please tell me i'm not overreacting

[snow]

JC2122 - this is your decision, not ours. None of us can or will tell you if you are a horrible person. If you can't be with this person, then you can't be with this person. No one is going to judge you. You tried, it didn't work out. Leaving now is not a horrible thing.

Breaking up over text and calling it "a nice little breakup text" is kind of mean though, I won't lie.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I mean i cried on the phone to him and told him i needed more time with him. I have bad anxiety and i actually vomit sometimes when i wait for him all day it literally makes me sick. And yes i did break up via text

This sounds like something you should work on yourself. I would recommend working on clear communication and your anxiety. No matter who you are with CD or LD, this is going to be a problem. This level of anxiety is unhealthy in any relationship. No one is able to respond all the time.

[JC2122]

Im not asking for all the time but i would like to have a goodnight or im thinking about ya or an I love you ya know. But he is always with his friends its totes ridiculous

[differentcountries]

I know the dream is that we should be able to just fall back and be taken care of. And sometimes it IS like that, too. But regardless of your relationship it is important to be able to take care of yourself, too - and help others take care of you. I can understand being upset that he is slow to contact, but you chose this man. Now he is yours to figure out. Even if he is passive it is not nice to threaten to break up with him, and also not very effective to produce the loving care you wish him to show you. Whoever he is, I imagine he is a bit confused. Do you specificly ask for something you want? Have you said, can you please text me in the morning or otherwise during your workday, because that would make me feel appreciated and safe? What would change in your life if he was able to do what you wished for?

[Mims27]

All of this just seems overly complicated for nothing. Your relationship is brand new, get to know him and get to know yourself as a partner. Maybe he's not ready to be in a serious relationship, let alone a long distance one. Or maybe he's not at the same place as you in the relationship? He could be saying he wants to be with you, but does he REALLY want to? Neither of you are showing much maturity or readiness in this situation and it certainly doesn't sound very healthy. It being like this very earlier on isn't a really good sign...

[JC2122]

Do you specificly ask for something you want? Have you said, can you please text me in the morning or otherwise during your workday, because that would make me feel appreciated and safe? What would change in your life if he was able to do what you wished for?[/QUOTE] i
U present a very good point. I should be more specific not just say can u spend more time with me. He maybe doesnt know what that means. But asking him for at least a goodnight or an i love during the day would suffice.

[snow_girl]

U present a very good point. I should be more specific not just say can u spend more time with me. He maybe doesnt know what that means. But asking him for at least a goodnight or an i love during the day would suffice.

Problem solved!

[JC2122]

Thank you to all for the opinions and ideas i appreciate it. We will see what happens. Ive apologized for the break up text i told him i loved him but we need to talk asap

[Hollandia]

Problem solved!

I don't know. The OP sounded very resentful of the time her SO spends with his friends.

OP............You are not married, you are dating, it really is quite normal after a few weeks of dating someone not to change your social life that much. You were exclusive but not planning your lives together, and yes I do think that you cannot ask for someone to talk to you everyday, then you are an obligation, or a chore, and you have made yourself one, not him. You have to be more patient and wait until the time comes that he will just want to go out of his way and forego other things to do so. He either will or won't, you can lead that horse to water, but you cannot make him drink unless he is thirsty.



I hate to say this but I would suggest the OP is not really able to handle an LDR unless she can find someone who is at the same level of neediness as she is. I also will say that breaking up via text is very immature and speaks volumes to me. I just think they are both young and fumbling their way through a relationship with very mature aspects to it. Take a breather and step back, if you vomit over not getting a text then you have bigger problems than your BF of a few weeks.

[80anthea]

I take back what I said earlier about an ldr not being for you. Breaking up and then apologising to someone, another human being by text....... I don't think you're ready for any relationship at the moment. You need to sort out your issues before you can form a meaningful relationship. How would you have dealt with getting a break up text from your partner?

[JC2122]

To 80anthea: I am very much ready for a relationship. I give considerably and most times i dont glet back. Im not here to be downgraded. I wanted advice about dealing with him not texting or talking as much as i feel he should. I did not though ask of any advice regarding whether or not i should or should not be in a relationship. Thank you though.

[Hollandia]

This is advice. If you are vomiting because your BF of a few weeks does not call you everyday then you should address the bigger problem. You should not expect him to and until he wants to, he should not have to. When you make yourself an obligation or a chore you actually will make him less likely to want to talk to you. Talking to you should be about enjoying himself and not just about filling your need for this constant contact. When you love someone, you want it, when you are not there yet, you don't.

Is there someone out there that has the same level of neediness as you? Sure, but your BF is not showing signs of being that person. You need to accept that or move on. Whatever you do, don't let your life revolve around whether he calls you everyday or not, and by life I don't mean your work or school, I mean your life outside of both. Go live..........with or without your BF's communication. If it is meant to be it will be but realize that some of your actions have been very immature and if you cannot own that that it just shows more immaturity.

When you make a thread and ask for advice, you are not always going to hear what you want. If someone tells you they don't think you are ready, then they have just as much right to that opinion and to tell you so. Take it to heart or not but they do. I think you are both young and you could be 50 and be young or 12 and be mature, but your behaviors have not shown a level of maturity needed to fight the murky waters that come with a long term LDR. If you are vomiting now, I hate to see where you will be in few years from now. Make sure your health comes first, if you health cannot handle it, get out. If it can, toughen up. It is not going to get any easier. It is worth it for your lifemate, but only if you both are willing and able to face all the trials and tribulations that are going to come your way.

[JC2122]

I understand the need for maturity.

[Hollandia]

I understand the need for maturity.

Take any of what we said with salt or not, that is indeed your call. We have (so far) stated our opinions. Some are more palatable than others, but that is always the case. Please know this above all else. We all wish you well and want you to be happy. We just have differing opinions to different extents of how we think it would be best for you to go about doing so. This is btw, just my opinion, many might disagree with me, and that is their rights. I hope it works out for you, and if you ever wish to talk further please feel free to PM me.

[80anthea]

Thank you.

You're very welcome.