30+ LDR problem

[darladee]

Hi I am new to LDR. I have nobody to talk to about my LDR most my friends think it is not real whatever that means. I have been friends with a high school classmate on Facebook book since 2010. We graduated class 1980. We never talked romantically to each other until this September. In the beginning we talk and text until we fell asleep. He decided to relocate to where I live. We both confessed that we love each other and can't live without the other. My SO was working 7 days to save money to move here in January 2015. We talked about getting married once we feel it is the right time. Lately I been feeling like he is not interested in our life together. His phone calls are far apart and the texting take hours for his reply. Christmas Eve I text him like I always when I get up hi baby. He quickly replied he will be with his kids for few days. I waited few minutes to reply, my feelings were hurt because I understood the text meant don't bother him for few days. I text back I will not call or text you. He said he did not meant for me to take that way just letting me know where he will be. I text him Christmas day merry Christmas he text back Merry Christmas. I text him I miss him in evening no reply. Today I text him I am sorry and I love you. I have yet got a reply. I am in tears now I know he doesn't want be with me now. I know he is a very sensitive man and probably upset with me texting I will not call or text. I don't what to do at this point. I love him and I know he is crazy about me. I am so scared I will never get to build a life with him. I feel our relationship is over. I learned a lesson in this LDR. I can never fall in love with person that live out of state. I feel like I been on a emotional roller coaster. I lost a very dear family member on Christmas eve, I needed to talk to him. I believe LDR do work but I don't have the stomach for it.

[snow]

You need to take a step back and relax. He told you he would be busy. He is not ignoring you, he is spending time with his children. Getting worked up over him being a good father is hurtful towards him.
I know how it feels to be without the one you love for a long time with no way of knowing if they are busy or just not interested in you anymore, BUT you have to give them the benefit of the doubt, because you love them and in this case, he gave you a reason why he would not be able to text you.
It was like he said, not to keep you away, but to make you aware that what is happening right now, will be happening and yet you take it as a personal attack.
Relax, you're fine.

[darladee]

Thank you for your reply and encouragement. I do feel silly especially after seeing his pictures on Facebook with his 10 grand kids. I just wish I never text him my smart remark.

[Elizabeth123]

So sorry for your loss. Does he know you suffered a loss? If not -then be sure to tell him when you can both talk. It's tough being far apart and needing your SO. Give him a chance to respond and communicate with you....

[differentcountries]

I think you are high strung from him working a lot. Plus LDRs are always the hardest over the holidays. If he is with his kids and grandkids he is probably giving them all his attention. You are in tears but he didn't do anything to you, your loss of a family member did that to you. The awful timing must be hard on you, but dont blame him. I am sure he will be around to comfort you once his kids leave. Also, it seems you never told him about the death in your family -unless he is a famous mindreader he will have no other way to know about that unless you tell him. Suggestion: "Honey, I have had some bad news. I know you are busy with your family. Would it be ok if I called you for five minutes?"

[Unicorn26]

I'm so sorry for your loss at such a difficult time.

LDR is tough, especially this time of year as our SO's are often busy with family and for some of us with big time zone differences to cope with too it can be extra hard.

Try not to read into this too much. I'm sure he's just busy with all those grandchildren! Try and keep busy yourself until you guys can talk freely again. I'm sure your worries are unfounded.

Look after yourself.

[darladee]

Hi thank you for encouragement, he text me this morning and told me had a car accident on his way get a rental car. I felt so relieved he text me. I let my imagination run away from me. He did not know about my loss.

[darladee]

Thank you

[darladee]

LDR problem

Thank you

[p_b82]

You probably want to hide your phone number - I think you misread DC's message.

As other's have said, you are just hitting the roughest part of an LDR, it is never easy, and when emotions are in a bad way, it is harder, especially if you read into things that are not actually being said at all.

Hang in there, you two will work it out I am sure and get through it all.

[differentcountries]

Yes you can call me ...

I meant you can ask your SO in text to call you, or ask if you can call him. Or just plain call him, explaining what is at your chest. Even though he is busy, he probably has a couple of minutes when he hears there was a death in your family. If you are sure that is absolutely not possible, then you can write down your thoughts and tell him about them when you are able to talk again.

[Gondadl]

I have been at the otherside of this situation. My SO constantly feels i'm neglecting her when actually, i'm just living my life and can't get her off my mind. It is the most difficult part of an LDR in my experience. Something that has been extremely helpful has been letter writing, as it is read when the other person actually has time to read and possibly respond and you wont be waiting for a response immediately. Unfortuantely body language, hugs, kisses, and comfort are not an option. Words are the only way to really express our innermost feelings, possible an apology if you realise you smart response wasn't the best way to react. Letting him know how you feel, while expressing your awareness that it is your own personal insecurities and fear rather than blaming him. This is both the best and worst part, best because this is how you can build the foundation of emotional vulnerability and open communication, worst cause it SUCKS! I know that everytime i write, by SO lets me know thats when she falls even more in love with me. Also, skype dates are imperative at this point, and it's best when all of his attention can be placed on you, so you may have to be patient till he has the time. Stay strong, keep reading, and keep yourself busy in the meantime. Good luck.

[darladee]

You are right miss read message. Update we text today my SO and I, he told me he loves me I feel so much better. The unknown is so scary sometimes. I am so glad to find this forum. Thanks everybody for reading my message and giving me encouragement to stay calm. I love my SO so much. He is supposed to move here next month I hope and pray he does.

[snow_girl]

I meant you can ask your SO in text to call you, or ask if you can call him. Or just plain call him, explaining what is at your chest. Even though he is busy, he probably has a couple of minutes when he hears there was a death in your family. If you are sure that is absolutely not possible, then you can write down your thoughts and tell him about them when you are able to talk again.

DC maybe you can remove the number you quoted. Not something that should be repeated

[darladee]

Thank you I will keep your advice in mind. I am trying to stay busy it does take my SO off my mind.