Parents and family

[pizza_heart]

If your home environment is so violent, controlling and qualifies as a crime, then report it. Like someone said, it's not about making your issues a minor thing but you're 28, able to work and make money, save up, even rent a car to drive to another city and meet up(which on most cases you'd need a credit card to do so). You have internet access which is a huge tool for getting online jobs and making extra money. If you were a teenager i would find reasons why moving out would be near impossible, but you've got things going on for you and my advice is to see it as an opportunity. Save up and move out. They won't like it anyway but there's no choice.

Unicorn26:

This is so much more than not getting on with your parents and just moving out. She may have to walk away from her whole family, forever.

I would assume they will already give her shit about having a boyfriend and wearing pants, so walking away forever if she wants a normal life would be a given, no?

[honeybunny]

If your home environment is so violent, controlling and qualifies as a crime, then report it. Like someone said, it's not about making your issues a minor thing but you're 28, able to work and make money, save up, even rent a car to drive to another city and meet up(which on most cases you'd need a credit card to do so). You have internet access which is a huge tool for getting online jobs and making extra money. If you were a teenager i would find reasons why moving out would be near impossible, but you've got things going on for you and my advice is to see it as an opportunity. Save up and move out. They won't like it anyway but there's no choice.

Unicorn26:
I would assume they will already give her shit about having a boyfriend and wearing pants, so walking away forever if she wants a normal life would be a given, no?

Like I said it's been my plan for a long time and I don't mind leaving them or anything, it's literally just the money. Once I'm sorted with a job that pays enough for rent and so on, I'll be gone. The environment right now isn't very good but I'm sticking it out for now. I did almost have somewhere to go but it didn't work out unfortunately.

[honeybunny]

Things aren't any better at home. In fact they are worse. My mum is now suspicious about me and constantly asks my sister what I'm up to. Like even what I do on my phone, which is none of her business since I pay for my own phone, and I'm an adult. I'm not some teenager that you can keep tabs on. I've ended up deciding to leave later this week. I was initially going to a refuge but my boyfriend doesn't want me to. He told me to go to him. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation but this is way more than one incident. It's stuff going all the way back to childhood. Just being in this religion that I didn't choose.

[WarwickGuy]

Best of luck to you! Sounds like your situation has been very difficult and it's good that you have your SO to support you. I'm sure no one here believes it was only one or even two incidents that has led you to this decision.

If you're certain and the time comes, do it, be safe and come back to LFAD with a lighter weight on your shoulders than before

[honeybunny]

Best of luck to you! Sounds like your situation has been very difficult and it's good that you have your SO to support you. I'm sure no one here believes it was only one or even two incidents that has led you to this decision.

If you're certain and the time comes, do it, be safe and come back to LFAD with a lighter weight on your shoulders than before

Thank you for your kind comments. I feel like I've spent the evening in a haze of stress. I'm not leaving immediately as I have to work this week. I can't just go like that. I guess it's better as I won't be leaving in anger, but I'll still be leaving.

[Miasmata]

Definitely leave if your security is in this much of a jeopardy, whether it's to your boyfriend or to a refuge. Don't drag yourself through this any longer than you have to, please.

[honeybunny]

Definitely leave if your security is in this much of a jeopardy, whether it's to your boyfriend or to a refuge. Don't drag yourself through this any longer than you have to, please.

It's decided that I'm going to him. I'm not telling my family that I'm leaving. It's easier that way.

[sasad]

It's decided that I'm going to him. I'm not telling my family that I'm leaving. It's easier that way.

Is that the best option for you ? Are you moving in with him?

[honeybunny]

Is that the best option for you ? Are you moving in with him?

Yes but I'm having second thoughts about it. I never wanted to move in this fast. I don't want to jeopardise our relationship. Maybe I should put up with everything a few months longer so that I don't ruin this. I don't know. My head is so fuzzy right now.

[80anthea]

Just a thought but should you really have a profile pic of yourself and details about where you live? (Assuming the photo is you of course). It's not that difficult to do google image searches and if your family are checking up on you they could find this page easily.

[honeybunny]

Just a thought but should you really have a profile pic of yourself and details about where you live? (Assuming the photo is you of course). It's not that difficult to do google image searches and if your family are checking up on you they could find this page easily.

Yes it is me but I thought I'd be safe on here. Maybe I'll remove it.

[WarwickGuy]

If you're unsure you can think about it for a couple more days in order to allow you to think straight. Do what you think is best for yourself :3

Similar thoughts did cross my mind as 80anthea, although when I tried Google searching using your image nothing came up other than lots of other random images. If you're leaving soon I wouldn't worry, but if you're staying a few more months you might want to consider changing the profile photo and either remove your age or make your location more generalised. It depends how much of a risk you think there is on you being discovered by your family.

[sasad]

I know you need to leave. I am glad you are thinking and not running on pure emotion. I understand you being nervous with your SOnas it hasn't been that long. Take a deep breath. Think about pros and cons. Or even better, write them down. I agree you need to get out. Just don't want you going out of the pan and into the fire..

[Miasmata]

Yeah, make a plan. Do prioritize leaving, absolutely, but don't jump from one vulnerable situation into the next. Personally, I do think you should go to a refuge for a while to sort things out and make a better plan. Your boyfriend might not like that option the most, but your feelings and safety are the top priority at all times. Call up your nearest shelters and see if they have room for you now or soon, they can be full sometimes.

I don't feel you should stay a bunch of months longer. Stay as long as you need to get a plan, but don't force yourself to endure these things that much longer.

[80anthea]

Yes it is me but I thought I'd be safe on here. Maybe I'll remove it.

It's entirely your decision but I think personally I'd be erring on the side of caution everywhere.