Interactions with the Opposite Sex

[silvermoonfairy3]

Why does everyone act like they HAVE to go to movies or dinner or out drinking WITH someone. Why can't you all go alone?

I have and do go alone, but some people don't enjoy going alone. But the point was more, if there's a friend who wants to go and is available, that's not okay? The choices are either go alone or go in a big group? Ask 4 people, 3 say they can't make it, so you say sorry to that last one who can go because then it's one-on-one? As the friend who's available, I'd also be kind of annoyed/feel like my friendship isn't important enough to just go with only me if everyone else can't make it.

[lilspitfire]

I have and do go alone, but some people don't enjoy going alone. But the point was more, if there's a friend who wants to go and is available, that's not okay? The choices are either go alone or go in a big group? Ask 4 people, 3 say they can't make it, so you say sorry to that last one who can go because then it's one-on-one? As the friend who's available, I'd also be kind of annoyed/feel like my friendship isn't important enough to just go with only me if everyone else can't make it.

Oh, I know. Some people don't, but in some responses it seems like it's go with someone or not at all, which seems silly to me. Why miss the movie if you really want to see it only because someone can't go with you? Seems weird. I don't have any problems with anyone going on one on one. I just think it is kind of silly to act like you cannot do it at all because no one is with you. I guess it's just me and you. lol. And Freebird. Maybe a few others. I know if there was a movie I desperately wanted to see, I'd go with someone or without. Drinking, I can understand wanting to go with someone. You'd want to be safe. A movie or just a dinner/lunch? Not so much.

[Moon]

Oh, I know. Some people don't, but in some responses it seems like it's go with someone or not at all, which seems silly to me. Why miss the movie if you really want to see it only because someone can't go with you? Seems weird. I don't have any problems with anyone going on one on one. I just think it is kind of silly to act like you cannot do it at all because no one is with you. I guess it's just me and you. lol. And Freebird. Maybe a few others. I know if there was a movie I desperately wanted to see, I'd go with someone or without. Drinking, I can understand wanting to go with someone. You'd want to be safe. A movie or just a dinner/lunch? Not so much.

I can and do go by myself to eat or see a movie from time to time, but it's much more enjoyable and much less lonely to go with someone else. My Kindle is great and all, but I've had better dinner companions.

OP - I don't think I realized he just did this once, catching up with a friend over dinner once in a while is OK, especially since he was completely honest about it beforehand. If this was more frequent I could see being bothered, but if I had a friend of either sex that I didn't get to see often, dinner is a great way to catch up. And, in an LDR, Trust may be easier said than done, but you have to do it anyway, LDR's can't survive without it.

[lilspitfire]

My Kindle is great and all, but I've had better dinner companions.

I can understand that. Btw, that made me laugh out loud.

[Freebird]

OP - I don't think I realized he just did this once, catching up with a friend over dinner once in a while is OK, especially since he was completely honest about it beforehand. If this was more frequent I could see being bothered, but if I had a friend of either sex that I didn't get to see often, dinner is a great way to catch up. And, in an LDR, Trust may be easier said than done, but you have to do it anyway, LDR's can't survive without it.

I completely agree. LDRs cannot survive without trust and I do realize I need to work on it. A lack of trust is not fair to him at all, especially when he seems to trust me a LOT. He is a very genuine person, but sometimes I wonder if he's just a weeeeee bit oblivious to somethings...

I apologized to him for being selfish and told him that I trust him, but need to work on my insecurities.

A part of me just wants to be constantly on guard. I just want to make sure things don't go wrong and I don't get hurt, but I have to trust him and I should not condemn him for my own insecurities or what someone else did to me in the past.

[innocentbutterfly]

there's two solution to that ruby, go alone or watch it by downloading it. simple.
movie isnt more important than ur SO's wishes and you should respect them, no?

[differentcountries]

It doesn't happen at fancy restaurants only though. I took my male co worker boss type dude to TGI Fridays as part of the repayment of helping me financially to see my SO. We both got different things and the waiter acted like we were going to share! I was like "Uh no. He's my friend. I have a boyfriend." It's nothing as intimate as popping the question, but still........this was a pretty serious question

I would share food with most people if they asked. Is that not usual? I love about Turks that they do that a lot.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I would share food with most people if they asked. Is that not usual? I love about Turks that they do that a lot.

I don't think it's so much about the sharing if people asked or trying a bite or whatever, but the waiter just expecting them to share sounds like it was the odd part. Unless you were ordering appetizers, or a sharing-meal, or told the waiter or whatever, there's not a lot of reason to expect that people would be sharing.

My older brother worked at a fancy Italian restaurant where sharing was expected, and there are other situations where it's common, too, but TGIFridays is just a mid-level chain in the US. Then again, it does get a reputation for being somewhere that friends/coworkers/groups go, and that sort of thing is often share-y situations, so who knows. Maybe this particular waiter is just used to lots of customers who share.

I share food with people out at restaurants all the time. Sometimes it's agreed-upon in advance, where a friend and I are waffling between things, and they'll say "if you get the mussels I'll get the lasagna and we can trade some." Sometimes it's just "your dish looks delicious, can I try it?"
In the situations where we get dessert, that's almost always "we'll split a piece of the chocolate torte" or whatever, but then that's explicitly telling the staff that you're going to share.
And yes, I've split dessert with just one guy friend. This sounds like the sort of thing that would make some people here go ballistic, splitting a dessert with a guy who isn't my SO, and who has a girlfriend.

I have a feeling it was just weird to the poster that the waiter assumed because it was 2 opposite-sex people that they'd share their plates.

[lilspitfire]

I don't mind sharing. At all. It was the *assumption* we would share. Now, if it was something he and I agreed on alone...like I'll take a taste or whatever, totally different. But the waiter was like "Oh you guys can share." Not a question. A statement. If he said "Maybe you guys can share?" That would have been different. It kind of seemed like an assumption that just because a female and male were out that we're an item. Although there was no other reference to it. Meh. Oh well. It wasn't that big of a deal.

[Hollandia]

This.

Actually yes. Like hollandia said boundaries should be set. Because want it or not when you have an SO being far away from you and bot always at ur reach peple get lonely and yes. Outings like that can spark something up. No to be fooled. I actually agree 100% with the OP. My thinking is exactly the same. Go in groups or if you really have to meet at least make it at a bar and dont repeat it over and over again.

my SO and i had this talk long before we were a couple. He said he wouldnt oppose too much to me meeting up with a male friend and if his female friend say would fly from another country that would be a reason to catch up. Otherwise theres no reason to keep meeting and catching up.

so i think SO should just talk to her bf and tell him straight its not her thing. He may not like it, but its something shes uncomfortable with and he should respect it and minimize it or lower it down to groups. No excuses. Distance isn't like close distance. And things like that can fast get out of hand.

Not the waiters that I ever worked with. That is an extremely personal thing to say to a couple, it can cost you your tip or a complaint to a manager. To be blunt, most likely she was all googly eyes and the waiter picked up on some sexual tension. If you are okay with that, more power to you. That is a hell no for me. Never in all my years of wating or bartending or all my years of going out to romantic dinner has that been done to me or did I do anything like that.

It is a red flag. "The way she is interacting" is way over a line if that is what caused it to happen. They are supposed to be buddies with no intention or inclination of any romantic or sexual nature in any kind. Would you hang all over your husband's dad and flirt with him? NO, it would be fowl, no matter how much of a natural flirt a person might be. There are lines that is stepping over one.

This one is taken sister, so back off. I hate women that think it is okay to flirt with someone else's man. I have a name for them, whores.

[Hollandia]

I don't mind sharing. At all. It was the *assumption* we would share. Now, if it was something he and I agreed on alone...like I'll take a taste or whatever, totally different. But the waiter was like "Oh you guys can share." Not a question. A statement. If he said "Maybe you guys can share?" That would have been different. It kind of seemed like an assumption that just because a female and male were out that we're an item. Although there was no other reference to it. Meh. Oh well. It wasn't that big of a deal.

The waiter was like, are you popping the question, that is a fair bit more than just sharing, that is an inference of a deep and lasting love for possibly a lifetime. The romantic and sexual kind. It is just a huge huge red flag. There is more to that story.

My next question is what was told to the waiter after that? Did he say, NO, we are just friends and I have a GF. Did he just laugh it off, did he let the waiter think it might be true? Seriously, did he stand up for his real true love and let that be known? Call me romantic, but I feel he should have. The woman needs to hear it from HIM loud and clear, this will never go anywhere and I am planning on growing old and having kids with my one true love of my life.

[Moon]

Not the waiters that I ever worked with. That is an extremely personal thing to say to a couple, it can cost you your tip or a complaint to a manager. To be blunt, most likely she was all googly eyes and the waiter picked up on some sexual tension. If you are okay with that, more power to you. That is a hell no for me. Never in all my years of wating or bartending or all my years of going out to romantic dinner has that been done to me or did I do anything like that.

It is a red flag. "The way she is interacting" is way over a line if that is what caused it to happen. They are supposed to be buddies with no intention or inclination of any romantic or sexual nature in any kind. Would you hang all over your husband's dad and flirt with him? NO, it would be fowl, no matter how much of a natural flirt a person might be. There are lines that is stepping over one.

This one is taken sister, so back off. I hate women that think it is okay to flirt with someone else's man. I have a name for them, whores.

My brother is 1 year and 4 months younger than me, and other than him somehow turning out to be blonde, we look exactly alike. Since we were teens, we've been mistaken for a couple countless times, no matter where we go together. We've had our share of bartenders and waitresses, store clerks, and even many strangers tell us what an adorable couple we make (ew, ew..yuck, yuck!). We were certainly not flirting with each other, and I'd rather have white hot pins stuck into my eyes rather than anyone ever think I made googly eyes at him. We were most definitely not hanging all over each other (I'm kinda unhappy to even have to write that!), or giving any other indication we were a couple. I think siblings, or other family, and good friends share a very comfortable body language that isn't shared when you're with people outside of that group. It's about familiar surroundings, and having your guard down. Just because some waiter thought they were a couple doesn't mean this woman did anything to make him feel that way, my brother and I don't.

From when I was very young, until I was in my mid-twenties, I had a very close friend, Greg. Same as with my brother, jeez...he was practically my brother, same scenarios all of the time. We never, ever had any interest in each other romantically, we were just the best of friends, but everybody we ever ran into thought otherwise, unless they knew us. Not every platonic friendship has an evil intent, and let's face it, a man and a woman out together will get those assumptions from people, that's pretty natural, it doesn't mean anyone is a whore, or out to do something bad.

[Dziubka]

My brother is 1 year and 4 months younger than me, and other than him somehow turning out to be blonde, we look exactly alike. Since we were teens, we've been mistaken for a couple countless times, no matter where we go together. We've had our share of bartenders and waitresses, store clerks, and even many strangers tell us what an adorable couple we make (ew, ew..yuck, yuck!). We were certainly not flirting with each other, and I'd rather have white hot pins stuck into my eyes rather than anyone ever think I made googly eyes at him. We were most definitely not hanging all over each other (I'm kinda unhappy to even have to write that!), or giving any other indication we were a couple. I think siblings, or other family, and good friends share a very comfortable body language that isn't shared when you're with people outside of that group. It's about familiar surroundings, and having your guard down. Just because some waiter thought they were a couple doesn't mean this woman did anything to make him feel that way, my brother and I don't.

From when I was very young, until I was in my mid-twenties, I had a very close friend, Greg. Same as with my brother, jeez...he was practically my brother, same scenarios all of the time. We never, ever had any interest in each other romantically, we were just the best of friends, but everybody we ever ran into thought otherwise, unless they knew us. Not every platonic friendship has an evil intent, and let's face it, a man and a woman out together will get those assumptions from people, that's pretty natural, it doesn't mean anyone is a whore, or out to do something bad.

THIS! So much!
Down to the detail of having a 16months younger brother, who looks exactly like me!

I recently went on a weekend trip with a close (male) friend and pretty much everyone thought we were a couple. It made for some pretty awkward moments and we were neither flirting nor hanging all over each other If a man and a woman go somewhere together, someone will assume they're a couple.
(But then I've also been mistaken for my SO's sister before. I wonder what that says about us or our relationship.)
Sometimes people put their foot in their mouth (I bet we all can remember the last time we said something painfully awkward). Sure it's inappropriate for the waitress to say that, and probably/hopefully it was the last time she did it and it was just meant to be a joke.

I might have a weird "rule" for one-one-ones with other women/men, but for me it's generally ok if it's an old friend/someone you've known for a long time OR someone your partner has already met as well. If my SO went to the cinema or a restaurant with another woman that he hasn't known for a very long time and that I hadn't met, I would be kind of suspicious. I wouldn't tell him not to do it and I'd probably not be very jealous or cause a scene, I'd just... keep an eye on it? I guess.
Likewise I probably wouldn't go to the cinema or a restaurant one-on-one with a guy I had just recently met, if I had no romantic interest in him. It just seems like an awkward thing to do.

But then I also think that flirting with someone else's man is perfectly fine. I think we all should flirt more...

[Freebird]

My next question is what was told to the waiter after that? Did he say, NO, we are just friends and I have a GF. Did he just laugh it off, did he let the waiter think it might be true? Seriously, did he stand up for his real true love and let that be known? Call me romantic, but I feel he should have. The woman needs to hear it from HIM loud and clear, this will never go anywhere and I am planning on growing old and having kids with my one true love of my life.

I was not there, of course, so I do not know the entire dialog. He told me that when the waiter asked that, he laughed and told him they were only friends. I am unsure of if mentioned me or, perhaps sadly, if he ever mentions me to his friends. I wonder if that other girl even knows I exist. I asked him once if his friends or family know about me. He said he hasn't told his family but his friends know. But which friends? I will never know. But that's a new topic altogether.

He recently said to me she's "practically married". I guess that makes me feel better (or it was supposed to). However today I tried to put this behind us. I will just watch for these sorts of interactions in the future.

But then I also think that flirting with someone else's man is perfectly fine. I think we all should flirt more...

Yeah, no. Absolutely not. I do not think that is ok at all. I respect that you feel that way, but that is a big bold no go for me and my guy and nothing would make that ok.

[Hollandia]

My brother is 1 year and 4 months younger than me, and other than him somehow turning out to be blonde, we look exactly alike. Since we were teens, we've been mistaken for a couple countless times, no matter where we go together. We've had our share of bartenders and waitresses, store clerks, and even many strangers tell us what an adorable couple we make (ew, ew..yuck, yuck!). We were certainly not flirting with each other, and I'd rather have white hot pins stuck into my eyes rather than anyone ever think I made googly eyes at him. We were most definitely not hanging all over each other (I'm kinda unhappy to even have to write that!), or giving any other indication we were a couple. I think siblings, or other family, and good friends share a very comfortable body language that isn't shared when you're with people outside of that group. It's about familiar surroundings, and having your guard down. Just because some waiter thought they were a couple doesn't mean this woman did anything to make him feel that way, my brother and I don't.

From when I was very young, until I was in my mid-twenties, I had a very close friend, Greg. Same as with my brother, jeez...he was practically my brother, same scenarios all of the time. We never, ever had any interest in each other romantically, we were just the best of friends, but everybody we ever ran into thought otherwise, unless they knew us. Not every platonic friendship has an evil intent, and let's face it, a man and a woman out together will get those assumptions from people, that's pretty natural, it doesn't mean anyone is a whore, or out to do something bad.

There is a big difference between cute couple and a proposal. That is the whole point of a red flag.

The one I called a whore is the ones that are. I don't retract that. If you go after another woman's man, I still feel that way. Whether he rejects you or not, you are acting like a whore. He would also be at fault if he followed through but this was more meant about the women that go after happily attached men even after being told they are unavailable. Is it the right word? Maybe not, do I care? No. My first husband's GF that he cheated on me and left me and the kid for was a whore in my eyes and so is the bitch that is cyber stalking my brother and making my sister in law's life hell. Whore. Consider it a biblical term because my sister in law is quite religious and I was back when my that happened to me. So, yeah, whore fits.