Weight loss...

[Deleted Account]

I think you need to do everything you can to take the pressure off of him I had the same issue a while back: I would gain weight, my mom would notice and comment on it and tell me I needed to be more active etc etc, I would feel bad about myself and end up stress eating, and the cycle continued. Honestly, the best think you can do is tell him that you love him just the way he is. If you feel the need to, tell him you're worried more for his health because you want him to be around for a long time, but to take his time and do it his way. When you guys do start living together, you can do things to help with his efforts, like cooking healthier foods and going for walks together, stuff like that. Tell him you're doing it for yourself, and you'd love it if he would do it with you to help keep you motivated. But just stop telling he has to lose weight, the guilt that comes with hearing something like that does more harm than good.

And honestly, you need to decide if you can deal with him being the weight he is for the rest of his life. What happens if he never loses the weight? If in the long run it's just going to cause huge issues between the two of you, you need to think about letting him go.

no i wouldnt... i couldnt possibly let him go.. i love him too much, our relationship is incredible, if he never loses the weight i'll still be with him nontheless. This is just one issue with me which i dont know how to handle.. but i will try my best after listening to all of you.

Gotta put yourself in his shoes. If you were overweight and he wasn't and he accepted you for you, wouldn't that be lovely

you are right.

[LadyMarchHare]

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

You do realize thin people are as likely to be unhealthy as overweight people, right? As long as he's not gorging on foods high in fats, sugars, and other harmful things it doesn't matter that he has padding. Having fat on your body doesn't mean it's going to worm its way into your veins, clog something, and kill you.

I'm 5'3", I'm around 298lbs. According to half of America and the internet my 'healthy, ideal' weight would be about 105lbs. Not gonna happen. However at the same time I have no health problems aside from a bit of a cholesterol problem that's being lowered via a diet change and medication.

Even if you hold the best of intentions for him by suggesting weight loss and trying to get him into an active lifestyle or diet or anything else, that can still be seen by that person as a self esteem killer. I know even when my doctors suggest I lose weight I get mad not because I like being overweight but that people believe that I'm not doing anything within my power to be even remotely smaller when I work my ass off at it more than most people who hit the gym every day do. If he's got other people telling him to drop the fat for something that's only one day, there's NOTHING you can say that won't sound like them. It's a sensitive subject no matter who it comes from with what tone of voice.

If someone can look at me, a woman whose body shape is that of a marshmallow, and love her as she is you can look at that man and love him as he is whether he gains weight or loses weight. You have to love someone's faults before you can love what's perfect about them.

[Rosebud]

I'm 5'3", I'm around 298lbs. According to half of America and the internet my 'healthy, ideal' weight would be about 105lbs. Not gonna happen. However at the same time I have no health problems aside from a bit of a cholesterol problem that's being lowered via a diet change and medication.

Um, not to nitpick, but 105 lbs for a 5'3" girl is just one pound over being what is deemed as underweight. So no, 105 lbs is not classed as a "healthy, ideal" weight for someone your height, something around 120-125 lbs is.

Anyway, to the OP, I know you don't mean to sound harsh but you concerned or not for him I really think you need to step back and consider how you treat your guy. If he's been larger all his life chances are he's been burned and mocked for his weight a LOT and having his soon-to-be wife also nagging at him probably just makes it worse. Why is it so important he lose a significant amount before the wedding? It sounds like that's just putting a whole lot more pressure on him that he probably doesn't need. It's perfectly fine and understandable that you're concerned for his health, but if he's been eating poorly for a good portion of his life it can be EXTREMELY difficult to change lifestyle habits, because ultimately that's how you lose weight-changing your lifestyle, not going on some diet which his family and friends might be pressuring him to do. It's a huge change and one you might just have to wait until after the wedding for so you can help him along the way.

[LadyMarchHare]

Um, not to nitpick, but 105 lbs for a 5'3" girl is just one pound over being what is deemed as underweight. So no, 105 lbs is not classed as a "healthy, ideal" weight for someone your height, something around 120-125 lbs is.

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

[Rach321]

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

I'm the same height, 128 pounds, and I can tell you that if I weighed 105, I would be seriously unhealthy. The lightest I've been is 115, and I didn't really look good, except in pictures. 120-125 is definitely ideal for me, but I'm not unhappy at my current size at all. So much depends on body type/fitness level anyway that those charts don't apply to everyone.

Back on topic and to repeat what others have said... Angelmichu, I understand your concern, but it really isn't about weight, it's what he feels healthy at... He could be healthy at his size if he exercises regularly and eats a healthy diet. It really is up to him to make different choices if he is making bad decisions. Unless he asks you to remind him of his own goals, it will only hurt him if you make him feel that he needs to change. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, btw!

[PucasKitten]

Stress will make it worse I agree with almost everyone has said. And the BMI charts are a crock of bologna Im 5'4 and weigh anywhere from 140-150 depending on the week lol the lowest ive ever been is 135 and I am no where near overweight it all depends on body type and stuff like Rach said

Dont worry about it to much and once yall are together just focus on the health aspect never the weight or it could have opposite results~

[kiara_silver]

I don't think you should be so upset by this. Its the inside that matters and from your pro pic he doesn't look that over weight. If it becomes serious for your health why not suggest working out with him, its easier to work out with someone and that way you can push him in a positive way and its something you can do together. Doesn't even have to be physically together but plan to work out on the same days even maybe the same workouts and then keep a journal or log together. Maybe even have a weekly weigh in together. But over all it should be whats on the inside that matters and i he makes you happy then thats the most important thing over all.

[Deleted Account]

Thank you all for all the posts, they have really helped me re-think and re-evaluate my opinions on a few things.

Im 161 cms tall which i think its like 5'3" and i weigh myself almost every day and it fluctuates between 56-58 kgs which i dont really know how much it is but its somewhere between 120lbs and 130 lbs.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, btw!

thanks

[LadyMarchHare]

Stress will make it worse I agree with almost everyone has said. And the BMI charts are a crock of bologna Im 5'4 and weigh anywhere from 140-150 depending on the week lol the lowest ive ever been is 135 and I am no where near overweight it all depends on body type and stuff like Rach said

Dont worry about it to much and once yall are together just focus on the health aspect never the weight or it could have opposite results~

Would someone please explain to every doctor I've ever seen, this? "Okay, you're here and your ideal weight is... here." "And you propose we get to the red X on the map, how? Cuz I have a vacuum cleaner at home with decent suction..." "No, no. Diet and exercise!" "...you realize the only way I'll get diabetes is by genetics and not because I can't see my feet, right?"

[FadedSunrise]

Screw BMI. I'm 6'0, and bmi says I'm at the high end of my ideal range which is 155-180 or so(I'm 179-180）. BMI doesn't care that I have back muscles that can let me row on the ergometer for an hour, legs that let me run 5 miles at a time...nah. It definitely is bull.

[PucasKitten]

Would someone please explain to every doctor I've ever seen, this? "Okay, you're here and your ideal weight is... here." "And you propose we get to the red X on the map, how? Cuz I have a vacuum cleaner at home with decent suction..." "No, no. Diet and exercise!" "...you realize the only way I'll get diabetes is by genetics and not because I can't see my feet, right?"

Doctors just look at charts/books data never at irl facts. Explaining stuff like this could be even harder since they can be stuborn -insert mean names-. Lol long as it isn't life threatening and you are happy with who you are the doctors can suck it, to many people are scarily skinneh these days and THAT is very UNHEALTHY.

[nicole]

Doctors just look at charts/books data never at irl facts. Explaining stuff like this could be even harder since they can be stuborn -insert mean names-. Lol long as it isn't life threatening and you are happy with who you are the doctors can suck it, to many people are scarily skinneh these days and THAT is very UNHEALTHY.

Over here, BMI is taken as just a vague guideline, as I think most people accept it only takes age, height and weight into account- it misses so many factors that contribute to weight, it's the most inaccurate chart created. A lot of rugby players (well built guys, HAVE to eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise everyday to keep optimum fitness levels) are classed as overweight because that chart doesn't take into account muscle mass at all. Whilst it's a good indicator to being under/overweight, you would have thought DOCTORS of all people would see that and not treat it as gospel truth.

On to topic. I agree that your SO probably has self-esteem issues on this subject, and you need to support him through that. If he's having serious health problems from being overweight, then I'd see your concern; I know my SO has actually said if you get dangerously over-weight I WILL tell you and I'd try to help you lose weight. That stung at first but I do see his point now. I have lost a tonne of weight since we were CD last year, and he worries I'm becoming too SMALL, so I can't win lol But I know he's concerned about my health so I don't take it to heart. There are more constructive ways then nagging him to lose the weight though for that reason, especially if he's genetically pre-disposed to it. Chances are, he's probably tried to lose some weight in the past, if he's been overweight all of his life- people can be very cruel and it's easy to try to change yourself to appease the people around you if they are making you miserable for it. Maybe propose a challenge where you both try a new fitness class or something. Try find what he LIKES to do and start from there. If he's enjoying what he is doing, he's more likely to stick at it.

If he's not having health problems however, the issue is yours, not his I am afraid. If image is that big of an issue, you shouldn't be with him- it's just trying to change him to be your "ideal", and that's not right. My SO is only a half inch taller then me, and I'm pretty short, I know he has issues with it, always being the smallest guy when we're out. But I wouldn't change him for the world. I wouldn't expect him to wear loaded shoes or anything so that he looks taller XD (somehow that image made me laugh). If he has an insecure moment I just kiss the back of his neck and tell him if he was taller, I wouldn't be able to do that, so he's perfect height for me- and I wholeheartedly believe every word of that In a relationship, you are supposed to love and SUPPORT your SO through their issues. If he doesn't want to lose weight for purely image issues, then that's his choice, and your job to accept that.

[FadedSunrise]

If he's not having health problems however, the issue is yours, not his I am afraid. If image is that big of an issue, you shouldn't be with him- it's just trying to change him to be your "ideal", and that's not right. My SO is only a half inch taller then me, and I'm pretty short, I know he has issues with it, always being the smallest guy when we're out. But I wouldn't change him for the world. I wouldn't expect him to wear loaded shoes or anything so that he looks taller XD (somehow that image made me laugh). If he has an insecure moment I just kiss the back of his neck and tell him if he was taller, I wouldn't be able to do that, so he's perfect height for me- and I wholeheartedly believe every word of that In a relationship, you are supposed to love and SUPPORT your SO through their issues. If he doesn't want to lose weight for purely image issues, then that's his choice, and your job to accept that.

Funny you mention height, because my SO is nearly 6 inches-half a foot! shorter than me. But I'm pretty tall, at 6'. Although image wise, that means we "look" kind of "strange", with me being big and tall, and him being his short and slim. It doesn't matter to me though, as he has the strength and heart to make up for all the differences physically.

[Tanja]

He's a wonderful guy... the only problem that keeps him from being perfect is his weight.

This really caught my attention even though maybe you didn't mean it the way you said it... But it doesn't sound good at all hun, if you love this man then you will love him for who he is inside and stop making him feel pressured about his weight.

Maybe once you're married and closed the distance you guys can start working out together and encourage each other but for now forget the weight and tell him you love him the way he is and that he already is perfect. Besides, his weight most likely affects his personality and if he was thin he could be a whole different person you wouldn't even like.

What if he lost all his weight and then started telling you that you're not gorgeous enough for him and that you need to be more pretty in order to be perfect.
Pretty devastating comment don't you think?

[LovingHim]

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

I'm the samw height as well and weigh about 118 pounds and I feel happy like that, but 2-3 weeks ago I lost 8 pounds and I looked very skinny and didn't feel good nor healthy. But I always tell my friends not to weigh themselves, if you feel good, who cares how much you weigh?