Jealous of non- international LDRs

[squeeker]

I get jealous from time to time, but then I realize I wouldn't change my LDR for anything, because I love my man and it's my story and I shouldn't compare it to others. I wish sometimes that I were from the EU or he was in Canada, but I can't change that and I wouldn't change that. We may have a longer journey before we can close the distance and get married but that is okay because I love him and couldn't see life without him. Plus his accent and getting to visit the UK so much is definitely awesome.

It's good to read your stories though, because at the first I was like "YES, EXACTLY" and then realized that no, I'm not really jealous because I don't want everything they have, and one day we will make it work to be closer even if that takes a few more years.

[lucybelle]

I didn't read the replies so I don't know where the conversation is right now, but I think comparing which relationship is "hardest" is sort of silly and pointless. I mean I was in an international LDR and closed the distance super quickly- in two years. While there's plenty others that live in the same country that have it harder. And what about people who have kids? And mortgages? Or ailing family members? Or extremely low on cash?

No relationship is harder or easier than another. And if it's the right one, they're all worth fighting for. We should support each other no matter the distance. That's what the board is for

[lyonsgirl]

As someone who's not in an international LDR... have you guys ever thought same country LDRs are jealous of international? I'll be honest: I do not envy the visa process and all that stuff you have to go through to be together. I do not envy the amount of time you have to travel to see each other.

But, I AM jealous when you do get to visit your SO you get to spend time in a different freaking COUNTRY. How awesome is that?! I haven't traveled nearly as much as I have wanted to. I regret not doing a study-abroad program (though it wouldn't have worked with my degree program anyway, and would have added on a 6th year to my education). So... yea. Maybe instead of thinking about all the hassle the visas and everything are, take into consideration those of us who don't get to travel as much as you guys do.

[digitalfever]

I don't think being international or not makes an LD any easier. Other circumstances make any relationship hard: illness, family, money, children and school. I think being international is possibly the smallest hitch to overcome.

[kittyo9]

But, I AM jealous when you do get to visit your SO you get to spend time in a different freaking COUNTRY. How awesome is that?! I haven't traveled nearly as much as I have wanted to. I regret not doing a study-abroad program (though it wouldn't have worked with my degree program anyway, and would have added on a 6th year to my education). So... yea. Maybe instead of thinking about all the hassle the visas and everything are, take into consideration those of us who don't get to travel as much as you guys do.

You are allowed to travel as much as you want to, you just choose not to (maybe you don't have enough money, maybe you aren't comfortable going alone, whatever your reasons are). Having an international relationship does not mean that I travel any more than I would otherwise. I don't magically have more time or money. I would also rather not have to travel to a country whose climate I can't stand and whose language I don't speak, where I am a target for solicitation and theft, just to see my SO. It's not a privilege that you only get by dating someone from another country. You can always take a vacation to another country with your SO.

[Ahava]

I would have to agree with Lucybelle on this one.
I think everybody has hard issues in life to deal with and overcome. And jealousy is not good for you
We don't live that far apart (3 hours by plane) but we both have children, ex's etc.
When planning a visit we can't just book tickets when we feel like it, there are so many factors to look at.
My ex works a three shift (nights, mornings, evenings) and I & the kids work round his shifts.
Also I'm barely managing financially so a 300 euro plane fare with my financies may be like a 1000+ airfare for some one who is better of.
I could also say I am jealous of people in international LD's coz they get to spend more time visiting (we only do long weekends).
Who would travel from the US to Europe for a long weekend? LOL
Mind you I have been to NYC for a long weekend when I was 17

[lyonsgirl]

You are allowed to travel as much as you want to, you just choose not to (maybe you don't have enough money, maybe you aren't comfortable going alone, whatever your reasons are). Having an international relationship does not mean that I travel any more than I would otherwise. I don't magically have more time or money. I would also rather not have to travel to a country whose climate I can't stand and whose language I don't speak, where I am a target for solicitation and theft, just to see my SO. It's not a privilege that you only get by dating someone from another country. You can always take a vacation to another country with your SO.

I'm not saying you do have more time or money than non-international LDRs. I'm sorry you don't like the climate where your SO lives, and that you don't feel safe there. I'm not saying it's a privilege that you get only by dating someone in a different country - it's a benefit, IMO, to the LDR. Yes, my SO & I could take vacations to a different country, but then it would be 2x's as expensive.

I don't travel to foreign countries currently because I don't have a "reason" to, beyond "I want to go". I am ridiculous and always feel a need to "validate" things I do. Take lunch today. I'm eating a salad, because I had a chicken biscuit for breakfast. Or, "I saved $x on this thing I was going to buy anyway from a coupon/sale, so I can splurge a little on this other thing I've been looking at purchasing."

[Hollandia]

I am not trying to compare my relationship to others on here. I am simply being one hundred percent open and honest about how I feel and getting reactions from others in a similar situation to help myself work through these feelings. It is a part of human nature to be envious just as much anger and despair is. I was always able to travel with my ex the difference is we got to come back home together. The whole "you get to travel thing" is so over for me. I have to face all the same non international problems along with the barriers. Different countries are just another part of the dirt we all share in my opinion. I love learning new cultures and his accent but you can get that in my own country or of course from within the EU. I am speaking of the BARRIERS that are put up and that we constantly have to worry about. I am jealous of not being allowed to go see him no matter what I do for 3 plus months at a time and I wish that we could just say screw it let's just do what we want and not have to hope and pray fifteen different things go right so that we can close the distance. I would gladly never travel again if only I could have him here in my country. Traveling is a luxury that I don't want unless I know I can be with him. It is also not really relevant because many in non international and within EU still get to travel and/or visit other countries. It is about the laws that our countries created to prevent us from being able to be together.

I do love him and look at the positives or I would not still be jumping the hoops and facing border control. We can't even have kids together without thinking about the ramifications of both countries. I don't think that means I get angry at others in non international LDRs, I simply wish I had what they had and that is what jealousy is. Some that said that don't get jealous........then proceeded to basically say they still would have preferred not to be international, and so they are just not being honest. The word jealousy is an ugly word. I am saying it to get it off my chest and hear what the community thinks to move past it. This thread has already helped me to do that. I am happy for everybody in here CD, international LDR and non international LDRs. We all have our own trials and tribulations, but this thread was about those that might wish to say how they felt about this particular aspect of it.

[lucybelle]

I just think you can always look and say "the grass is greener..." but why do it? My relationship is what it is. And I wouldn't change anything about it. I love my SO. I love my relationship with him. All the things we had to go through (and are still going through) to close the distance were 100% worth it. And if I had to, I'd do it all over again. The fight makes it that much sweeter in the end. It reminds me of A League of Their Own when Tom Hanks says "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great."

[lyonsgirl]

I just think you can always look and say "the grass is greener..." but why do it? My relationship is what it is. And I wouldn't change anything about it. I love my SO. I love my relationship with him. All the things we had to go through (and are still going through) to close the distance were 100% worth it. And if I had to, I'd do it all over again. The fight makes it that much sweeter in the end. It reminds me of A League of Their Own when Tom Hanks says "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great."

Lucybelle, you always seem to say what I can't.

[Jazi]

I just think you can always look and say "the grass is greener..." but why do it? My relationship is what it is. And I wouldn't change anything about it. I love my SO. I love my relationship with him. All the things we had to go through (and are still going through) to close the distance were 100% worth it. And if I had to, I'd do it all over again. The fight makes it that much sweeter in the end. It reminds me of A League of Their Own when Tom Hanks says "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great."

this ^

plus, if you changed where you grew up, essentially you would change the entire relationship and who you are as a person.. I wouldn't change anything, except maybe for Australia to have the same visa agreements with the UK as we have with New Zealand

[lucybelle]

this ^

plus, if you changed where you grew up, essentially you would change the entire relationship and who you are as a person.. I wouldn't change anything, except maybe for Australia to have the same visa agreements with the UK as we have with New Zealand

I wouldn't even change the visa stuff! Even though it's expensive and long and arduous and completely frightening. Because if I didn't have to go through all this I would have never known about our immigration policy! I'm glad I know about it and am now more enlightened about my country.

[Hollandia]

I wouldn't even change the visa stuff! Even though it's expensive and long and arduous and completely frightening. Because if I didn't have to go through all this I would have never known about our immigration policy! I'm glad I know about it and am now more enlightened about my country.

I would so change the immigration stuff. If I want to learn about it I can research and read it. I don't need to go through this h#^& to be more enlightened. It is also true that some international LDR have more stringent and more difficult hoops to jump through. My SO's country requires him to have a job with a 12 month contract for proof of income and his and many other companies there are giving out 6 month ones that don't meet the requirement. Learning this is not exciting or enlightening , it just stinks.

[Moon]

I am not trying to compare my relationship to others on here. I am simply being one hundred percent open and honest about how I feel and getting reactions from others in a similar situation to help myself work through these feelings. It is a part of human nature to be envious just as much anger and despair is. I was always able to travel with my ex the difference is we got to come back home together. The whole "you get to travel thing" is so over for me. I have to face all the same non international problems along with the barriers. Different countries are just another part of the dirt we all share in my opinion. I love learning new cultures and his accent but you can get that in my own country or of course from within the EU. I am speaking of the BARRIERS that are put up and that we constantly have to worry about. I am jealous of not being allowed to go see him no matter what I do for 3 plus months at a time and I wish that we could just say screw it let's just do what we want and not have to hope and pray fifteen different things go right so that we can close the distance. I would gladly never travel again if only I could have him here in my country. Traveling is a luxury that I don't want unless I know I can be with him. It is also not really relevant because many in non international and within EU still get to travel and/or visit other countries. It is about the laws that our countries created to prevent us from being able to be together.

I do love him and look at the positives or I would not still be jumping the hoops and facing border control. We can't even have kids together without thinking about the ramifications of both countries. I don't think that means I get angry at others in non international LDRs, I simply wish I had what they had and that is what jealousy is. Some that said that don't get jealous........then proceeded to basically say they still would have preferred not to be international, and so they are just not being honest. The word jealousy is an ugly word. I am saying it to get it off my chest and hear what the community thinks to move past it. This thread has already helped me to do that. I am happy for everybody in here CD, international LDR and non international LDRs. We all have our own trials and tribulations, but this thread was about those that might wish to say how they felt about this particular aspect of it.

Those laws aren't there to keep people in love apart, they're there to prevent illegal immigration and many other reasons, and they do make sense. They have to be there, you can't just keep open boarders between all the countries. I don't resent those laws, because I understand them.

I'm a bit offended by the second statement I bolded. Who are you to judge my honesty? Just because I don't feel exactly like you do does not make me, or anyone else, dishonest No, I'm not jealous, nor am I dishonest. Of course I wish my guy lived next door, but I CHOSE my relationship, I don't have to be in it, nobody is putting a gun to my head. Why would I be jealous because other people chose differently than me? Just because I wish we were closer doesn't mean I'm jealous of others who are, that's just silly. If I wanted the CD, or domestic, relationship that others have, I could have it too, but I CHOOSE to stay in this one. This is why you will rarely hear me moaning about traveling, borders, and time apart, because it was of my own doing. Yep, it can all be a huge painful pain in the ass, but I knew that going in, so please don't judge others because we feel differently than you do, or judge us all you want, silently.

[digitalfever]

I would so change the immigration stuff. If I want to learn about it I can research and read it. I don't need to go through this h#^& to be more enlightened. It is also true that some international LDR have more stringent and more difficult hoops to jump through. My SO's country requires him to have a job with a 12 month contract for proof of income and his and many other companies there are giving out 6 month ones that don't meet the requirement. Learning this is not exciting or enlightening , it just stinks.

It's not a metaphysical journey. It doesn't have to be enlightening or even exciting. These laws, policies and rules were out in place to protect everyone.

I DON'T want anyone to come to Canada and have to suffer. I certainly don't want unlimited amounts of people taking resident either. I believ in regulating the entry of migrants in/out of any country. It's actually one reason I'm not all for the EU.