I need help or advice

[Moon]

OP, you haven't responded to my other posts, so I'll assume you're ignoring me That's OK though, I'll still try to help you anyway!

Look, I don't care if you have alcohol at your wedding, I somehow don't think I'll make the shortlist anyway I understand your point, but I understand your family's as well. What about a wine and beer cash bar? Nobody's gonna get too drunk on just wine and beer, especially not if they have to pay for it (Get Coors light and everyone will be sober!). Maybe a champagne/cider toast? All I'm trying to get through is that if you get your way on this, you'll end up having to compromise heavily on other things, it always works that way, so just be smart about your choices. That's it from me, good luck.

[lyonsgirl]

The way I see it is you have two options, like it or not.
1) You can have a dry reception, but you need to be aware that if people want to drink and they find out it's a dry reception, they will probably bring their own alcohol. And they will drink. Or, if they know prior to the ceremony, and there is a break in between your ceremony and reception, they will show up to the reception drunk. Or, just smuggle in their own alcohol to the reception. I know this from experience.
2) Have a tiny ceremony at a weird time, like, 1:30pm, and then host a cake and punch reception immediately afterwards. No food (beyond cake), no alcohol, no dancing. And only invite your immediate families. Like another poster mentioned, you'll be getting married in a Temple, correct? If I am correct, non-Mormons won't be able to attend your ceremony at all. (Sad, but, I understand there are restrictions when it comes to marrying in a Temple.)

Anyway, like I said in my other post, yes, you are the ones getting married, and your family and friends are coming together to celebrate the start of your married life, BUT the reception - where the most of the money is spent - is NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about them. Entirely about them. When you're throwing a party that's not a birthday party, it is not about the host. You don't cater to yourself, you cater to your guests. You make sure there is food for everyone (including those with dietary restrictions) and there are drinks for all. If there is dessert, there is plenty to go around.


Look, I'm going to be blunt. I don't know the date you've picked, but if it's towards the end of the year and you are actually having a panic attack over whether or not to serve alcohol at your wedding, I can't imagine you are going to have a good time planning. I loved 98% of my planning process and am sad that I don't have to plan it anymore, actually. In the end, I had to put my foot down a few times, and on the two things I did that with, I'm extremely glad I did. With the one thing I let go and let my mom win on, I know it meant more to her than it did to me. I have the pictures to prove it.

Advice for wedding planning: calm down. Breathe. You're planning a party. You are months away from making one of the biggest commitments of your life, and you're stressing out over what drinks to serve. The one thing that put everything into perspective for me was the realization that I spent a YEAR planning for about 12 hours. That's it. I'm willing to bet I easily put in over 6,000 hours of planning for this 12 hour event. (for reference, that's about 250 days of planning.)

[itsjen516]

I understand that people have issues with alcohol, and as I said upthread, if having a wedding with alcohol will really upset itsjen to that extent, she shouldn't have alcohol at her reception. It's her decision and her right. Will it negatively affect the overall quality of the party? Probably. That's just the truth.

Also, the religion argument isn't going to sway most of us. Devoutly religious people are the minority here.



First of all, I didn't call your decision not to drink and potentially miss out on a whole lot of under the influence shenanigans dumb, so there's no need to call me dumb for not agreeing with you. Secondly, friends and family are completely different animals. If you sincerely enjoy spending time with every single member of your family, and/or if every member of your family gets along well together under one roof, then please accept my (very sincere, honest to God) congratulations. Your family is much less dysfunctional than mine. I need a drink to get through most family dinners, much less a wedding reception. Mercy me.

i do idk I'm used to just hanging out going to concerts and having clean fun and I didn't call you dumb I just think it's dumb people need to drink to had a good time

[itsjen516]

I understand that people have issues with alcohol, and as I said upthread, if having a wedding with alcohol will really upset itsjen to that extent, she shouldn't have alcohol at her reception. It's her decision and her right. Will it negatively affect the overall quality of the party? Probably. That's just the truth.

Also, the religion argument isn't going to sway most of us. Devoutly religious people are the minority here.



First of all, I didn't call your decision not to drink and potentially miss out on a whole lot of under the influence shenanigans dumb, so there's no need to call me dumb for not agreeing with you. Secondly, friends and family are completely different animals. If you sincerely enjoy spending time with every single member of your family, and/or if every member of your family gets along well together under one roof, then please accept my (very sincere, honest to God) congratulations. Your family is much less dysfunctional than mine. I need a drink to get through most family dinners, much less a wedding reception. Mercy me.

OP, you haven't responded to my other posts, so I'll assume you're ignoring me That's OK though, I'll still try to help you anyway!

Look, I don't care if you have alcohol at your wedding, I somehow don't think I'll make the shortlist anyway I understand your point, but I understand your family's as well. What about a wine and beer cash bar? Nobody's gonna get too drunk on just wine and beer, especially not if they have to pay for it (Get Coors light and everyone will be sober!). Maybe a champagne/cider toast? All I'm trying to get through is that if you get your way on this, you'll end up having to compromise heavily on other things, it always works that way, so just be smart about your choices. That's it from me, good luck.

I'm sorry I didn't even see it's getting really out of hand here
I just simply thought that people would agree that I should be able to have a saying in what I want.
I feel this open bar will happen no matter what and I'm wasting my time crying over it

[lucybelle]

i do idk I'm used to just hanging out going to concerts and having clean fun and I didn't call you dumb I just think it's dumb people need to drink to had a good time

People do not need to drink to have a good time. People enjoy drinking while having a good time.

Look, it's obvious you've made up your mind. Next time, don't bother posting a thread asking a question and then getting all bent out of shape when various people tell you something you don't want to hear.

[itsjen516]

But I didn't think people would come off this way and I just feel like eveyone is telling me it will be a horrible wedding with out a few drinks
I thiught people would be more understanding

[lyonsgirl]

But I didn't think people would come off this way and I just feel like eveyone is telling me it will be a horrible wedding with out a few drinks
I thiught people would be more understanding

I don't think anyone has said it will be a horrible wedding.

[lucybelle]

I understand you don't drink. But people will appreciate having alcohol at your reception, and will be upset if you don't.

Better? . . .

[Dziubka]

Have a tiny ceremony at a weird time, like, 1:30pm,

HEY! Our ceremony was tiny and at 1:30pm. That's a perfectly not-weird time, ok?!

I read through most of the thread and here's me $/€ 0.02:

If you want a dry wedding, that's fine. I think that it's b/s that the reception or party is for your guests. It's your day and your wedding - you can do it in whatever weird and unconventional way you want. If you only want to serve cranberry juice and chocolate ice-cream, that's cool, too.
But you should take into consideration that people might not like it, not have a good time or not show up at all. If that's ok with you, then have your cranberry juice-chocolate-ice-cream-wedding and be happy.
If you want to avoid that, you need to do things more people like.
It's as easy and as complicated as that.

As for the dry/alcohol-problem:
How about you have an open bar for beer and wine?
Or like three free drinks per person? (You can give out tokens our coupon-things). That way people can still drink, but you reduce the danger of them getting wasted.

[talim]

I agree with most posts here, just wanted to add that if you are afraid somebody will get too drunk, you can tell the bar staff not to give drinks to anybody who looks too drunk already. That will solve this issue I guess.

[Moon]

I'm sorry I didn't even see it's getting really out of hand here
I just simply thought that people would agree that I should be able to have a saying in what I want.
I feel this open bar will happen no matter what and I'm wasting my time crying over it

Sweetie, don't cry over it, it's not worth it. I think it'll probably happen too, which is why if you can talk them down to wine and beer only, you won't have wasted people wandering around. You should have a say, absolutely, I don't think anyone was doubting that, but that doesn't mean that it won't go against you anyway. You have to try to enjoy planning your wedding, but know that the planning won't be 100% yours, you can't let it get to you so much, or this year will be miserable. Try to go with the flow, and keep in mind that in 10 years, nobody will remember what color your napkins were, or what kind of flowers were in the bridesmaids bouquets, so don't sweat the small stuff.

[lyonsgirl]

HEY! Our ceremony was tiny and at 1:30pm. That's a perfectly not-weird time, ok?!

I read through most of the thread and here's me $/€ 0.02:

If you want a dry wedding, that's fine. I think that it's b/s that the reception or party is for your guests. It's your day and your wedding - you can do it in whatever weird and unconventional way you want. If you only want to serve cranberry juice and chocolate ice-cream, that's cool, too.
But you should take into consideration that people might not like it, not have a good time or not show up at all. If that's ok with you, then have your cranberry juice-chocolate-ice-cream-wedding and be happy.
If you want to avoid that, you need to do things more people like.
It's as easy and as complicated as that.

As for the dry/alcohol-problem:
How about you have an open bar for beer and wine?
Or like three free drings per person? (You can give out tokens our coupon-things). That way people can still drink, but you reduce the danger of them getting wasted.

Sorry, I should have said "unconventional" time. (Point being that if you have it in between meal times, you don't have to serve a full meal, which will save you boat loads of money.)

I'm torn with your 2nd point there, Dziu. To a point, yea, I agree with you, but also no. Like, we had breakfast for dinner at our reception. It was our choice, and one of the things I had to put my foot down on, because my mom thought it was weird. However, for my guests' sake, I made sure we had vegetarian & gluten-free options available, otherwise a number of our guests wouldn't have been able to eat anything. Like you said, though, people may not like the choices you go with.

Heck, no matter what you end up choosing, someone will be unhappy. But isn't the point of having a party is so everyone can have a good time?

[80anthea]

I actually think you should do what you both want to do. Listen to the advice people give you, but then you decide on something you'll be happy with. If you'll feel uncomfortable with alcohol there don't have it, people will get over it and by the sounds of it the vast majority of your guests don't drink anyway.

Be prepared for some moaning from relatives but so what, it's your day the last thing you want is to not enjoy the one day in your life that is supposed to be about you.

[Kitten_mittens]

Well.. It seems everyone has some strong opinions on this... But I feel like adding my two cents.

I completely get why you are feeling this way. A wedding is a huge thing and you want to make it perfect and you want things how you like. Completely understandable. I would be pissed if my parents were trying to control things unless of course it was their money..

But... You're going to have a lot of people there who don't know others. And this can make things awkward. A little wine takes the edge off of having to be around a bunch of people. It helps people open up and enjoy themselves in less than ideal situations. (At least it does for me) So I do think it's a good idea to have a bar but not an open one. That's just ridiculous. Alcohol is expensive I would at least want to cover the costs for the drinks. Considering it is a party you typically want to cater to your guests so it would just make sense to provide them with drinks they want. Even when I was vegan and had stong (and I mean STRONG) beliefs against eating meat I still bought my BF meat for when he was at my house as he loved the stuff. Maybe you can sort of compromise and do what Moon said. Only provide beer and wine. That should make a less chance of people getting too drunk. And honestly if you will have a bunch of people who aren't drinking then I wouldn't think anyone would get plastered.. People tend to drink as much as people around them. I would never get drunk near a bunch of sober people. That's just strange. =] I could be wrong though.

Also, if it's stressing you so bad right now then just forget about it and come back to it later with a clear head

[itsjen516]

Wow it's so hard to reply to all even more so when I'm on my phone lol
But like someone said maybe we can limit it some how
Idk I have to see :-/