a lot easier to deal with if he just spits it out. It's really hard to justify breaking up with someone, or I guess, doing anything really, when you have no proof. I think that's why I ended up in the situation I did for such a long time. You don't have to make an end decision now. Or even when you next speak to him. Maybe you should ask him again, get his answer, then weigh out what you want to do.

[maja]

I agree with Dez... Tell him that you'd rather know than keep wondering....
And yes, why would his best friend lie about that... doesn't really make sense to me, especially because you are LD, so any personal motive seems pointless.
It's a tough situation and I don't have any better advice, only that you should trust your gut...

[SJ22]

I agree with the people here, I am seriously doubting why a friend would lie over this.
And I don't think its fair that your SO is lying about it either. If you are cheating and lying about it you are doing 2 things wrong.

[Zapookie]

Go with your gut on this one.

Like everyone else has said, the friend has nothing to gain by lying to you about it. And you did mention in the cheating thread that your SO has admitted to cheating in every relationship he has been in, I think it might be safe to say that this entire situation is true. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but don't stay with him out of obligation or because you feel he is "worth" it. You are worth more than being betrayed and lied to.

[Louise_B]

Ok so i recieved a text from him saying ' I love you i wouldnt do anything like this'

I basically laid it out on the plate and said i would rather know the truth if you did cheat on me so we can work through it instead of you not telling me and its going to be so much worse.

He exploded through text saying i dont trust him, im believing people over him. Fuck this .. this is bullshit.

Hes clever. he said he got into an argument with scott last night about Syria and now all of a sudden hes cheating on me? so i told him he needs to say that to scott then because scott is the one who said this. And he said whats the point when you dont trust me anyways. So hes basically trying to turn it around on me saying i dont trust him.

I told him ive always trusted him and he said ' you havent, thats why it took me 5 years to be with you' .. why bring up that?

[kattermole]

I hate to say it, but turning things around onto you is typical guilty behaviour It seems bizarre his friend would make something like this up because of an argument about Syria! Surely his anger should be directed at Scott, if it's entirely made up, and not you...

[Louise_B]

Surely his anger should be directed at Scott, if it's entirely made up, and not you...

This is the point ive tried getting across to him. I said to him if its true that scott is lying then he's arger should be towards him and NOT taking it out on me and saying i do not trust him.

But he's saying there no point in dealing with scott because i dont believe my SO anyways.

Ive spoken to Scotts girlfriend and it seems like my SO HAS been in contact with Scott blowing up in a text message but i dont know what was said .. im clearly being kept in the dark here for something and it is PISSING me off!

I am no 5 years old .. i dont wanna play games .. i dont wanna be protected. Im not throwing a tantrum towards my SO or he's friend im just sitting here patiently asking for answers which im NOT getting!

[Black_Halloween]

Typical guilt tripping nonsense.

[libelle]

He shouldn't be getting angry at you for questioning him, any person in your place would have done the same, him including.
If Scott had really lied, your SO's first reaction should have most logically been to be angry at his friend and demand explanation from him, and not say there is no point in dealing with that and instead getting defensive and trying to guilt-trip you.

[abna1]

He shouldn't be getting angry at you for questioning him, any person in your place would have done the same, him including.
If Scott had really lied, your SO's first reaction should have most logically been to be angry at his friend and demand explanation from him, and not say there is no point in dealing with that and instead getting defensive and trying to guilt-trip you.

I completely agree.
You gave him the opportunity to tell you the truth and he didn't take it. If he was innocent, he would be much more angry at his friend, less angry at you and doing everything right now to prove that his friend is lying (for whatever reason). Instead, he decided to turn this on you... you NOT in the wrong here.