Why don't you want to marry your SO?

[Zephii]

Well I guess the whole revenge thing is murder and a lot of what I said I went a little overboard there..was not entirely thinking.

Okay what I mean is, I don't think that killing someome makes you a murderer under the right circumstances.

when a cop shoots a person because they have to, would we call them murderers? I think there is a grey side to what is considered murder.

On the murder thing, I'm not sure what the legal terminology is in other countries, but here we have murder and manslaughter. Manslaughter comes with a lighter sentence and is for accidental murder, self defense, and all that stuff. Manslaughter can be voluntary (bar fight that goes too far) or unintentional (Killing your passenger by driving stupidly.

Regardless of how you cause another person's death though, wouldn't you still consider yourself a murderer?

I can't honestly say I will never kill someone, even if the unintentional stuff is off the table. I think no matter how bad it is, I could stop. But I've misjudged myself before. Maybe other people trust themselves more than I trust me, but I know I have a lot of faults. Murder isn't one of them so far, and I'm not planning anything... but you never know.

[80anthea]

it is quite funny how we've now slipped into the realm of murder!

In answer to the question, no I don't know for fact that I will not be a murderer, I may have answered that already.

I actually don't think we know anything for certain about the future, I strongly suspect I won't grow an extra limb by the end of my 30s but I don't know for fact. The only logic I can base this on is that it hasn't happened to anyone I know so far. In the same way people living in England in the past thought all swans were white as that was all they had experienced, in fact there are those pesky Australian black swans which ruined that logic. The problem of induction (the logic in which we base predictions on our past experiences) has shown to be problematic by my favourite philosopher of Science Karl Popper.

Sorry I'm waffling, the only evidence I have for me not becoming a murderer is that so far in my 32 years of life nothing has happened to me to think any murderous thoughts, and I can't currently imagine a situation where I would think them. I can apply the logic that it won't happen to me in the next 32 years (hopefully more) as it hasn't happened so far....unless of course that black swan swims along.

[digitalfever]

1) What about common law marriage?
I think it’s a valid form of marriage.

3) What if something happened to your SO and you couldn't have an input or anything because you're not "family?"
An input on what? Health related issues? Legal documents (outside of a marriage certificate) can solve that.

4) Why isn't marriage a big deal in your relationship?
Marriage is a HUGE deal and one that I continually go back and forth with. I “want” to get married for superficial purposes but don’t need to be married for any ethical or moral reasons. Personally, I think the only thing marriage would do is validate my position within the workforce (more respect) and extend great financial security. I love my SO but I think our marriage will be a result of his want to get married even though I WANT and truly have dedicated myself to spending the rest of my life with him.

[differentcountries]

From my limited observations it seems like marriage is considered a logical extension of a long-term relationship but more in the US than it is in Europe. I think it may be because Europe is so divided - one part is quite conservative still and divorce isn't so easily available, while wedding rules and traditions are often very complicated and family and community are still quite involved. So we make more of a fuss if and when we should get married, like it's a huge irreversible step - so beware what you choose because you're stuck with it. It seems like Americans are more easygoing about it; if it works it works, if not, we'll divorce and try our luck elsewhere.

Another part of Europe (like Scandinavia) is very liberal in comparison and have a different perception of relationships. And in these countries long-term partners tend to have all the rights as legally married couples so there is no incentive to go through with these symbolic unions such as wedding and marriage.

Btw, I'm not attaching any judgment, just noticing the supposed difference.

That may be right. What is very common in Norway is to have a common law marriage of 1-6 years before you get married "for real". There are legal protection of common law marriages only if they last 5 years of more or/and include children - then you can claim some inheritance if you SO die and so on. Common law marriages that has lasted two years of more makes so that you can adopt children together, get alternative insamination, claim insurance benifits etc. But usually, people tend to get married in the long run, especially if they have children. There are ways to protect your rights in a long-term commom law marriage, but you yourself are responsible to create a will, make sure that money is distributed right. There are actually quite a few legal cases where young women who let themselves be supported by their older and wealthir boyfriends are made to return all the money spent, because unlike legal spouses, a common law spouse should not be provided for. There are many definitions, and a common law marriage is not "one thing".

1) What about common law marriage? It is ok for some time, does not give full legal protection. Also, people sometimes takes the relationship less seriously. I had a common law marriage for 3 years before I married my husband.
2) Do you feel the government shouldn't play a role in your relationship? I am from Norway, we think the government should play a role in EVERYTHING! I am ok with the government. Ideally, everyone should be able to just legally make up whatever they wanted and get a document on that, however I think lots of people would not do it even if it was possible and many would do a lousy job as they would not know the legal possabilities or know how to protect themselves or their children. It is better to have a marriage law even if it is not perfect.
3) What if something happened to your SO and you couldn't have an input or anything because you're not "family?" I don't think that would be a problem; my SO could state who he wanted as his next of kin. I have been in the hospital with friends as their "kin", it is no problem.
4) Why isn't marriage a big deal in your relationship? It is a big deal. He has talked about it. I am not able to marry him because I am already married to my husband and don't want to leave him. It would be good if it was possible to marry more then one person. I know some people who live together as three adults, they make it work legally, even buying houses and writing up documents together. I think if I was ever to move in with my SO I would contact a laywer to see to that things could be done best.