Parents and family

[Unicorn26]

Oh God, Fox News? Enough said. Tell your mom to shut the TV off and that Fox News is honestly NOT a reliable source of information...for anything. Tell her to watch Objective channels like CBS and ABC or something. Or MSNBC. Fox News exaggerates everything worse than a schizophrenic could think of.

What she said haha!!!

[honeybunny]

I already know my parents won't approve, they raised me and my siblings as Muslims and we were told dating isn't allowed. I'm 28 and trying to take control of my life now. Meeting my boyfriend has been the best thing that has happened to me, but I can't tell them. I told my younger sister as she is also disillusioned with our religion. We pretty much don't follow it anymore, which really annoys my dad. He's Arab and takes great offence at us not doing what he thinks we should do. My mum is English and converted when she married my dad, but they did actually date for two years before they got married. They kinda don't talk about it and they're ashamed of how they met, which is so ridiculous. I wish I could sit down and talk to my mum about her meeting my dad but she just won't do it.

[honeybunny]

Has anyone else had the problem of not being able to receive very personal mail to their home because of disapproving family members maybe seeing it? My boyfriend couldn't send me a Christmas card as I'm afraid of it being seen by others. Nobody opens my post but my parents always ask to see what I get. I was only able to get a Christmas gift from him because I was able to pass it of as something I ordered myself. It's so ridiculous, I hate it. It makes me upset that I won't get a card off him because my parents can't mind their own business.

[Elizabeth123]

Maybe rent a post office box? That's what I had to do when I was younger to keep my mail private.

[staruletto]

Gah, that's so suffocating when you can't have any privacy at all! P.O.box might be your best bet.




So I finally just changed my relationship status on Facebook, he's tagged as my boyfriend and it's not private. I'm just gonna let shit sort itself out. Hey at least my mom met him before I did that right? XD

[honeybunny]

It's pretty expensive to rent a po box, and since I live in a small town companies who offer postboxes just don't do them here. I told him to just send me the card to my home address and I'll blag it. I really need something from him.

[sasad]

Can you have it sent to a close friend or other family member??

[honeybunny]

Can you have it sent to a close friend or other family member??

Unfortunately not. I tried that already and something my boyfriend sent was opened and kept by my friend's mum. Even when I said it was my property. My boyfriend ended up telling the company he ordered from that the item went missing and they replaced it. He still has it with him at the moment. It's like everything is against me, fed up of it.

[spanglishjoe]

I can somewhat relate. My parents kind of freaked at first. If you google murder capital of the world, my SOs city and images of tattoed gang members comes up, which is unfortunate when explaining the merits of an LDR to parents who went to the same high school and dated 5+ years before marriage.

Were meeting in a neutral safe country first (10 days away! costa rica) which made it easier for my parents. Expensive on our wallets, but hey, we do what we have to do.

I am planning to go to her city over holy week. Ill plan to let my parents know my basic itinerary, with some check ins. I do this so they know we care about their feelings and i know theyll support us when she comes.

So thats what im doing. But time and constantly telling them about how wonderful she is helps. Maybe have your so write them a card to introduce himself, it helped too.

Good luck!

[differentcountries]

Has anyone else had the problem of not being able to receive very personal mail to their home because of disapproving family members maybe seeing it? My boyfriend couldn't send me a Christmas card as I'm afraid of it being seen by others. Nobody opens my post but my parents always ask to see what I get. I was only able to get a Christmas gift from him because I was able to pass it of as something I ordered myself. It's so ridiculous, I hate it. It makes me upset that I won't get a card off him because my parents can't mind their own business.

Perhaps ask him to send you two postcards instead of one, in an envelope. Then he can make one of them look like a business card or something from a girl friend, and you can show that to your parents.

[honeybunny]

I can somewhat relate. My parents kind of freaked at first. If you google murder capital of the world, my SOs city and images of tattoed gang members comes up, which is unfortunate when explaining the merits of an LDR to parents who went to the same high school and dated 5+ years before marriage.

Were meeting in a neutral safe country first (10 days away! costa rica) which made it easier for my parents. Expensive on our wallets, but hey, we do what we have to do.

I am planning to go to her city over holy week. Ill plan to let my parents know my basic itinerary, with some check ins. I do this so they know we care about their feelings and i know theyll support us when she comes.

So thats what im doing. But time and constantly telling them about how wonderful she is helps. Maybe have your so write them a card to introduce himself, it helped too.

Good luck!

Thank you. I would love to talk about him to my family but dating is a sin in our religion. Currently only my sister knows and it's been great because she will come and sit with me in our room while I talk to my boyfriend. Then if anyone hears talking they think it's me and her. My mum seems to have super hearing when it comes to being suspicious. She asks me who I'm talking to sometimes and I say just a friend. I mean I pay for my own phone. It shouldn't matter to her or anyone else who I talk to.

I just want to be treated as an adult and have a love life. My boyfriend's family know about me and I wish I could do the same with mine. I'm meeting him in his city, as it takes me away from possibly seeing someone I know around here who will go and tell my parents I was seen with a guy lol. That's small town life for you.

[R&R]

What steps are you taking to get out of your family situation? I mean, as far as maybe finding your own place or a place with a roommate to help you offset some of the costs? It sounds like that is the only way you are going to have control of your own life.

[Miasmata]

Yeah, Honeybunny, I really hope you can get out of that situation. Everything you say is a strong warning sign that you need to get out. You and your family clearly don't share the same values, and it would be no fault at all of you to get out and have your own life. I really hope that works out for you.

[honeybunny]

Unfortunately my financial position means I can't move out yet. I have a job but it doesn't pay enough to rent a place. I've been told I can go to a women's refuge if I ever need it, but I'm hoping I get another job and my own place before it comes to that. It just seems too dramatic. I'm just staying with it for now until I have a plan to get out. It's quite stressful living at home though, so hoping it's sooner rather than later.

[Unicorn26]

Unfortunately my financial position means I can't move out yet. I have a job but it doesn't pay enough to rent a place. I've been told I can go to a women's refuge if I ever need it, but I'm hoping I get another job and my own place before it comes to that. It just seems too dramatic. I'm just staying with it for now until I have a plan to get out. It's quite stressful living at home though, so hoping it's sooner rather than later.

If you're on a low income you can claim housing benefit to help towards your rent, I know it's not a lot but it sounds like your situation is bad. I'd get out if I were you, I know that's really easy for me to say and I know first hand of how religion can really run things in your life but you should not be controlled like that by your parents. You are an adult, you can make your own life choices. Support and help is out there. I wish you luck.