Jealous of non- international LDRs

[lucybelle]

But I've travelled a lot (more than 15 countries in the last few years), so there's been awful climates and lots of languages I can't speak - but it's an experience and may be a good memory if you embrace it

(I love threads that get way off topic )

Yeah I think one of the cool things about traveling is the "uncomfortable feeling" you get while being an outsider. I guess living in a country you hate wouldn't be as nice, but traveling there for a month or so is great! You get to see how all the things you thought were "right" aren't the way things are done everywhere. You get to have the feeling of being a minority, an outsider, a foreigner, unable to communicate, lost, sometimes a little scared and see what it's like. I think feeling "uncomfortable" is really one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. Puts things in perspective.

[lyonsgirl]

Yeah, I came off as more abrasive than I intended, sorry lyonsgirl's post kinda rubbed me the wrong way because it was phrased in such a "Get over it and pay attention to me!" way. I think the point I was trying to relay is that I don't think it's fair to completely invalidate the really important (legally, financially, and emotionally) issues that an international couple-- especially those between countries that do not always get along well-- needs to deal with because you think it's fun to travel.

I did not, for the record, intend for it to be that way. I apologize it came across like that. I was simply trying to say that it is a perk - since, not only do you get to travel to a different country, your personal tour guide is your SO.

[nicole]

I never really got jealous of other relationships. I definitely resented the US Government taking a lot of my money then taking their own sweet time with my paperwork, but I never resented other people for not having to go through the same process.

And I honestly don't think the US immigration was that difficult. It was long, yes, but not impossible by any means. But then again I wanted to marry my SO, if you don't want to do it that way then it is more difficult.

I also love enlightening my SO with travel He'd never left the country before he met me and it 3 years he's seen England, Ireland and France. I get to live in another country which is awesome. I've done things I would never have done if I'd met someone in England. I think that and all the stuff we will do more than trumps 2 years of inconvenience.

[kittyo9]

I just wanted to add, that these are pretty much some of the things you'll experience when traveling - not just Peru. There's a lot of though climates out there (very cold, burning hot and humid as hell are just some of them), if you travel a lot you're pretty much also bound to end up in countries where you don't speak the language, that's part of the cultural experience and unfortunately in some countries you have to keep your wallet safe. That's just how it is.
I speak the language of my SO's country and it's one of the safest countries in the world, but I hate their extremely hot and humid summers and all the huge alien-like insects that comes with it. I have to undergo therapy for my Spider phobia to be able to live in Japan.
But I've travelled a lot (more than 15 countries in the last few years), so there's been awful climates and lots of languages I can't speak - but it's an experience and may be a good memory if you embrace it

Have you thought about learning Spanish? if the language part bothers you. Most people pretty much declares that language the easiest to learn (baed on the study hours needed.)

Yes, I've been to 8 different countries, not counting my own, and I understand what you're saying. You don't need to convince me that traveling is awesome and visiting new places and cultures is an exciting experience. I'm well-versed in travel etiquette. The point is that I don't have a choice of where I go, and I think, based on what you've said, you can appreciate the discomfort of returning to a climate you don't deal well with. I have, actually, been making an effort to learn some Spanish, and have learned some in the past (I took Spanish for 2 years a long time ago), although I have not had the time or resources to devote myself to it in the way that I learn best, as I've been struggling to finish my degree and thesis.

None of that is to say that I don't like traveling, or that I don't appreciate my SO's country, or that I don't value the experiences I have had while abroad. A lot of the comments in this thread have been focused on the merits one-time, short-time travel (such as staying for a few weeks), but remember that this is repeated and sometimes more permanent travel to the same place every time. Akin to what Zephii mentioned, the limited money and time I spend traveling could be spent doing other things or visiting other countries, but now it will be devoted to seeing my SO and his family.

I feel like because I expressed the negative part of my experience (which is not representative of my entire experience-- but even so, what does it matter? It's just as real as the positive experiences), I'm being told that I must be doing it wrong and I'm just not appreciative enough, and assumptions are being made as to why. I understand the desire to frame everything in a positive light, but not at the expense of the validation of my experiences, both in traveling and in being in an international LDR.

So, to take it back to the original point of the thread (lol we're good at derailing), yeah, I feel that way too sometimes, and that stuff does suck and I understand and sympathize with your feelings and think it is totally fair that you want to talk about them, and I think you should be able to do so freely.

[Hollandia]

I don't mind the thread drift. The thing that upset me is that those that have the positive outlook have made it almost shameful for anyone that wanted to voice their viewpoint that admitted they were having a hard time just looking at the glass half full. It is a shame because the point of the thread has become lost.

[lucybelle]

I don't mind the thread drift. The thing that upset me is that those that have the positive outlook have made it almost shameful for anyone that wanted to voice their viewpoint that admitted they were having a hard time just looking at the glass half full. It is a shame because the point of the thread has become lost.

My point was not to make other people feel bad about feeling bad. It was more to say that you control your world. I don't love everything about my situation, but I don't dwell on it. I do my damnedest to make sure I focus on all the good in my life. And when you do that, you're a much happier person.

[Hollandia]

My point was not to make other people feel bad about feeling bad. It was more to say that you control your world. I don't love everything about my situation, but I don't dwell on it. I do my damnedest to make sure I focus on all the good in my life. And when you do that, you're a much happier person.

Fair enough. I think there is nothing wrong with that, it is just that some of us, like myself, are having a harder time just doing so. It is something I assume(and I hate that word) we all strive for. I wish I could never get angry either, I still have a touch of road rage at times. I think a lot of LDRs do fail because people are unable to mount that hurdle and don't address the issues honestly to themselves as they occur. I wish to avoid this so I am facing my ugly monster so that I can defeat it and move forward as a better person in my LDR and in all things. We all speak openly about the paranoia that we face at times but this issue seems to feel like dirty underwear if you know what I mean. BTW, I don't resent the PEOPLE, I envy or I am jealous of their situations and the fate that life threw me. I know it is not good or healthy to be so, this is why I am addressing it.

[Moon]

I don't mind the thread drift. The thing that upset me is that those that have the positive outlook have made it almost shameful for anyone that wanted to voice their viewpoint that admitted they were having a hard time just looking at the glass half full. It is a shame because the point of the thread has become lost.

In my case, that's not why I posted at all. I posted because you said those of us who said we weren't jealous, though it would be nice to have our SO's a bit closer, are liars. I'm not a liar, especially not to myself. You can look at your situation however you want, it's your relationship, my point was that just because other people felt differently than you do does not make them wrong, or mean they are dishonest. Just because you don't understand how we can feel that way doesn't give you the right to say we're lying to ourselves. I don't necessarily understand your perspective either, but that doesn't mean it isn't legitimate, it just means *I* don't get it. That's the difference.

[Hollandia]

In my case, that's not why I posted at all. I posted because you said those of us who said we weren't jealous, though it would be nice to have our SO's a bit closer, are liars. I'm not a liar, especially not to myself. You can look at your situation however you want, it's your relationship, my point was that just because other people felt differently than you do does not make them wrong, or mean they are dishonest. Just because you don't understand how we can feel that way doesn't give you the right to say we're lying to ourselves. I don't necessarily understand your perspective either, but that doesn't mean it isn't legitimate, it just means *I* don't get it. That's the difference.

I did not call you a liar and explained what I meant and if this is not good enough and you continue push the issue , I going to ignore it.

Can you please let us get back to the OT?

[lucybelle]

Can you please let us get back to the OT?

I like getting off topic

[Hollandia]

If we are not going to be on topic then why even bother posting in it? I am still hopeful for some other's opinions.

[CynicalQuixotic]

If we are not going to be on topic then why even bother posting in it? I am still hopeful for some other's opinions.

Because this is a discussion forum full of people with brains and ideas, and discussions evolve?

[Hollandia]

Because this is a discussion forum full of people with brains and ideas, and discussions evolve?

Okay, no point for me to continue in it. I made the thread to work through an issue. If it is no longer going to be about that subject then you all enjoy.

[lyonsgirl]

I don't think I have ever seen a thread that gets more than about... 20 replies, stay on one topic.

[Zephii]

I don't mind the thread drift. The thing that upset me is that those that have the positive outlook have made it almost shameful for anyone that wanted to voice their viewpoint that admitted they were having a hard time just looking at the glass half full. It is a shame because the point of the thread has become lost.

I don't find it shameful for people to have a hard time, I know there were times in my LDR I hit rock bottom too, but the lovely people here didn't let me mope about it, they picked me back up.
Personally I don't think anything good can come of people flocking together to nurture jealousy, resentment and to create divides of I've-got-it-harder-then-thou within the community.