I need help or advice

[Dziubka]

Sorry, I should have said "unconventional" time. (Point being that if you have it in between meal times, you don't have to serve a full meal, which will save you boat loads of money.)

I'm torn with your 2nd point there, Dziu. To a point, yea, I agree with you, but also no. Like, we had breakfast for dinner at our reception. It was our choice, and one of the things I had to put my foot down on, because my mom thought it was weird. However, for my guests' sake, I made sure we had vegetarian & gluten-free options available, otherwise a number of our guests wouldn't have been able to eat anything. Like you said, though, people may not like the choices you go with.

Heck, no matter what you end up choosing, someone will be unhappy. But isn't the point of having a party is so everyone can have a good time?

I get your point. I just thought it was funny you picked the EXACT time our ceremony was scheduled for. (What are the odds?!
We had breakfast before and served two meals and cake afterwards during the day though because our wedding was the whole day

I'm all for having vegetarian, gluten-free or whatever options, you know would be good to include everyone. But I don't eat meat and both weddings we went to last year did NOT have a vegetarian option. I knew/had expected it and it wasn't a reason for me to stay away, although I would have enjoyed it a lot more if there had been better food! And that's what I expect of my guests.

If you like me enough and want to celebrate me getting married with me, then you will accept that I don't serve alcohol/meat/only cake/whatever and still at least *try* to have a good time. Especially if it's something that's very important to the couple.
If it bothers you that much that it makes you want to not come to my wedding, then that's fine - don't come! I don't want to make anyone miserable.
Of course you want people to have a good time at your wedding, but it's perfectly understandable that you don't want to go against your ethic/religious/other believes or convictions.

[conejita_hada]

I know there's been a lot of input already but...I'm adding now because I'm just slow to get on LFAD during the day.

Itsjen, I get where you're coming from. My SO and I are talking engagement and so in turn, I chatted with my mom about what a wedding would look like for us. His parents are very religiously Christian and combined with that and expense, they do not drink. My family on the other hand, drinks with every meal - not to get drunk (although I have a few friends like that) but because I grew up with you drink wine with dinner, or beer if it goes better and sometimes to relax. Okay, that sounds alcoholic. It's not, I swear.

Anyway, my mom said it would be unfair to not have alcohol even if I don't drink much anymore and my SO's family doesn't. It's part of our family's culture and should be respected. I thought about it and decided a cash bar wouldn't be so bad - that way it cuts down on cost. Plus, I'd probably tell my parents anything to do with alcohol they pay. hehe I like someone's suggestion to have bartenders cut off people who've had too much. That way, no one becomes a spectacle.

You're wedding is about you but it's also the joining of two families and two cultures (because on a micro-level, every family has it's own culture). You don't have to have alcohol at the wedding but making it a cash bar with a limit is a good compromise that can't necessarily offend everyone.

[michellert]

I had this same argument with my mom. I can't stand alcohol and don't like being around anyone drinking . It turned into a huge ordeal. My mom screaming on voicemails to saying nobody will go and everyone will leave after dinner. Both our families are huge drinkers and I've seen how they can get. I didn't want that to ruin my night. I eventually gave in and got 2 barrels? Kegs? For the night. When that was gone, it was gone. No more. I got flack for it but i said it was that or none. Nobody got horribly intoxicated . I was so busy with pictured, talking to people, dancing, having fun that I didn't notice anyone was drinking. It was a compromise that I put a limit on. It turned out to be an amazing night. Just wanted to add my situation but its your day. Do what you want but make sure everyone else is satisfied.

[piratemama]

I come from an area where most wedding receptions don't have any alcohol. It happens, but it's unusual. I drink now, but I went for years not drinking. During that time, I was invited to a couple of weddings where I knew there would be lots of drinking. I still went to the weddings, made an appearance at the reception, then left. I don't think the couples cared that I left a tad early. It really does depend on what compromise both sides of your family can make. What is the norm for the area and for most of the guests? I know of one wedding where the guests were asked to bring their own booze.

There is no sense getting stressed or getting into arguments with your family while planning the wedding. Just talk with your SO and discuss all sides and pros and cons. You two make a decision that makes you comfortable. I agree with what's been said before, though; some of the guests may not stay or come. That's okay. If someone wants to show up at your wedding only because you are serving alcohol, then you shouldn't care if they don't come. If it's someone that really cares for you, they will come no matter what.

I had a big wedding for my 1st marriage, and look where it got me. Divorced. We had disagreements, too, and we ended up doing a lot I didn't even want. I've always regretted not eloping. I still resent how my wedding wasn't the way I wanted it. I have no good memories of the thing, because I did bend and give in to others. I tried to do what his family wanted, and his family was most of why we divorced.

Please talk with your SO, and you two make a decision that's right for you. No matter what you do, someone will be unhappy.

I do like the compromise ideas, though. When we do have parties in my area with alcohol, they usually just put a number of drinks allowed. I think 3 is the common one.

Remember, planning the wedding is supposed to be fun. Hope it works out for you.

[Lilly9886]

I was thinking about answering this thread! I don't drink (never have) and I hate drunk people! I would love to have a wedding without alcohol, but I don't think that will be "possible" in my case! If noone is going to get drunk I think I don't mind! So just let your family and friends now that you'd like them not to drink too much, and it should be fine! That's what I'll most likely do!
Most important part is - for me - that my bf is not going to drink that day
(he doesn't mind not drinking btw, he drinks rarely and very little)

I think the "voucher"-idea, that I think was mentioned, a good idea! Two free alcoholic drinks per person!

[Hollandia]

This is a sticky situation and I have seen it come up more than a few times in my life with friends and famlly weddings. I worked in the hospitality business for years and one thing is a fact............People will stay longer when there is alcohol. They will loosen up and for some of them they will have "more fun". Is it still your day? Yes, but you cannot dictate to your guests that just because it is your day that they need to agree to enjoy themselves as much because you deem so.

This is like country music for me. I hate it. Pretty much despise it. I will go to any wedding with it but I won't stay much past that "accepted" time to leave. I won't enjoy myself while tolerating it. I will wish the bride and groom the best and leave my envelope in the box dependent upon my relationship with the couple...and happily go.

It is their day and they IMO choose not to care about how much their guests are enjoying themselves. So be it. You can't make everyone happy in any wedding but you do have to choose how much you care about your guests or not. Your choice. I would suggest a cash bar or telling people to refrain from over indulging. If you do the dry wedding you are going to have a more sedate atmosphere and some people might even drink beforehand or sneak out during. I have done both at dry weddings I have been at. I was not alone either. I don't know where you are holding it but if there is a bar nearby and people want to drink, they will find a way.

If you are dead set against anyone else drinking anything at all and want it regardless, then do it. Make your decision and stand up for your right to do it but be prepared for the flack you will get, take it and deal. Weddings and Funerals bring out the best and worst in families and friends. They always have and they always will. Brides scream about it being their day but the fact is, it is your marriage, the day will come and go, it is just one day for both of you. Enjoy your day, but the real joy should be that you are marrying the person you have selected to share a lifetime with.

[differentcountries]

If you choose non alcohol, the cakes must be really, really good. And something fun take place. And yes, some guests will leave early if they can't drink. But at least no one (unless they brought their own drink, but at least that is all they will get) will be trying to give a speech and just fall asleep drunk. I would go for at least some glasses of whine. Since people are eating they will not get very intoxicated.

[piratemama]

If you choose non alcohol, the cakes must be really, really good. And something fun take place. And yes, some guests will leave early if they can't drink. But at least no one (unless they brought their own drink, but at least that is all they will get) will be trying to give a speech and just fall asleep drunk. I would go for at least some glasses of whine. Since people are eating they will not get very intoxicated.

I like the idea of the really, really good cake and fun entertainment. Guests want something, don't they?

[Hollandia]

Cake and entertainment? Aren't they expected anyway? I had cake, entertainment and an open bar. Guest want what they want. Some will want the bar, some won't care. You as the couple, will know what most want. The question is do you want to provide it or not.

[differentcountries]

I like the idea of the really, really good cake and fun entertainment. Guests want something, don't they?

Yes well I remember my sister's wedding. She and her husband did not want alcohol served. Some guests were a bit cranky at first for not getting wine. But we were all amazed by the food. There was a dinner buffet at first, with vegetarian and allergy options. Then there was a seperate cake buffet. There was really lots of them and they ordered a good looking and better tasting several stories high cake from a chocolatery that also do catering. There was live music and a video Canon showing pics, and a great dance floor. Of course you can have all that and alcohol too. My point is only you have to give people reasons to stay. Even if they love the bride and groom, they may not know or like the other family /friends very much. And akward things may happen (like my other sister's horrible speech...), you need something pleasant to bond over. Good food provides that.

I have been to weddings and other receptions with crappy or little food and let me just say alcohol played a certain part in it. If they had been bad food AND dry weddings too my memories of them had not been so good.