Interactions with the Opposite Sex

[differentcountries]

Open relationships, multiple boyfriends, comfortable with flirting with people already in a relationship... If that works for you, kudos to you.

What has open relationships got to do with having a platonical dinner with an opposite sex friend? It is just a matter of recognizing that there is a difference between platonic and romantic relationships.

[Freebird]

What has open relationships got to do with having a platonical dinner with an opposite sex friend? It is just a matter of recognizing that there is a difference between platonic and romantic relationships.

One is a platonic relationship and one is a romantic relationship, yes.

The similarity? Interaction between the sexes. Whether you personally are this way or not, some people are not ok with their SO having certain interactions between the opposite sex and some people don't mind it, on varying levels. Is it right or wrong? Depends on the couple and their relationship.

Once again, not everyone is the same.

[ThePiedPiper]

I skipped over pages 2-5, so forgive me if I'm missing something huge.

For me, it would depend on a lot. For example, I have a male friend I've been friends with for 8 years. We talk occasionally and we've never taken an interest in one another. He's never been someone I'd date, and to my knowledge, I've never been the type of girl he'd go for, either. My SO has absolutely no issue with me speaking to him. He has some issues with certain aspects to the lad I won't go into (and in fairness, they're valid), but he's never made moves to stop us from speaking and generally trusts me to act appropriately within that situation.

For him, of course I'd trust him to hang out with a female friend in kind. Would I like it? Probably not, no, but I'd deal with it because I realise I tend to err on the jealous end and that's simply something I have to work through. He understands that I err on the end of jealousy and generally reassures my whining when it happens and I'm fine. We're both okay with the dynamic, and so it's able to work because we're both okay with it.

The issue, unfortunately, isn't an issue of whether or not it's okay theoretically. I mean, regardless of what people believe or want to say about sexual orientation - and as someone who's pansexual, what am I supposed to do, not have friends? - ultimately what it comes down is what works for the individual couple. Someone who's not okay with their SO having dinner, at a romantic restaurant or at McDonald's, is not going to change their mind because a bunch of people on the internet said so. Someone who's not okay with their SO having dinner is not going to be okay with their SO having dinner, and while the question was thrown out as "am I overreacting?", in the end, the best coping strategies are going to be the ones that help determine a middleground between the SO and the OP. Will it work? I don't know. If he's set on having dinner and she's not, it could break a relationship, yes, but the opinions they both hold are each going to stay the same.

I think I read that the OPer is mostly over this issue, and like I said, I skipped pages 2-5, but ultimately, my recommendation is communicate. You may not be able to stop him from it entirely, because if he's set on one-on-one hangouts (and some of us simply like 1:1 versus group settings), then you both need to be flexible in determining a compromise. Whether that's him making it abundantly clear that he has a SO by telling her all about you on top of sending you a couple of texts during dinner or whether that's him having lunch dates instead of dinner dates, it's going to depend on what you're both comfortable and okay with. Either way, it doesn't come down to what's right or wrong so much as it comes down to what's okay for the individual couple. Frankly, as convicted as some people are, and even as someone who has no issue with opposite sex friends, I can say that it's about as black and white as whether or not people should be cat people or dog people. You're never going to change someone's mind or preference (or rather, it's unlikely you will), so all you can do is try and figure out a compromise so that both people are able to meet in the middle.

[Freebird]

think I read that the OPer is mostly over this issue, and like I said, I skipped pages 2-5, but ultimately, my recommendation is communicate. You may not be able to stop him from it entirely, because if he's set on one-on-one hangouts (and some of us simply like 1:1 versus group settings), then you both need to be flexible in determining a compromise. Whether that's him making it abundantly clear that he has a SO by telling her all about you on top of sending you a couple of texts during dinner or whether that's him having lunch dates instead of dinner dates, it's going to depend on what you're both comfortable and okay with. Either way, it doesn't come down to what's right or wrong so much as it comes down to what's okay for the individual couple. Frankly, as convicted as some people are, and even as someone who has no issue with opposite sex friends, I can say that it's about as black and white as whether or not people should be cat people or dog people. You're never going to change someone's mind or preference (or rather, it's unlikely you will), so all you can do is try and figure out a compromise so that both people are able to meet in the middle.

Totally agree.

I definitely think communication is the only thing that's going to work- of course! The reason why I feel better about this situation is because of having a good discussion with my SO. I do not want to stop him entirely; I do not want to be controlling. That would be unfair. I am going to have to make sacrifices and cope with some uncomfort (that I will work on lessening) out of respect for him. We both are going to make sacrifices.

[Moon]

Freebird, I think you've been pretty open minded in this discussion, you've listened to the advice you've been given, and have been polite to all. It makes me think that once you strengthen your confidence and banish your insecurities, you're going to do just fine in your relationship. Everyone is different, but all that matters is that you're compatible enough with your partner in crime to make you both happy and content

[rubydissolution]

Freebird, I think you've been pretty open minded in this discussion, you've listened to the advice you've been given, and have been polite to all. It makes me think that once you strengthen your confidence and banish your insecurities, you're going to do just fine in your relationship. Everyone is different, but all that matters is that you're compatible enough with your partner in crime to make you both happy and content

This! I wish you guys the best! ^^

[Freebird]

Thank you guys. I do appreciate everyone's feedback here.

I do need to find more confidence. Unfortunately its not just in my relationship, but my life in general. It's like I expect something to go wrong, or someone to wrong me, when that's not even the case. I find myself having to change the way I think often. I'll get there, hopefully sooner than later.

[Miasmata]

I know the thread's topic has been sorted, but I'm bumping this to say that it was a very good and insightful thread to read, and that Freebird was an excellent OP. It's always great to see everyone exchanging different viewpoints in a civil manner and the OP listening with an open mind. A good thread, and one that will hopefully help others with this kinda thing too, since it does pop up as a topic rather often.