Cultural Differences and Language Barriers with your SO

[Ahava]

I think it was only fun until it turned into a Finn love fest. I hear they're really ugly anyways.

LOLOLOLOLOL

[emsimes]

My SO speaks perfect English, so we don't really have a communication barrier. However, sometimes he'll misunderstand a phrase I use, or say a word incorrectly, but besides that, he's fine
There are quite a few cultural differences between us, though ^^
My SO hates American optimism, and thinks it's fake a lot of the time. He doesn't understand why Americans say hello to each other on the street, or when store clerks say, "Have a great day!" when you leave their store. Sure, I think it's also fake at times, but it doesn't bother me
I, on the other hand, get annoyed at times with the negativity of many Germans, lol. I guess we're both still adjusting to each other's cultures!

I've also had the privilege of interacting with Georgians, since my SO is half German/half Georgian. When I went with my SO to visit his grandparents in Georgia (the country, not the state ^^), I was in for even more culture shock!
Georgians seem a lotdifferent than Germans. They are extremely family-oriented, which I think is nice, and they seem to be friendlier. In Georgia, it also seems that time is almost irrelevant. Nobody there (at least in my experience) plans anything at a specific time. They just show up whenever! My SO's dad said to me while we were there, "We're on Georgian time!" ^^ So different from time-obsessed Americans
At the end of the day, despite all the differences and some disagreements, I love German and Georgian culture

[Dziubka]

We have different native languages, but we never had much of a language barrier. I spoke fluent Polish when we met and my SO has since gotten fluent in German (for the record: I'm incredibly proud of him!!)

We have some cultural differences, even though we're not from extremely different cultures. On a few occasions it has taken us a while to realise that cultural differences were the reason we thought something the other person said/did was "stupid". Some things were just so normal to us that it never occured to either of us that they could be done differently.

One fundamental difference is that I was brought up with an extremely resource-saving mindset. They teach us in kindergarten to turn off the tap while you brush your teeth and shower instead of taking a bath. My parents would have kicked me out if I had opened the windows with the radiator turned on. My SO's family bathes excessively -I know it sounds weird- but they turn on the water and let it run until the tub is literally flowing over and then they get in - every single morning. They also constantly have their windows tilted open and the radiators on full power
My SO thinks I'm a crazy environment obsessed hippie and I think wasting so much energy (and money) is insane

[Malaga]

We don't have religious or class differences, or a language barriere. Well, I say that provisionally. The English seem to have a complex code speak that sometimes means the complete opposite of what the words actually say. Like, when he says "it's OK" he actually means "I hate it" - it took me a while to comprehend the exact level of his dislike. He never says "no" to me - apparently that's rude.. he says "we'll see" instead. "We'll see" always translates as "no" but I didn't get it at first. Then he complains about work even when he's not particularly dissatisfied (and sometimes even as a way of saying he's happy with it) just because 'bragging' about it is apparently cringeworthy. It took me some time to understand when he's annoyed for real and when he's just complaining as part of his code speak. That's just one of many things. In comparison, where I come from the code speak isn't nearly as complicated, we're pretty straighforward.

[Ahava]

We don't have religious or class differences, or a language barriere. Well, I say that provisionally. The English seem to have a complex code speak that sometimes means the complete opposite of what the words actually say. Like, when he says "it's OK" he actually means "I hate it" - it took me a while to comprehend the exact level of his dislike. He never says "no" to me - apparently that's rude.. he says "we'll see" instead. "We'll see" always translates as "no" but I didn't get it at first. Then he complains about work even when he's not particularly dissatisfied (and sometimes even as a way of saying he's happy with it) just because 'bragging' about it is apparently cringeworthy. It took me some time to understand when he's annoyed for real and when he's just complaining as part of his code speak. That's just one of many things. In comparison, where I come from the code speak isn't nearly as complicated, we're pretty straighforward.

This. I would also add that when my SO says he "doesn't mind" something it actually means he doesn't like it.

[CynicalQuixotic]

I'm a bit late to the party, but it must be said: I am the hottest, so this discussion is moot. I mean, honestly, people. Look at my sunglasses. LOOK AT THEM.

There isn't really a language barrier with S and I--we speak French 90% of the time and I express myself well in it. His English comprehension is pretty solid after spending years watching TV and listening to podcasts in English, and now that he's gotten used to how I talk, I can switch to English if need be (usually when I'm feeling any strong emotion, I lose my ability to speak coherent French. ). Occasionally he'll use some old-fashioned or unfamiliar slang and I'll ask him what it means, but that's pretty straightforward. However, we did grow up in very different economic circumstances: he was raised decidedly working class, is the first person in his family to graduate from college, and is a very vocal 3rd-generation communist, while I grew up very comfortably in a wealthy suburb, went to private university, and have really only begun to dip my toe into socialist thought. This has led to some very good-natured and interesting debates.

I'm sure we'll run into more cultural differences as the honeymoon period wears off and we learn more about each other, but I have been living in France for almost a year and a half, so none of the very "French" qualities that he has, like his relative reservedness, particularly surprise me. We have an absurd amount of common for a 30-year-old French man and a 23-year-old American expat, so I think this will work in our favor.

Also, Malaga, that kind of code speech would do me in. I'm absolutely useless at figuring out hidden meanings in what people say. I'm sure your SO is absolutely lovely and wonderful, but I will admit it makes me glad I have never dated a Brit.

[conejita_hada]

I didn't really speak Spanish until last year - learned it faster to communicate with my SO and he doesn't speak English. Thus, the language barrier pops up every now and then. Once we were walking and I was sad; he looked into my eyes and said, "What is your problem?" which just made me laugh because in the US, at least Southern California, that's more insult than concern for the other person. (He gathered that was the correct sentence because "the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing that in their song.")

Culturally, his background is incredibly foreign to me. There's also a lot of Americanization in Guatemala but he doesn't understand just how materialist/capitalist the US is yet. He'll find out when he visits...

[Malaga]

This. I would also add that when my SO says he "doesn't mind" something it actually means he doesn't like it.

Oh yes. To me "I don't mind" means "I don't really care", to him it means "no way - do something about it". It's frustrating at times trying to figure out what am I supposed to do. Like Cynical, I too am really bad at guessing intricate nuances and hidden meanings. But he's been conditioned that way all his life and most of the time isn't even aware how ridiculous it is. Because mostly everyone speaks that way where he lives. Thankfully over the years we've gotten to know each other much better, so now we serve as sort of ambassadors for each other when we spend time with other people.

I suggest you read Watching the English, written by an English anthropologist - it's very funny and very true, and actually helped me understand quite a bit about his social habits and speech patterns.

[Ahava]

Oh yes. To me "I don't mind" means "I don't really care", to him it means "no way - do something about it". It's frustrating at times trying to figure out what am I supposed to do. Like Cynical, I too am really bad at guessing intricate nuances and hidden meanings. But he's been conditioned that way all his life and most of the time isn't even aware how ridiculous it is. Because mostly everyone speaks that way where he lives. Thankfully over the years we've gotten to know each other much better, so now we serve as sort of ambassadors for each other when we spend time with other people.

I suggest you read Watching the English, written by an English anthropologist - it's very funny and very true, and actually helped me understand quite a bit about his social habits and speech patterns.

Thanks I'll definitely want to read that!
We haven't got into any trouble/misunderstandings about this, but I remember earlier on thinking he had said he liked something (food) and later realised he didn't.

[aojeda50]

The language barrier kind of played a huge part as to why he wouldn't Skype with me. He told me he was way too shy and embarrassed to talk to me. He didn't have much confidence.
He finally became convinced, and he wasn't that bad. There were some grammatical errors and sometimes he couldn't express himself the way he wanted to. We were both patient with each other. Oh and apparently, I spoke English too quickly for him, so I had to slow my speaking down a little. Its been more than a year now, and whenever we talk, he uses some of the slang terms he's heard me say ahahah, It's kind of funny and cute when he says them.
He is still learning of course.
As for me, I've been trying to teach myself Italian, it's harder since no one is teaching it to me. I'm getting there little by little.
I'm hoping to be able to speak to his mother and father this time when I visit again.

[kittyo9]

Hm, I guess I'm also late to the party.

My SO spoke English pretty well when we first met and has only improved since then. He does occasionally mix up words or say things he translates directly from Spanish that don't really make sense in English. I think where we run into issues are where we have culturally different understandings of certain behaviors or phrases, although our cultures are not that different. I can't talk to his family, though, so that has been a bit of a challenge.

[TexastoFinland]

YOu sound EXACTLY like my situation. He uses things I say and I actually have picked up things he says. When we say good night in FInnish, it's now informal instead of the formal version I learned. I have even began to call him "honey" or "kulta" in FInnish. It's really cute to learn each other's languages but definitely harder than couples that speak the same native tongue.

The language barrier kind of played a huge part as to why he wouldn't Skype with me. He told me he was way too shy and embarrassed to talk to me. He didn't have much confidence.
He finally became convinced, and he wasn't that bad. There were some grammatical errors and sometimes he couldn't express himself the way he wanted to. We were both patient with each other. Oh and apparently, I spoke English too quickly for him, so I had to slow my speaking down a little. Its been more than a year now, and whenever we talk, he uses some of the slang terms he's heard me say ahahah, It's kind of funny and cute when he says them.
He is still learning of course.
As for me, I've been trying to teach myself Italian, it's harder since no one is teaching it to me. I'm getting there little by little.
I'm hoping to be able to speak to his mother and father this time when I visit again.

[abna1]

Are cultures are completely different, but thankfully we don't have a huge language barrier. We both speak English. I do want to learn two of his languages though, so I can communicate better with his family (some of them don't speak English at all either) I hope it'll be easier for me once I move. Even though English is the official language in Ghana, you have a huge advantage if you speak at least one of the other 9 government-sponsered ones.

[differentcountries]

I hope to learn some Turkish by the end of the year, so I potentionally can speak to his family and understand more of Turkish culture. In Norway, most people speak good English, but if he plan to stay longer it would be good if he understands and can speak a bit Norwegian. We also sometimes speak German together since we both learned it in school.

[Chlo]

His culture is incredibly different to mine, we have spoken about it a lot. *redface*
I have no problem with it, and I am looking forward to visiting and seeing the difference.
As for language, I was lucky that he speaks English. At first, he was nervous about talking to me because he thought he wouldn't be good enough, but he was great and is only getting better!
He also speaks 'Egyptian' Arabic, I'm trying to learn Arabic, he said they'd understand general Arabic too.
He is also quite fluent in French, due to school.